PLEASE NOTE – WE HAVE BEEN HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE SITE FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS SO WE ARE NOT WORKING THE WAY THAT WE NORMALLY DO. HOPEFULLY IT WILL BE SORTED SOON – Hugh, Diane, Leila.
Week 598 has arrived!!
I’ll leave the lists to Leila but I realised this week that I have a few tunes that I go back to when I need to calm down.
Strangely, my favourite one is one of the last that I’ll ever hear. Well that’s not true as I’ll be being cremated. Maybe it will calm my being / spirit / soul or the fuck all that I’ll have become. Weirdly it’s a piece of classical music. I don’t know much about classical but there are a few pieces that I enjoy. I will be accompanied into the after-life or the fuck all there with Delibes ‘Flower Duet.’
Anyhow, that’s nothing to do with this apart from it’s one of those tunes that calms me!
Lillian Lopez was a lovely lady with a lovely voice. (Why was I needing calm? Read on.)
I’d like to share something that you may not agree with. We have on occasion, read a story that was reasonable but we’ve refused due to the ‘Shite-line’! This can happen anytime. It can be the first, in the middle or the last. It doesn’t matter where, all that matters is that it’s there!
This is a line that is so bad that it’s unforgivable. If you read it at the beginning it niggles for a few other lines until you say, ‘Fuck it!’ and give up.
If it’s in the middle it niggles for a few lines until you say, ‘Fuck it!’ and give up.
If it’s at the end you scream ‘Fuck it!! I’ll never get those minutes of my life back!!’ and then set it on fire.
The worst of it is, you know that the writer is proud of it, worked on it for a while and have found it to be profound and poignant.
If anyone writes what they think is a profound and poignant line, be careful, very careful!!
I have a few examples that I’ve cooked up. We honestly haven’t seen any examples of these!
Think of your favourite book ever and insert one of these lines and ask your self if it would put you off??
TERRIBLE LINES THAT REPEL YOU AS A READER–
‘I was a beautiful man, I knew this, my mother told me so frequently.’
‘For the first time, little BooBoo did a PooPoo in his potty.’
‘She realised how badly she had stabbed him when she read that he was alive.’
‘Grandmother’s smell of urine turned him on.’
‘With green eyes and a rippling torso, she knew she wanted his babies.’
‘He enjoyed studying his phlegm.’
It’s not just stories that can have the repellent line, films can have them too. My three most hated are:
Shane! Shane! Come back!
…Bye Shane! (I can still hear the wee pricks whiney voice!!)
Wake up! Champ, Champ! Wake up. (See above)
Nobody puts Baby in the corner. (That’s a fucking cringer if ever I’ve heard one!!)
I’ve done this before but I want to touch on a few scenes that I’ve seen in films that I thought were Oscar winners. I have a new one to add.
Most of Val Kilmer’s in ‘Tombstone’. Dennis Hopper having his last cigarette in ‘True Romance’, Bob Hoskins last car ride in ‘The Long Good Friday’, James Caan pleading not to be hobbled in ‘Misery’, Shirley Henderson telling of her abuse in ‘Wedding Belles’ and the wonderful Judy Dench conversing about pubic hair tiding in ‘Mrs Henderson Presents’. If you haven’t seen any of these take a look. If you have, I’d love to read your thoughts.
What I wanted to do is show you a clip of another performance that I thought was up there with these. Peter Mullen is a superb actor. This film caused a lot of stupid controversy. Please take a look and see if it tweaks your interest – I hope it does.
Onto this week’s stories.
We had a third timer, a sixth timer, two new writers and our own lovely Leila who has had an eye watering, one hundred and forty one stories published.
To our new writers, we welcome them, hope that they have fun on the site and most importantly, that they continue to send us their work.
First up on Monday with his third story for us was Joel Bryant with ‘Resurrection Blues.’
‘The voice held all the way through.’
‘This is witty and entertaining.’
‘This is a weird and energetic winner!’
‘The Last Number’ was written by Arpi Vanyan. She was our second new writer and her story was published on Tuesday.
‘A sad piece.’
‘The idea that there is always something less of us left after death.’
‘The tone and pace complimented the story.’
