We receive a lot of Science Fiction and we’ve addressed the names used in our guidelines. (For any new submitters who don’t know that there are guidelines or can’t be arsed reading them, this is a moot point!)
But what I was wondering is what are the Alien equivalents of our simple names?
We get all The Zargon The Destroyers and Bedlezerham with a few Xzctoocils. Our names like those in comparison would be the Quentins, Farquhars and Savannahs.
Can any of you come up with the alien equivalents of Fred, Jim, Jean, and Mary??
I’d love to give you a few examples and I did try but I have no fucking imagination!!!
All I could come up with was ‘Eeee’ but then I realised I was ripping off Mini-Me!
I sometimes wonder, that due to writing as a hobby, does that make us think too much? I find when I walk to work my mind goes to some very dark places and I wonder what I could use. I hope within all the depression and carnage there is a spark of something. But the other day I found myself wondering about the likes of ‘Richy Rishi Face-You-Wouldn’t-Get-Fed-Up-Punching Sumiwhateverthefuck’. (He’s our Chancellor who is worth over 700 million) What I wondered was why the fuck was it working? I mean, how much money do you need?? But something occurred to me. These privileged fuckwits take jobs in government for mainly one reason…Protection. Wee Richy probably sleeps better at night knowing there is an armed Met. Officer NEVER far away. Between that and the laugh he gets when he thinks on us plebs and serfs surviving on incomes as low as fourteen grand a year and paying for his protection must enhance his cold soulless heart no bounds.
Okay, onto this week’s stories.
More figures folks. I think this is probably one of the weeks where the writers have contributed more stories than any week before. The four writers and me have managed 375 stories between us.
And we had a new writer to celebrate as well!
As always our initial comments follow.
On Monday there was no introduction needed. All I need to say is legend and Tom Sheehan!
‘The Softest Hands‘ got us up and running.
‘Tom’s words are always telling in the right way.’
‘Sweet and gentle.’
‘This is Tom’s and Tom’s alone.’
‘I Love You More‘ was next up.
This was by another old friend of the site, Harrison Kim.
Harrison has hit another mile-stone and has now reached twenty stories. Very few manage that!
‘I think this is enhanced when you consider the title.’
‘The MC experiences ring true.’
‘You need to think on this as it develops.’
Fred Foote is another established writer who we are always delighted to showcase.
‘Infection‘ broke the back of the week.
‘Fred always delivers.’
‘I like this very much.’
Deborah Zenha-Adams was our new writer.
We welcome her, hope she has fun on the site and we’ll be delighted to receive more of her work.
‘Good Intentions‘ was her first story for us on Thursday.
‘This was rather well done.’
‘This is better thought out than a lot of this ilk.’
‘Some clever touches.’
And it was me who finished off the week with ‘The Devils Brew.’
Between this story on Friday and the last three lines of this post I can probably state with some certainty that:
1. I’m going to the bad fire.
2. I’ll never get a Knighthood.
This was a blast to write and I can only thank Diane and Leila for accepting it!
Usual guys –
Please acknowledge a comment.
And folks – Writers write. We give you Carte Blanche on an introduction or comment of a Re-Run on a story that you’ve enjoyed and a few questions can be thrown in. This is also writing! Please think on this for your writer’s CV – ‘I am a consistent contributor to an online short story website.’
To finish off I’m going to try something I tried before and it went down like an obese lead balloon carrying a tonne of lead whilst eating a lead sandwich.
I’ve been told that god loves a trier so let’s see if the figment will ‘give me some sugar’! (Whit a pish phrase that is. I only used it to state whit a pish phrase it is!!)
If you want a more detailed explanation, have a look at Week 308.
I’m going to try another ‘Cringe’.
A ‘Cringe’ is a statement where alternative words are used and if you can spot them and replace them with the more obvious, then you find a phrase that is a song title (Loosely…With a lot of poetic license)
Diane did point out a flaw – You need to know the song!!!
But what the hell, I hope this one is famous enough – The singer is!!!
A guy bought a very small four legged structure with a flat top and a back at an antiques fair and he decided to have it restored.
The restorer told him that it was used by a chiropodist for a patient’s foot to be seated on while the flat of their foot was worked on.
He commented on the short distance it was from the floor but stated that all it needed was a sand and a polish.
The guy decided he would go ahead with the restoration and his instruction is ‘The Cringe’
I suppose I should mention that I got an extra two days off this week for something I really don’t want to recognise. All I will say is that I’ll be a lot happier the next time I get two days off due to circumstances about her fae the big hoose in that there London!
Image – Just for Hugh – The Big House in that London
12 thoughts on “Week 379 – Site Stats., Extraterrestrial Monikers And I’d Even Grudge The Cost Of A BB With A BB Gun.”
Wonderful work, Hugh.
I used to think Aliens might use numbers for names (not at all original, I know), but then I got to thinking what would happen if a stupid attention seeker Alien (planet Kardashian comes to mind) named a kid one of those numbers that go to infinity, like pi. Then it occurred to me that from the sample of”intelligent” life there is that maybe nature has decided enough is enough.
If a kid (Alien or otherwise) was called 22 over 7, it would have to be called that. If it was called by number, it would never get out of school on it’s first day at roll-call!!
Thanks as always!!!!
I cringe at my inability to decipher The Cringe but enjoyed the challenge. It was another good week of stories and a good Saturday summation.
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I’m going to put a few pointers in my answer to Diane if you want to have a look.
If you look at strange wording for obvious phrases, scribble down the alternatives then that helps. But more specifics in my answer to Diane.
Thanks as always for the kind words my fine friend.
May not make sense to anyone outside the USA, but my favorite alien name is “Xan from Zanthose”. I can’t help but think of “Jake from State Farm”.
Our local vote counter here in the outback know as Clackamas County in the shadow of totally incompetent Portland Oregon USA (oddly something of an “it” city in these here parts), has screwed up elections several times and didn’t get the ballot right delaying the election results for many days. Whoever wins will continue to work at transportation disruption and wasting our money..
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Our local council elections just took place a few weeks back and all I can say is any useless fucker that lost was replaced by a useless fucker who didn’t!!
All the very best my fine friend – I love reading your comments!!!
Another great post, Hugh. I have been mulling over The Cringe since I first saw it back in the factory and I still can’t get it.
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I’ll give you a pointer…In order.
1 – Find another word for polish.
2 – Find a word for short distance from the ground.
3. Another word for the flat part of the foot.
4. – And what could be described as having four legs, a flat base and a back support.
Put them together and add in whose it is and you have the title. (I did say loosely with a bit of poetic licence!!)
rub my soul chair!!! Hmmm don’t think that’s it.
Forgot to mention that whenever I see Cringe my mind goes to Battle Cat.
He-Man’s haircut was ridiculous as was Skeletors voice!!!
…And don’t get me started about the cartoon.
I think that film may have been in big Dolph’s list of things he shouldn’t have done!!!
Good old Skeletor has lived on as the derogatory nickname for all emaciated politicians of a certain age. We used to have a Senator Slade Gorton in this state who was a dead ringer for him. Had a Governor Gardener with a voice like “Herbert the Pervert” once, too.