Week 455 – 9 Years And Counting!!!

Let’s do the round-up first.

This week we had two new writers, two returners and someone who has only been surpassed by Tom in stories published.

To, our newbies, we extend the warmest of welcomes. I hope by our tenth anniversary, they are still submitting!

As always our initial comments follow.

First up was Chris Farrington with his first story for us, ‘The Dog In Our Dreams‘

‘There’s a lot to like in here.’

‘The open end is left as a continual threat.’

‘This is different.’

Next up was our wonderful fellow editor Leila. She has graced the site over 120 times (125, I think.)

‘billigitmania‘ was her offering on Tuesday.

‘I love the descriptions of the various gits.’

‘Leila really captured the ‘sense’ of those old pop shows.’

‘I wonder if we are going to see any songs written by Ms Kloverleaf?’

On Wednesday, we had a brave writer who has already had a Special Feature, ‘Black Orange’ published.

Freshta Azimi Ayea returned with ‘Why?‘

‘This is a reaction to oppression and stress.’

‘Deep.’

‘Needs a few reads to get the best from it.’

We had Djordge Negovanovic for the second time on Thursday.

His story was called, ‘To Wilt.’

‘It has youthful energy.’

‘Really quite lyrical.’

‘This works as a fable.’

And our last debutante was A.V Pankov, who finished us off with, ‘This Way To The Warden’s Office‘

‘An interesting style.’

‘I’m intrigued to see the response we get to this.’

‘This will have appeal.’

That’s us all rounded up folks – So onto the celebrations!!

…

Before I interject with my usual yearly Sally Field – Only mine is genuine! I give you this:

Each year we have celebrated some of the best lines that we have received, well that year. We call it ‘The Memorable Lines’ section. If you are one of these, please take it as a huge compliment as we receive thousands of stories per year, if one line is picked out – By fuck does that say something!!

Now, please don’t think that we are being selective…Well we are…But not in a preference way – Here are this year’s excellent lines – And by fuck did Leila bomb this category out the water…We are sure that there is no way that you can disagree!!

We have had a few belters this year – I think this is the most that we have had.
 Just adding another of yours Leila – I think that’ll be another record you have smashed!!
Six in one year and three from the one story – Now that is a bit special!!

‘I wonder if he would see them as I do, looking wrong wherever they sit, like a man at a wedding who only wears suits at weddings.’
(Leaves by August Miller) 

‘So smelly you just have to roll in it.’
(Ping’s Complaint – Leila)

‘Things would get dark around here and the drunks wouldn’t know when to pass out.’
(Ping’s complaint – Leila)

‘My cleanest dirty bathrobe’
(Ping’s Complaint – Leila)

‘What is a sin if God himself didn’t see it.’
(The Hive – Rania Hellal)

‘The tone of her voice was upbeat, as though she was describing Utopia.’
(Alabaster Conjugal–Mark Burrow)

‘Can a woman be rightly called a dick?’
(A Pebble At Dawn – J Bradley Minnick)

‘Isn’t the definition of fantasy that it is in fact impossible?’
(The Scrabble Player – Alison Kilian)

‘No space for sadness when you’re angry.’
(As Ever, The Nun – Tony Osgood)

‘Perhaps those who are long dead don’t get angry.’
(Hindsight And Occupational Choices – Mick Bloor)

‘There are big ideas inside every bottle of spirits.’
(Leila Allison – Saturday Posting Week 421.)

Is it a privilege or a curse to be loved by an obsessive?
(Courage Anniversary – Amita Basu)

She had reached a blood alcohol level scientifically known as ‘all’
(The Hobnob Standard – Leila)

‘You are an endless source of inspiration for futile dreams.’ 
(billigit Mania – Leila)

‘She wondered if the family that took Garibaldi were being good to him. She missed him…She hoped he didn’t miss her.’
(A Sign of the Times-Hugh Cron)

***

Okay – Onto the yearly speil!!!

Well, pull out my plums from my fruit basket, slap me sideways and call me Susan!!!

Nine years – That is something to behold!

The site has went from strength to strength. We have our usual old guard who have been there for a long time now – Dave, Harrison, Mick, Doug. We’ve picked up folks like Steven, Brad, Paul, and Ed and we still get the odd new person who throws in a comment or two whenever their aunty makes an appearance, or someone from their writing group – We appreciate them all! Would like a wee bit of longevity though – Just saying!!

Just ignore me folks – My tongue is always in my cheek as a defensive mechanism!

Whole heartedly (Who says I have adverbs – Wait a minute – Is that one??) I want to thank every single person who has in some way or another involved themselves in the site over the last nine years – I can’t tell you what it has meant to us. I don’t have much pride in anything – Maybe Gwen staying with me for around for 39 years although I judge her on that.

