This week’s whoever is a long-time friend of the site, with his first piece published in 2019, and he is possibly the most adventurous. When we hit Marco Etheridge with a humungous questionnaire he answered quickly while sitting in the sunshine in very exotic climes Have a look at his back catalogue, he is one of our finest writers. So this is what he had to say:
Continue reading “Sunday Whoever”
Week 471 is the week that was.
And when you think on it, it’s also the week that is.
And as I start to type, then it’s also the week that will be!
Don’t you just hate it when someone hasn’t a clue about their tenses?
I read this week that Mary Poppins has been re-classified due to an obscure reference.
I don’t want to go into this again but I do wonder where this is all going to end?
Actually, I don’t think it will. I reckon all films will soon be classed as unsuitable if any of the characters light up a cigarette.
Continue reading “Week 471 – I Wonder What The Executives Called It? The Fear Should Be After And Falsetto Ain’t For Me.”
The front door is already locked but I find Dan hanging around the tree in the backyard, legs curled up around the topmost branch as if he’s the Cheshire cat or something. No stripes, but the swagger to pass as one, all smug and smiling. Eminently punchable. He gestures at me to come up, casually, the way someone might give orders to a dog. The last time I saw him he owned a slobbery mastiff he would feed Grade A beef to.
Continue reading “Treehouse by Hanwen Zhang”
The thing that you need to understand is, living beings die.
It’s not welcome, yeah. It is not something to look forward to, but it does happen. And, at times, it is kinda funny.
When daddy killed the deer, I found it funny how she toppled over the ground and crumpled on its back. There is something intricately funny about tragedy, seeing something regal just fall and shatter. When, at the end, the sun dies, I think God will also sit back and have a merry little chuckle.
Continue reading “When the Sun Dies by Tathagata Banerjee”
“Put ’em on t’ side,” Grandad croaked. He must have heard the kitchen door click open and shut.
He’d sent me to Mrs Byrne’s on the corner of Wightman Street for twenty Senior Service. “You can earn yer tea,” he said. “But mind I want change.” He gave me two half crowns. “Should be a bob.” He jabbed the stem of his briar at my face. “Think on.”
Continue reading “Sixty a Day Man by Andy Larter”
My friends had always been transparently envious of Molly, even if they weren’t verbalising this. But it was obvious.
Continue reading “My Unimaginary Friend by George Oliver”
Saudade: (n.) a nostalgic longing to be near to something or someone that is distant; the desire to be near again to what has been loved and then lost, “the love that remains.”
Continue reading “Just Give It Time by Matthew J. McKee”
Con-Fused Box
About ten years ago I wrote a book and wanted to sell it to a publisher. This is when I discovered the dreaded cover letter and outline–Evil Twins who walketh the literary hellword much like Beelzebub and Captain Howdy. Nearly all publishers who look at un-agented work ask to see these two guys.
At first I thought, no problem. I just wrote a book, I can produce a cover letter and outline.
I was wrong. I had written a book but I could not (and still cannot) compose a concise cover letter or a sense-making outline. The problem was that I did not want to do either of those tasks because they were the type of work that tripped the innards of my mental fuse box. Still, my life has always been heavy with unwanted chores that my mental machete whacks through on a daily basis. Yet the blade wasn’t up to either task. I emerged from the jungle, toting my mixed metaphor, defeated due to my inability to summon ‘Bub and Howdy on demand.
Later on I found myself warming up to a pair of what turned out to be highly uninspired and unoriginal notions. I figured I’d flout protocol and do as I saw fit–an action that nearly always is a recipe for shame and failure. I later found out that my big Ideas were as common as Dandelions in May. Yet at the risk of embarrassment, I will share them with you.
The first is the affectation of a “Breezy” demeanor. This usually happens in the cover letter only, when it is evident to the writer that she cannot create a proper cover letter. She adopts the guise of a “character” and writes a few contrary and wildly off the topic sentences in lieu of a cover letter–in vain hope that her “unique charm” will win the day: “When Leila isn’t murdering publishers and their families late at night with a machete she writes peerless fiction…”
Breezy doesn’t work out.
