I have mentioned on many occasions character names and how shit I am at coming up with them. Why do some writers go for the exotic? There are plenty people called Mary and Jimmy out there so why not use them?
I normally look at what is around me and name my characters thusly.
Strangely enough ‘Candle Kebab Saves The World’ didn’t get published. He had fought and overcome ‘Snottery Hanky’ and ‘Empty Bottle’. ‘Empty Bottle’ was a very sad character. He made me cry. I still do every time I think of him.
The reason that I mention this is I saw in my local paper a picture of a new born. Why the fuck do people do this. Trust me on this folks, it is only you as parents that think your child is beautiful. It isn’t. It’s spectacularly ugly and probably shitting itself for the camera. On the other-hand, look at a kitten. It is cute, it can stand on its own four feet and will use a litter tray from day one.
Sorry folks, I wasn’t meaning to get into a description debate, it was all about names. Anyhow this poor wee bastard had been named ‘Thorin’. Now if you are a ‘Thorin’ I apologise for my insensitivity. However, I would suggest that you kill your parents. It would be easy. Slip some arsenic into their vegan water whilst they are weaving ponchos with nylon and watching the directors cut of ‘The Lord Of The Rings’. (With commentary from one of the Orcs) Not only would you be getting revenge for your brittle bones due to his watery sperm and her dried up eggs, you would be avenging every beating you had taken due to your stupid fucking name. (That’s just made me think… do vegan women give oral sex. Anyone who writes should strive for the answers to these questions!)
I am not sure if I have posted this before. What the hell, it is worth another mention. I really do hope this is a true story. Seemingly a young pregnant girl was in the ant-natal clinic and was looking around her. She saw a poster and exclaimed:
Chlamydia, that is a lovely name. I think I‘ll call my baby that. I just hope that her big brother Gonorrhoea can pronounce it.
(OK I made up the gonorrhoea bit)
I don’t think this is true as I would doubt her ability to read. I think both her and her boyfriend would have been confused with the instruction to take the pill orally!
OK folks onto this weeks stories.
Yet again we have attracted a couple of new writers which is always good!
We extend our welcome to both Nathan Willis and Sharon Howard. Hopefully they will have fun on the site and continue to send us their work.
Our topics this week include infidelity, a murderous liaison, anxieties, relationships and work life.
As always our initial comments follow.
To start the week we had our first new writer. Sharon Howard was first up on Monday with ‘Just The Way She Likes It‘.
‘The structure is well done as it mirrors her thoughts,’
‘The open ending elevates this from anything similar.’
‘I enjoyed the thought of him being as unhappy and confused as she was.’
Tuesday followed Monday as is its wont. Our second new author had their story championed. Nathan Willis was next with ‘Running Errands‘.
‘This summed up life’s Groundhog Day quite succinctly.’
‘We’ve all known someone like Chase in our working life.’
‘This was based on honesty and reality and the ending was very sad.’
There is nothing I can say about our author on Wednesday, bar he is a cherished friend, a fellow editor and an excellent writer. He is still only one of two writers who have had more than five stories published and has a perfect record. Mrs Nik also calls him Mr 100% as according to her, he is wrong 100% of the time!
After you have read ‘February‘, check out his back catalogue. Nik has wondered about his preferred genre on many occasions but he is doing just fine with eclectic!!
On Thursday we had a returning author. Rebecca Field has removed herself from a single story inclusion and hopefully she’ll continue to add to her back catalogue. ‘The Worry Dolls‘ was our penultimate story of the week.
‘This story says more to me than anything I’ve ever read.’
‘I didn’t see the end coming.’
‘I found the YA tone indicative to the fact that the MC had been so focussed on the worry of life that she was repressed.’
And on Friday, we had another author being published for a second time. As mentioned with Rebecca, we also hope that Ronald Friedman continues to add to his work. Ronald’s short ‘Cake And Coffee‘ finished off the week.
‘You are left with thoughts on what else they could do if provoked.’
‘Sharp and amusing in a rather dark way.’
‘It is cold-blooded but we are all suckers for a comeuppance story.’
That’s another week by. And I’m so pleased to advise that next week is just as excellent. I’ve seen the stories. As of writing this, I’ve yet to email our successful writers. But I will do it tomorrow so by the time that they read this (If they do) they may have forgiven me for leaving it so late.
Last thoughts on stupid names –
Most celebrities lose their judgement when naming their children. I’ve heard that Kanye West’s kid is called ‘North’. But to be fair that was still a better idea than him trying to sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’!!!!
Banner Image – Not an ugly baby, though the choice was limitless!!! Pixabay.com