Here we are at Week 561.
A few things have come to light throughout the past couple of weeks.
Firstly – Following on from Leila’s comments about the submissions we received a few weeks back:
One thing that has been brought to our attention time and time again is when a writer doesn’t realise that, with a short, they haven’t much time to grab the reader. Writing a short is a completely different discipline from writing a novel.
A lot (But not all!) of writing group submissions are the same. They are over written, over described and they focus too many words on irrelevance.
That’s fair enough with a novel when the luxury of the amount of words allows you to do this, but with a short, there are so many points being made about the inane, the actual point of the story is drowned.
I think there may be a reason that someone once said that ‘We all have a book in us’ and not ‘We all have a short story in us’!!
Secondly – We had a submission last week that caused a discussion. The plot was about an unwanted advance. (Someone tried to put the lips on someone else!)
This caused me to think –
I wondered how much of this came from the idea of consent?
That’s another topic that has went far too far. Will it ever become a thing that both partners will have to ask for written permission for everything that they are about to do to each other??
Please don’t take it that I’m making light of a very serious subject, I’m not, it just gets a bit fucking ridiculous!
I reckon there’ll come a time when we’ll not be able to kiss a loved-one’s forehead to say ‘Cheerio’ when they die as they haven’t given consent!
And babies, you’ll not be allowed to kiss your kids until they can express themselves.
All greeting cards will have to have the word, ‘Love’ removed as unwanted love is a No-No. (Unless there is a permission form that could be emailed and sent back to the card-giver before they give the card!!!)
With everything that becomes contentious, there’s a line from too liberal to too strict. Sensible folks will try to find the middle ground, but they aren’t the problem, the followers of the opposite ends are the problem!
Oh and if there is any money to be made from this, some leech of a fucking lawyer will be working on it as we speak!
Thirdly- There was a documentary on over two nights that I didn’t watch as I thought it to be completely and utterly pointless. It was about a group of scientists finding hitler’s blood and therefore his DNA.
What the fuck were they going to do with it??
…Clone him??
I don’t think that would be the best of ideas!
Have they never watched ‘The Boys From Brazil’?
Fourthly – I’ve been watching the UK Snooker Championship. It’s the first time ever that there were four Asian players playing an afternoon session. What I love and hate about Asian players is the same thing. This is a nod to their professionalism, which is something special. If you look at these players after they’ve played the best shot in the world or the worst shot, their expression and demeanour is the same. They don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves, and they react the same no matter what. If you are a sportsman, that is a helluva thing to have in your locker!
However…My favourite player of all time was Alex Higgins. He was a bit different. He would get pished, nut a referee and take a piss in a plant pot. I don’t think he ever got close to the amount of success that he should have. I also reckon that you knew when he was happy or annoyed. My point is…I haven’t got one! Just a different time and a different type of sportsman!!!
And lastly, a ‘Double what the fuck?’moment. I was reading in the newspaper that some poor soul fell off a ferry, and I thought, ‘What the fuck – how did that happen? But then I read on. The fellow’s remains were found on a beach. The usual procedures were put in place, and eventually his belongings were released to his widow.
…There were parts of his feet still in his socks.
That brought on a second, but a lot bigger, ‘What the fuck?’
I hope that all involved received their jotters!
Okay, onto this week’s stories.
We have two new writers but one of the two is also a two! Check out all their bios for an explanation.
We have one established writer and two campaigners.
As always, our initial comments follow.
First up was Neil James with his fourth story for us.
It was entitled, ‘One For The Road’.
‘This would work at anytime of the year.’
‘Depressing but the reveal at the end explained Kyle’s self-loathing.’
‘This was very well done.’
On Tuesday we had our first new writer. We welcome Jennifer Sinclair Roberts and hope she has fun on the site.
Hopefully, ‘God’s Creatures’ is the first of many.
‘The last paragraph explained it all.’
‘Good on the Rat Lady.’
‘The tone and style suited the subject matter.’
Daniel P. Douglas were (Not a mistake!) our next new writers with ‘Seven Flowers For Lemonade.’
We wish them the same warm welcome and we hope to see more from them also.
‘Old timey.’
‘A sweet story!’
‘Well thought out and brilliantly constructed.’
On Thursday we had the wonderful Marco Etheridge with story number twenty eight.
That story was called, ‘Helicopter.’
‘I think we could all identify with this.’
‘We remember horrors clearly when we should revisit happiness more often.’
‘Marco, never disappoints.’
And on Friday, the equally wonderful, Mick Bloor adorned the site for his twenty seventh time with, ‘ Kenny Drummond’s Parchment.’
‘I’ve always loved Mick’s use of language.’
‘Superb tone as always!’
‘Mick judges pace brilliantly.’
That’s us for another week.
No moans from us, just keep on doing what you are all doing. A huge thanks for that!!
Well, one wee moan…To some of you. Please remember to say ‘Thanks’ if you’ve received a comment. I mean, it’s coming up to that shitty time of year when you’d beat up your weans if they didn’t say ‘Thanks’ so practise what you preach!!
