Fantasy, Short Fiction

(97) The Pygmy Unicorn and The Effluvium: A Feeble Fable of the Fantasmagorical By Leila Allison

Introduction

I was finished with writing Feeble Fables until I got the greenlight to produce anything I wanted to occupy numbers 96 to 102 in my story list. That meant seven, which is an ugly number when you have only three. Although I had informed the Union governing the Fictional Characters in my realm, who act various roles in my productions, that the Feeble Fable “Franchise” was at quits, (much to their collective apathy, and sniggering over my use of “Franchise”), in a stunning display of diplomacy on my part, I negotiated with the Shop Stewards came away with the cooperation necessary to produce enough Feeble Fables to fill in the empty slots.

Never underestimate the awesome power of bribery.

Continue reading “(97) The Pygmy Unicorn and The Effluvium: A Feeble Fable of the Fantasmagorical By Leila Allison”
Fantasy, General Fiction, Short Fiction

(96) Braindrizzle By Leila Allison and Daisy Cloverleaf, Shop Steward

The former Union of Pennames, Imaginary Friends and Fictional Characters (UPIFFC) recently defrocked all Pennames and reorganized itself as the UIFFC. This came out in a bull that rolled down the hill in a manner consistent with tumbling bullshit. For the first time, however, the announcement made sense; the Union concluded that Pennames are the management in their realms thus not entitled to be whiny pains in the ass because, unlike rolling cow pies, being a whiny pain in the ass is considered an uphill activity.

In my realm there’s just one Pen, yours truly, a lone Imaginary Friend, Renfield (a former FC who took the vacant I.F. office), and 227 FC actors who play various roles in my productions. So it became necessary that we elect a Shop Steward to represent my motley collection of FC’s. I was somewhat surprised to see that only six wanted the job: Daisy Cloverleaf the Pygmy Goatess; Boots The Impaler, a talking Siamese cat; Poppyseed the Type A Hummingbird; Flo the Trade Rat; Maab the Photobomb Fairie and Pie-Eyed Peety the PDQ Pilsner Pigeon, who is beyond description.

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All Stories, General Fiction, Latest News

Week 356: Merry Christmas and some exciting news. 100 for Leila.

Well, it’s Christmas. Well, not really. Actually, as I write this,  it is the twentieth. But since Christmas can be prevented only by the end of the world, the odds favor it coming round with this little missive floating down like a snowflake (or a grain of volcanic ash, depending on how you look at things).

I hope you gave people the things you wanted to give them. That of course is a terribly open wide, bend over kind of statement, but how others stuff stockings is none of my business. 

Lots of people self medicate their way through the season. If alcohol was invented on a specific day, then I see none more appropriate than 25 December 0000. I imagine that back when the Lord walked, a constant intake of mead made living in an era where forty was extremely old, the Romans and their three-hundred gods were bossy thugs, and sanitary facilities were likely stone and thatch rat sanctuaries (which no doubt gave a different meaning to “Jingle Hop” and “Jingle Rock”) tolerable. I do not necessarily advocate drinking as the sole means of surviving  the company of noismome persons you’d not seek to be around on any other winter day, for there are other drugs which can put a smile on your face and dull the edge of your tongue for as long as such abilities need to be available. 

Anyway, whether you celebrate all twelve days or only go as far as watching the first ten minutes of Scrooged, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you. 

This is the site’s last week of free range publishing in 2021. Until we resume regular posting the first week of 2022, the reader will be treated to a landslide of dubious material created by this dubious person as well as a classy western themed day by our own Tom Sheehan. Sanity will be restored on Monday, 3 January 2022. That happens to be my birthday. It is one of the worst locations possible for a child’s birthday because nine times in ten it is the dark and gloomy morning that students go back to school after Christmas break. Even children are weary of “special” events by 3 January. One kid tried to trump my 3 January with his 5 July. I pointed out that his birthday didn’t mean squat anywhere else in the world and that it was held in July, during summer vacation. I believe that darker observations on matters of character were also shared, but I really don’t remember.

But five things I will happily remember are the stories featured during this last normal week of 2021. We have one debut author plus four masters who have over 250 appearances between them–one has set a stunning year record that will be difficult to top.

Marco Etheridge opened Monday with Quiet Longed For, and You. This is Marco’s fifteenth and there are more to come. This piece is one where the title says what it is about, but with every unfolding emotion and displaced thought, it grows into another example of the personal style that Marco excels at.

