Week 180 – ‘Jockey At The Oche’, A Lost Opportunity And Belgium.

Here we are at Week 180.

You can’t say 180 without thinking darts. Actually whenever folk of a certain age in Britain say that, all they can hear in their head is the commentator, Sid Waddell’s voice. (Look him up on ‘You Tube’)

Jockey Wilson was a legend. As was Eric Bristow and Phil Taylor still is!

But it isn’t darts that has inspired this post.

The World Cup is now in full swing and there’s a relevant story that I thought I’d share.

I probably need to apologise to any English readers. So I’m sorry.

I’m glad that this isn’t some sort of Skype broadcast as I can’t hide my grin. My insincerity knows no bounds!

A few weeks back, there was a report that the linesman who missed Maradona’s ‘Hand Of God’ goal had died. Oh, a linesman is an official who enforces the offside rule. (I’ll explain the references in case we have any young readers who only know about their ‘Playthingy’s and whatever a Kardashian is.) Unfortunately the football governing body has made such a cunt of a simple rule that no fucker can understand it.

There is a game called ‘Football’ It’s a bit like your xbox FIFA shit, but real people actually run around and kick a real ball, trying to score a goal by kicking it into a net against like minded players who are trying to do the same into the opposite net. I don’t think you would enjoy doing it. The exertion hurts more than your thumbs. Every fucking part of you hurts, even your eyelashes.

In 1986, during the World Cup, England played Argentina. Maradona, who is 5’5” managed to out jump England’s goalkeeper, Peter Shilton who is 6’1” and ‘head’ the ball into the net. Now some sceptical people who could see, thought that he used his hand. The said linesman ‘missed’ this. We just assumed he had a bet on. (Myself and a few of my friends were on holiday in Tenerife at the time. On seeing that goal, no amount of sun, sex, drugs or alcohol could have made that holiday any better.)

When the news of the linesman’s death broke, it was stated that the poor soul beat himself up over that decision. Probably because he didn’t have a bet on.

But I felt so sorry for the guy and all this misery could have been averted. And I’m not talking about him calling the decision. All he had to do was for him and his family to relocate to Scotland. He was a hero and would have been treated as one. He would never have had to put his hand in his pocket and would have had the keys to every town and city. He could have had sex with whoever he wanted and we would have chosen him over Nicola Sturgeon. But to be fair, that isn’t much of an honour! And if he wanted to have had sex with Nicola Sturgeon, we would have silently judged but still loved him.

The poor man missed not only a handball, he missed a cracking opportunity of a wonderful life in Scotland! (A contradiction in terms if I’ve ever heard one!!)

OK onto this weeks stories. We had three new folks, a valued friend of the site and a writing legend for your entertainment.

The topics included; a chainsaw, a sibling venture, profiles, reality shows and rival Funeral Directors.

As always our initial comments follow.

 

On Monday we had our first new writer.

We wish Stephen Matlock a long association with us. He began the week with ‘To Sleep, Perchance to Dream.’

‘Not much makes me smile but this did!’

‘Nice turn of phrase.’

‘Some cracking dark humour with some excellent lines.’

 

Terrye Turpin was our next new author. Their story ‘A Time To Dance‘ was next up.

We wish them the same welcome.

‘A well written, old fashioned yarn.’

‘There is a familiarity with this story but the ending lifts it.’

‘Really good writing and well constructed.’

 

And our third and final new person was Kimberley Lee. We hope all these writers continue to send us in their work.

Personhood 2172‘ broke the back of the week.

‘Light and very quirky.’

‘This is a clever angle on the invasive nature of social media,’

‘The sections that hint at what it’s like for a child in this future were quite chilling.’

 

On Thursday we had an old friend of the site. We appreciate the time that Doug Hawley takes to comment but not only that, he is a very inventive writer. ‘Better‘ was his fifth outing for us.

‘This is so very relevant.’

‘The humour was wonderfully dry, I enjoyed that.’

‘Anything that has a pop at the Kardashian era gets my vote.’

 

And we ended on Friday with the legend that is Tom Sheehan!

Man In A Pinch‘ completed the week.

‘This is very good. I was enthralled.’

‘Realistic, desperate and you are left wondering.’

‘Gory and desperate and Tom cut it off perfectly.’

So that is us for another week.

I need to finish off by going back to the World Cup.

For some of my favourite English people; our lovely Diane, and Mr Ian Pepall, who I will advise that I have mentioned him again as he enjoys it, I’d love to wish England all the best.

I’d love to…But I just can’t!

In the words of Denis Law, (Legendary Man Utd and Scotland footballer) when asked how he felt in 1966 he stated, ‘It was the worst day of my life.’

Every Scotsman worries that day could be repeated.

And don’t hit me with the ‘Us English fans would be happy if Scotland won the World Cup’

There is no fucking chance of that ever happening so it is a moot point.

I would have shouted for Argentina but they caused Thatcher to win the 1983 General Election due to her involvement in ‘The Falklands War’ in 1982. So even with the ‘Hand Of God’ goal, their arse is well out the window.

I would have shouted for Portugal but Ronaldo really does have a face you want to slap.

I think I will let my stomach decide. I like beer, waffles and chocolate.

…So come on Belgium!!!!!

 

Hugh

Banner Image: ONE HUNDRED AND EEEEIIGGGHTY – thanks to Pixabay there is are no images on this post of that bl88dy football. 🙂

4 thoughts on “Week 180 – ‘Jockey At The Oche’, A Lost Opportunity And Belgium.

  1. The World Cup seems like deadly business. In 1994 an own goal later resulted in the death of the defender responsible for it somewhere in Columbia. And there’s the trouble with the name: here it is “soccer,” but if you say that word to anybody from anyplace else in the world they look at you as though you’re the kind of person who tucks a napkin under your chin at a fancy restaurant. Calling it “football” around here runs smack into the brain damaged NFL. I think that this soccer/football ought to take whatever drowsy, calming medication the sport of baseball is on. Baseball features the “7th-Inning Stretch,” which allows a person to judge her ability to achieve a standing position after all that beer and whether she’s already too drunk to see the rest of the nine-hour event out. Or the soccer/football fans can pick a human sacrifice out of the crowd at the 60-minute mark, thus allay post-game violence.

    Glad you are back, Hugh (which is NOT the same as saying “Glad you are gone, Nik.”) I will check out the Adventurers album.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hear that Belgium is responsible for French fries. If so (now that Iceland has melted under the pressure), and since my body mass is 99.4% French fries (the rest, mostly salt and ketchup), I throw my support their way.

      Like

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