Tag: humour

Latest News, Writing

Week 89 – Adverts, Cramps And Protests.

gwencron

typewriterA few things have really annoyed me this week and hence this inspiration. I decided to write on what annoys me most. I have a list, but will go for the doozy annoyance. I hate everything from Romance Novels to Polo-necks. I hate Gok Wan, cockatiels, most TV, Bieber, Sainsburys, South Ayrshire Council, Pizza, itchy trousers, mobiles, enthusiasm within the workplace, management, ratatouille, folks that read papers that they haven’t bought, politicians, the monarchy and sheep…To name but a few. But my biggest bug bear is adverts.

Continue reading “Week 89 – Adverts, Cramps And Protests.” →

All Stories, General Fiction

The Discovery of Death by Fred Skolnik

literallystories2014

typewriterDick and Jane and Bob and Sally lived in a pretty little town with grass and trees. One day Bob was gone, leaving his body behind. Dick said to Sally, “Where is Bob?” Sally said to Dick, “Bob is gone.” They looked at Bob’s body, poking it with a stick. It did not move. He was not there.

Continue reading “The Discovery of Death by Fred Skolnik” →

All Stories, General Fiction

Meanwhile, Back at the UPIFFC… by Leila Allison

literallystories2014

 

typewriter

Prologue: A case of the heebie-jeebies.

In a determined effort to spread inefficiency and uselessness throughout all possible universes, the Amalgamated Union of Pennames and Imaginary Friends(of which I am a reluctant member) has expanded like a toxic spill, and now includes the clientele of the recently defunct Guild of Fictional Characters. The mess has been “rebranded” the UPIFFC.

Continue reading “Meanwhile, Back at the UPIFFC… by Leila Allison” →

All Stories, General Fiction

Unprecedented by Adam Kluger

literallystories2014

typewriterF. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote,” if you are strong there are no precedents.”

Manfred Gogol lived “off the grid” and was a person of many small mysteries, like Gatsby.  Gogol’s wealth wasn’t money, though he somehow had acquired plenty of it from a mysterious trust fund that was established very early in his life. It was, in fact, his enviable ability to be completely mobile, free, unattached and without any marked responsibility whatsoever that was most singular.

Continue reading “Unprecedented by Adam Kluger” →

All Stories, General Fiction

The 3 a.m. Litterateur by Tony Conaway

literallystories2014

typewriterThe snow reflects the moonlight and the sound of my boots.  “I am,” I mutter to myself, “Zhivago, tromping from Yuriatin back to Moscow in the unforgiving Russian winter.”

She has a chain link fence around her place.  It’s little more than waist-high; meant to keep her dogs in, not people out.  In my condition, it only takes me about fifteen minutes to traverse it.  After several attempts, I manage to fall on the inside of the fence.

Continue reading “The 3 a.m. Litterateur by Tony Conaway” →

All Stories, General Fiction

Moira, Actually by Adam Kluger

literallystories2014

typewriter

Sol Schmeckendorf dabbed at his work shirt with a wet napkin. The grease from the chicken and broccoli was going to leave a stain. The only solution was to ask for seltzer and even though it was his absolute favorite shirt—he just didn’t feel like it.

Continue reading “Moira, Actually by Adam Kluger” →

All Stories, Historical, Humour

Voltaire in England by Fred Russell

literallystories2014

typewriterIn May 1726 Voltaire sailed up the Thames, London-bound. He was thirty-two at the time, a scrawny Frenchman with a big mouth. Everyone was after his ass. Back in France he’d had a run-in with someone called the Chevalier de Rohan-Chabot, got himself arrested, and was graciously allowed to leave the country in lieu of becoming a full-time resident of the Bastille. It was a fine day and it made him fall in love with England. The King was out on his barge, a thousand little boats were in his wake, and some music was being played. Was it Handel’s “Water Music”? Let’s say it was so that you can understand what Voltaire felt that day. Later he saw some fat merchants in town and thought he was in paradise.

Continue reading “Voltaire in England by Fred Russell” →

All Stories, General Fiction, Humour

Goodbye Wall Street by Edward S Barkin

literallystories2014

typewriterPart 1

A few years ago – actually a few more than a few – I was ever so close to becoming a full-fledged drone in the beehive of modern-day America.  During that time, I was still merely an apprentice — one of many youthful human resource units at the disposal of a large and powerful Wall Street corporation.  My job was to sit at a desk ten hours a day and do various unimportant things.  In return, I received money.  Not that much of it, but just enough so that I didn’t have to worry constantly about how much I was spending.  Forty thousand a year, let’s call it, though it was probably only thirty-eight at best.

Continue reading “Goodbye Wall Street by Edward S Barkin” →