The other is the “Belligerent Genius.” She will lower herself just this once to do as asked. Especially troublesome in the outline: “Here the complexities of the plot cannot be surmised in a few cheap words; some intellect will be necessary on the part of the reader…”
The Belligerent Genius never hears back from the publisher either.
I am ruefully guilty of having committed both sins in the past. And although we do not publish books, nor ask for more than a basic informative email, I have discovered that there are a few (very few) fellow sinners in submissions–who cannot even do that correctly and will opt for Breezy or even Belligerent instead. I will not chastise people who engage in familiar folly (that’s my word of the week-folly), because it would be hypocritical of me, even though I have seen the light. But with that said, such behavior never works out well.
I’m also deficient at segues. You’d think that through sheer repetition I would improve. But I am the sort of person who walks fifteen-thousand steps a day and puts on weight. It’s all a part of the natural disorder of my system. Still, if I head the next section with a positive word and jump into it, the damage will be controlled and the minor segue faux pas (hopefully) soon forgotten.
Winners
This week featured number thirty-four by a long-time site supporter, the quick second appearance of another (which has happened a lot lately) and we welcome three first time contributors.
David Henson opened the week with The Man Who Pulled Himself Together. It is one of those rare things that works in stretched realism and as a metaphor. David has pulled himself together thirty-four times and also with his daily comments on the works of others. I feel that this one was as hard to do as tapping your head with one hand and circling your stomach with the other. Yet David was able to make this unlikely scenario work; the flow is perfect and it is easy to buy into as well.
Adam Kaz made a quick follow up to his his first story that appeared last week (Random Roommate) with How I Made the Greatest Rock Concert Movie Ever. That is a bold claim and certainly in the eye and ear of the beholder, but there is no denying the youthful energy and fun of this piece.
Wednesday featured what can be called an expanded folk tale by first time contributor Iván Brave. Karass is both imaginative and charming. It is always a great idea to examine the concepts of other places and other times; this sort of activity keeps the mind flexible and open. The Ferryman burning his fares, the eccentric (to say the least) “passengers” make this one both fun and enlightening.
Picture the Dead by John Cantwell is a well crafted, elegiac work that resonates and improves with each reading. It’s also one I can’t say too much about without tipping too much. But the overlapping of realities is brilliantly done, as are the idioms.
Our third consecutive newcomer to the site, Brandon Nadeau closed the week with Donn and the Mourning Moon. This one is impossible to describe. But it is unforgettable and doesn’t go more than three words anywhere within without doing something interesting or even amazing.
There they are–our five stars of the week. Only time and possibly decent cover letters will prove if each one has a long future in print. I think they should, but since I have no desire to live forever, I am in no position to make that kind of promise. Still, struggling segue-wise, I close with a list of ten tales that I feel have withstood the test of time. I encourage further suggestions.
Ten Great Short Stories of Yore (Proof that the Dead can still do well)
The Forest. 1995-Nov-07. Prince George, BC. 1805 hours.
Mom taught me the stories of our people, from the moon goddess, whose light enchanted the night, to the banshee, whose scream was an omen of death. She practiced the paganism and witchcraft she’d learned from Nana, who’d long since gone to be with Donn—Lord of the Dead.
Continue reading “Donn and the Mourning Moon by Brandon Nadeau”
After piling the paper bills from his last passenger and placing the square photograph of his wife on top of the money, the ferryman lights a match. He lowers it slowly, shaking. But just then a breeze blows out the flame, leaving nothing behind but a thin waft of smoke. There are no more matches, unfortunately. Now his hut—earthy, with a cot, a bucket, and a small shrine inside—feels emptier than ever.
Continue reading “Karass by Iván Brave”
literally stories 