Just something daft to finish.
I found a joke that had to be read for it to work a month or so back.
– (A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbit went to give blood, the Rabbit said, I’m a Type O)
I hate to say it but I thought of another one.
– A personal trainer said to his client, ‘I’m going to exorcise you tonight.’
– The client said, ‘Don’t you mean exercise?’
– The trainer replied, ‘No, exorcise, you’re going to do fourteen head spins!’
…Sorry!!
…Really sorry!!
And really lastly, for some music.
When I first heard this CD, I played it to death!
This song makes you want to drink loads of JD whilst smoking a cigar!!
Image: DNA double helix – not hitler’s I don’t think. From pixabay.com
literally stories 
Brilliant Hugh
I believe that there must be some kind of thing between getting a club to a head or creating a legal document to decide on the concept of “consent.” Of course there remain parts of the world in which “you are” is enough.
I like the idea of being required to drink heavily while participating in events that involve cue sticks, darts, hurling whatever’s and bowling balls. Taking it in an analytical sort of kills the joy, because it is easier to choose between drunks when you need somebody to root for.
Indeed about story timing–long drawn out introductions are not the friend of the short. The world created must exist only for the length of the piece.
Great clip as always
Leila
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Hi Leila,
When I played golf, every now and then we would spend a few hours in the pub and then decide that we were going to play a round and concentrate on every shot. We believed that we could beat our best.
Two holes later, four lost golf balls and twenty three strokes recorded, we would give up and go back to the pub!!
Thanks as always!
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
Great points about writing short stories. I find myself drifting in and out of these situations. Certainly part of the process–lapsing into describing something that doesn’t add to the story.
“Kill your darlings” Chopping words, sometimes entire paragraphs have to go. Less is more. Otherwise the tension of the story gets loose. Bad writing is essentially something that is boring when it’s not supposed to be. Like writing fiction (besides grammatical issues, and clarity).
Over writing is another issue. Trying to make something better and making it worse. I hate that. I always make copies in case I have to revert back to it. When to put the final stroke on the painting and letting it dry for all time is key.
Christopher
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Hi Christopher,
I never over describe.
Not because of any conscious thought or skill, it’s just that I can’t even describe sparsely!!
I think when any writing tutor states that you must paint a picture you should take their advise literally!
Oh and sack them!!
It’s always a pleasure my fine friend, thanks so much!
Hugh
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this reminded me of a time in Jordan when we were playing in the American Club Darts final. We won and the next morning Ian couldn’t remember where he had parked the car, and we had all ridden home in it. I think that is the drunkest I have ever been – although there was the time … … let’s move on.
It’s essential, I think to be honest with yourself when you edit and though you might love your purple paragraphs they rarely add much to the story. I do love a bit of poetic writing but, yes, you have to be brutal.
Great post again. Thank you – dd
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Hi Diane,
That poses a cracking question, ‘When were we at our drunkest?’
…I don’t think I can remember my top ten!
Over-writing, I blame Mr Tolkein. No-one should spend twenty pages on a description of a forest.
The word ‘forest’ is more than enough.
Thanks so much for all your help.
Hugh
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Good post and roundup. “… there’ll come a time when we’ll not be able to kiss a loved-one’s forehead to say ‘Cheerio’ when they die as they haven’t given consent!
And babies, you’ll not be allowed to kiss your kids until they can express themselves.” I think there’s a story in that! Big difference between writing short and long as you say. I’m writing very little more than 500 words lately. I’m finding the short form fun and challenging.
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Hi David,
I’m not sure but I think some writers think on the amount of words and maybe they are the ones who pad their work out??
We go through spells with the submissions and it is a bit of a chore when we receive ten or twenty two to three thousand word submissions.
Let the story find it’s own amount of words.
If you can stand back and be honest, you can work out if the content demands a longer work.
Thanks my fine friend, hope all is well with you.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh,
(And then) …There were parts of his feet still in his socks.
Reminds me of a rash of dead feet washing up in the Straits of Vancouver (Leila will know where that is). Trainers with feet in them, bobbing about in the icy water. Someone thought: Serial Killer with a foot fetish, but no.
As it happens, a body falls into the water, the body decays, the joints come apart, nature takes its course, and voila! Body sinks, fish food, etc. But a foot encased in a trainer… trainers float. So up bob the dead feet, like so many podiatrical buoys. (Ouch! Sorry…)
Anyway, after that macabre bit… thanks for the post. Thanks for having me around. Just thanks.
Marco
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Hi Marco,
I didn’t know that about the feet.
I thought that the poor guy may have been caught up in the propeller.
That makes me think of the wonderful Kirsty MacColl.
Everyone thinks of ‘Fairy Tale of New York’ which is the best Christmas song ever but I adored her version of Billy Braggs ‘New England’
That brave and wonderful lady threw her boy out the road of a speed boat. Unfortunately, she didn’t manage to get out the way.
That saddens me when I think on it!
Thanks as always my fine friend.
