Week 184 – Drinking Alone, Large People And Testicle Mutilation

Well here we are at Week 184, it’s a follow on from 183 but it won’t be half as intelligent!

I’ve written quite a few times about double standards. This irony keeps popping up in life and it gives us a lot of ideas and things to write about.

There was a news story this week about our Police’s Bribery And Conspiracy Unit being investigated for bribery and conspiracy. You should be shocked about this but when you think on it, they must be the body of people who have the most reasons to be bribed. (Their mansions don’t pay for themselves.)

I found myself having a couple of attacks of the double standards this week and it took the following days for me to realise.

There’s a pub in Ayr that thrived throughout the eighties. It was a rockers pub. The music was excellent and the place was bouncing. It had and still has the smelliest toilets in the High Street. You went for regular pishes as the time aspect allowed you to hold your breath whilst you emptied your half filled bladder and escape without the back of your throat burning. Anyhow, I was in there at opening time (10.00am) a few days back. I had bought a lager and a brandy chaser and began to flick through my paper. I looked around. I was saddened. I thought to myself, where was the life in the pub? I sighed as I realised that the place was being frequented by the sad old alkies, drinking a bit too early in the morning. They never even spoke to each other, they just wanted to stay in their own confined world. I tutted, ordered another couple of drinks and went back to my paper thinking the word ‘pathetic’ and not entirely sure that the smell of pish was coming from the toilets.

It took a few days but eventually I thought…’Wait a minute…That was me too!!!’ (Hopefully not the source of the ammonia!)

On another day I was travelling on the bus going to work. Now I am not the smallest of people. A young lady got on and sat on the seat in front of me. I reckon she was the size of my arm. The bus filled up and a large lady got on. There were two seats left. One beside me and one beside the skelf of a girl. Logic would have dictated that she sat next to the girl as there would be more room. But no, she sat beside me. There was sweat and self loathing. We were hunched together like two exploding marshmallows in a micro-wave. I was a bit perturbed and all I could think on was that she didn’t want to sit beside the waif because she would have felt bad. I judged her for that. I knew that this time, I had no double standards as the only reason I wouldn’t have sat next to the girl was in case she thought I was weird. (I would never have spoken to her to confirm the fact.)

It took another few days and then it hit me that the lady sat beside me to make her feel better about herself!

…BITCH!

From double standards to our usual stories which are always double the standard. (Yep, I keep surprising myself when I try to do links. They get shittier and shittier!)

We had no less than four new writers and a man who needs no introduction.

This week, our topics included; a phone-call, a thrill seeker, questionable art, continual correction and a literal cut.

As always our initial comments follow.

We began the week with Tom Sheehan.

Tom is a man who is soon going to need a third page for his back catalogue!

 

On Monday we published ‘Hence The Halfway House And The Poet.’

‘Tom has touched on compulsion, desperation and excess in a few of his stories – Cutting a house in half is a good example of this type!’

‘Slightly bonkers but I love it.’

‘There is something about the whole scene that you can imagine.’

 

Our first new writer was next up. We welcome all of them.

 Samaritans‘ by Jonathan Crane’ was our story on Tuesday.

‘This was well observed and very honest in the assessment of society.’

‘Cohesive and very well put together.’

‘The hint of danger made the ending memorable.’

 

Mark Joseph Kevlock was next up on Wednesday with ‘Cool Death Scene‘.

We hope that all our new writers have fun on the site.

‘I liked the idea of him not stopping until someone was emotionally hurt – That makes you consider the reasons and his reasoning.’

‘The ending made me grin as I had begun to care about him.’

‘I would like to read more about Cletus’s escapades.’

 

We nearly ended the week with Neil Shephard’s story, ‘Madonna In Blue

We hope that all our newbies have a long association with us. (My structure this week is also shite and any person who reads this regularly, not only needs therapy, but will be able to hazard a guess at what I am going to say for Friday.)

‘I did enjoy the opposing ideas in this.’

