Here we go again. Welcome to Week 582.
Before I start, I’ll answer the riddle that I set on my last posting.
Off the top of my head –
Two letters make a male – He.
Add one to become female – Her.
Add another to become male again – Hero.
Add three to go back to female – Heroine.
Take one away and if you take this you won’t care what you are – Heroin.
My week has got off to a destructive start. One of my fiends has found another part of the house for him to wreck. He has reached up from the banister to the wall above the stairs and has began to rip off the wall paper. Last week, the two of them were picking the silicon seal off the windows. The stair carpet is shredded into the wood and it’s a trip hazard. The wee fuckers are now Booby-Trapping the house! It’s ironic that we saved these two cats from The UAE as I’m wondering who is going to save us from them!!!
…What the hell, we don’t get that many visitors!!
I’ve been enjoying the World Snooker Championship over the past couple of weeks. (John Higgins against Ronnie O’Sullivan was as good a match as I’ve ever seen) There was a teaser I heard and it took me a bit of time to work out. This scenario is probable but in the same hand impossible. The highest clearance is generally accepted as 147 (Without any free ball) but how can the lowest clearance be 44??
If you have no interest in snooker, that won’t have been of any interest and I apologise!! But what the hell, I have to read Romance and Science Fiction!!!
We’ve had a few stories in that have unsuccessfully tried to hit us with a surprise ending and that got me thinking on how easy or difficult that is to do.
If this is just a happy coincidence and the story takes you there, then it’ll probably work. If you plan it, by the very nature of planning, it takes away the surprise! It’s difficult to mislead a reader with a short. A Novel is a different animal, the writer has time and word count to throw in many a red herring and offshoot any logic.
Basically, if something is contrived, it will be spotted as being so.
..I see that someone had another go at The American president. Hope he gets to pensionable age!
…Wait a minute!!!
Just wondering, since this president has been in power why have words like ‘conditions’ and ‘sanctions’ been changed to ‘A deal’?? And ‘war crimes’ have simply disappeared.
Here in Britain we had a weird sort of celebration on the 21st April. The fawning royal lovers were celebrating what would have been the late queens one hundredth birthday.
I have news for them, ‘Would have been’ is trumped by ‘Still!’ She’s still dead and her son is still a paedo bailed out at the time by the potentially still dead!!!
Onto this week’s excellent stories.
We had two well established writers and three new folks.
To those newbies, we extend our usual warm welcome. We hope that they involve themselves in the site.
As always our initial comments follow.
First up was our first new writer.
On Monday we had Matthew Whistance with, ‘The Painted Smile’.
‘This is wonderfully Strange.’
‘A skilful piece of writing.’
‘The unsaid can annoy the reader but here, it enhances the whole story.’
Christopher Ananais has now adorned the site for the twentieth time. His comments and support are also a joy to read!
‘Old Haunts’ was next up on Tuesday.
‘Every image was well done.’
‘Depressing but brilliantly done.’
‘Maybe a state of mind decay like urban blight.’
Geraint Jonathan is another old friend of the site.
‘Strings Attached’ was story number thirteen for him.
‘A sort of look at contrary genius.’
‘Geraint always writes with skill!’
‘This was well thought out.’
Our second new writer was published on Thursday. The story was called ‘Bullfrog’ and the writer was S.M. Rosen.
‘Slightly different from the norm which lifts this above those.’
‘Very well done.’
‘This was the first acceptance of this year.’
And last but not least was Miles Efron with his first story for us entitled, ‘A Body Without Organs.’
‘Wonderfully peculiar.’
‘Weird but all good.’
‘Some creepiness in this.’
That’s us done and dusted for another week.
Simply keep on doing what you are doing.
Keep on writing, keep on reading and keep on commenting!!
I was looking through some trivia this week and I found this doozy. Frank Sinatra was offered the Bruce Willis role in ‘Die Hard’. That made me smile, surely ‘Doobie Doobie Doo Motherfucker!!’ has a certain ring to it!
Also, Sloths can hold their breath longer than a dolphin. For the love of fuck, what sick scientist bastard found that out?
I’ve done so many of these posts that I’ve forgotten what clips and music that I’ve shown. A sensible person would have kept a note! Probably putting them into alphabetical order would have been the way to go but I’m not that organised.
However, I think on how I look at these and I seek them out when I’m pissed off or I just want to see them again. (Alex Higgins, Franky Boyle, Jimmy Carr, Mike Tyson, The Icicle Works, The Wolfetones, The Singing Frog Cartoon, Cat Balou, Young Frankenstein, Guinea Pigs, Archie Gemmell have all been well watched!)
I read a really stupid joke which reminded me of the following clip.
Even if I have posted this before, it’s worth another look and it’s as relevant now as it was when it was first posted.
Here’s the joke –
– A fellow told his girlfriend that she had painted her eyebrows too high.
– She looked surprised.