Hugh
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Marco
Oh, I recall that. Felt a bit extra uncomfortable reading about the Salish Bay feet while riding the ferry everyday. It was around the time of The Canadian Pig Farmer trial and it made Canada (temporarily) sound weird and dangerous.
Leila
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Leila,
Damn, the Pig Farmer Serial Killer. I’d forgotten about him. Very efficacious combination of occupations.
The Northwest had its fair share of serial killers. Maybe its the damp.
Marco
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Yeah that guy was a work of art. Got shanked in prison.
Indeed an abnormal amount of, well abnormal people in our otherwise quiet population.
Worst of the bunch being Westley Dodd the child killer. Executed. Creeps me out a bit that the Roxy theatre, where, luckily, a potential victim got away is about two hundred feet to the left of my bedroom window.
Oh, and the Wah Mee massacre..
ye gods, people are still flocking to the area!
Leila
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Hi Leila,
Yes, I was living in Seattle during those days, Wah Mee, the Blackstone Fire, the Green River Killer, Ted Bundy. Wild times.
Marco
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This is a test. If it requires a password, you won’t see it.
hopefully
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Hi Doug,
I see it so have I passed!!
It’s always a pleasure to see you around.
All the very best my interesting friend.
Hugh
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Hugh
This is a great description of the crucial difference between the short story and the novel. Raymond Carver, a master of the short, used to say that stories were more like poems than novels. Many people truly did not see what he meant by that. Since stories are fiction and novels are fiction, most folks thought it was absurd to say that stories were more like poems than novels. But modern stories need the same kind of care in language usage that poems do. Not quite, or not really, but sort of. You’ve given excellent, generous editorial advice here. Nice work!
It’s probably one reason why many classic short story writers, like Edgar Allan Poe, are also really good at poems. But not novels.
In the Age of Consent, perhaps it shall turn out that people will only be able to love themselves now. That, of course, will lead to the extinction of the human race late or soon. In the meantime, maybe a new kind of consciousness will arise. It seems like every time the human race tries to correct something about itself, we end up screwing up something else just as bad. There are so many examples of projects that are begun in order to correct egregious problems, which end up fixing the problem AND creating another problem to replace it which is just as bad.
Modern science has gone insane. It’s true that experimentation needs to be useless and silly much of the time, even in science, but there are enough other problems so that cloning the world’s worst examples of humanity of all time does indeed seem like a ridiculous project.
Stupidity, vanity, greed, moral blindness, absurd and limited thinking, wicked and venal actions, herd behavior, groupthink, sometimes seem to be all that there is.
Awesome song today! Great post all ’round!
Dale
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Hi Dale,
The poem idea is thought provoking.
When we take into consideration, pace, tone, control and reveal – They do have a helluva lot in common.
You are totally correct about humankind trying to sort a problem and causing more. And when the new problems come around only the lawyers rub their hands!!
Do you know that lawyers can swim with sharks with no fear of being killed – It’s professional courtesy!!
I enjoy Gary Moore’s music. I nearly played him and Phil Lynott’s ‘Out In The Field’ – I’ll get to that another day.
Thanks as always for your insightful comments!
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hugh,
I think I had a sense of how description worked in the short story. But your insights made it more concrete in me. We don’t need to know everything to make the short story move. The scene might be bluish and the rain falling hard in the alleyway, but really, do we need to know that. Overwriting is not a virtue!
The best IQ Test ever is: “A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbit went to give blood, the Rabbit said, I’m a Type O.” What you do to empirically test it is to divide your friends into two categories: the superficial and the cool people. Tell them the joke. Those that get it are your cool friends. Those that don’t are your shithead buds. Works every time.
Thanks! — gerry
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Hi Gerry,
Sadly I reckon some writers think that over describing is something that must be in a story.
They are the folks who wrap a present, put on a bow, streamers, name-tag and pompom. What’s wrong with a carrier bag and a cheery ‘Here you go’
The wrapping doesn’t change the actual present!
HAH!! You may be on to something…Maybe we should have some form of Means-Testing for our friends!!!
Thanks so much my fine friend.
Hugh
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Great week of stories.
The thing you said about Asian snooker players interested me. I’ve lived in China for almost 3 years now and previously lived in South Korea for 4, so I know what you mean about this form of stoicism. It extends to life here too and one thing that really surprises me is the reaction to queue jumping (a regular thing here). In that it’s not the queue jumping that shocks, but that no one every says anything or shows even the slightest indignation at this. I asked a student about it, and they basically said that nobody likes this, but to show you don’t like it, to show you are annoyed in anyway by this is seen as just as uncouth. I think they extend the same to victory in sports – to show strong emotion is to show a loss of control of sorts.
Anyway, I’ve rambled too much, but it struck me as interesting and I agree with you.
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Hi Paul,
It’s amazing that there are certain traits and ways of thinking that are common to certain places.
It would be good to always have control. But here in Scotland, I don’t think any of us know what will cause it or when ‘The Red Mist’ will come into play!
Thanks as always my fine friend.
Hugh
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