Week 426 -Protective Sports-Wear For Those Who Need It, Erika The Legend And An Eye-Witness Account.

Another week to be rounded up.

We are now at number 426.

Let’s start with a question.

If you submit your work to a site/publisher /whoever, would you rather that they were drunk whilst reading?

If I threw in a ‘You would be guaranteed an acceptance’, would that change your answer?

And if I throw in a further, you’d receive a payment, does that make any difference?

Let’s find out those with principles and the other sensible folks!!

I can relate this to watching a football match where you don’t care who wins whilst reading the paper. If you put your paper down, the game has caught you and you are happy to watch on for entertainment value even though you were distracted.

So if your publisher is steaming but they find something in your story that stops them swiggin’ out the Buckfast bottle, (Only for publishers in Paisley) then maybe, you really do have something.

But on the other-hand, if you’ve written a romance about a Unicorn and a snowflake male (Say what the fuck you want) with a sports bra on (Fuck you Nike) then your accepting publisher will probably need their stomach pumped and a medically induced coma.

Talking about that ‘advertisement’, I really do feel sorry for woman-kind. They are still suffering from the hundreds of years of oppression from the male dominated clergy, medical, legal and teaching professions and maybe there was some headway but now these natural ladies are getting it in the neck from all sides of the proclaiming and preference people.

I honestly can’t tell you how much I don’t give a fuck what anyone does as long there is no preaching or double standards towards others. If there is then I am more than happy to question and criticise…We all should!

I was at a loss this week when I was told about something that I never knew about and that is ‘Candle in the lug’ treatment.

I was flummuxed. In the words of the great Francis Howard, my muxed had never been so flummed!

I can’t comprehend the idea of putting a candle in your ear. It’s like some sort of weird exercise by Mr Miyagi. (Wax on, wax off – I know that quote but this is one of those films that I have never seen)

I am of an age that hears my gran and my mother’s voice ringing (See what I did there) in my ears, ‘The only thing that you put in your ear is your elbow.’

Surely this can’t be safe? I would suggest that if you wish to partake in this ‘treatment’ you make sure that you are not wearing any hair-lacquer. If you do you may end up looking like Michael Jackson on Pepsi.

I wonder if this ‘treatment’ will ever evolve. Maybe it will become a treatment for Thrush or Haemorrhoids. Not sure if anyone would really want to administer the candles. But it could become a sideline for those who have that type of expertise. Nuns and priests!

I’ve been watching the snooker and saw those two wallopers who protested with dried paint. They were protesting about oil at a snooker tournament. Maybe I’m missing the point but if you are protesting about oil, should you not target the oil companies!?

…Give me the glorious 70’s and those wacky streakers!

Although the wonderful Miss Roe gave us the best streak ever in 1982. No paint. No point missing (You couldn’t!) Just some mad harmless nudity. No-one got angry. All that happened was a huge cheer went round Twickenham and everyone you saw in the crowd were laughing and clapping.

I wouldn’t suggest the protesters of these days, like those idiots at Aintree, got naked, not if any super-glue is involved!

Okay onto this week’s stories.

We had four out of five being new contributors which is absolutely brilliant!!

We welcome Joel, Bill, Lindsay and Dominique. We hope that they have fun on the site and continue to send in their work.

As always, our initial comments follow.

On Monday we had the first of our first writers.

Joel Pedersen got us up and running with ‘Helen Vs The Gas Pump’.

‘This is about grief and how it sneaks up on a person and in a mundane way.’

‘All in all, this is very well done!’

‘Certain generations had men and women’s work.’

Next up was another debutante.

Bill Huey’s first story for us on Tuesday was ‘Requiescat in Pace’.

‘Love the idea of the wrong time.’

‘This was good.’

‘It was absolutely the right ending.’

The first timers kept coming.

‘Feathers’ by Lindsay Bennett Ford was published on Wednesday.

‘This is beautifully written.’

‘Done with a touch of class.’

‘There is a genuine sensitivity here, which is skilfully done’

Ed McConnell broke the run of the newbies. He was showcased on the site for a third time with, Encounter at The Green.

‘This is a piece of writing that makes you think on perception.’

‘It’s all about the story.’

‘Gets across the characteristics and attitudes brilliantly.’

Our last new writer was last of the week.

Dominique Margolis started off her Literally Stories journey with, ‘Your Garden Of Contempt.’

‘Well done and creative.’

‘Thought provoking and well written.’

‘Bitter and nasty but that works!’

That’s us for another week guys.

Usual ending, keep on commenting – We all live for a comment. And remember a thanks goes a long way!

Check out the Sunday Whatever (An essay type thing and we also do an Auld Author thing – Please have a look at the last few Saturdays and Sundays Postings and get in contact if you are interested)

Just to finish. I was saddened to read that the legendary Elvis Costello has lost all his money due to bad investments. The poor soul is now working as a Security Guard in a biscuit factory.

He’s ‘Watching The Digestives.’*

*Never steal. I send out a nod to Tam Cowan’s column in The Daily Record.

There is only one song that I could finish off with.

Hugh