There are some forms of writing that I can’t understand. It is close to being double standards but is not. Maybe if it was in the same story then I could say that.
Well that is as vague as a vague thing on Vague Day.
Continue reading “Week 377 – Slothful Penmanship, ‘Infamy, Infamy… They’ve All Got It Infamy’ And A Hotel That Would Do Shit On Trip Advisors Ratings (Or Maybe Not!)”
Week 375 is upon us.
My turn once again after the brilliance of Leila and Daisy’s problem page!!!
I have an update!
Continue reading “Week 375 – What’s Wrong With Tom Brown? Squealing Like A Pig And It’s Refreshing For An MP To Be Watching Adult Porn.”
Leila and her lists are killing me!!
I am also a list lover.
So from that I’ve thought about one thing that saddens me about a story compared to a song…A song can make you smile straight away, a story, well you need to get into the crux of it. To be fair though, the ending of a story is better, a lot better, than a few beats of a drum.
Continue reading “Week 373 – The Difference Between Stories And Songs, No Place For ‘Whistling Jack Smith’ And What The Fuck Will We Be Writing About?”
If we go by past weeks, Leila will be doing the post next week, which means, I want to mention something this week, that, if I was doing this post next week, I would have mentioned it then.
Easter is creeping up on us, just like that crazy cat Judas did to a Roman before he whispered into his ear. I don’t think he won ‘Friend of the year’ that year. Anyhow it has struck me how there aren’t many religious things in the shops. There are plenty of tacky bonnets to put on your poor old demented granny. (I still believe that should be classed as a form of abuse!) And there are loads of ‘Easter toys’ which have fuck all to do with Easter. Now-a-days, wee Johnny and Jeannie don’t get a Jesus action figure that when his side is squeezed, he bleeds from his hands and feet (Red syrup not included) they get a Paw Patrol or Peppa Pig play centre…How very Christian!
I’m thinking on organising a market stall and going to The Philippines next week to see if I can sell any of that job lot of ‘No More Nails’ that I acquired, just in case those Snowflake Millennials want a go.
…Supply and demand guys!
Anyhow onto this week’s posting number 371.
You don’t really need courage to take on some subjects, you just need to be true to the subject.
In these times of ‘Trigger Warnings’ that become a fecking half page list, the PC brigade and The Enraged, I reckon a lot of writers fear what subjects they take on. Do you know that ‘The Enraged’ get sexually aroused when they see that there will be plenty for them to be enraged about after they have read every word!
I’m not too clear if they realise what being sexually aroused is. Well not with other people.
If you have ever had this fear after writing a story my simple piece of advice is don’t be!!
If the attitudes, opinions and situations are all about the characters then you have no need to worry.
I’ve mentioned this before and we had a discussion a few weeks back that has made me re-think this. I did and am still happy with that sort of reasoning.
In one of the hostels where I worked, there was a trainer who really did know his onions. He was a Mental Health Professional and was probably one of the most knowledgeable, genuine and level headed guys that I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. He insisted that we all have our bigotries, hidden or otherwise. We all have our preferences, hidden or otherwise and we all have our fears and insecurities, hidden or otherwise. He stated that this is what makes us human and what makes us a good person is knowing how to manage these.
I know that a helluva lot of folks would be outraged at that statement and would deny any of their own shortcomings but the guy had a point and a huge set of balls for constantly saying it.
No-one should fear what they write due to us all now becoming (??) or striving to be (??) completely tolerant and perfect Human Beings.
…’Perfect’, ‘completely tolerant’ and ‘Human Beings’ are words that will never be truthful if put together and stated as fact.
A word of warning, if you’re ever tempted to write a perfect character with no prejudices from your perfect point of view, it will only be believed by a Unicorn who is in a coma after a rainbow sherbet overdose.
Okay onto this week’s stories. Two new writers, two long time friends and one of our lovely editors had their stories published over the last five days.
As always our initial comments follow.
We have a weekly constant at the moment and that is a tale from Tom Sheehan.
‘A Saddle In The Desert‘ was our first story of the week.
‘Reminds me of those old cowboy films.’
‘This held me all the way through.’
‘It flowed very well and I know this is one of those that Tom loves to write.’
On Tuesday, the imaginative and enigmatic Leila Allison privileged us with her pen.
‘The Good News Club‘ was her latest story for us.
‘Great pace.’
‘Wonderfully enthralling.’
‘The ending was solid and satisfactory.’
Our first new writer was Serenity Marshall. We welcome her and hope that she has fun on the site.
‘Waiting For Daddy‘ was next up.
‘Authentic.’