Leila was next with, ‘The Oz Solution’
(Getting close to the magical tonne and a hauf!!)
‘Reading this aloud is fun.’
‘My tongue has cramp.’
The more times you read, the more you appreciate.’
Sixth timer, Gerry Coleman was published on Thursday with ‘Twolips.’
‘The voice was consistent.’
‘The delivery is excellent.’
‘Gerry has a great naturalistic style.’
We finished off with ‘An Arrangement’ by Kenneth Margolin which was published on Friday.
‘This charmed me.’
‘I enjoyed the characters.’
‘The writing is very good.’
That’s us for another week folks.
The site continues to flourish.
I see there have been a few new commentators this week, hopefully they will continue to do so.
Thanks if you have said thanks to any comments.
I read a couple of things this week that made me laugh. There was some article about famous people who were at one time, teachers. The two that made me smile was firstly, Bryan May who’d handed out scissors to a class and when he came back into the room, the wee tubes were fighting and trying to stab each other. I think he was more worried that they would’ve had a go at his flowing locks!
Secondly, Liam Neeson was let go after he had a knife pulled on him by a fifteen year old. No, he wasn’t traumatised, he punched the pubescent mutant who hadn’t realised that Big Liam had a unique set of skills.
I also read that Gene Simmons had also been a teacher. I’m not sure what he would have taught…There is no-way that I can finish that off without saying something very inappropriate!!
Since we had something soothing to begin with, I thought I’d finish with a bang!!
Play as loud as possible!
Image: An open book lying on a shelf from Pixabay.com
literally stories 
Hugh
Those are some walloper lines you made up. And not far from the truth. All those scenes you described (And I think I’ve seen them all!) are perfect. I remember old Misery “please don’t, please, please!” Well, that’s what you get for writing fucking romance novels, asshole, was my thought there.
I have never seen Dirty Dancing (I have a personal policy against watching stupid films, some get by, most do not), but just reading that line makes me wonder how in the hell did it get into the film. I can imagine it passing two or even three lines of defense, but it made it to the screen!
I recall Rambo (which I liked in a recreational violence sort of way–like Lethal Weapon and the late great Chuck Norris) except for the “Oscar clip” in which Sly is crying and I cannot understand a damn word he is saying. It was what Kurt Cobain singing with marbles in his mouth might have been like.
Great clips–yes the lady has a hell of a voice!
Also R.I.P. Frank Beard of ZZ Top who put up with “The one guy in the band without a beard is named…” line as graciously as possible for half a century.
Leila
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Thanks as always Leila.
I had already finished this when I heard that Frank Beard had died, that was the only reason that I never included a clip of ZZ Top.
I’ve not seen the Stallone Oscar speech but no matter what, it couldn’t have been as bad as Sally Field’s!!
The bad lines – Well I wish all our writers the ability to spot them!!!
Thanks again!
Hugh
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High Hugh
No worries about Frank–will give him a video nod next week. Only problem is there are so many to choose from. Oh, yes Sally embarrassed herself. 40 years and we are still talking about it!
Leila
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Hi Hugh
Bad lines…
The credibility of the writer drops off like a cliff.
It’s probably a good idea to give a story some cold storage and read it again in a week or so, before you drop it in the box. To make sure you didn’t fall in love with some goofball line that screws the pooch and sinks the whole deal. “Kill your darlings” E.Hemingway. This must be something like he meant, or might fall into that context (disclaimer).
It’s a real shame to have this happen especially if it’s going well.
I try to listen to classical music, bits and pieces are really powerful like “Ride of the Valkyries” in Apocalypse Now. Movies wouldn’t be the same without these scores.
I could see why you might want some classic music for the trip across The River Styx.
Another excellent and thought provoking offering for the writer to take heed and analyze!
Christopher
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Hi Christopher,
We are asked now and again for feedback. We normally always include, ‘Read it out-loud, hear your own words.’ And yep, it’s a sensible thing to do in letting it breathe, well, probably more the writer than the work. We have a tendency to mentally add what isn’t there, take out what shouldn’t be there and in general, be hypnotised by it. Stepping back for a day or so can help with this.