Pride is maybe the wrong word but I am in awe of my liver which is just hanging on no matter what a battering I give it. (May need to think on that!)

I am also proud of my hatred of politicians, royalty and Coldplay – I have never backed down on any of them – Older age doesn’t soften – Well, maybe, you know…

But what I am most proud of, without a doubt is our site – I reckon, even if I had kids, they would be a close twenty-seventh….equal to what I was most proud of. The site would always be number one…If I was being honest, the kids would come in at twenty nine…Maybe forty if I was being brutally honest. (I played a lot of golf and driving the sixteenth hole at Dalmilling with a three wood and a cheeky wee fade was number two! I also played some cracking games of pool and could copy cartoon characters – Maybe having a shitting, puking, snottering sprog wouldn’t even manage number forty!!)

I also have to say a thanks to editors past and present. Past for asking me to be part of this and present for their friendship and support.

To Diane and Leila, I need to say that I love them as friends (And by fuck do I not use that word much – HAH! You may understand why I don’t have kids – Well to be honest we couldn’t – If we could the fucking vasectomy hadn’t worked!!!)

…I used that line in a story but it is true. Good on you Dr Mathison – Twenty six I was and didn’t need to persuade you!!

I do like this medium as I can be me and to be honest, I’m not sure if anyone knows if they are getting me or not – Probably folks – As my lovely wife once said, ‘I’m not that good a liar’

I find the site, most of all, entertaining but in a way therapeutic and supportive. My only regret is I don’t have the inspiration that I used to. My imagination is very limited (Leila, Dave and Marco – I hope you realise what you have!!) so my stories are becoming few and far between. I think if I can get to 150, it will be an achievement but I reckon I’ll need to be on this planet for another forty years!! That may be pushing it a bit!!

Okay, I have pratted on too long – Thanks again to all of you!

I adore this whole process!!

I can’t thank Diane and Leila (And Nik) enough for their involvement in my life.

And my last words have to go to our very own legend – ‘It is an honour Sir, being on the same website as the gentleman and wonderful author that is – Tom Sheehan!

Speak next year guys!!!

Hugh

HAH!!

Not finished – Two bits of fun. I was looking up interesting questions and these tweaked my interest – There is one deep one and the rest are a wee bit daft.

…And I couldn’t leave without a bit of music…Listen to this loud – VERY LOUD!! It is the best feel good driving song ever!!!!

Questions:

1. Which is the silent letter in the word ‘Scent’, the ‘s’ or the ‘c’?

2. How far east do you have to go before you start heading west?

3. What have you learned that you had to learn through suffering?

4. Can you stand backwards on a flight of stairs?

5. Can you drown in the ‘Fountain Of Youth’?

I give you, one of the most underrated bands ever (As well as ‘The Kane Gang’) – ‘The Icicle Works’

***

Time flies. When I consider the things that have happened since we put up the first of our stories, my mind truly boggles. I was on the verge of seeing my first novel published. It had been out there as a self-published work, but it was now in the hands of a publisher. I am now working on my twenty-fifth. So, there is that. We hadn’t even contemplated doing a hard copy/ebook with the short stories from the site and that was still to come. It’s a shame there is only one in one way, but the upside is that the site now takes up so much of our time that we simply don’t have the capacity to handle another one. Lovely Nik was still in South Africa and Tobias was neither married or a father.

We hadn’t met Leila, though she came along quite soon much to everyone’s delight and her contributions to the site were so valuable that when we needed to pull in some extra help, she was our first choice (with fingers crossed I might add) and we were thrilled and delighted when she came on board full time. She is a delight to work with and fun to be around (if only virtually).

Hugh and I have had some dramas and disasters in the last nine years, as you would expect. At times, the site has been the only steady and secure thing in a world where all the usual framework is in a state of flux. We still haven’t met, but we’ve gone through major life events together and I count him as one of my very closest friends. He’s forthright, outspoken and fearless and there are not many around like that these days. Even though our views differ in some things, my affection for him and, by extension, Gwen is deep and genuine.

The work that we see is outstanding. We have writers on here who can hold their own with the best. Some things we reject should be featured as ‘stuff to make you gasp/laugh/groan and giggle. Though many, many times, the rejection is simply that we don’t think it fits our profile.