‘Serenity conveys a culture without telling us, that is well done!’
‘Poignant but the middle section with the vision of the future lifted this to something special.’
A.J. Lyndon was next up with ‘The Seventh Wave’.
We extend the same welcome to our second new writer and we hope to see more stories from both of them.
‘Not my favourite genre but this was very well done. I enjoyed it!’
‘The style suited the MC.’
‘The subject has weight.’
We completed the week with one of our most interesting writers. Tim Frank is always worth a read!
‘The Peephole‘ was published on Friday.
‘Odd! But odd in a very good way!!’
‘Loved the sentence, ‘He was a virgin, a fact he didn’t hide from his mind.’
‘Weird – But I enjoyed this!’
That’s us for another week.
Please keep / start commenting!
Is there anyone out there that would like a shot at The Sunday Re-Run – Anyone? Helllooo? Is there anyone there???
We know you read it, we can see the viewing figures so come on, give yourself a showcase to write a spiel and ask some questions on an older story that you’ve enjoyed!
Just to finish off, I have a confession to make – I haven’t read much Dickens but I’m aware of the times he wrote about.
This came to me as I was reading what our Chancellor, Richie Rishi Sunak was ‘helping’ our poorest people with. In true Scrooge McDuck style, the little arrogant’ out of touch’ millionaire two hundred times over’ wealthy fuckwit’ handed folks pennies when the economy is taking back pounds.
I have no problem with anyone being wealthy (I wish I was myself!!) but the fucking hypocrisy in that man doing a job where he is making decisions regarding the lowest earners is nothing but a fucking insult!!!
…And for the little snottery nosed, over privileged twat not to see this, is an arrogance only a British Cabinet Minister is happy to live with.
I just remembered something regarding our completely in-touch with the poor prick of a chancellor.
There was an episode of ‘Question Time’ where the panel were asked what Politician would make a good Bond and some sycophantic fuck stated, ‘I think my boss, Rishi Sunak’ would make a great Bond.’
I was nearly sick and just prayed for some audience member to shout out,
‘James Bond?? More like Pussy Galore!’
…I would have happily chipped in for their bail!!!!
Image: – Google Images
I’ve mentioned a few times that we go through the same process as anyone else when we submit our work. To be fair though, I think we’ve all changed from the early days when we first started doing this.
Continue reading “Week 369 – Statistics, (What a cracking word – It’s up there with ‘crocodile’ – A nod to the Kemp Brothers!) Opinions And Worth The Watch.”
Before we start we would all like to say that our hearts bleed for the state this world is in and our thoughts are with all those poor souls who are suffering, being murdered and needing help.
I have mentioned a few times what my shortcomings are when I write.
I am shit at titles, description, imagination, technical terms, character names, to name but a few. There is another hands on discipline that I can’t do for the life of me. I can’t fill a fountain pen without covering myself in ink. I need a roll of kitchen towel, a ream of blotting paper and some industrial hand cleaner. I have splash marks up my wall from a re-filling attempt. My cat loves to ridicule me as he sits on the headrest of the chair and stares at the splodges.
I’ve stared at them myself to see what I can see, I don’t think there are ten, I can only make out five. They are :
1. Greta Thunberg with sunburn and wrapped in plastic.
2. Yosemite Sam’s nose and half of his moustache eating a kumquat.
3. A seahorse derby that is won by the 7-4 second favourite named Gerald.
4. A raspberry blancmange toasted sandwich.
5. A Rainbow fighting a packet of M&Ms and losing an eye only for one of the M&M’s to take pity and stand in. (And for all you Romance Writers – It wasn’t the bloody green one!)
I’m not sure if these are disturbing. I do know that one is a wish!
There are two weird things about these interpretations.
1. I hate toasties.
2. The ink blots are only in black.
We all know a few things about James Bond. He wore Oxfords, drank a Vodka Martini, carried a Walther PPK and used a Ronson Lighter. I wonder if he used a Dupont Fountain Pen?? (He’d need to win a few hands of Blackjack – Those bastards are expensive!)
If he did my admiration has went up ten fold. Okay, he could get away with the tuxedo but he’d look a right tit saving the world with ink blots on his shirt.
Talking about ink blots on clothes. Our anniversary was on the tenth and Gwen had a problem with a fountain pen long before me. When she was signing the marriage certificate, the pen leaked and she spilled some of the ink onto her dress. Now a lot of Bride Divas would have had a tantrum but she was a bit more philosophical about things and had a fag. She said that she’d always have the ink from the very first time she had signed her name Cron.
I read somewhere that this was the week in history when Alexander Graham Bell patented the telephone. (7th March 1876).
