Obnoxious is What Obnoxious Does appears to be the student motto at The Lamb School of Saragun Springs. A superior percentage of the juvenile Ewes and Rams at Lamb School are spoiled, mouthy brats who show no appreciation for their homeland. You can tell them that if they were born anywhere else but Saragun Springs, they would neither talk nor think beyond the undemanding standards nature has set for Sheep, and they will laugh at you. And dare toss the prospect of New Zealand at them, they merely fake a yawn and launch into a new groundless complaint to counter your empty threat.
Because I couldn’t afford the necessary welding repairs to my Morris van til the end of the month, I was getting a daily lift into Aberdeen, with my friend and neighbour, Stewart. Aberdeenshire is the cold shoulder of Scotland and it was a hard winter. Normally, if you’re getting a lift into work, it would be churlish to object to push-starting your friend’s car. But, in a week of snow and ice, push-starting a VW beetle first thing in the morning involves a major (nay, crippling) effort. So, come Friday, I was pleading with Stewart: we would have to replace his starter motor that weekend. Stewart readily agreed, little knowing the pain and humiliation that would ensue.
Sometime this spring will mark my fourth anniversary of sharing the weekend wrap duties. It was either in April or May 2021, I think, although I could look it up.
This week I again lost the battle of prescription v. “perscription.” It is a secret (well, not anymore) shame that inspires another look at certain words.
We all have our prejudices. These range from the meaningful to the downright insipid. Oddly, I find foolish prejudices more interesting and perhaps better telling of a person’s character.
(Meet Boo, picture provided by Tressa Bella Barrigar)
Snow Daze
The fine fellow in this image is Boo the Husky Artist as a Young Dog–who to this very instant remains a close associate and housemate of our friend, Dale Williams Barrigar. I think Boo exemplifies the Spirit of Snow Day as well as any living creature. Huskies can handle the chill. They will smile and play and chat gleefully at the Antarctic, and raise a quizzical brow as your blood freezes faster than the face of a strip club bouncer when you get all hands with his girl. (For what I hope are obvious reasons, I have never been inside a strip club, but my brother saw a guy get jacked-up something awful for engaging in the described stupid activity: “Dude gotta face full of fist…lost some teeth.”)
This week we are turning over the controls to another of our frequent contributors and friends, Doug Hawley. Doug has been a constant presence at LS for years as a writer, commentator and now as a Guest Weekend Wrapper. I have only awkward names for that position, because the hiphop industry has pretty much usurped the word rap and its homophone.
Regardless, Doug is an original, and we welcome you to his world.
Haunted
A Journey Through The Rodent Burrow
A few years ago, nearly as I can tell, I started to think about an isolated store that I used to pass going west in Portland before the West Hills. There was nothing special about it and I didn’t think about it for close to sixty years. For a while it obsessed me for no reason.
In 2021 after Clever Magazine had quickly rejected one story from me, the editor noticed I was from Portland. She was doing a wind-up issue and wanted a Portland story. I sent her something about the mystery store. She was originally from Portland, but lived in San Jose, and knew it was a Mode ‘O Day. As I dug deeper with her and other sources, I found that Mode O’ Day became a huge chain with affordable fashion, but then collapsed quickly. More surprising, the editor graduated from Grant High School in the same class as my now late sister. Neither of them knew the other.
An obsession about a building is weird. My others are more reasonable. Old girlfriends of course. A couple of years ago while reading obituaries (an old man thing) I noticed that the widow was my first serious girlfriend who lived seven miles from me (thank you internet). We ended on bad terms, but I called to offer condolences. She still hated me. There’s the one who had what could have been her last heterosexual act with me. Not a legacy I want. Prior to the attractive blonde wife and now editor, there was bright and beautiful one with whom there was a tumultuous relationship. Fifty years after she told me to leave her alone, I wrote her to ask what happened. She said it wasn’t me; she had some past trauma which caused her to change her life. Our difficulty was aided by my immaturity and insecurity.
Then there are our wonderful cat companions over the years, the last one of which, Kitzhaber, died in my arms. Despite our mouse invasion, no more cats to break out hearts. I thought Kitz might outlive me, but no luck.
