Humour, All Stories

Revamp by Peter O’Connor

“We all remember what this house was like just three long days ago, dim, dum and dire.  A space that forced the family apart instead of wrapping it in a comfortingly casual caress.  Let’s take a peek at what miracles our team have managed to accomplish. Come on in.

Oh wow! I am speechless.

This room is now a transformed multi-functional space, you will be able to do everything, anything or nothing in this area, the walls have been reconfigured into a four dimensional arena of taciturn pleasure, the once dull greyness of banality is now an explosional riot of colourness, monotonous palettes have been re-configured with mood heightening hints, solitude is now banished to outer areas, while the inner sanctum holds and envelopes with a warmth that defies the meagre footage of this living arena, floors flow fluidly, finding flatness where once undulations and roughness carpeted the expanse, the internal chaotic flow has been re-twisted and unbent to conform with the episodically irregular portals linking one expanse to another, this is now a must for modern modernal living with its frantic flurries of formal or informal assemblage. Nice.

Right, let’s move upstairs, where Korin was tasked with transforming a bland teenagers bedroom.

Oh my Lord, will you look at this, the room is now a relaxed haven of tranquility where she will be able to sink into a sumptuously serene cushioned floral printed haven or with a dimensional twist transform to a concrete hardened riot of pre-hormonal kickassedness.

I asked the bland teenager how she felt, her words are spoken by an actor.

Oh, my, like, God, it’s so, I can’t believe, thank you, thank you, am I crying, oh God, I’m sorry…

Taladine, the new boy, took on the bathroom, a task he fought hard to relinquish but his inexperience turned out to be his best asset, let’s take a peek…

Unbelievable, the room of wet is now smoothed to a lustrous shine from which all fluids will fall and flow, expulsions of all waste will be expelled efficiently with the minimum of fuss, utilising the mostly modernised extraction systems, gravity has been enhanced to work in harmony with the inclined dropage of both floor and wall, liquids are expressed to the area with stealth and subtlety, extruded from nozzles secreted stealthily at all optimal vantage points of cleanage, well done Taladine.

As usual Tamsin has worked her magic, working with pattern, feel, smell and her own signature lick-able wallpaper the once cold conservatory is now a warm, welcoming, wow. Tamsin, I love your work.

And lastly Doreen’s effort…

Well, the utilitarian food preparation area remains but with a phenomenal twist, all preparedness now coalescing adjacent to the erupted island of solitude and serenity, the olden chipboard has been morphed into a riotness of colour and taste, unbelievable that this was once wood, I think Doreen has caught the depressing mood of this room perfectly and using a cornucopia of edges, angles and planes has somehow seduced the room into believing it is up to the task that it now performs with the minimum of fuss.

Clean, straight, tight, smooth, perfection free, the senses reel at the changes that have been forced onto this once dull, drab, habitat, it stands as a tribute to the work and creative nuances of those who have architected this astounding transformational transformation in just seventy-two hours.

I think you’ll all agree, well done everyone.”

Peter O’Connor

Image by Carola68 Die Welt ist bunt…… from Pixabay 

7 thoughts on “Revamp by Peter O’Connor”

  1. This is very funny, with the way the language is used to create the sense of a truly modern, colour balanced home. What a fantastic interior decorating effort from the team! Great touch having the teenager’s lived experience of her room spoken “by an actor.” Who else could better express inarticulate joy? I like the state of the art descriptions of the various rooms, and the way the floors find flatness. Signature lick-able wallpaper is the best! For what it’s worth, I once slept in a coca-cola factory.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The style is superb here. That second main paragraph is an absolute belter with the two sentences – the first being an excellently balanced, descriptive vision, and the second being the single word ‘nice’ – brilliant stuff!

    I loved the whole piece – like the commentary of a home makeover show elevated into a wondrous hyper-reality.


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