Week 202 – Quitting, Erratic Pishing And Fun With Cannibalism.

I was thinking this week about quitting.

As always with me this started out as something positive but it sort of declined. It’s a bit like when an elderly person is ill and you use the old remedy of putting goose fat on their back. You then watch them going downhill quickly. (Thank you Mr Milton Jones for that one!)

I was initially thinking on my list of wants and I realised that I only have one. I want to quit working. Everything else would fall into place. If I ever quit working then I must have had the means to do so. I don’t really care about possessions or holidays or status…Just to get up in the morning, have a bacon sandwich and a beer and for the rest of the day to be mine. Bliss!!

No more putting up with fuckwits, idiots and folks who think ‘I’ve got a good idea’ and ‘This’ll work’.

Just not to have to be told when you have to be somewhere and when you can eat. Not being insulted by whoring yourself out for minimum wage…Even more bliss!!

This got me considering other things that we regularly quit. It’s quite a topical subject as resolution time is fast approaching.

For a link into the site, there are books that we give up on. Now I don’t like to do this and try to stick with them but I have to admit, ‘The Tommyknockers’ was my first non completion and ‘The Black Moor’ was my only other.

When we began the site I read every submission all the way through.

… I’m still attending therapy.

Now-a-days, if I can see early on that any submissions have ‘problems’ then I’m inclined to leave them. I have a list of the truly spectacularly bad that we have received that deserve to be showcased but for all the wrong reasons. If we published them as an anthology, I reckon it would be a best seller and prize winner in numerous comedy categories. Which is ironic as none of the stories are from that genre.

There’s no way I can mention quitting alcohol as I’ve never said, ‘Never again.’

The only other three things that comes to mind about quitting are all male related.

Firstly is a man thinking about having sex for a second time. This is only done just before they have finished having sex the first time! So what is the fucking point? (Hah! See what I did there?)

Secondly is drunk men giving up standing when they are relieving themself when pished. They should sit. This stops them spraying, slipping, falling and reeking.

Also in relation to the sex idea, if a guy, shall we say, in his prime, has been having sex all night, it is an idea if he isn’t circumcised to sit down while having a piss. If not, the same scenario can arise as the drunk man.

One thing I’ll never quit doing and that is enjoying the stories that we publish!

Jesus fuck, these links don’t get any better!

This week we had two new authors, The Legend, an old friend and me.

Topics included, a one four seven, social observations, hell, comeuppance and daydreams.

As always our initial comments follow.

 

First up on Monday we had Tom Sheehan. If you don’t know his work, you should! Have a look at his back catalogue and be in awe.

We began the week with one of Tom’s longer titles; Oh, The Wounds He Wore, Death His Neighbor, , Jimmy the Meterman.

‘Quite moving.’

‘This is a wonderful piece of short fiction.’

‘With Tom’s wordsmanship, you really enjoy the journey.’

 

On Tuesday we had our first new writer. We welcome Jeff Barker. He was next up with ‘Satan’s Monologue‘.

‘Some really good ideas.’

‘What a brilliant description of hell.’

‘There was a sort of logical sense to this.’

 

And following Jeff we had a fellow first timer in Andy Carroll.

We hope that they both have a long association with us. Come on guys, Tom’s record is there for the taking!!

Maximum‘ broke the back of the week.

‘There are so many subtle touches in this that make it endearing, interesting, poignant and very real.’

‘The tension of the game was done very well.’

‘Brilliantly observed.’

 

I have written a few stories lately and this one – Fear– was the first one to get through. I have to thank Leila as she inspired me. She critiqued one of my stories and mentioned how I used dialogue in most of my work. She is quite correct as I am shit at description! But I decided to try and do a more visual story regarding observation and this is what I came up with.

Thanks Leila but for fuck sake don’t try to inspire me with any challenges regarding Romantic Fiction!!! We all know that wouldn’t end well.

 

We finished off with an old friend. Des Kelly has returned with ‘Alicia’ which was published on Friday.

We’re always interested in Des’s work and glad that he has added to his back catalogue.

‘There was a well painted desperation and hopelessness to this.’

‘The small amounts of dialogue were very well judged.’

‘Quite heartbreaking.’

 

That’s the round up rounded up.

Going back to my giving up. I think I’ll do as Sawney Bean did. He moved into a cave which is not that far from where I stay and shunned the world.

Sounds good.

He also became a cannibal.

What the hell, I like trying things.

He had kids and they were all hung (Or ‘hanged’…Diane knows this, we had this come up before and she found out the correct term. The ever professional that she is will advise at the end of this posting!)

The hanging, well not my first choice but if it was needed to give up work, I would consider it! However, having children is so not my thing.

I don’t think I would have a choice in the matter as I’d probably become possessed in his cave. Actually with my luck, it’s more likely that the cave would become re-possessed and I’d be out on my arse having to fecking work again! Local Council wankstains!!!

 

Hugh

 

(‘The Grey Man’ by S.R Crockett is a cracking book which is based on Sawney Been and the feud between the two Kennedy Clans.)

Oh and last thing guys, please have a look at the Sunday Re-Run and get involved. Leila is consistently doing an amazing job so why not join her, Dave and L’Erin and get your name and critique / comments up of a Sunday.

Hanged is the correct term when you are speaking of hoisting someone up on the the end of a rope tied around the grisly bit just under their chin,  with the sole intention of extinguishing the life force. ‘Hanged by the neck until they are dead’ – bit grim innit. – D

 

5 thoughts on “Week 202 – Quitting, Erratic Pishing And Fun With Cannibalism.

  1. Excellent post. Oh! Gotta big idea. A boss-like idea. One that’ll net you enough cash to quit and devote yourself to drinking and snooker and writing full time. Here it is: The Bridges of Tommyknocker County. Of course you will need a good pen name to hang the hate mail on. How about H. Fabio Cron. I smell $$$.

    Like

    • Hi Leila,
      I think Fabian Pussywillow would be a better name for the MC. He would have a manly torso and bulging biceps. Whilst he was attaching electrodes to his white horse, ‘Unicorn’ to power the bridge lights, the Toll Collector, Fanta Neverbeentouched, who is downtrodden, sees him and immediately they fall in love. They whisk themselves off to Jupiter. Unicorn wipes away a tear as Enrique Iglesias sits on the bridge and sings ‘Hero’
      IT’S A WINNER!! There is something for everyone!!!
      You deserve half the cheque and an invite to The Oscars!!
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Dave,
      Thanks as always.
      I used to think I would need millions to retire. Not now! I would even consider a handful of magic beans!
      Hugh

      Like

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