A few things came to mind.
– ‘Alexander Graham Bell’ is a terrible but brilliant song by the Glam Rock band ‘The Sweet.’
– I wonder if Mr Bell ever considered that his invention would be used more for pouting arseholes taking pictures of their ridiculous eyebrows rather than actually used for speaking to people.
– I really do wish that ‘Ahoy’ had been taken up as the greeting when a call was answered. I don’t suppose this wouldn’t really have changed anything:
…Ahoy…Is it me you’re looking for. (Poor Lionel! Nothing could save that song!)
…I just called to say Ahoy.* (Poor Stevie! Nothing could save that song either!)
…Ahoy! Are you wearing any knickers? (Let’s be honest a perv is a perv!!)
…Ahoy. Have you been sold PPI in the last five years. (No change there, The answer to that is still ‘Fuck off!!’)
…’You had me at Ahoy’ (Nope! No difference. Rene would still overact and Cruise still has a face you’d want to slap into next week!)
Okay, onto this week’s stories.
We had no first timers this week but what we did have were five writers who have two hundred and twenty two stories between them.
But to be fair, anytime Mr Sheehan is published, the average soars.
As always our initial comments follow.
The man himself was first up with ‘What’s In My Wallet‘.
This is story number 160 for Tom Sheehan.
That amount of stories makes my head hurt!!
And unbelievably, there are a lot more to come.
‘These stories regarding Korea are always excellent.’
‘This is up to Tom’s brilliant standard.’
‘Tom’s output continues to be beyond belief!’
It was great to see L’Erin Ogle back with another story.
Her sixteenth was called ‘Cherries‘ and it was published on Tuesday.
‘L’Erin is as dark as ever.’
‘Gripping.’
‘Shocking and excellent.’
Tony Osgood broke the back of the week with his fourth outing entitled, ‘Here Come Grandfather’s Goats’
‘So bloody hard hitting and brutal it moves you if you have any soul at all.’
‘The situations that cause this sort of desperation have never eased at anytime in history.’
‘The more times you read the story, the more you appreciate the writing.’
On Thursday we had our lovely fellow editor Diane.
‘Snow‘ was her thirty second story for the site.
‘Perfect word count.’
‘Unlike so many short shorts, this has a beginning, a middle and an end.
‘Even though it is so short, it takes time to unfold.’
We finished off with Alex Sinclaire who has now reached a milestone. This is Alex’s tenth story for us and that means he is in only the 3% of writers who have ever managed this.
Many congratulations Alex!!
‘Dengue Fever‘ completed the week.
‘A Narrative was accomplished within the rolling madness.’
‘Very dark.’
‘The ambiguity was done to great effect.
Usual prodding or poking or whatever.
Please comment, it makes the Great God Timatuma very happy.
I see that Steven French has joined our band of frequent commentators – Thanks so much for that!!
And someone please have a go at the Sunday Re-Run. I don’t know how to tempt you. Maybe by suggesting you get some medication for shyness. (Buckfast works in Scotland) Or telling you if you are a writer and want to get your voice out there, why not do a spiel and throw in a few questions for an author of a story that you’ve enjoyed. We’ll publish exactly what you send us. And that feature is looked at by around three hundred people every Sunday.
And just to finish off. I see that another attempt at replacing bearskins with synthetic furs has been refused for those regiments who protect the Paedo’s Mother. It is argued that the synthetic caps loose their shape. Here’s a mad idea, why not change the design of the stupid looking hat?
But I think I have a cracking idea. Why not have a reality TV show where members of the royal family are sent out into the Canadian Wilderness armed with a penknife and they have to find and fight a Black Bear for its fur.
If they are successful, then there is a new hat for a Guardsman. But if they lose, they’d need to abdicate or live in exile or more than likely, be shovelled up.
Fuck your Love Island – I’d watch that!
Hugh
(At time of writing I can’t confirm if the harry one has accepted the job as host.)
* I know that is the wrong lyrics but every now and then I like to re-iterate how bad that song is!!!
I read that one of my old gaffers had died a few weeks back and something that happened to me last week tied the two in.
Continue reading “Week 365 – Mr Popularity Getting Over It, Mr And Mrs Hilarity Sharing It And No Sweat For Mr Windsor Paying It.”
Here we go again, another week has been and gone. I’ll be delighted to see this posting on the site as that means that I’ll be off for a week after finishing this morning.
These days off were one of those holidays that were more of a use-up than something that was planned and what is so good about them was I thought I wasn’t off for another week.
Continue reading “Week 363 – Personnel Empathy, Twenty Five For Dave Henson And Fifty For Mr Jackson.”