‘This was well put together and made statements on hypocrisy, mass hysteria and the price we put on things.’

‘The delivery is a bit different – I like that.’

 

And to finish the week we had Joshua Scofield.

We hope that all our new writers send us more of their work. (My predictability is loathsome!!)

‘The Charm Of A Razor’ was last up on Friday.

‘A bit different and I enjoyed the character description.’

‘This makes you think on parental / spouses teaching and influence and does it define you.’

‘This leaves you with far too much to ignore.’

 

Well that’s us for another week.

Before I go, I have to admit having even more double standards. This week I have enjoyed three romantic stories and am myself working on a Rom-Com script.

NOPE! I can’t even write that as a joke! I’d still rather chew off my right testicle than subject myself to that genre!

 

Hugh

8 thoughts on “Week 184 – Drinking Alone, Large People And Testicle Mutilation

  1. According to my King James Bible (which I scan regularly, still seeking loopholes that shall prevent my seeing hellishly deformed livestock as I plunge into the Lake of Fire), God created Dude in His own image. All right then, if God has balls then why doesn’t He use them? He didn’t even do the nasty with Mary. He sent an angel to tell her she was with child. Now, some might say that it takes mojo cajones to run the universe. That seems awfully sexist to me. And what’s this rib thing? Am I really the result of something that goes better with BBQ sauce? I suppose just about everything from “According” onward has clinched the Lake of Fire for me (as if that was ever in doubt). The Kinks were right, it IS a muddled up, mixed up world.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Leila,
      So the apparent confusion about Lola was just a ruse??
      Oh and I sort of understand God’s reasoning. He just couldn’t be bothered lying there and having to assure her that he loved her. (Is that sexist, realist or emotionist??)
      As always, you cheer up my day.
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I found your paragraph about the Pub in Ayr, hilarious and sad. Lonely old men with an atrophic minds staring, just staring with their mind static in a world of past demeanours. They don’t like it, how dare you to speak to them. The intrusion disturbs them from their zombie incarnation into the present, (which actual might be an awful place for them in their circumstances. How am I to know?) Best to join the silent pray as you watch your drink evaporate and tap away at the sticky floor.
    I remember the days when meeting friends and stranger alike in the Pub was a social event, lively, enjoyable and you left in the evening feeling valued and merry -not rat-arsed or totally inebriated.
    I no longer frequent these dens – full of the silent, the near dead, the unwashed and unwanted by Satan himself. I wonder if I am missing something?
    I met a stranger in the pub once, turns out he lives next door.
    I blame the hypocritical politicians that have a beer named after them and suggest people drink responsibly at home while watching afternoon murder on the TV.
    Perhaps stopping the sale of alcohol in the supermarkets and make it compulsory to go to the pub for the traditional ‘carry oot’ might change our social interaction.
    I am rambling, too much mint tea.
    For those outside of Scotland, its nothing like my description above, recently we have been living in a tropical heatwave and drinking caribbean cocktails under the shade of Gran’s umbrella on the beach.
    Paradise.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi James, you are spot on about the early in the pub. But what I also find hysterical is later on when the hip come out to play, there is also a lack of conversation as they are too busy texting each other.
      I really don’t understand the times that we live in!!
      Thanks as always.
      All the very best my friend.
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Dave.
      It is difficult for me when I see the word ‘Romance’ with a submission. But I try and give them as balanced an opinion as I can.
      To be truthful, I normally hope that they have been decided on before I need to read them!!
      Hugh

      Like

  3. In no particular order:

    What is a hit of which you speak whose number exceeds 200,000? Does it hurt?
    Rom-com – Coincidentally I wrote a five minute script for a rom-com based on my last haircut (get one about every four months). I hope to see it on the Hallmark Channel or WMN soon during a commercial break. Look for Barberian – can I get away with this plug and does anyone believe this?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi Doug,
      I’ve been hit a few times and they hurt. But the visits to the site has only filled me with joy and there has been no pain!!
      Thanks as always.
      Hugh

      Like

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