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Enter the Adverb Queen
Daisy trotted into my office then up the small critter ramp that runs from the floor to my desktop (Cats ignore it, they’d rather leap up and give me a heart attack). She began speaking without a preamble.
Continue reading “And a Geep Shall Lead Them by Leila Allison”
Samuel Waggoner never used his own products. People admired that about him; Waggoner’s Wigs were so good, had he used them, no one would ever have known. An Australian, he fought in Vietnam and emerged from the jungles with a secret ingredient that turned dried-out hair from barbers’ floors into manes which shone like honey and lasted and lasted. He built a wig empire, became a rich man, he married a stage actress, Harriet, for love, he bought a big house outside Darwin. He was totally bald.
Continue reading “Heir by Sam Graveney”
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Obnoxious is What Obnoxious Does appears to be the student motto at The Lamb School of Saragun Springs. A superior percentage of the juvenile Ewes and Rams at Lamb School are spoiled, mouthy brats who show no appreciation for their homeland. You can tell them that if they were born anywhere else but Saragun Springs, they would neither talk nor think beyond the undemanding standards nature has set for Sheep, and they will laugh at you. And dare toss the prospect of New Zealand at them, they merely fake a yawn and launch into a new groundless complaint to counter your empty threat.
Continue reading “Rock and Roll Lamb School 666 by Leila Allison”
Drummossie, Aberdeenshire – January, 1976.
Because I couldn’t afford the necessary welding repairs to my Morris van til the end of the month, I was getting a daily lift into Aberdeen, with my friend and neighbour, Stewart. Aberdeenshire is the cold shoulder of Scotland and it was a hard winter. Normally, if you’re getting a lift into work, it would be churlish to object to push-starting your friend’s car. But, in a week of snow and ice, push-starting a VW beetle first thing in the morning involves a major (nay, crippling) effort. So, come Friday, I was pleading with Stewart: we would have to replace his starter motor that weekend. Stewart readily agreed, little knowing the pain and humiliation that would ensue.
Continue reading “The VW Starter Motor Catastrophe by Michael Bloor”
Our cast
Re-education Story Lady………Dame Daisy Kloverleaf
Truant Officer Aye………………Beezer Baw
Truant Officer Nae…………… Barkevious Baw
The Lamb Sextuplets…………..Themselves
Principal …………………………Penrose the Flying Weasel
The Bogey-Sheep……………..Juan Gee
Superintendent Renfield………Herself (actually drunk, a method actress)
Continue reading “The Insolence of the Lambs: A Feckless Fable by Leila Allison”
Act One: What Goes Up Eventually Leaves a Crater
Nowadays, the amazing comeback of the boy band, the billigits, is all the rage in Saragun Springs. The cycle of fame travels extremely fast in fantasy realms. For six weeks the boys (natives of the Springs) were flying high, superstars in the Springs’ sister realm called Other Earth; launched by the spectacular success of their debut album, meet the billigits (billigits do not use capital letters). Yet six weeks later, the band imploded, and the billigits were just another pockmark in the town of hasbeenville.
Continue reading “Anita Knows by Leila Allison”
On Saturday night, Leon and his friend Max “The Rhythm Wonders,” played guitar and sang at Tom Kosk’s stag party. Tom was engaged to Samantha Ciaccia, the wedding scheduled in one week. He was already living with her, in a double wide trailer in the bush under Mount Baldy.
Continue reading “Leon’s Magic Love by Harrison Kim”
The pub had closed, the last bus still hadn’t arrived, the thin drizzle gave way to rain of biblical ferocity. Jimmy stood sheltering in the entrance to the dress shop, like a novelty dummy, while Willie (his tongue loosened by seven pints of IPA) explained about the likely existence of A Deid Agnostics’ Processing Panel.
Continue reading “Late-Night Theological Breakthrough by Michael Bloor”
When Garf opened his refrigerator, he saw a jar of purple pickles beside the carton of expired milk. This was strange as, only yesterday, they were green. Garf stood in his itchy annoyance before the refrigerator, his red, black-striped robe hanging off his slumped body like an old, worn-out curtain.
Continue reading “Garf and the Purple Pickles by Landon Galliott”
Rage!!!
But before I explode, I want to thank David Henson for his post last week (and I think he should return with more in the future). Guest posting is not going to be a one off, so who knows, maybe you will be invited to do the same. Now on with the show, as it is.
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Everyday I count my blessings then give Heaven the Finger. I took accounting in school (for one semester) and learned the credit/debit system, which I use to total my physical blessings versus the “other stuff” in my existence. The other stuff is made up mostly of new conditions/diseases they give you and charge your insurance for at doctors, ophthalmologists, dentists and Medieval Barbers.
Continue reading “Week 501: Rage! Rage! Rage! Five Rave-Worthy Tales; Short Books Long on Story”
literally stories 