“Did you see the Facebook postings I sent you?”
“Yes, she looks a handful! There are some wonderful pictures.”
“What about the Instagram pictures or all the memes?”
“I watched them all. I love the segments of ‘Chloe’s Adventures, The Early Years’. The little pieces of narrative from her mum are hilariously funny, there’s a lot of talent in that family. You can tell how much she loves her daughter.”
“That comes shining through. Her mum has done her proud, I think she changes her outfit three times a day. I’m sure I saw more on their holidays – I wouldn’t have liked to have carried those cases!”
“I noticed that, she is very themed. Straw hat when visiting the petting Zoo animals. A Sailor Suit when at the beach. And I love the chef’s hat when they go out for a meal. She’s a little cutie. It’s funny how they use the dad as a sort of clown figure, he doesn’t mind, I think he also likes the attention! You can see how close they all are…I’m just thinking,…Chloe must be due going to the school?”
“She is. Her mum has promised to post some pictures when she has bought all her school-wear.”
“That’s lovely. All the family will be extremely proud.”
“They are. I read that they’re having a special breakfast for the grans and grandpas and they will all see her off. She’s going to do a complete section on it. There was talk of a Limo, but I think they decided that would be a bit much. I think they made the right decision.”
“Where would we be without family that loves and looks-out for us?”
“You’re right. I know that I wouldn’t be who I am without the in-put of my mum and dad.
Christ, I’m sorry, where are my manners? I’ve not even asked about you. How are the family? How are things going?”
“Good. Really good. Family are all doing well. Chris has always been and is still the love of my life! Sounds pathetic, I know, but there you go! Having two teenagers is a bit of a challenge for both of us but over-all, they’re good kids.
Work-wise, I’m busy but I like it that way!”
“You making a few quid?”
“It’s never been better!”
“Ah, now, talking about that, are you able to do the usual for me?”
“Of course. It’s never a bother and always a pleasure.”
“As always I’ll leave the timing up to you. Just let me know when you know.”
“No problem. I’ll have a look at their routine and take it from there. Same as always?”
“Of course. Half when you give me the date.”
“That’s Fine. How many days do you want with her?”
“I’d like five, but I think it’ll be safer with four.”
“And of course, the other half after the clear-up.”
“Not a problem.”
“I’ll be in contact soon after. I’m sure one of the group will have chosen another by then.”
literally stories 
This is absolutely chilling and the way that you build to the dreadful conclusion is masterful. dd
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Hi Diane,
This was one of those that came to me backwards. I had the ending and luckily the rest fell into place.
Thanks as always!!!
Hugh
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Hugh
Both of us lived in a time (most of my time, I must say) in which this would be science fiction. And yet here it is, already, I bet, commonplace. You nailed the time and the characters perfectly. We have evolved from the poison pen to the poison cyberpost.
Brilliantly observed!
Leila
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Hi Leila,
I wonder how many folks got a kick out of looking at folks holiday snaps in those days – Me, I’ve always been bored. If anyone showed me a picture of their kids I had to stifle a yawn but if it was a photo of their dog or cat, I wouldn’t need to feign interest!!
Thanks so much!!
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
A pleasant, even hopeful conversation, as I was hopeful along with this family pulling for Chloe. I started feeling and thinking about my own family. Or what it might be in such a tight family unit of “Grans and Grandpas.” I was buying into this fable that life is sweet. This is a great selling job on your part. A true writer of fiction! Then…
A wholly sinister twist! These bastards! I read this twice to get it into my mind what was going on here. All the insidious comments about her dressing up in “themed outfits.” This really creeps up on you! Very subtle, like a walk in the park that ends with a gunshot to the head!
Awful how these so called good working and family people are involved in pedophilia for gain and for their wicked pleasures!
The Godlessness of this story is really startling! The writing is brilliant! Excellent!
Christopher
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Hi Christopher,
In these more ‘evolved’ days, life should be getting sweeter. Unfortunately that hasn’t happened in so many ways! Manipulation, observation and opportunity are the tools of the deranged!
Thanks so much for the kind comments!!
All the very best.
Hugh
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This has a twist stings. And stings. Not only excellent misdirection, but a chilling cautionary tale that’s on-the-money (figuratively and literally) for our times. Really good.
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Hi David,
I think it is horrible when we spot an inevitability. It’s the old adage of not if, but when it will happen…Or more likely, that it already has happened.
Thanks as always my fine friend!
Hugh
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Wonderful dialogue, Hugh, you’re a master of dialogue writing. Grim topic. bw mick
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Hi Mick,
Unfortunately in these days, the topics seem to get more and more grim.
Is that simply a sign of the times? Are we more aware? Or is it truly that everything is getting worse??
…Depends on your outlook!
Thanks as always for the kind comments.
All the very best.
Hugh
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Hugh
Your dialogue is masterful. It is not easy to write great dialogue. Many folks who try to write great dialogue end up composing speeches that sound stilted, overly obvious, and unrealistic, at best. Your speeches and people speaking sound completely natural. You achieve a great balance in your dialogue technique, where character creation and story twists and turns occur within the way the characters speak. They are not quite listening to each other, I don’t believe, which is exactly what happens in life. This helps lend it all the realist/ic touch. The reader can “see” these people even though they aren’t described. Hemingway himself often composed stories that were almost all dialogue, such as “Hills Like White Elephants.” Wonderful work!
Dale
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Hi Dale,
I think eavesdropping is the key!
If you write as you ‘over-hear’ that makes it sound natural as that is what we hear when folks speak.
What not to do is write like the characters scripted dialogue in adverts!!!
Thanks as always for your well measured and informative comments.
Hugh
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Hugh,
We have always been a predatory species. Children and the Elderly have always been victimized. The tools will always be more and more advanced. A very sober depiction of where we are, and where we are going. It unfolded brilliantly and naturally. Great job. — Gerry
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Hi Gerry,
Someone once wrote that a society could be judged on how it treated its animals. I’d add to that, a society is in trouble when its kids and elderly aren’t safe.
…We are in trouble!
Thanks so much my fine friend.
…Hope life is being ever so slightly tolerable!
Hugh
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An awful reality so cleverly written. As everyone has already mentioned – your dialogue is spot on as always. I can always hear your characters – making it so easy to see them and get emotionally attached (good/bad – never indifferent!). I wonder if you write plays? I’d love to read them. Thanks Karen
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Hi Karen,
It’s great to see you around.
Thank you so much for the kind words, much appreciated.
Regarding plays, maybe one day. And it would be for a weird reason.
I’ve been bombed out with books of poetry, novels and short stories, so it would be fitting to have plays rejected…I’d then have a full house of the ‘Get tae fucks’!!!!!!
Life has no meaning without these wee goals!!!
Hope you are happy and inspired.
Hugh
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I didn’t get this on first pass but a chill ran down my spine when the penny dropped! Really grubby; well batted, Hugh
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Hi Alex,
With a story like this, grubby is a cracking compliment!
…Safe is always an insult no matter what!
Thanks so much my fine friend, much appreciated!!
Hugh
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