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Week 338 – Time And Motion Has Never Been For Me, Loads Of Words And Huge Testicles.

And here we are at Week 338

First question for anyone who would like to answer – I was wondering, do any of you actually make time for writing either each day or even a few days of a week?

I have always considered doing this but I am not that organised.

With me it is an as and when.

…Well accept for doing these. At one time I tried to have these done by a Thursday but now, I only need to get them done every two weeks so I try for a Monday or Tuesday.

It’s weird but some things I like to be structured and some things I don’t.

So in a nod to Leila, here’s another couple of lists.


Breakfast when on holiday.

All aspects of work.

My CD collection.

My DVD collection.

When I take a shower before work.

Making cheese sauce.

Some Cocktails.

Reading my paper before anyone else touches it.

Never exercising.

Shaving head.


My music play-list.

Making a curry.



Some Cocktails.

What I drink.

When I drink. (I’m not sure if all the time is structured or unstructured when I need to take into account, unconsciousness!!)

Watching TV.

Shaving face.

I honestly wish I could say that I had a time for writing. When I did have a go at novels, I did try and write at least five thousand words on any day that I wasn’t working. But that was a waste of fucking time!!

But at least I have got them.

I’ll maybe get around to adding in a time travelling aspect to them all which will mean that I can market them as Science Fiction and that would also address the problem of there being no mobiles in them!!

I do want to try and get an accurate count of the amount of words that I’ve typed. It will take me a wee while to collaborate all of the pish that I’ve written and I do think that I may be close to the million words that we are supposed to achieve to be considered any good.

I think I’ll stick at 999, 999 – Just to have the excuse that is why all those words are pish!!!

So next question for some audience participation.

Do you know how many words you have written??

I suppose you would get some sceptical bastards who would state ‘What’s the point’ if you don’t make a living at it…But the same could be said for any hobby.

I love cooking and have trouble understanding anyone who doesn’t.

But on the other-hand, I wonder about folks who like gardening as I believe that they are all perverts. (How can anyone enjoy working on something that always needs worked on??)

Sorry, perverts is the wrong word – Masochist is a lot fucking closer!!

At least when you cook, you have something nice to eat at the end of it – Not another bunch of weeds that has just grown back.

I wondered about weeds a few weeks back and tried to find out the difference between a plant and a weed. The only logical thing I can find is preference or opinion.

That is the same with all of our work that those gardening bastards slag us off for doing. Like them, we enjoy doing it. Maybe our work is the weed of the literally world but at least we haven’t any horse shit under our finger nails!!!

Okay onto this week’s stories.

Now, I think, off the top of my head, that the writers we have showcased this week have over three hundred stories between them. If anyone adds it up and I’m wrong, sorry my abacus has lost a ball.

…HAH – I’ve just thought of an ending for this!!!!

As always, our initial comments follow.

First off on Monday was the legend that is Tom Sheehan.

He got us up and rolling with, ‘The Long Way Home

‘Great to see a different take on marriage.’

‘Tom’s’ usual class.’

‘The man keeps knocking them out the park.’

On Tuesday we had ‘Mick Bloor’ with his fourth story, ‘The Next Morning.’


‘I liked the small twist.’

‘The finger nails was a good detail,’

We broke the back of the week with Tony Osgood and his story, ‘The Whole Me, The Whole She, The Whole Nine Yards‘.

‘I absolutely loved this.’

‘So lyrical.’

‘Tony worked the narrative brilliantly due to the observation.’

I wish I could introduce the next writer with the words that she deserves.

But I can’t, as I don’t have her talent!!

All I can say is our lovely co-editor Leila Allison was next up with ‘Meet The Billigits

‘You grabbed me with the title.’

‘Brilliantly painted scenes.’

‘Witty dialogue.’

And we finished off with another legend.

Doug Hawley is a guy that we would all love to meet!!

His eleventh story for us was ‘The Final Frontier.’

‘I believe the tone.’

‘This does raise questions.’