The hours and hours spent keeping the place going are countless and, at times, seem overwhelming. We never have a day off and the reading is constant. BUT we’ve made it to our ninth birthday. We’re still here. We are so proud of the work we put out into the world on behalf of all the writers and we thank you all for your interaction, your humour and that you trust us with your precious writing. Who knows how long this might go on but at the moment we’re still pedalling furiously under the surface. Thank you – writers, readers and colleagues. dd

***

I don’t keep a record. I once tried to maintain a diary. It lasted one week and the final entry was a short, drunken ramble about how much I hated the diary experience and that, like Jesus, other people will have to fictionalize my account after I’m gone. But if I did write it down, I’m certain that nine years ago today would feature me sitting at a blank screen, sifting through the ashes of my plethora of shame for something to create while at the same time being pestered by one or both of the Cats (both are thirteen) for no reason other than they can. In that respect, my life is a prolonged showing of Groundhog Day.

Still, the Literally Stories experience is a changing thing that seldom repeats itself. I’ve been on the other side of the wall since April 2021, and it is an interesting and vital place. I must congratulate Diane and Hugh (and Nik) for their long term commitment to the site. They are wonderful friends and have improved my life greatly (then again the bar for improvement has never been set that high). I’d also like to thank David Henson, Mick Bloor, Doug Hawley, Tom Sheehan, Frederick K Foote, Harrison Kim, Marco Etheridge, Jane Houghton, Rachel Sievers, Steven French and Paul Kimm to mention a few (too few) who contribute regularly to the site and make it a strong and vital publication.

And I’d also like to extend kudos to the idiots out there who think we have nothing better to do with our time than “listen” to them whine. Sometimes our withholding of honest reactions makes us just like Jesus. Although I am certain that none of their ilk is reading this, I am grateful for all the material and rage energy they give me personally. No writer should ever struggle with “Now, what would an idiot say right here?” We all serve in one way or another.

As the tenth year now begins, I foresee little else in my time ahead other than more sitting here, sifting through my shame and the stupid shit people say for a spark of something to place on the screen. No doubt I will still be pestered by Cats for no other reason than on general principle. But I will also look forward to the joys expressed by the young and gratitude of the young at heart we receive when the gods smile and let something go right.

Good luck to all,

Leila

***

And finally :-

Anniversary Questions:

This is a sort of new feature. We asked folks if they wanted to ask us three questions that we would find difficult to answer. We were expecting something more like ‘Where did you hide the bodies’ type questions! (Leila was panicking!!)
But what we did get were some rather deep and informative instigating queries which we enjoyed answering and are happy to share.

First off, within a day was the wonderful and imaginative Dave Henson.
He asked:

1. How often does a disagreement among the three editors about accept / reject result in the one in the minority changing their vote? 

2. Has your internal debate ever become “testy?”

3. Comments on LS stories are always positive. Some journals post comments that are somewhat negative. Would LS refrain from posting polite but less-positive comments? Where do you draw the line?

Answers:

1. Hugh –  That doesn’t really matter as the result would still stand. The majority always wins. But we love when the lone wolf still sticks to their guns as we then have another look.

2. Hugh –  I love this question!
For me, nope that doesn’t happen. We are happy to accept a two ‘Yes’ to a two ‘No’  or vice versa, even if we think that we are right no matter what way we vote. We have trust respect and confidence in each other but the thing is, we totally accept the differences in each other’s outlooks regarding their reading choices and life experiences.
If there WAS any testiness, that normally came from our differences between  us as people…And let’s just say, that hasn’t happened for a long time!
Ah fuck – We need a site historian, maybe like the amazing character Dr Mallard, played by the late great David McCallum in NCIS! (I won’t put myself forward as I haven’t the intelligence.)

3. Hugh – If the comment is valid or constructively negative or if it is trying to advise, then we would probably go with it and let the writer fight their own corner. (We may also throw in a comment as any negativity is also aimed at us as it was us who chose the story) What we will never stand for is genuine nastiness or a personal attack. We would discuss between us whether we should simply protect the writer by ignoring it, or let them know privately. Weirdly as I am typing this we have recently had such a discussion and we have come to the decision that if it’s a one off, then we ignore but if there are more comments from the same person, then we will let the author know.
…Although, it would probably depend on how personal or nasty the comment was. If there was any threat, of course we would let the writer know.

***

1 Diane: I don’t think it’s that often because the majority carries the vote, which makes things very simple. I think that works well because it means that you can stick to your guns if you feel strongly about it but know that the result will be fair.

2 Diane: Waaaay back at the start when we were learning the ropes. There were one or two occasions when things maybe got a bit snarky but from what I remember, it most often resulted in a bit of a laugh by the end of the discussion. Now, no – we are concentrating on the writing and the discussions can be really interesting but always friendly and respectful. There is no need for testiness.

