All Stories, General Fiction, Humour, Short Fiction, Writing

Splash by Hugh Cron – Very Strong Language and Adult Content

Wilma sat down at the table.

“You’re a fisherman for fuck sake.”

“I was, I’m retired.”

“That’s beside the point, you know what it’s like about here, you were a fisherman and you always will be!”


She stood up and began to pace, “How the fuck…What will…”

She stopped herself and sat back down beside her brother.

“What? Go on finish it.”

“I forget the point I was going to make.”

“Don’t talk shite! You know exactly what you were going to say.”

“Fuck off! I don’t”

Jim mimicked her, “Fuck off! I don’t…BUT…How the fuck can we show our faces? What will the neighbours say?”

“…I don’t know what you mean and the mocking tone doesn’t suit you!”

“That’s what it’s all about! You’re just worried what all those puritan fucks at the church will say. You don’t give a shit about me.”

“…Of course I do, you’re my brother. Older brother that is.”

“And why the emphasis on older?”

“Well, I didn’t think that this sort of thing would matter, not at your age.”

“I’m sixty, I’m not fucking dead…And stop trying to change the subject. What does it matter what others think?”

“It doesn’t. Well, it shouldn’t! But we both know it does.”

Jim clawed at his scalp, “Fuck off! Did I judge the minister when he got that married woman pregnant?”

She straightened herself up, “That was just here-say.”

“Was it fuck! If that kid had been born with a dog collar, he couldn’t have looked any more like the minister. When her water broke there was a hallelujah from her hole.”

“There’s no need to be so fucking crude!”

“And most of the folks in this village are either shagging, alcoholics, thieving or have strong family ties if you know what I mean!”

“Don’t exaggerate.”

“…Don’t exaggerate! Don’t get me started! There are a few brothers here when they muff their sisters they would taste their fucking fathers…Jesus! When you say here that your mother is more like your sister, you’ve never said a truer word.”

She glowered at him, “You’re talking shite just to try and get off topic.”

“And what is the topic again? Ah yes, me not being able to do what I want because it will upset you and your two faced bastard friends. And just listen to yourself, some Kirk lover you are with all the bad language.”

“Just because I swear doesn’t mean that I don’t believe.”

“Jesus fuck!”

She lay her hands on the table and took a deep breath, “Look Jim, I didn’t want to say this but you’re a very ugly man.”


“So you’ll make an even uglier woman.

…Sex change!

…Fucking sex change!

We don’t do that here!”

“Don’t talk shite! It happens everywhere.”

“Not here it doesn’t! Do you want to go about your life like that. You think, that I’m worried about what folks say but how would you like to hear the whispers? Can you imagine it – There’s Jimima, it used to be Fisherman Jim and both of them are ugly.”

He glowered at her, “That hurt.”

“I’m just being truthful.”

“Well, here’s a truth for you. If I turn out that ugly, we’ll be taken for twin sisters!”


…Look at what you’ve done, you’ve made me use that word.

…I mean fuck me! I didn’t know that you were gay.”

Jim shook his head, “That’s got fuck all to do with it!”

She thought for a second, “So if your not gay then why do you want to be a woman?”

“Jesus! Will you listen to yourself. Everything that you’ve just said is so wrong and beside the point!”

“Well explain it to me.”

Jim began to shout, “Will I fuck! Do I ask you about your sex life? NO! Do I question how you identify yourself? NO! Do I ask what or who you’d prefer to be? NO! I accept what you tell me or mores to the point, what you don’t tell me!”

She felt her eyes filling up, “…I just don’t get this!”

“Look Wilma, why can’t you just be happy for me? I’ve struggled with this for years and you’re right about what everyone will say. That’s what’s stopped me all these years. I didn’t have the balls to do what I wanted.”

“Well that’s ironic, cause now that you have the balls, they’ll cut the fuckers off!”

He sighed and lowered his voice, “I’ve considered the irony. And I don’t need you to point it out. I’ve been miserable all my life. I want this. I need this.