To finish off, I heard this singer performing, ‘Changes’ by ‘Black Sabbath’ and was blown away by it. When I was trying to find it (It’s at Villa Park) I found this and had to play it.
And just yesterday I watched another Louis Theroux documentary which was about Yungblud – A very interesting character!!
Image: Snooker balls racked and ready from Pixabay.com
EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA
A treat this week. We all enjoyed the story Wolf Normal by Lynne Curry and Lynne has sent us a link to the audio version read by the author herself. Enjoy.
literally stories 
Hugh
I got to hero then for some reason I quit–I keep forgetting about the word heroine because the version with the knocked off is plenty to consider.
My friend has scary eyebrows. She had them removed by electrolysis and draws these super fine lines in with mascara–razor straight, but our faces are not built that way. You cannot help but stare. She also “perfumes” her hair. I am good at recognizing scents–but she uses too much–it’s assaultive–she’s like a teen boy who thinks he will meet girls by spraying an entire can of Axe on himself.
My fiends are sixteen and I have to either re-upholster the living room chair, buy a new one or just throw a damn afghan on the thing and forget about it (I currently am using the third option). Hate to tell you this, but if you are counting on age to reduce the destruction, you’re out of luck. But we love them so—proof they are smarter than we are.
Great post!
Leila
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Hi Leila,
Eyebrows should never be a conversation topic! There are a few things that mean so little but for whatever reason mean so much to some folks!
I wonder if we would be happier if mirrors had never been invented???
I think I’ve made peace that our house will always be wrecked. I suppose it gives us a, ‘What’s the point attitude’ which can come in handy at times!!
Thanks as always.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
Homeless cats to crazy cats–that’s nuts about them taking down the wallpaper and picking out the silicone. lol.
I had to look up snooker. My grandfather used to own a cigar shop/pool hall, so I should have known. On AI search mode it instantly told me. Makes me wonder if this reliance on “AI search mode” isn’t taking over?
What you said about surprise endings in shorts vs novels is so accurate. Great topic! If it’s planned before you even write the first paragraph then it would take out the surprise. You might be signaling the whole way, with an eye wink or too long of a gaze.
Endings are tricky business. Not sticking the ending, sucks. Especially when its good writing up until then. it’s a pleasant surprise to find a good ending. Let alone a “Surprise ending.” Maybe there are only so many Alfred Hitchcock’s in the writing world–not sure if it’s a talent or effort? But one thing is for sure if you don’t try you won’t know. I’m like you, though–preferring the natural way to wrap up a story.
Thanks for the shout out! Hearing the Saturday rundown of your story on LS is an extra exciting thing that I like about this site versus every other site on the Internet.
Excellent post! Always a pleasure to read your take on the world and on writing!
Thanks
Christopher
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Hi Christopher,
Regarding endings. One of the worst endings I’ve ever read is in one of my all-time favourite books – ‘It’ by Stephen King. It bothered me for a while but I eventually came to accept it. My thinking was that the rest of the book was so clever and brilliantly observed I had to accept / forgive the ending. I honestly don’t think he had that ending, I don’t think he had any ending and unfortunately the story didn’t find it’s own way. So if my thinking is feasible, the writer had to intrude with a contrived ending. (If that makes any sense!)
Thanks as always for your kind and thoughtful comments!
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
I found the ending to the “Dark Tower ” series by SK unsatisfying. The ending to “The Institution” was not quite to my liking. The only book of his that I didn’t like, so far, was “Rose Madder.”
Here’s a great newer short story by SK, “The Road Virus Heads North.”
Yes that makes perfect sense. I’ve been there myself trying to come up with an ending and even criticized in a submission or two for rushing an ending.
Thanks
Christopher
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I think we were really lucky with our rescue cats. We brought them back from Saudi as you know and they weren’t that destructive and they were very clean around the house. Mind you they cost us an absolutel fortune in vets bills, not for illness thank goodness but for travel permits to ship the little beesoms around the world. I once had to travel from here in the Dordogne up to Paris by TGV to beg and plead with a bloke on the gate at the Saudi embassy to get them a visa and this two days before we were due to travel ourselves and then the only way I could get them to Bordeaux airport was by pet transport and cadged a lift myself which resulted in me spending all night, alone in a closed and deserted airport. They were worth it all but we must be mad.
I never have an ending – I mostly don’t have much more than a beginning to be honest and we go from there. Every time I think it’ll all come unstuck. Great post as always. Thanks dd
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Hi Diane,
Good on you for bringing the cats with you.
That’s the problem, a lot of people don’t, they just leave them to fend for themselves.
It’s interesting to read what you say about endings. I may be wrong but I reckon some newer writers will not understand that. Stories evolve themselves but the newer writers haven’t the confidence to let this happen and that is why we read so many contrived and clumsy stories as the writer has added throughout to get to the ending.
Thanks as always!!
