Samuel Waggoner never used his own products. People admired that about him; Waggoner’s Wigs were so good, had he used them, no one would ever have known. An Australian, he fought in Vietnam and emerged from the jungles with a secret ingredient that turned dried-out hair from barbers’ floors into manes which shone like honey and lasted and lasted. He built a wig empire, became a rich man, he married a stage actress, Harriet, for love, he bought a big house outside Darwin. He was totally bald.
Continue reading “Heir by Sam Graveney”Tag: humour
Emily Follows the Elf by Ed Kratz
Emily’s in bed one night, brooding about her manager’s warning that Emily’s too aggressive, and thinking if she was a man, she’d be called ambitious, when there’s a puff of smoke, and an elf appears.
Continue reading “Emily Follows the Elf by Ed Kratz”The Time Machine That Was and Wasn’t at the Same Time by Jonah Jones.
Several years ago or yet to be, Frank Fullie had written on a whiteboard in his garage:
“You can jump forward in time by falling asleep.”
“You can jump backward in time by looking at old photographs.”
“Sideways in time by having empathy with another.”
“Outside time by dying.”
As an afterthought he’d written “Does the Higgs field come into it?”
Continue reading “The Time Machine That Was and Wasn’t at the Same Time by Jonah Jones.”The Binturong Blues by Ann Marie Potter
My boss leaned back in his chair and gave me a blank, wordless stare. Not an unreasonable response to “I think the binturong ate my condom.”
Continue reading “The Binturong Blues by Ann Marie Potter”Mussolini’s Monkey by Marco Etheridge
Mussolini loved his monkey. Historians may argue over the details of this strange relationship, but the existence of the creature, and the very real bond between man and monkey, cannot be denied.
Continue reading “Mussolini’s Monkey by Marco Etheridge”Christian Ladies of Wrestling
(A Novel Excerpt) by James Hanna
Author’s Note
Gertie McDowell, a naïve young girl with a talent for misadventure, has joined a women’s wrestling troop called Christian Ladies of Wrestling. The troop was put together by Wanda Sue, a bank robber with a streak of religion whom Gertie met while serving time because she “trusted the wrong sort of fella.” The mission of the troop is to bring folks closer to Jesus by having women posing as Christians beat the sin out of women posing as transgressors. Gertie’s wrestling persona is Haystacks Holly, a lustful temptress who needs a good punishing. The troop also includes three runaway girls: Cocheta, an Apache girl with sleeves of tattoos, and Sofia and Mia, a pair of sinewy migrant workers.
Continue reading “Christian Ladies of Wrestling”As Ever, the Nun by Antony Osgood
To some, hindsight proves a faithful if fashionably late companion. Though it often offers questionable advice, reflexion is more tolerant than people, each of whom seems keen to speak of subtle feelings Chas rarely recognises. His, ‘I’m just angry’ stock response fails to satisfy those in search of his finer feelings.
‘Sad–’
‘No space for sadness when you’re angry.’
Continue reading “As Ever, the Nun by Antony Osgood”Revamp by Peter O’Connor
“We all remember what this house was like just three long days ago, dim, dum and dire. A space that forced the family apart instead of wrapping it in a comfortingly casual caress. Let’s take a peek at what miracles our team have managed to accomplish. Come on in.
Continue reading “Revamp by Peter O’Connor”Ray Guns of the Invaders 1202 by Tom Sheehan
The cloud came in low over the horizon as if it was holding hands with sky and Earth, and shadows fell from its silhouette forming strange figures of shade across the landscape. Gurley Kindreck, at the lookout post on Foster Creek, grabbed the phone and twisted the crank on an old army land phone. Behind him, wires snaked all the way back to headquarters in the heart of Burrell, Kansas, much of its corn crop already pulled, the rest of it dying in the after-lights of the enemy’s rays.
Continue reading “Ray Guns of the Invaders 1202 by Tom Sheehan”How Daddy Gets his Due by Leo Reilly
He say, “You a pitcher or a catcher?” I say, “I’m the red-necked Sandy Koufax.” Sandy being a big deal at the time.
He laughs, asks if I’m hungry. I say, “Yeah and cold, wet and tired.”
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