All Stories, General Fiction

Inauguration Day by J. Edward Kruft

typewriter

“I love it when they say, ‘no offense but,’ and then they say something totally offensive,” said Lindy. “And by ‘love’ I mean hate,” she added unnecessarily, Barry thought. Not that he was paying much attention to his cousin’s nattering, his mind intent on the farce going on in the basement rumpus room.

Lindy passed the joint to Barry. “I’m hungry,” she whined. “Should we go down and snatch some food?” Barry held his breath as he stared at her, and then blew smoke into the whirling vent above the toilet.

“I’m not going back down there. You go, if you want.”

“Come on,” she said, nipping at his elbow. “It’s your party.”

Continue reading “Inauguration Day by J. Edward Kruft”

All Stories, Fantasy, General Fiction

The Water’s Edge by Nik Eveleigh

typewriter

My eyes open and my head is thick. Not as thick as my hair must feel now that the twin sisters of sand and salt have done their work, but thick all the same. Tiny grains shift against my scalp in the breeze but I’m too full of slumber to worry overmuch. I lie back against the sand. Close my eyes.

The beach is quiet now. The laughter and shouting, the frenetic madness of noon has dissipated like the heat of the day. I can see the sun dipping over the water if I raise my head a little. Golden puddles melting into the horizon. For a moment the world is aflame and then twilight succumbs to night.

Rest.

Continue reading “The Water’s Edge by Nik Eveleigh”

All Stories, Crime/Mystery/Thriller, General Fiction

Eddie by Hugh Cron – Adult Content

typewriter

Isn’t this place just perfect?”

Jan was talking to herself as she wandered around her new home. He hadn’t moved from the lounge.

No! It isn’t. It’s fucking yours! Your house! Your money bought the fucking house! Yours!! Everything is yours!! It will always be yours! God!! I FUCKING HATE THIS!!!

His thought induced tantrum died down. He took a breath and thought of puppies. Eddie liked puppies.

Continue reading “Eddie by Hugh Cron – Adult Content”

All Stories, Fantasy, Humour

A Shaggy Crow Story by Nik Eveleigh

typewriter

Here begins the third (official) tale of the accumulated adventures of Stormcrow.

I guarantee* that by reading Any Crow In A Storm first you will find this episode 19.73%** funnier. Episode 2 was rubbish. Just ask the Literally Stories editors. Go on, I dare you***

* not an actual guarantee.

** not an actual accurate number.

*** an actual dare.

Either way, in this episode we find our halfling-hating legend so full of his own splendour that he can’t even be bothered to turn up until the last couple of paragraphs…

“Will he be long d’ya reckon?”

“How the bloody hell should I know?” The large-headed swarthy guard rolled his eyes and snorted only to have the effect ruined by a migrant rope of snot who, in excitement and glee at having found a hitherto unknown trap door, smacked straight into the guard’s epiglottis. Mucusy dreams of the bright lights of throat town were shattered in the hawk and spit moments that followed, and as he lay dying, drying, against the stump of an ancient oak the plucky little gobbet found solace in the fact that he had, at the very least, had a go.

Continue reading “A Shaggy Crow Story by Nik Eveleigh”

All Stories, Historical

The Generation We Lost by Nik Eveleigh

typewriter

All things bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
The Lord God…

*

“I was told I should report here. What do you need me to do?”

“Shovels are over there, buckets are behind you. Dig or help carry it away.”

*

Each little flower that opens
Each little bird that sings…

*

“I’m sorry Mrs Jones but you’ll have to move back. They’re going as fast as they can.”

“I just need to know if Tommy is OK. He is OK isn’t he? He said he was feeling sick this morning but you know what they are like on last day of school…”

Continue reading “The Generation We Lost by Nik Eveleigh”

All Stories, Crime/Mystery/Thriller, General Fiction

All About the Truth by Hugh Cron – Adult Content

typewriter

“Please! Please!!”

“I’ll get the pliers.”

“You really are the type of individual who goes home of a night and masturbates over the bodies in your basement, aren’t you?”

“Of course.”

“… Please, don’t hurt me!”

“Shut your hole!!”

Continue reading “All About the Truth by Hugh Cron – Adult Content”

Background
Latest News

Literally Stories – Week 57 – The Facts

typewriter

Did you know that Henry J. Heinz introduced the marketing slogan ’57 varieties’ in 1896 and later claimed that he was inspired by an advertisement he saw while riding an elevated train in New York City for a shoe store boasting ’21 styles of shoe’.

Well there’s a coincidence, one that leads me to a very obvious conclusion: the Illuminati are up to their old tricks again pulling strings and doing other underhand things you can’t actually see, or get anyone to believe in, as they always insist on pouring cold water on the obvious connections you made whilst reading clearly connected articles on Wikipedia.

The facts are the facts plain and simple.

Week 57 on Literally Stories saw the 285th story published on the site. Fact. In the year 285 Diocetian defended the Danube from Sarmatian raids and what do you know, the Danube flows through Germany and that’s where (Bavaria) it all kicked off for those dastardly secret society types who love eating bratwurst with, you’ve guessed it — baked beans. Also fact.

Continue reading “Literally Stories – Week 57 – The Facts”

All Stories, General Fiction

Only Business by Hugh Cron – Very Strong Adult Content – Please do not read if offended by strong language or explicit sexual content.

typewriter

 

Ian threw Michael a can of Dragon Soup.

“Are ye still getting kit from Jinky?”

“He’s the only one I go to, well unless any emergencies come up… How?”

Michael swallowed a few mouthfuls and rifted.

Continue reading “Only Business by Hugh Cron – Very Strong Adult Content – Please do not read if offended by strong language or explicit sexual content.”

Latest News

2015 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 46,000 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 17 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

All Stories, Humour

Overpowered by Diane M Dickson

typewriter

It shoulda been okay. Tommy told me it’d be fine. “You worry too much Davey. You’re as bad as a whinging woman. What about this and what about that. It’ll be fine.”

Well, I ask you – “As bad as a whinging woman” and him supposed to be my mate. My best mate. Anyway what could I do then? I had to go along with it didn’t I?

Continue reading “Overpowered by Diane M Dickson”