I’m tempted to add another song into my Dead Soundtrack and that is ‘Blasphemous Rumour’ by Depeche Mode!!
Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
Many thanks.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
Well said… I don’t feel comfortable sending anything that isn’t read out loud–maybe a couple of times. This hypnosis and adding things that are not there–is so spot on! The story realized in the mind, might not be translated to the paper.
It’s great when you point out these things in writing!
Best
Christopher
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Good post and wrapup. Nice selection of bad lines. Actually, “She realised how badly she had stabbed him when she read that he was alive” might pique my interest. I think there was a movie Bad Santas years ago. Bad Teachers might make a good sequel.
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Hi David,
I think ‘The Sincerity Of Writing Group Teachers’ could be explored in a comical or terrifying way!!
Thanks as always for your comments and interest my fine friend.
Hugh
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Another fun and interesting post, Hugh. I bet I’ve been guilty of domestic cramp lines in my time but at least I’ve never put baby in the corner!
Thanks for this light relief after the last few days with the blithering interweb. dd
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Hi Diane,
The old trick of reading out loud is met with a spontaneous, uncontrollable, ‘That is shite!’ when we hear one of those lines…Well it should be!!
Yep, I was over a week the last time and four days this time, that is around eleven days of very sore torture I owe that IT prick, he that won’t be mentioned!! Although I would publish his address if I had it!!!
Thanks as always!
Hugh
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Sorry to learn that the editors have been having technical problems and congratulations in managing to get a post out in any case. You have my deepest sympathy. Is it w*******s?? I hate ’em.
Great Peter Mullan clip, a fine director as well as a fine actor. He deserves to be more celebrated.
bw
mick
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Hi Mick,
It’s all sorted until the next time although my systems don’t look like they did a few days back!
To be fair, it’s them all!!!
I had a friend who was a mechanic and he stated, ‘If a car goes, it goes. If it doesn’t, I know what is wrong with it pretty quick. But when it works and then doesn’t that’s what pisses me off!’
I think computers should work or not. If it gives you a bit and takes away it should be set on fire.
Peter Mullen was absolutely brilliant in ‘I Swear.’
Thanks as always my fine friend.
Hugh
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Greetings Hugh
Totally agree with you about how a single sorry line can wreck the whole thing in short fiction.
It goes to show what Edgar Allan Poe meant when he said that every single word in a piece of short fiction should contribute to the “single effect” that is intended by the author.
Probably what many bad or sad (in the bad way) lines do is reveal the author’s personal (and often unnervingly weird) obsession/s, as opposed to representing what the character/s in the story would think, feel, say, or do.
Not that the author isn’t a part of the character or that the character/s don’t obviously arise from the (mind of the) author; but when short fiction is more objective in the presentation of character, it ((usually)) ends up being much, much, much (that’s a mathematically perfect 3 “much”/es) more convincing.
Character, mood, atmosphere, are very often the most important things in truly excellent and memorable short fiction.
That’s probably why a single bad line can sink the whole thing.
Thanks for caring!
Dale
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Hi Dale,
I’m glad that folks get that.
I’ve had this conversation before where folks have thought one line doesn’t matter. I have countered that with a human example. I ask them, if you meet someone who is brilliant company, funny, talented and you spend a week with them and you still think the same, would your mind be changed if on the eighth day they said one sentence which was, ‘I am a convicted paedophile.’ Would they think that one line had slightly soiled what they had thought of them?’
That’s when I’m normally told I’m a weirdo!!!
Thanks so much!!
Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
Hugh
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I don’t know if Boo Boo’s first poo poo is terrible or literary genius to be honest – I wouldn’t be surprised to find it on a page by James Joyce.
I swear is an excellent film and not ashamed to say I got pretty emotional watching it.
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Hi Paul,
It’s great to see you back!!
I agree about ‘I Swear’ it is funny, cutting, perceptive, dark but you are quite correct, it can cause that lump to the throat.
Not many can be funny and sad. John Sullivan was brilliant at it with ‘Only Fools…’. ‘Pride’, ‘Big Fish’ and ‘Brassed Off’ are another three films that are of the same ilk.
Thanks for the comments!!
Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
Hugh
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