Week 145 – Lady Problems, Too Much Information And Shane’s Floater

Well here we are at week 145. Doesn’t time fly when you are reading this pish! Maybe not!!

I have mentioned many, many, many, times that I hate adverts. I don’t just hate them I would like to do an Elvis and shoot the TV when they are on. I reckon I would hurt anyone I met who told me that they were involved with advert script writing.

I don’t understand most of them. I find them intrusive and they really do raise my blood pressure. However they have given me some inspiration for this weeks post. I refuse to mention the exact brand but hopefully you will get the idea.

I feel so sorry for women who have vagina problems.

If a guy has a floppy disc, he is given Viagra. It sounds manly, meaningful and rigid. Durex is the same. It has a strong sound. Even a prostate exam sounds upright.

But if a woman is baking a loaf, has an irritation, water problems or an STD she gets something called ‘Vagi-Yeast’ ‘Vagi-Itch’, ‘Vagi-Leak’ or ‘Vagi-Minging’

I take it a prolapse would have cream for your ‘Vagi-Now-On-The-Floor’?

I’m surprised a ‘Femidom’ isn’t a ‘Vagi-Dom’ and a ‘Tampon’ isn’t a ‘Vagi-Mop’

The reason that this has become my inspiration is that there are many subjects that really aren’t mentioned when writing.

Most bodily functions are completely ignored and to be truthful, I am very thankful about that. It is fine writing something realistic but interrupting an argument or a very intense conversation with a ‘Hold that thought, I’m suffering from the two bob bits’ sort of spoils the mood.

‘I’d give it ten minutesshh’ would halt any of Bond’s conquests getting friendly in the shower.

‘Shane, Shane. Come back! You didn’t flush.’ Just doesn’t do it for us.

And no matter how evil he is, there is simply too much information in, ‘A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. It went through me like a fucking laser!’

There are just certain things that we shouldn’t write, not for the sake of them being unpleasant, it’s just that we don’t need or want to know! If you do, well maybe you should seek out some dark parts of the web that will cater for you.

I just hope that no author decides to give us a realistic toilet scene. Although reality TV would probably be more than happy to go there. And they have done with their creation…Their scheduling…Their participants…Their scenarios…Their off-shoot shows…

 

Enough of this unpleasantness and onto some pleasantness and this weeks stories.

We had topics such as a return, a mutual need, protocol and a genie.

This is the first for a very long time that we haven’t a new writer to introduce. But we do have two very well established and brilliant writers as well as a quick return for two of our newer authors.

We also had something different this week. Tom Sheehan has been with us for a very long time. He has written more words than any other author and he continually supports the site. Tom is also getting close to his fiftieth story. For all these reasons and more importantly, the quality that he continually shows, we were extremely happy to publish a two-parter of his on consecutive days.

As always, our initial comments follow.

 

So the brilliant Mr Tom Sheehan’s ‘Chapter Reaching for a Novel’ (Parts 1&2) took care of the first two days of the week.

‘Very intelligent and beautiful writing.’

‘There is no doubt, the writing is superb.’

‘Tragic, hopeful with a sense of small town oddness and desperation.’

 

On Wednesday we had David Lohrey with his second story for us. ‘Why Kurosawa Couldn’t Get Funding‘ broke the back of the week.

‘The culture difference is there to be seen and is very interesting.’

‘There are elements of this story that have stayed with me.’

‘This is unusual with subject matter that we have never had before.’

 

Iona Douglas also had her second story ‘Make It, Raine‘ for us. We thought that we had missed out on this but thankfully we were able to publish this excellent story.

‘A super imaginative piece.’

‘I’m so glad that this came back in.’

‘I’ve loved this since the first time I read it.’

 

And there is no introduction needed for our last writer of the week. Mr Fred Foote finished us off on Friday with ‘One Wish

‘Funny with some great lines.’

‘Quirky, stylish with quite a bit to think on.’

‘This is a new and different look at the whole genie scenario.’

 

Well that’s us for another week.

I will do my usual and avoid as much TV as possible. I miss the days when certain things were never advertised. Toilet paper, feminine hygiene products, and undertakers should only be used when needed and never spoken about. I think that the only thing that is not advertised anymore are cigarettes. The sad thing is that their adverts were the only ones worth watching!

 

Hugh

I worry about you Hugh and where your musings take you  – I sometimes really do worry about you! x Diane

Banner Image: Pixabay.com

 

9 thoughts on “Week 145 – Lady Problems, Too Much Information And Shane’s Floater

    • I have noticed that there are a few new faces who are commenting. All of us here at Literally Stories can’t thank you enough. Please continue to do so as it keeps the site alive.
      Oh and it is very seldom I have a like-minded person, so also, thanks for that!!
      Hugh

      Like

    • Hi James,
      Your comment really made me smile. Although I have been cursing you. You see there are so many answers on the tip of my tongue that even I wouldn’t say!!!
      Thanks as always, great to see you around!
      Hugh

      Like

  1. We are still gacked to the nines with idiots who believe that the rest of humanity becomes deaf when the idiots are on theur cellphone. And they always speak of cysts and fungi on their genitals. I invariably feel a little bad about myself because jamming a screwdriver through their open ear comes to mind a lot faster than it should. But I get over it.

    Like

    • Hi Leila,
      The people you speak of are all genitalia. (Fuds and Wallopers!)
      Watching games used to be fun and exotic, the reality of their conversations, well, you are right, makes you want to commit vicious, inventive violence.
      Keep a stash of bail money just in case you snap!!
      Thanks as always.
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

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