‘Interesting and it does make you think.’

Usual ending folks – Please, please, if you have read anything this week, be a devil and have a wee comment. If you don’t, Jesus, Mohammed, Krishna, Moses, Allah, Hubbard, Mosley and Elvis will all cry.

…So will Miss Anderson… I wish I knew her first name!!

…I’m thinking Jean…Fuck knows why!!

And come on…Have a go at the Sunday Re-Run…If you don’t know what I’m going to say by now, I really can’t be arsed today!!!

Any of you writers have a free for all chance to write – So go for it!!!

…It inspires.

Oh by the way, I decided to see how many ‘…’s I could get into a posting!!!”!

And just to finish – I see that the ‘Rolling Stones’ are celebrating 60 years!!

That is an achievement.

I had a look and seemingly their name came from a Muddy Waters song that Bob Dylan sung, so three legends all together, in different ways.

I was privileged to see them at the old Hampden Park in Glasgow when Bill Wyman was still with them in July of 1990.

A live version of ‘Paint It Black’ was up there with me seeing so many breasts ‘Can-Canning’ in the Moulin Rouge in 1991 – I can die a happy man!!!!!!!!!!!

I did read somewhere that the reason that Mick and Keef fell out was due to Keef saying that Mick had a wee dick. I can understand why the man was peeved. But to be fair, Keef also stated that Mick had the biggest balls that he had ever seen…So swings and round-a-bouts guys!!

(I did know a guy that won a bet about having the biggest balls in the pub…But the hernia helped!)

To be truthful though, my amazing Brother-In-Law, the legend that is Geordie Bell beat everyone when his vasectomy went wrong. When his pal asked him to have a look and George asked him what he thought, Boaby said, ‘I’d be doon that nightclub with a pair of cycling shorts and saying to all the lassies, ‘Get a load of that’!!

I had the horror of being shown.

If you have ever seen a black pudding in a butcher’s shop with a pair of huge bulls kidneys attached, you will be getting the idea!!!

it is an old joke but George wanted the pain to go but the swelling to stay.

…But he would never have got a pair of trousers to fit him!!!!!!!!!!


Image by photovicky from Pixabay 

17 thoughts on “Week 338 – Time And Motion Has Never Been For Me, Loads Of Words And Huge Testicles.”

  1. Hello Hugh–I
    Excellent post. Stephen King says he writes 2,000 words every day (unless when creamed by a van, I suppose). I don’t know about that specific of a structure. I bet a lot of crap might fill words 1600 up. About nine years ago I voted to write every day. No matter what, but certainly not with a count in mind. I have kept that promise to myself. But not everyone is like that.
    Anyway, I see Mick as being more about business than the rock and roll life. I think it was the Scorcese (sp) doc that showed him giving Ron Wood a bit of a nag about drinking beer before a show.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Leila,
      A few beers isn’t very ‘Rock ‘N Roll’ but it’s still better than a vegan doing yoga!!
      I think my favourite band story was when the drummer of Aerosmith started their set with the last song normally played so after Mr Tyler had finished he said goodnight.
      I think they both had the same reason and were ‘weel oot their tattie’!!
      Thanks as always.


  2. Hallo Hugh,

    Writing every day? I wish it were so. Structured about the writing I do? Hell yes, or there would be no writing. Tuesday through Friday, every morning, from early to noonish, or until the brain lights go dim. Why Tuesday-Friday? Because my Lovely is off at work and I need Stephen King’s quiet writing space to do any work at all. Every now and again, I will get one of those rare bursts of an idea, the low-hanging fruit of a story. Then I leap to and scribble down the bones of it, regardless of the time of day or who might be around.

    I love to cook and do most of it, being the good Hausmann writer chap. But I’m also a garden pervert, drawing a bit of peace whilst puttering in the soil. What can I say? It gives me the briefest illusion of a world not gone mad.

