Week 355 – Jesus Speak, Teribble Speling, And Withdrawal Isn’t Just Inconsiderate Birth Control.

Here we are at Week 355.

This is my last posting of the year. We have a couple more specialised ones and one I think from Leila next week.

Just imagine, It’s not long to another year’s over and a new one has just begun. We’ll be starting over for our eighth year

Remember the true meaning of Christmas – That darling boy said his first words a few hours after his birth, ‘Ah bowakawa pousse pousse’

Which translates to, ‘It really does stink in here.’

But maybe that was a dream of his mother’s, cause let’s face it, she was a bit out there with her tall-tales.

A couple of things have occurred to me this week, well probably literally a billion more than that but I’ll only mention the two as there are too many that I’d be judged for or even arrested.

…’Literally’ is a tricky word to use correctly, I don’t think I’ve got the hang of it.

Anyhow…

First off – I realised that there are a few ‘simple’ words that I always spell incorrectly. They aren’t even that complex with some silent ‘ph’ as a ‘g’ or ‘gh’ as a ‘u’ – (Isn’t Hugh a horrible name?) They are every day easy-peezy-lemon-squeezy.

The words are: Pilot, Separate, Naive, Courtesy and Parallel. (Thanks spell check!)

I think it’s so interesting that we all have a few mind-fucks where our brains just refuse to remember something simple.

My brain takes the piss because it refuses to remember how to spell those words but has decided that they will all be incorporated into my passwords.

At time of writing I have no access to my bank account, Netflix, vending machine at my work and The Dark Web.

Secondly – I might be wrong but I think out of all our authors, we don’t have two with the same name.

I’m not even sure if we have had two submissions from people with the same name. I take it that not many folks called John Smith want to submit to us.

What this means is…Nothing.

It was just an observation.

That got me thinking on things that mean nothing. Nothing means nothing, it always means something to someone.

So what my initial comment really means is that I’ve far too much time on my hands and I consider so much shite that it’ll do me a misfortune one day!

The one thing about names is something I’ve came to realise throughout my life – The more exotic the kid’s name, the bigger the arsehole they are. And the kid will not have fallen far from the parental tree.

The coolest name I’ve ever heard was from an episode of ‘The Simpsons’. Homer decided to change his name to Max Power. As he explained to someone who commented that it was a great name, ‘I got it from a hair-dryer.’

Talking of characters, I think DeNiro had the worst name in a horror film as it sure as hell gave away the ending. He was called Louis Cypher. What a spoiler. It was a pity as ‘Angel Heart’ was quite brilliant.

Big Rab also had the best dog’s name in the greatest film ever. Noodles is cool for your mutt and ‘Once Upon A Time In America’ is the best film I’ve ever watched.

There was an Australian footballer who played for Kilmarnock which are probably one of Ayr’s greatest rivals even though they have been leagues apart for many years and his name was a belter – He was called Danny Invincible.

I’ve said many times that I’m shite at titles, I’m also shite with characters’ names. I really don’t give them much thought. I normally have a read at any newspapers that are lying around and look for the first names that I come to. I try to avoid writing anything when a Royal dies. Not because the papers are too full with their name, it’s just that I’m unable to type due to me being pissed on Champagne.

Okay onto this week’s stories.

We had three new writers, one editor and a Legend. (By the end of January these two amazing story-tellers will have accumulated 253 stories between them!!!)

We welcome John D. Connelly, Jimmy Webb and Otto Alexander as our newbies. I hope that they have fun on the site and as always, we want to see more of their work.

First up was our first new writer. Otto Alexander got us up and running with, ‘The Way You Always Were’

‘Lyrical.’

‘Lovely in a maungy way.’

‘There is some really good scene setting in this.’

On Tuesday we had another new writer to the site and that was John D. Connelly with ‘Laundry Night.’

‘So gross and nasty – I loved it!’

‘I think everyone will get something from the Fat Freddy experience.’

‘I had a bit of trouble with the image of naked Fat Freddy sitting on the couch!’

Our lovely and enigmatic fellow editor, Leila broke the back of the week with ‘1975 b.c.e.‘

Look out for the week between Christmas and New Year where Leila reaches and surpasses the 100 mark. (In two ways!!)

‘Sad ending but sad beginning as well.’

‘A heart-rending piece.’

‘The story is so sorrowful.’

Back to another first timer.

Jimmy Webb had his ‘The Season Ticket To Hell‘ published on Thursday.

‘There is recognisable emotion in this piece.’

‘The anger, desperation and futility come through well.’

‘He even thinks nicely about his kid in a pissed off sort of way.’

We finished off with the legend that is Tom Sheehan.

As with Leila, look out in mid-January for another milestone that I’m not sure will ever be beaten.

‘Strange Encounter‘ was Tom’s latest offering.

‘Bitter-sweet and slight, I really enjoyed this.’

‘Great tone.’

‘You can feel the discomfort in the encounter.’

Usual guys – Please comment.

And I’ve not said this before even though I’ve wanted to most days. A ‘Thank you for the comment’ is not much to ask.

And we’ve not had a Re-Run suggestion for a time. You can think of it as unpaid work or you can look at it as your suggestion, spiel, and questions being read. The former is possibly the reason we don’t get many, the latter is what writers do for themselves to be inspired! Commenting and considering is a resource for ideas.

Just to finish off.

If you are reading this and have not submitted before, please make sure that is what you want.

Let me explain.

There have been a few occasions when we’ve spent the time that we do, reading, discussing, contacting, setting up, and scheduling to have the story pulled.

You may not think that is an issue but it affects all the acceptances before and after the scheduled date and it is quite a bit of unnecessary work.

We state in our acceptance email that we understand that writers tweak and we’re happy to accommodate that. We also are delighted for the writer if we’ve been beaten to the acceptance by another site with a simultaneous submission. (As long as you’ve let us know, we should’ve been quicker off the mark!) But the total withdrawal is something that does perturb. If there is a valid reason, we would suggest that reasoning was a possibility when you submitted so maybe you shouldn’t have done so in the first place.

If your story is against your culture – It still was at the time of submission.

If you are a Scout Leader and your words may be frowned upon – They still would be at the time of submission.

If you are working to incorporate your short into something else – You were doing this at the time of submission.

If your partner is going to be disgusted because your story is based on all their questionable foibles – Those foibles should have been addressed long before you submitted.

If someone has found out you have a pen name and they know where you live – They’ve always known where you live and would be able to confront if your thoughts became known to them.

It irks somewhat when we see certain writers who have been busting a gut to be published and there are other folks who get an acceptance and shirk away. Any site’s time could be better spent on those writers who have the courage and commitment to make a decision about sending and then following the whole process through.

Hugh

Image – Pixabay.com