We ran out of year before Yashar Seyedbagheri ran out of quality stories. On Tuesday Yash clocked in with Step. That made 41 this year. Although there have been some big numbers in the past, none rate higher than the one Yash put up. He writes with great economic flow and I doubt that there are many more than fifty combined words in his list of titles. It’s difficult to imagine Yash getting by people who visit the site, but if that is the case with you, please check him out.

Another inescapable LS writer is Tom Sheehan. On Wednesday his latest, Too Lonely For Dying showed that after all his successes he still has something new to show the reader. Tom’s 150th will open next year, and I can think of no finer birthday present to open.

James Hanna’s Biff Malibu strutted onsite, Thursday. It contains the wry humor so often displayed by James in his eighteen site stories. And it is also a fine tribute to a marriage in which there is still humor and playfulness after so many years.

Lone newcomer Mark Scofield closed the week and year with Horseshoes and Hand Grenades on Friday, Christmas Eve. It is fitting that his entertaining tale of “closeness” should mark the end of one year and open a link to the next. We are all about our old friends, but we also head into the future looking forward to meeting new ones, such as Mark.

Although some of what I’ve just written will appear again in one form or another below, I sincerely wish Diane, Hugh, Nik, Mike, James, Tom, Yash, Marco and all our authors, submitters, readers and Imaginary Friends who live in bottle a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  

Leila

We are thrilled and excited to bring the news that our long term friend and now editor Leila Allison has reached the dizzying record of 100 stories on the site.

This is incredible and in honour of this amazing feat we are giving Leila a week of her own to publish whatever she chooses with no need to have the works pass through the acceptance stage. They have been automatically accepted and we are absolutely convinced that whatever we have to read in the next week will be the same amazing, thought provoking, amusing, touching stuff as she has presented us with over the last 100 submissions.

Continue reading “Week 356: Merry Christmas and some exciting news. 100 for Leila.”
All Stories, Fantasy

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades by Mike Scofield

Dennis followed the program’s commands and was transported from his den to the stoop outside his father’s last home, a condo in West Palm. The graphics and the audio were intense.

He was there.

His breath caught as his father opened the door, grinning.

“Hey, Den.”

“Dad!”

When they hugged Dennis could all but feel him.

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All Stories, General Fiction

Biff Malibu by James Hanna

My wife, Mary, and I sit on the deck of The Boatyard, a Sarasota seafood restaurant. Since our retirement, we lunch here several times a month. Mary is eating a hamburger because she is allergic to seafood. I am devouring fish-and-chips, which I have smothered with malt vinegar.

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All Stories, General Fiction

Too Lonely for Dying by Tom Sheehan

There was a special sight out in front of him as he rested near a small cave, the weight of his own body suddenly too much for him to carry on weak legs. The decision to stop and enjoy the sight came quickly, in touch with a rare sense of goodness finding its way in him. It was akin to the old days when Sally and he sat on the small porch he’d built for her mornings, the sun giving a grand start to her day. “Oh, Sal,” he’d said a thousand times since then. A thousand times. Once, he had shrugged his head when he said it, as though belief was elsewhere, as Sally was but how long he couldn’t remember.

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All Stories, Fantasy, General Fiction

Step by Yash Seyedbagheri

Mother, the one who birthed us, was the one who turned the oven on. Tossed us in there, my older sister Nan and me, as though we were turkeys at Thanksgiving. She was too strong for us to resist, though we tried, squirming, kicking. But she was still strong.

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All Stories, General Fiction

Quiet Longed For, and You by Marco Etheridge

Sunday morning, and some idiot is trying to start his piece of crap car, cranking it over and over. Will that battery never die? There’s no fuel or no air or a lack of both and all the hope in the world is not going to light that sorry engine off. Give it a rest, will you please, for the love of all things holy, or if not divine then at least civil?

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Latest News, Short Fiction

Week 355 – Jesus Speak, Teribble Speling, And Withdrawal Isn’t Just Inconsiderate Birth Control.

Here we are at Week 355.

This is my last posting of the year. We have a couple more specialised ones and one I think from Leila next week.

Continue reading “Week 355 – Jesus Speak, Teribble Speling, And Withdrawal Isn’t Just Inconsiderate Birth Control.”
All Stories, General Fiction

Strange Encounter by Tom Sheehan

I knew it was one of “those” days the very moment I woke up, my head spinning as dawn clustered around me calling for attention, trying to snap me back to a real encounter, not the lingering touches of darkest night I had no control over.

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