…And you are the only one who I give a fuck about what you think.”

Wilma wiped her eyes, “Jesus Jim! What will I call you?”

He was taken aback, “I’ve thought about that and you can call me what you want, whatever you’ll be comfortable with.”


“Please. I’m not asking for anything other than you accepting me. That would do. I don’t want to lose you over this”

“And what if you did?”

“Then I may have to think again. Although that is a bit of a bastard ’cause it’s taken me years to mention it!”

“Fuck me I’m crying! That doesn’t happen often.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you! This is nothing, wait until those balls of yours are snipped off, then we’ll see tears!”

He smiled, “That’s the thing, I don’t care. Pain doesn’t matter when you are doing what you want.”

“…When do you go all, you know, feminine?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well don’t you need to be all womanlike before the op?”

“Maybe that can be just for outside. I want you to be comfortable with me first.”

She leaned over and hugged him.

“There is one other thing that is bugging me Wilma.”

“Just the one?”

“I’m not fucking about, I’m being serious.”

“I hope you’re not pregnant.”

“I hardly think so! “

“…Go on then, what is it? What’s bugging you apart from your cock?”


He lowered his head, “What will I tell Kirsty? She’s too young to understand. I know she’s your grandkid but I am fond of the wee fucker. I mean, she’s got an imagination but this is a bit more than unicorns.”

Wilma rolled her eyes, “Kirsty? Jesus Christ, she’s lucky she’s got the luxury of not understanding. What about the rest of the family?”

“They’re old enough to get over it and fuck them if they don’t. My only worries were you and the kid.”

Wilma grabbed his hands.

“…Are you sure about this Jim?”


“You can take all the shite that’ll come with this?”

“I think so.”

“You can’t be swinging your fists like you used to.”

“I know.”

Wilma began to laugh, “It wouldn’t be very lady like!”

“Fuck off! Anyway I’m getting past all that no matter who I am.”

“…OK Jim, if it’s what you want. Who am I to cause you any more grief? But you are not wearing any of my clothes!”

“They’d be too big for me.”


“…And what about Kirsty?”

“…We’ll think of something.”

“Thanks sis! Are you OK with this?”

“Probably not but I will be. Oh and I better never hear you getting shagged…Not in my house!”

“Not even with the minister?”

“Especially not with the minister! He’s already got one ugly bastard kid.”

Jim smiled, “It’s a deal.”

Wilma slapped the table.

“…Wait a minute, I’ve got an idea.”


“Kirsty! Her imagination! We’ll just tell her that you fell in the harbour and a mermaid touched you.”


Hugh Cron

Image – Pixabay

8 thoughts on “Splash by Hugh Cron – Very Strong Language and Adult Content”

  1. Drew me in from the start and held me till the end. Some stories don’t. Flowed along nicely, easy to read. Good start to my day.


    1. Hi Norman,
      Thanks so much for the kind comments.
      I had a bit of fun with this as the characters came to life all by themselves.
      All the very best my friend.


  2. As to technical form: it flows without much dialogue attribution. The characters are so clear that he and she saids are unnecessary.
    As to content: it contains some of the grossest and funniest lines I have read in a long time.
    And taste too! Not a word about a fisherman desiring to smell like…Oh, never mind that…


    1. Hi Leila,
      Thanks as always!!
      Yep, there were a couple of lines that I avoided, they were too determined to be read!
      I wonder about a double negative causing a positive – So would a fisherman with F.O.S. end up smelling of roses??
      Really looking forward to your story next week!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Holy hallelujah, that was enjoyable. The sister’s love for her brother comes through nicely, and I like how she gradually comes to accept her brother’s plans and, it seems, empathize, if not completely understand, his torment. The last line is exceptional.


    1. Hi Dave,
      We can never totally understand each other, that is when acceptance is powerful and not insulting.
      Thanks as always, you help make all this worth while!
      All the very best my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for the kind comments James.
    It isn’t often I can come up with something that is a bit up-beat, I think this is as happy a story as I can do!
    All the very best my friend.


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