    For all the hell it matters, the tally of my written words is close to hand. 364,000 odd words in the form of short stories. I know because I keep a log, otherwise it would all spin out of control. That’s just me. Add the novels to it, about 450,000 more, and I’m still shy of a million words. I suppose the answer to that is to keep writing and not die in the meantime.

    That’s that, then.
    Best Regards, as always,

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Marco,
      I think we all need a bit of escapism from the world.
      Loud music, strong booze help but I am happiest when I’m listening to loud music, drinking strong booze and am typing something that is shouting in my ear and I’m having fun with.
      …Weirdly, these stories aren’t always successful but what the hell, I get a kick out of them!!
      All the very best to you my fine friend.


  3. I try to write every day and usually about one thousand words. I’ve got past the magic million with my novels – I hope that’s made me a better writer. I couldn’t tell you how many altogether. I sometimes will ditch a story after twenty thousand words but I never count them lost because I wrote them after all. Great post as always, Hugh.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Diane,
      I never thought of those that I’ve ditched.
      …Maybe I have double my tally!!!
      All the very best.


  4. Good post. I’m also structured about not exercising and shaving my head. Also about taking out our dog at pretty much the same times daily. I try to get up at about the same time each day although retired. I’m not very structured about writing despite my weekly vow to become more so.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Dave,
      Overall I do like to wing things. Unfortunately stupid commitment stops me from doing so!
      Work, eating and sleeping all have to be done!
      Thanks as always my fine friend.


  5. A guy has balls that turn red and swollen. After trying several doctors, they all agree the only cure is amputation. To treat himself afterwards, he decides to buy new clothes. When he tells the salesman his pants size, the salesman tells him. “No that’s too tight. If you wore pants that size your balls would swell and turn red”. Or something like that. Heard it before? Sorry.

    Thanks for the kind words. I still don’t feel totally comfortable in the company of real writers.

    If planes were still flying we could all get together around Portland OR USA. Easy for me. Denver Colorado USA? I have in-laws there.

    Writing of – saw the Stones north of Denver in the mid-1970s. Elton John, Beach Boys, and Chaka Khan had guest appearances I believe. Stones song with inadequate love – “Live With Me” – rocks your socks off and the lyrics are fine. Anyone interested in Stones should read Keef’s autobiography. He’s now a suburban dad in Connecticut. Whoda thunk it?

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Because this was I meditation on testicles, I’ll blow my wad by a lewding to a couple more stories. Never know when I’ll get another opportunity.

    Guy in high school was supposed to have three of them. Scurilous chatter wondered if that mad him popular with one of the other genders.

    I play incompetent softball (for those who are not United Statiuns, it is not a medical condition, but a sport). Althought there are some fine athletes (mostly young enough to be my son, but they are not), we don’t take it too seriously. I play catcher as the least talented player, which means that I get to talk with the umpire. One game, he started talking about how far his grandfather balls hung down. No idea why he wanted to talk about it.

    As someone older than the other players, sometimes someone says “I hope that I’m in your shape when I’m your age.”

    My response is “You want to be short.?”


    1. Thanks as always Doug!
      Sometimes when folks tell you things you think, ‘Too much information’ or ‘…And why did you want to tell me that?’
      Their reasoning can be very interesting or should I say worrying!!

      Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
      Are we human or are we dancers?


      1. Hugh – TMI from me or you or both? You may know that I “Keep On Rocking In The Free World” and “Roll With It”, so probably more dancer than human.

        Lately I’ve gotten some pushback against my claim that the story is more important than the adverb count, so I’m glad that the esteemed LS gives me support.


  7. Tend to write daily, volume varies. Often turns to crap if it’s over 1000. Spend half the time rewriting what I wrote the previous night. Find it cathartic, which when writing made me think of catheter and then reminded me of that montrous image of a black pudding and bull kidneys. A problem shared and all that… not sure. Good post though.


    1. Thanks so much.
      I also don’t mind tinkering and sorting out something that I’ve already worked on. But what I would say is that I need to be happy with the crux of it or it is liable to be discarded very quickly.
      All the very best.


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