All Stories, Fantasy

Sunday Whatever – Authorship Down by Michael Bloor

Michael Bloor is a regular contributor and commentator on the site. When we received this piece we were amused and entertained. It’s clever and witty. However, we do realise that stories about writers can have limited appeal and so we thought a Sunday Whatever was the place to put it. Too good to miss so here we go:

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I awoke, sprawled on the beach like a dead starfish in the morning sun. A hand gently raised my head and an old-fashioned enamel cup with a black-lined rim was laid beside my lips. My tongue was swollen and my throat was dry as cat litter. I drank and squinted up at my benefactor, a shimmering shadow haloed by the sun: ‘Who are you? Where am I?’

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Week 440: Cherophobia; Another Sane Summer Week; Actual Site News and More Rejected Questions

Liquifying Cherophobia

Cherophobia is the fear of happiness. Fortunately, it is a treatable if not curable phobia. I guess I have the condition, but I view it as more of an aversion to buying into happiness than the fear of it. Sort of like counting a Gift Horse’s teeth, certain that your free Pony has a set similar to those of a Great White Shark, and that they will be dripping blood–and not Horse blood, either. Cherophobics suspect good news and are constantly listening for the other Horse shoe to drop.

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All Stories, General Fiction

The Ex-Poet by Michael Bloor

By and large, old age doesn’t suit poets. I’m not saying that, once they pick up their pensions, all of them start to regret that they didn’t crash and burn in their twenties, like Keats, Shelley & Co. Or that they start experimenting with monkey gland injections, like poor old Yeats. Nor that there aren’t quite a number of poets, like Seamas Heaney, who could keep the pot stirring through all the transitions of age (indeed, I know a couple of pensioner poets myself).

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All Stories, sunday whatever

Sunday Whatever – Mushroom Searching by Zary Fekete

This is another example of the sort of submission that we receive that don’t actually fit with the site but the writing is too special for us to reject it. This is a bite sized piece from a new writer and we were all enchanted by it.

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Mushroom Searching by Zary Fekete

These days there are many books, many pages, all promising, but the right way to begin is to ask grandmother. Which grandmother? Choose one. They are all correct and never lie. Nagyi or Nagyika or Mamikam. From Pest or Dunantul or the Alfold, they each have their secrets. They were all young once. Their routes led them from little country hamlets and acres of chipped Communist blocs, down through the decades, past wall after wall, papered with propaganda, each sign promising something just beyond reach, not quite true. But the mushroom recipe doesn’t lie. It just requires the right one.

Choose favorable weather. Just after a rain followed by a humid sun, hidden away in the shadows of the forest. Not a stir of breeze among the wet trunks. The only sound the drip drip of soaked leaves and the tiny scurrying of beetles and ants among the underbrush. Bring along a basket lined with embroidered cloth for collection and grandfather’s sharp knife for exploring beneath rotting logs, make sure you aren’t bitten by something waiting in the soaking darkness. Wear the right clothes. Tuck your tights into stockings and tie petticoats around knees, purposefully designating legs, so nothing can be caught in the grasping, greedy branches. Walk carefully. Hold hands. Pick a partner. Step where she stepped.

Watch the ground carefully. Remember the legend of the boy who wouldn’t share his bread while he walked with his friends through the woods. He had a full mouth every time they looked back at him, so he spit out each guilty mouthful. The bread-droppings left a trail. They transformed into mushrooms, and that’s why when you find one there are always more nearby.

Once your basket is full bring it to the village examiner. Some mushrooms are safe, but some carry poisonous secrets. Some promise succor but silently wound. Some sing sweet songs but echo with a hollow gong. All taste sweet and feathery on first bite, but some have dark pools in their past. Bring home the good ones, but throw the rest into the stream and watch them float away.

Finally, prepare your soup. Mix the mushrooms with the right broth. Thin-sliced for clear soup. Thick-chunked for heavy stew. The mushrooms will take on the flavor of their companions. In this way they make good neighbors. They don’t betray secrets. They keep what is given to them. They protect what is beneath them. The preserve the family lineage deep below the earth.

Zary Fekete

Editor Picks, General Fiction, Latest News, Short Fiction

WEEK 435: Crows; Brilliance and a Fourth of July Salute to the UK

And the Brain Dead Shall Lead Them

If it weren’t for slogans and bumper-sticker philosophies, management would have very little to say at work meetings. Just the other day, at a meeting, I heard the slogan “Write What You Know” “shared” by a member of the “team” (as anyone who has worked at least one day in life, the preponderance of facetious quotation marks soon becomes obvious). I work in a government warehouse that delivers supplies procured from the “civilian sector” to various locations on base. Cases of toilet paper and flats of bottled water, that sort of stuff. There ain’t a whole lot of writing what I know in that field, yet it got said because it has taken its place among managerial verbal dingleberries such as “Wow, let me look into that and get back to you”–which, translated from management-speak, means “I do not care, and hell will grow petunias before I get back to you.”

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All Stories

Sunday Whoever.

We consider ourselves extremely fortunate at LS Towers to interact with so many interesting writers. One such who has been with us since 2018 when we published the first of her unusual and fascinating stories. If you haven’t had a look at her back catalogue do yourself a favour and visit L’Erin Ogle forthwith – but read the interview first!

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All Stories, Editor Picks, General Fiction, Short Fiction

WEEK 433: Feral Advice; It’s A Big World Afterall; A to Z of the Kitchen

Feral Advice

Come spring, Feral Tomcats, nature’s charming blighters, seek the bliss of temporary domesticity. Such is happening in my courtyard; or at least the attempt is being made. Both my Feral Tomcat friends, Andy and Alfie are doing well. But Alfie has been smacked with lovesickness.

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