Two days ago a cousin that I had been close to in the early years died. Several new friends have died since my return to Portland. The dead haunt me (covered in a story in Pure Slush), but the live ones as well. When we came back to Portland I tried to reconnect with no luck.
I largely live in my head, a condition that I would not wish on anyone with the exception of some politicians. What are your thoughts or obsessions before sleep and after waking? Serious question, I want to know. If possible, make me feel less weird. At least I’m less weird than a vice presidential candidate.
The Week That Was and Is
Hi There! We hope you are enjoying this glimpse into the mind of Doug Hawley. We shall hand this post back over to Doug after we extol the virtues of this week’s fine group of writers.
Christopher J. Ananias returned this week with his heart rending Where Everything Got Broken. Our lives can be ruined in seconds, and the echoes of the disaster may call until the last beat of our hearts…to those final thoughts in the dark. Truly powerful stuff.
Newcomer Landon Galliott completely changed the tone (save for quality) on Tuesday in his site debut Garf and the Purple Pickles. “Off-beat” is a term perhaps applied too often, but it truly fits here. And despite the quirkiness, there’s a sadness to be found in this–one that speaks to the random absurdity of just being.
Emergence Deliriumby our second site debut author, DanielleAltman is about thriving in the wild experience of youth, courting “death by misadventure,” always having something to talk about the next day. The reckless freedom is vivid in this one, as is wit and a bit of lament in this reader’s mind of times gone by.
Sarp Sozdinler was the third of three first time contributors. His tense and highly clever Marchkeeps you guessing. Sometimes the end of a story should mess with you. Sometimes impossible things must happen to keep the reader honest. Sometimes you want to corner the author and not let him go until he tells you what it means. Well done on all accounts.
On Friday we had the pleasure of meeting Ed N White, whoseThe Narrow Gauge is the first of three stories he has already had accepted. Like Tom Sheehan, Ed is a master of beautiful descriptions and restrained prose. Ed is also a fine gentleman and we are overjoyed to introduce him to our readers.
Well that’s the cast and we entreat you to give them a read if you haven’t already done so.
Now we will do the return of our guest wrapper like they do on the TV news:
“Back to you Doug…Hey how about closing with a list of your personal favorite horror films in keeping with the season?”
Big Finale: Doug’s Top Horror Films (each one is the original version)
Frankenstein – Obvious choice. I may have first seen it when it was rerun in the early 1950s.
The Thing From Another World – Notable in that technology at that time ensured the original shape shifter story was modified, but the old tech monster electrocution was good.
Halloween – Monster in a William Shatner mask. How horrifying is that?
Dracula – The Bram Stoker story that endures. Nosferatu good, but sued for copying the original too closely.
Night Of The Living Dead – They are ghouls, not zombies, but still.
Doug’s Bonus Music List
TheWreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald —Gordon Lightfoot – (Hypnotic and historic)
Roll With It —Steve Winwood – (See the video if you get a chance)
The Fat Man and Natural Born Lover – Fats Domino – (An early hit and a late hit)
I Wish and Superstition –Stevie Wonder – (Peak wonderful Steven)
Let It Rock –Chuck Berry – (I think this one was sent into space so aliens would know we rock)
Going Home Tomorrow –Little Richard – (Slows it down and grooves)
Reconsider Baby–Elvis Presley – (Means business in this cover)
You Win Again -Jerry Lee Lewis – (He covers a Hank William number and The Killer kills it)
But before I explode, I want to thank David Henson for his post last week (and I think he should return with more in the future). Guest posting is not going to be a one off, so who knows, maybe you will be invited to do the same. Now on with the show, as it is.
*****
Everyday I count my blessings then give Heaven the Finger. I took accounting in school (for one semester) and learned the credit/debit system, which I use to total my physical blessings versus the “other stuff” in my existence. The other stuff is made up mostly of new conditions/diseases they give you and charge your insurance for at doctors, ophthalmologists, dentists and Medieval Barbers.
Good morning to all and as promised over the last two weeks, long time site friend will be the first of our Guest Weekly Wrap Writers. So, without further delay, Heeeeerrrre’s David!!!
literally stories 