3 Diane. We decided to have the option to approve comments deliberately because the internet can be an unnecessarily nasty place and there is never any need. Comments on stories don’t always have to be positive. There is nothing wrong with a reader saying something didn’t work for them for whatever reason. Reading – especially of fiction – is very subjective. However, we will not allow nasty comments, especially those that are aimed at the writer rather than the writing. We want to run a pleasant and happy site and if that means someone is sent to the naughty step, so be it. Fortunately, it is very rare that it happens.

***

1-Leila: I am more likely to go to yes in that case. I will fall on the side of the writer–not always, but maybe one time in five I will swing a no to a yes, if good points I’ve overlooked are highlighted. 

2-Leila: What the fuck is that supposed to mean, David? Ha! No, well, never as far as I’ve seen. But I’ve only been on this side of things for two of nine years. I don’t look back in the files that existed before I came along for the same reason I do not steam other people’s mail open–it could have been a virtual food fight when there were five Eds. as far as I know.

3-Leila: The only time I won’t approve a comment is when it is obviously spam (you’d be surprised how often that happens) or when (this has only happened once that I know of) the commentator has a personal issue with the author. Sometimes I see things that can be interpreted as negative, and that’s cool, because that (right or wrong) usually carries more weight than a desultory compliment.

***

Next up within a few hours was a very old friend of the site. Me and Diane ‘Met’ James McEwan in the old site ‘Shortbread’. He is a skilled writer and a very skilled commentator. 

Q1
How does the team deal with world-wide language variations?

Hugh writes many of his works in one specific form of the Scottish vernacular and therefore identifies the local region and couth of a particular class of people.
Considering Scotland as an example, there are many variations of dialects and idioms.
An example would be Belize–‘No big ting man,’ or the parts of the USA with speech patterns like ‘How yu’ do’in, ye’all.’
I ask this since there are many authors on the site from all over the world whose natural language is not English and there are specific idioms that sometimes may identify a particular ethic group.

 Q2
At which point when reading the submission does the team suffer word fatigue?
 Keeping up the great work of posting a new story each day, I suggest must take up a lot of dedication and time from the team.

 Q3

What would you consider posting guidelines that may encourage more participation from the site’s loyal readers?
 Many new authors enjoy feedback on their stories, or at least some comment from the readers. I do try to read every story posted but struggle to provide an occasional comment.

1 Diane. Great question James. For me I try to judge whether the dialect/patois is enough to add flavour to the piece without taking away from the reading enjoyment. If, as is often the case, the author is writing in a second language, that is more difficult. Because we all admire that so much, but we can’t take on the job of a great deal of editing. I think that contributed in large part  to the downfall of Shortbread; people saw it eventually as an editing service and that’s just not possible for us.

Hugh – I think it depends on the specifics of the story. If it is based on a situation that the writer has witnessed or been involved in, then the colloquialism of the specific place can be used very effectively – For me it adds to the realism.
If the story is completely from the imagination, then I rather pull back the slang to try and make it more accesssible.

2 Diane – It takes up a huge amount of time and you are right, at times you just have to say enough for now. Of course, a lot depends on the quality of the work and the genre, etc. There are some long pieces that just slide by because they are totally enthralling and you can read a lot of those. Other times we will have a slew of work that is not suitable for publication because it hasn’t been edited for careless errors or it simply does not suit the site and the writer has obviously not glanced at the submission guidelines or read any of the stories we have published and that becomes terribly tedious. Personally, I have favourite authors who I know will have sent in a good story well presented and I save those for the times when I need a break.

Hugh – Just wanted to add. This question does emphasise the importance of grabbing a reader quickly, especially when sending it into any form of publishers. With a novel, you do have the luxury of time but with a short, you need to tweak the interest very quickly or that reading fatigue is more likely to kick in.

3. Diane. Hugh reminds readers in his Saturday postings that comments are appreciated and we know that some people just don’t know what to say. I really enjoyed this is enough to boost an author’s morale. I don’t think comments need to be long and thoughtful just an appreciative note is enough. Of course, constructive feedback is even better as long as it’s kind. 

1-Leila: Simply, I don’t. Good has a way of getting across no matter the idiom. I no more can speak like a Scot than I can as a Romulan, yet it gets across. Same with the other dialects. It is made known what kind of publication we are. If the version of English submitted is out of reach in any sense it might not do well.

2-Leila: know when to quit and come back. If I find myself more inclined to blow smoke rings than read, I will read later. But that doesn’t happen too often. 

3-Leila: I wouldn’t know how to go about that. I assume that people who write should be able to figure that out for themselves. With that said, nearly everyone who is involved is a “struggling” writer in some sense–so it could be harder to exalt others when you might feel underloved in your own right. But if you try to say something intelligent and with more depth than what you see in an email reply suggestion, you will find yourself doing well. 