Tell Ian I’m asking for him!!
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
I saw Yungblud LIVE here in Chicago at a small music venue a few years ago.
My daughter is a big fan of his and she and I have seen quite a few shows together, including Bob Dylan twice.
Yungblud had injured his back while on tour and he was carrying a bottle of Jack Daniel’s around with him the whole time on stage – and periodically chugging from it. And talking about the pain killers he was also on. It reminded me of Jimmy Page back in the day.
Yungblud played most of the show while sitting down in a chair because of his injured back. But the energy he was able to generate from that chair, with his acoustic guitar, was rock and roll. And mostly it was just him and his guitar. Maybe a thousand people in the audience, at most, probably less. The fact that he was playing that hard while in obvious pain was not unlike a resurrection of Sid Vicious and Johnny Rotten somehow. He managed to connect with the audience in a very authentic way that is very rare these days, it seems to me.
The kid is the real thing! He’s also done some excellent duets with Halsey and Machine Gun Kelly, mostly resurrecting songs from the 1970s, ’80s and ’90s.
Dale
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Hi Dale,
I need to seek out more of his music. The energy and voice is as good as I’ve heard for a long time!
I think the last time I thought I had discovered a new voice was when I heard Taj Mahal on a Blues Station. I felt a right idiot when I found out that he was over seventy at the time!!
Thanks as always and I hope all is well with you and yours.
Hugh
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Good post and roundup. We’ve never had cats due to my allergies, but I know some folks have theirs declawed. Seems cruel, and I think doing so is increasingly frowned upon if not illegal. We used to have televised snooker over here, but not lately. Too bad because it’s a highly skilled competition. There was a famous American pool player named Minnesota Fats. I rode in an elevator with him when I was a kid but was too star-struck to ask for his autograph. I like both the videos but don’t speak the languages either are in.
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Hi David,
I agree about the cruelty of declawing. Folks who shouldn’t have any animal would consider that. No-one should have an animal if they aren’t willing to look after it. (Warmth, food, water, toys, companionship, spending time with it are all givens – Pet clothes, emm – NO!)
I’ve always wondered why Snooker hasn’t taken off in America due to the size of the country. I know that Pool is huge but I thought there would be some players come through. Maybe they have but in all the years that I’ve watched snooker, I can’t remember an American player. Canada has had Cliff Thorburn, Bill Werbernek and Kirk Stevens.
Maybe America will follow China. They were more interested in Nine Ball but now Snooker has become huge. Between today and tomorrow, there is a chance that a player from China will win the World Championship for a second year running.
Thanks as always.
Hope you and yours are happy and well!!!
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Hugh
I’ve been tied up around story endings lately, so thanks for bringing the subject up. And being surprised by one, unless it’s O. Henry or Poe, feels cheap. It’s best when the ending is TRUE. It’s best when everything is true from the start, which you allude to.
I attended a conference session where the “True Sentence” was discussed. Great writers were unable to define it, but they all swore by it. You just knew! Every verb, every punctuation, every word and modifier, either was or it wasn’t. You either feel it’s truth or you don’t. I get creepy reading about “the craft” of writing. Like weaving a bonnet. Writing “true” ain’t easy. Especially endings!
Lately, a lot of endings I read turn out to be exactly like they were at the start. No insight, change, or resolution. Just a sketch. Oh, maybe a deep sketch. Nice job. But is it a STORY? Does anything happen? Whether it’s a surprise or not, do you think, ‘Yeah, that’s real.”
Great post — Gerry
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Hi Gerry,
You are spot on. Whenever you hit on something that is feasible, sensible and realistic, you know. You just need to trust it. So many overthink and add when they should leave well alone.
I understand what you are saying about endings. Sometimes when we get in a submission, after half a page, you know exactly where it is going!
Thanks so much!!
Plod On my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hugh, thanks for the riddle solution. I was stuck at the same stage as Leila.
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Hi Mick,
You’re welcome!!
All riddles are exactly the same…They’re easy when you see the answers.
Thanks as always my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh,
Ha, I liked this riddle, could never have guessed! I’m crap at riddles, but love to read them.
I couldn’t stop laughing with the eyebrow video! Really, he’s too much – fabulous!
And endings whew! Spot on about that and good advice. “Basically, if something is contrived, it will be spotted as being so.”
Great stories this week, I am so glad I’ve got time again to keep up with the prolific publications on LS. I particularly liked the recording of the “Wolf. Normal.” story. I do love reading aloud and listening to short stories.
Oh dear, I sound like a fan!
Thanks for all this.
my best, Maria
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Hi Maria,
It’s great to see you back.
My brother-in-law always reacts to the answer to a riddle in the same way, ‘That’s pish!’
I think that comedienne has more skits on YouTube, I keep meaning to seek them out.
Thanks so much for all your kind words – They are always much appreciated.
All the very best.
Hugh
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