Week 143 – Ugly Babies, Parricide And Upsetting Freddy

I have mentioned on many occasions character names and how shit I am at coming up with them. Why do some writers go for the exotic? There are plenty people called Mary and Jimmy out there so why not use them?

I normally look at what is around me and name my characters thusly.

Strangely enough ‘Candle Kebab Saves The World’ didn’t get published. He had fought and overcome ‘Snottery Hanky’ and ‘Empty Bottle’. ‘Empty Bottle’ was a very sad character. He made me cry. I still do every time I think of him.

The reason that I mention this is I saw in my local paper a picture of a new born. Why the fuck do people do this. Trust me on this folks, it is only you as parents that think your child is beautiful. It isn’t. It’s spectacularly ugly and probably shitting itself for the camera. On the other-hand, look at a kitten. It is cute, it can stand on its own four feet and will use a litter tray from day one.

Sorry folks, I wasn’t meaning to get into a description debate, it was all about names. Anyhow this poor wee bastard had been named ‘Thorin’. Now if you are a ‘Thorin’ I apologise for my insensitivity. However, I would suggest that you kill your parents. It would be easy. Slip some arsenic into their vegan water whilst they are weaving ponchos with nylon and watching the directors cut of ‘The Lord Of The Rings’. (With commentary from one of the Orcs) Not only would you be getting revenge for your brittle bones due to his watery sperm and her dried up eggs, you would be avenging every beating you had taken due to your stupid fucking name. (That’s just made me think… do vegan women give oral sex. Anyone who writes should strive for the answers to these questions!)

I am not sure if I have posted this before. What the hell, it is worth another mention. I really do hope this is a true story. Seemingly a young pregnant girl was in the ant-natal clinic and was looking around her. She saw a poster and exclaimed:

Chlamydia, that is a lovely name. I think I‘ll call my baby that. I just hope that her big brother Gonorrhoea can pronounce it.

(OK I made up the gonorrhoea bit)

I don’t think this is true as I would doubt her ability to read. I think both her and her boyfriend would have been confused with the instruction to take the pill orally!

 

OK folks onto this weeks stories.

Yet again we have attracted a couple of new writers which is always good!

We extend our welcome to both Nathan Willis and Sharon Howard. Hopefully they will have fun on the site and continue to send us their work.

Our topics this week include infidelity, a murderous liaison, anxieties, relationships and work life.

As always our initial comments follow.

 

To start the week we had our first new writer. Sharon Howard was first up on Monday with ‘Just The Way She Likes It‘.

‘The structure is well done as it mirrors her thoughts,’

‘The open ending elevates this from anything similar.’

‘I enjoyed the thought of him being as unhappy and confused as she was.’

 

Tuesday followed Monday as is its wont. Our second new author had their story championed. Nathan Willis was next with ‘Running Errands‘.

‘This summed up life’s Groundhog Day quite succinctly.’

‘We’ve all known someone like Chase in our working life.’

‘This was based on honesty and reality and the ending was very sad.’

 

There is nothing I can say about our author on Wednesday, bar he is a cherished friend, a fellow editor and an excellent writer. He is still only one of two writers who have had more than five stories published and has a perfect record. Mrs Nik also calls him Mr 100% as according to her, he is wrong 100% of the time!

After you have read ‘February‘, check out his back catalogue. Nik has wondered about his preferred genre on many occasions but he is doing just fine with eclectic!!

 

On Thursday we had a returning author. Rebecca Field has removed herself from a single story inclusion and hopefully she’ll continue to add to her back catalogue. ‘The Worry Dolls‘ was our penultimate story of the week.

‘This story says more to me than anything I’ve ever read.’

‘I didn’t see the end coming.’

‘I found the YA tone indicative to the fact that the MC had been so focussed on the worry of life that she was repressed.’

 

And on Friday, we had another author being published for a second time. As mentioned with Rebecca, we also hope that Ronald Friedman continues to add to his work. Ronald’s short ‘Cake And Coffee‘ finished off the week.

‘You are left with thoughts on what else they could do if provoked.’

‘Sharp and amusing in a rather dark way.’

‘It is cold-blooded but we are all suckers for a comeuppance story.’

 

That’s another week by. And I’m so pleased to advise that next week is just as excellent. I’ve seen the stories. As of writing this, I’ve yet to email our successful writers. But I will do it tomorrow so by the time that they read this (If they do) they may have forgiven me for leaving it so late.

Last thoughts on stupid names –

Most celebrities lose their judgement when naming their children. I’ve heard that Kanye West’s kid is called ‘North’. But to be fair that was still a better idea than him trying to sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’!!!!

 

Hugh

Banner Image – Not an ugly baby, though the choice was limitless!!! Pixabay.com

 

 

 

9 thoughts on “Week 143 – Ugly Babies, Parricide And Upsetting Freddy

    • Cheers!
      Making someone smile is so much harder than repelling!!
      It’s always great to see more folks commenting so thank you so much for your input, we appreciate it.
      All the very best.
      Hugh

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  1. Dickens still is King of Names. Butt-smoochy, disingenuous Uriah Heep is a keen one. “You are a Heap” of something smelly, or so it hits me. And there’s always been something about 30s Gangster names. Love Big Louie Tony Wall-eye and such.

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    • Hi Leila,
      As always thanks for your interest and comments.
      I like naming animals. You just look at them and think that they look like a ???.
      Humans are quite different. ‘Angelica Butter Wouldn’t Melt’ isn’t very appropriate when she has covered her wee brother in shit and is stabbing him through the eye!
      Maybe we should wait for actions before naming anyone. But then every politician would be named ‘Useless, Lying, Thieving, Molesting Bastard.’
      It has a lovely ring to it!!
      It is always a pleasure to see you around the site!!
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I clap for Chlamydia. Ugliest baby in the free world on the bus tonight. It bears special watching. My favorite porn name: Peter Everhard. I wonder if the girls at Hef’s mansion happy to no longer have to take a gander at a 91-year-old penis. Definitely soft porn there.

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    • I will really need to look up the phrase ‘The clap’ it really isn’t anything to applaud.
      Regarding the baby, well I hope the parents were beautiful and shallow.
      Porn names, well from the pen of Irvine Welsh, ”Juice’ Terry Lawson’ sounds rather rude and a copious amount of fluid but he delivered ginger which is now known by some as juice and in your country soda. (I’m too old, it is all still ginger to me!!)
      And I have no knowledge of a 91 year old penis yet. In another 41 years it would simply be called me!!
      Thanks as always!! You make me smile!!!
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Maura,
      Thanks for that, it was very interesting and an opinion is an opinion. I wouldn’t agree or disagree with Sue.
      She does say that a name is a statement, maybe an action is and a name is not something we have any choice with, it is given to us. We are also given it before we have defined ourselves by doing anything, so it is a bit ironic that Sue mentions this as a reference. A name has nothing to reference itself against.
      When I think on strong influences in general (Good or bad) I come up with James, Charlotte, Martin, John, Ted, Ella, Emily, Robert, Alan…the list goes on and none of these are particularly exotic.
      I just feel when I read a short and I have a ‘Chantelle’ or ‘Trent’ it interrupts my reading as I keep hearing my inner voice shouting ‘Stupid Name’. (I’ve censored that!!)
      But that is what i love about this discipline. It isn’t exact and it is all about different points of view.
      Thank you so much for giving me something to think on and it is great to see someone else commenting.
      All the very best.
      Hugh

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  3. Diane,
    You should have went with an ugly baby as I would have been my usual self.
    I got a wee bit sentimental when I saw the braw wee beastie that you picked!!
    Thanks as always for all your help!
    Hugh

    Like

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