It seems ages since I typed one of these.
Leila has done a sterling job!!
I would like to mention Christmas and New Year, not for any particular reason except to say that I heard one of the best come-backs ever. One of the most cutting observations from a comedienne. And a one liner from another comedienne about being a vegan.
Continue reading “Week 359 – Listening, Questioning And I Was Sad To Have Missed Seeing Jane Leeves But I Was Always Happy To Have Brought The Coal In For My Old Gran Instead!!”
Well, it’s Christmas. Well, not really. Actually, as I write this, it is the twentieth. But since Christmas can be prevented only by the end of the world, the odds favor it coming round with this little missive floating down like a snowflake (or a grain of volcanic ash, depending on how you look at things).
I hope you gave people the things you wanted to give them. That of course is a terribly open wide, bend over kind of statement, but how others stuff stockings is none of my business.
Lots of people self medicate their way through the season. If alcohol was invented on a specific day, then I see none more appropriate than 25 December 0000. I imagine that back when the Lord walked, a constant intake of mead made living in an era where forty was extremely old, the Romans and their three-hundred gods were bossy thugs, and sanitary facilities were likely stone and thatch rat sanctuaries (which no doubt gave a different meaning to “Jingle Hop” and “Jingle Rock”) tolerable. I do not necessarily advocate drinking as the sole means of surviving the company of noismome persons you’d not seek to be around on any other winter day, for there are other drugs which can put a smile on your face and dull the edge of your tongue for as long as such abilities need to be available.
Anyway, whether you celebrate all twelve days or only go as far as watching the first ten minutes of Scrooged, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you.
This is the site’s last week of free range publishing in 2021. Until we resume regular posting the first week of 2022, the reader will be treated to a landslide of dubious material created by this dubious person as well as a classy western themed day by our own Tom Sheehan. Sanity will be restored on Monday, 3 January 2022. That happens to be my birthday. It is one of the worst locations possible for a child’s birthday because nine times in ten it is the dark and gloomy morning that students go back to school after Christmas break. Even children are weary of “special” events by 3 January. One kid tried to trump my 3 January with his 5 July. I pointed out that his birthday didn’t mean squat anywhere else in the world and that it was held in July, during summer vacation. I believe that darker observations on matters of character were also shared, but I really don’t remember.
But five things I will happily remember are the stories featured during this last normal week of 2021. We have one debut author plus four masters who have over 250 appearances between them–one has set a stunning year record that will be difficult to top.
Marco Etheridge opened Monday with Quiet Longed For, and You. This is Marco’s fifteenth and there are more to come. This piece is one where the title says what it is about, but with every unfolding emotion and displaced thought, it grows into another example of the personal style that Marco excels at.
We ran out of year before Yashar Seyedbagheri ran out of quality stories. On Tuesday Yash clocked in with Step. That made 41 this year. Although there have been some big numbers in the past, none rate higher than the one Yash put up. He writes with great economic flow and I doubt that there are many more than fifty combined words in his list of titles. It’s difficult to imagine Yash getting by people who visit the site, but if that is the case with you, please check him out.
Another inescapable LS writer is Tom Sheehan. On Wednesday his latest, Too Lonely For Dying showed that after all his successes he still has something new to show the reader. Tom’s 150th will open next year, and I can think of no finer birthday present to open.
James Hanna’s Biff Malibu strutted onsite, Thursday. It contains the wry humor so often displayed by James in his eighteen site stories. And it is also a fine tribute to a marriage in which there is still humor and playfulness after so many years.
Lone newcomer Mark Scofield closed the week and year with Horseshoes and Hand Grenades on Friday, Christmas Eve. It is fitting that his entertaining tale of “closeness” should mark the end of one year and open a link to the next. We are all about our old friends, but we also head into the future looking forward to meeting new ones, such as Mark.
Although some of what I’ve just written will appear again in one form or another below, I sincerely wish Diane, Hugh, Nik, Mike, James, Tom, Yash, Marco and all our authors, submitters, readers and Imaginary Friends who live in bottle a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Leila
We are thrilled and excited to bring the news that our long term friend and now editor Leila Allison has reached the dizzying record of 100 stories on the site.
This is incredible and in honour of this amazing feat we are giving Leila a week of her own to publish whatever she chooses with no need to have the works pass through the acceptance stage. They have been automatically accepted and we are absolutely convinced that whatever we have to read in the next week will be the same amazing, thought provoking, amusing, touching stuff as she has presented us with over the last 100 submissions.
Continue reading “Week 356: Merry Christmas and some exciting news. 100 for Leila.”
literally stories 