Another week, another bunch of innocents. Egypt continues to be hit hard and our thoughts are with all those caught up in this mindlessness.
Week 152 – It’s weird but that number looks as if it should mean something but for the life of me, I can’t think what. If I finally realise what it is, it may give me a posting in a few weeks time, but the relevance would then be somewhat redundant.
I was therefore at a loss as to what to write about this week and I wondered if this was a case of writers block but I think that is more about being in the middle of something and then getting stuck. Or deciding to write something and there being nothing there from your initial idea.
When you write what is around you, there should be no such thing as writers block as there is always something happening! I wonder why journalists think that they have it bad? They never need inspiration, it is all around them. The only downside I can see is from some over privileged twats wanting to ‘sink the heid intae them’. That is the correct Scottish term for a headbutt. Most folks may argue that it is a ‘Glesga Kiss’ but that is used more from people trying to sound Scottish. In fact now that I think on it, ‘Nutted’ is probably more common than them all. It won’t be the first time a statement read ‘The nutter nutted me in ma nuts cause I widnae pay.’ Which translated means: A person with some form of mental health issues, whilst down on their knees, struck me on and around my testicles using their forehead as a weapon as I hadn’t completed a monitory transaction for the reason that they were on their knees.’
Choosing subjects for a selection of people is easy enough if it is real but trying to write something for the masses well that’s the trick isn’t it? If you manage it, you are a success and become very rich. And if you don’t you become rich in experience which is also known as; bitter, twisted and envious. The greatest line about experience and I have quoted this a lot is from Jimmy Nail as Os in ‘Auf Wiedersaehen Pet’. He stated that experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want. My fellow editors will recognise that line!
That takes me into quoting people or the dreaded ‘P’ word. There’s no need to use anything and pass it off as your own. If the line is funny / meaningful or really shite it will still get the desired reaction if you give credit to the person it came from. Thanks Mr Billy Connolly for that piece of wisdom! He has been known to admit using some of Chic Murray’s humour. Murray was a very literal comedian who, when you quote his work, it doesn’t seem funny, it was all in the delivery. For example,
‘She opened the door in her nightgown – Funny place to have a door.’
If the line works for you, it doesn’t matter that I have quoted who it was, it still works. And if it doesn’t I get a ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ card as it wasn’t me who said the unfunny thing!!
I also wonder about those writers who spend days deliberating over a single word. We could call this perfection seeking but I am more inclined to call it attention seeking from an OCD prick! Look in a ‘Thesaurus’ you mug and make a choice. Don’t give me this two days pish to choose stoically. (When did that word become trendy…And what does it mean? I refuse in pure principle to look it up and never use it unless I am being playful, ironic or sarcastic – Again, depends on the meaning!!)
I never have the beating myself up over a word problem. My attention span is far too short and anyway, all expletives are perfect as is! They don’t have a classification alternative. So all swear words are pure as there are no other options, just ‘pussy entering’ wannabe words.
OK folks onto this week’s stories.
We have two new authors for you and three old friends.
Our topics this week include Health and Safety, the bible, conscience, moving on and a monster.
As always our initial comments follow.
We had our first new writer starting off the week for us. We welcome Mark O’Connor and hope he has more work for us.
‘Angelo‘ was published on Monday.
‘The writing carried me along and I actually felt sorry for her.’
‘There were some hidden gems in this piece.’
‘I found myself engaged with the story from start to finish.’
On Tuesday our second newbie was published. We convey the same welcome to James Troxell, he was next up with ‘Modern-Day Heroes‘.
‘A very wry and well observed story.’
‘The gentle nature of this worked with the environment it was set in.’
‘I think the ending was the only way it could go.’
Mary J Breen had her fourth story published. ‘Penance‘ broke the back of the week on Wednesday.
‘A different take on infidelity.’
Him suffering due to his wife’s situation and then suffering again due to his guilt was very well done.’
‘Poignant and sad.’
Jeff Blechle returned for a third time with ‘Return Of The Bog Monster‘. This was published on Thursday.
‘This was bonkers!’
‘I loved the turn in the road ending.’
It reminded me of a bad ‘B’ movie in a good way.
And to end the week we had a very subdued offering from Fred Foote!
‘Adam And Eve’ finished us off on Friday.’
‘This is like a debauched wild party!’
‘There is so much rhythm and style to Fred’s writing.’
‘If all the bible was like this, I may be tempted to read it!
That’s us for another week folks. I’ve just heard the news and we now have another gem that will feed all the journalists in Britain enough material from now until the involved push out a sprog and so on and so on.
Between that and the snore fest Brexit, it will not be worth reading a paper or listening to the news for a very long time. So if anyone cures world poverty, invents time travel or a cat does something psychotic, please send me a link.