***

More questions – This time from a very loyal friend of the site, a superb writer and regular commenter – Thanks for these excellent questions Paul Kim

1. What wins more often when making submission selections – style of writing or plot?
2. Is there a word in the English language that is forever too offensive for any submission, no matter what the context is?
3. Do you regret publishing anything on the site?

1. Hugh-It is a bit of a mix because some cracking writing has won through. But for me, I am a story person first. Let’s be honest, boring is boring no matter how well written.
If the story totally engages me, I’m inclined to go with that every time. And another but coming – But if it does need a good edit, we would go back to the writer and ask them to work their way through.

2. Hugh-For me, nope. If it is used in life, it can be used in a story. If it is particularly abhorrent, there is only one thing I try to grasp and that is, the author’s voice – It is acceptable if the word or view comes from a character. It is never acceptable if the writer’s own views have bled into the story.

3. Hugh – Ahem, Thanks Paul, you have got the first confession from me! There are three stories that I regret publishing and the reason is I fucked up the rejection emails and sent them acceptances! I couldn’t go back on that so they were published. If I remember correctly, there were no issues and they each received only positive comments.

1. Diane There have been one or two occasions when I’ve been undecided about a story and the writing has been so very good that I’ve said yes. One thing that we have always said is ‘if in doubt come down on the side of the writer’ and we try to do that. As Hugh has said, editing is important and there are some good stories that have been so much in need of a proper edit that they have failed to get through. Read things aloud would be my advice to avoid that.

2.   Diane We have a note in the submissions guidelines that advises that if you are going to use profanity use it well. I don’t use very strong language in my own writing but am perfectly willing to accept it in other people’s work providing it adds to the story and isn’t there for shock value. As Hugh has already said, it has to come from the story not the author. 

3.. Diane Not for me. There are some that I have said no to, and they have won through, but really I just like to see people succeed so – it got through – great. 

Leila 1: Between the two it is style because plotting is evil–I do not cross plot and story, they are two different things. That’s not to say that something with only great style gets over–there must be story and style. But if one is great and the other not as much, it might make it regardless of balance. Still, that doesn’t happen much at all; when it does it is almost always fancy words that go nowhere.

Leila 2: Nothing is too offensive word-wise. But you can tell when the intent is to shock–like having a sweet old lady suddenly sprout profanity in a movie. Works for s second but wears off fast.

Leila 3: As far as work by other writers–never. Do wish I had some of my own back for a second crack, but that’s just how I am, as many are. 

***

They keep coming. Next up was the enigmatic Mr Doug Hawley.

1. When will you print the collection of the stories of that brilliant actuary Doug Hawley?  Possibly related – I recently wrote and subbed a story to Sirens Call on the theme “When Hell Freezes Over”.

2. How did the LS editors find each other?  I’m guessing a Rick’s in Casablanca. 

1. Hugh – Whenever you want Doug…Do you know about our Vantage Publishing Scheme. We will promise you the earth and you pay us a squillion pounds (Not sure what that is in dollars??)

2. Hugh – The original authors ‘met’ on the now defunct site ‘Shortbread’. I will always have a soft-spot for that place even though it did have one main problem – It published everything.
We brought in Leila after, for their own reasons, Adam, Tobias and Nik (Even though he still gets involved if we have any technical issues) left. The reason we chose Leila was quite simple – At that time she was the most active writer on the site. She made us laugh, her writing was amazing and we just knew that she would be a great fit – Thankfully she took us up on the offer.

1. Diane When the cheque arrives – duh!!

2. Diane- Hugh has answered this one. I too remember Shortbread very fondly and I don’t reckon I would have ever had any books published if it hadn’t been for their support. They published my first short story ‘I’ll be there in a minute‘ and I was hooked. It was a shame that what brought it down was its popularity. They had paid staff and premises and in the end just couldn’t fund it any more and the staff were run ragged trying to edit stories. I will always be grateful to them for the publishing but also for the friendships I made with Hugh, Nik, Tobias and Adam which are very precious. As for Leila – she saved our bacon when Hugh and I were creaking under the weight of trying to keep the place afloat and she has worked tirelessly since then. 

Leila 1-As soon as the grant for the Guggenheim comes through. 

Leila 2-Well all the others met respectably at another site–I just happened to be found loitering around the grounds and was put to work as a scullery maid.  I slowly worked my way up the tower via bribery and dagger. 

We found that fun, might do it again sometime but that is it for this rather long post. Here we go into year 10