Another thanks to Leila for doing such a sterling job last week.
We had an inventive posting from a lady with a brilliant imagination.
Your back in the mud guys with me!!
Continue reading “Week 326 – A Successful Return, ‘Shall We Shag Now Or Shall We Shag Later? And Who’s Got A Beard That’s Long And White?”
Advisory
No vermin have been harmed during the production of this post. The only vermin the author would like to harm are those who police matters of pronoun usage. In this piece Rats will be referred to in the masculine and Mice in the feminine (and yes, I know capitalizing vermin species deviates from standard usage). It could have gone either way, but mention of the late Audrey Hepburn, in relation to Mice, was the deciding factor.
For those persons who will still take offense on general principle, due to the combined deficiencies of their parents, mentors and education systems, I offer this item I found on Google yesterday during my research for this piece: Oxygen through the rectum aids in respiration. Since the persons addressed in this paragraph think and speak with and through their rectums, I find it fair to point out that there are health benefits to be gained from such ignorant actions.
Continue reading “Week 325: Little Vermin Have Big Ears”
Before I begin, I send out a warning to ‘The Sensitives’ – God forbid us ever upsetting ‘The Sensitives’ by mention even one of the three trillion things that they’ll get upset about!!
To all you ‘Sensitives’ out there, I use the bad swear word three times in the last two paragraphs so either take some Prozac or don’t read those paragraphs.
And I mean the bad, bad swear word that sounds like Kent if you are from London. You know the one I mean, well maybe you don’t, the one that’s a term for a lady part and not the cheeky ‘f’ word for a lady part that I refuse to use as I hate it. So many folks do and think it’s a bit of a laugh but not me!
However…Have a look –
Anyhow – You’ve been warned!
Continue reading “Week 324 – An Advert, He’s Behind You And I’ll Always Remember The Belter That Was Effie!!!!!!!!!!”
Prologue
Welcome to week 323. My name is Leila Allison, and I believe that I am the first American editor at Literally Stories, which, of course, means nothing to no one nowhere no how, but since I so rarely come in first, I thought I’d mention it.
For those who are addicted to Hugh’s Saturday posts, I extend my apologies. But the fellow deserves a break every so often, and this week I have taken up the cause in his place. Although I have no idea what Hugh will do on his mini-vacation, rest assured it probably doesn’t involve listening to Coldplay or soliciting funds for a statue of the late Royal Consort to be erected in Ayr, Scotland.
The world is an unsteady place, but one thing is for certain: Hugh makes the Saturday post look easier than it is to accomplish in reality. So it is with great anxiety and a general sense of foreboding that I now present my pale imitation of the master.
Continue reading “Week 323: A Dope By Any Other Name is Still a…”
Another week has come and gone and we’re still receiving plenty of submissions.
Continue reading “Week 322 – On A Hot Summer Night Would You Offer Your Throat To The Wolf With The Red Roses? Shang-A-Lang And The Greatest’s Greatest Line.”
Week 321.
Whenever I look at that number I remember an old game show that was on the TV late 70s – early 80s.
Ahh nostalgia – It can get us all emotional.
But not with Three, Two, One. (321)
It was terrible.
Continue reading “Week 321 – Ted’s Fingering, Lists And A Kardashian’s Nipples.”
In his book, On Hashish, Walter Benjamin describes what he experienced while under the influence of the psychoactive drug, hashish. In a section in which he details a numbered sequence of hallucinations, one lone sentence has not ceased to haunt me for even the briefest moment since I first laid eyes on it.
Continue reading “Feline Psychedelia by Sam Skipper”
I’ve been known to fuck about with a whole range of subjects in these postings but for this part, I need to put on my sensible head.
It has been a very sombre time in Britain. And I will also bow my head in respect. These are dark times, which, if we stick together, we will get through.
Continue reading “Week 320 – Don’t Let Your Teenage Kids Out Your Sight, Ugly Vampires And Editor Eating Cats.”
The casket was too small for a man, yet too large for a child. A flag was draped over the bright pine box and it ruffled in the breeze, a burst of colour against the grey mud. Due to the small size of the casket, there was not room for the traditional six pallbearers. They would have been half-stepping back-to-belly, at risk of appearing comical, or worse, scandalous. Thus, the casket was carried by four soldiers, but from a distance their uniforms appeared varied and not of the same nation. The unneeded pallbearers joined the ranks of men in uniforms arrayed around a small open grave. The officiant wore the robes of a cleric and must have said something because there was a long silence, then a burst of laughter.
Continue reading “To Keep the Wound Green By Marco Etheridge”
Hi folks here we are at Week 319.
This was one of those weeks I had no idea what I was going to write, but a quick look at the paper with a can of lager and I saw my inspiration. (For all you anal types out there, it was me who was drinking the lager and not the paper – And yes, I know, I should have sorted the sentence which would have stopped me typing this pish!)
Continue reading “Week 319 – Too Much Variety, Diane’s Enthusiastic Observations And A Development That Would Make Satchmo Cry.”
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