I did the Scottish translation thing a few weeks back and I had forgot to add in a certain phrase.
With these, some have some logic. For example,
‘Did you bring a piece’
Some of our friends in America would probably think we were asking if you had brought a gun, but no. Nothing could be farther from the truth. You see ‘A piece’ is actually a packed-lunch or a sandwich. The logic part is it comes from ‘A piece of bread and butter / cheese / jam / cheese and jam (A hidden delight I have mentioned before. It must be a red jam and it is even more delicious if the bread is toasted.)
But there is one phrase we use that springs to mind that has very little if any logic.
‘Yer bawz it is’
Translated – ‘Your testicles it is’
I haven’t a Scooby why this colourful phrase means ‘That’ll be right’ (Said in a sarcastic manner – Most phrases in Scotland are said in a sarcastic manner!)
Or ‘I don’t agree’
They both really do mean the same.
Here are a couple of examples.
‘Our government is doing a wonderful job.’
‘Yer bawz it is.’
‘Any reality programme is deep and meaningful with astounding social commentary.’
‘Yer bawz it is’
‘queen camilla is a beautiful woman.’
‘Yer bawz it is.’
If you have never used the phrase, try it – It is invigorating and freeing.
I’d love to know what context you used it in!
The reason that this came to mind was, I was watching one of my go-to comedies when I was half pished and eating a piece wae flat sausage and broon sauce. (Another Scottish delicacy)
The comedy was ‘Two Doors Down’ and the line was said by the brilliant Elaine C Smith. The lady’s timing is unrivalled. If you want to try out sarcastic Scottish comedy – Check out ‘Rab C Nesbitt’ It’s probably the best – Well apart for the last series which was shite.
Okay onto something else (Sorry Diane!!) We try and not publish any sport focused stories. If the story evolves around a sport that is fine. With that in mind I would like to throw in a few short observations about The Rugby World Cup.
1. We got humped. To be fair we are consistent – We get humped at everything except snooker. Hendry and Higgins have put our country on that specific map.
2. The last time I saw Argentina play, they were terrible. I expected Wales to beat them easily – They didn’t and I am so glad gambling never caught me!
3. I can’t believe that England were beaten by South Africa (For you Diane!!)– England out-played them and South Africa were never at the races (They were on a rugby pitch!!) but however – They won.
4. After that match I expected South Africa to win the tournament. If you win a match that you shouldn’t then the sports gods are watching over you.
5. I wonder how many times we have played the All Blacks? I also wonder how many times we have wanted to moon the Hukkah???
6. I should have put a few quid on the Springboks!!!!!!!!!!
Whilst watching the final I was eating Pistachio nuts and something came to me – Pistachios are the nut equivalent of mussels! (Macadamias bomb every nut out the water!!)
I look at these types of sports and I will put them in my order of brutality, excitement and speed.
3. American Football – They wear the padded equivalent of a fucking couch / sofa for protection!!
2. Rugby – Hard and not padded!!
1. Australian rules football – Super quick, unpadded and brutal!!
(I need to find the Australian Rules Football film film with the most hysterical scene I have ever seen which involves incest with a sister with no legs but don’t know where to start – Oh that has fuck all to do with my preferences – Sports wise I mean!! Have any of you any idea on the film???)
Okay, time for our stories this week.
We had an impressive 24th timer, an also getting there 4th timer and three new writers.
To all our new writers we welcome them and hope to see much more of their work.
As always our initial comments follow.
First up was Marco Etheridge who is an old friend of the site. Marco is well into double figures and his writing brain excites us all.
‘Sunday School’ was the first story of the week.
‘Marco fills in the back story in a clear and entertaining way.’
‘We enjoy scaring ourselves with something bigger and scarier.’
‘Marco’s writing is always technically brilliant, interesting and very clever!’
Our first new writer was published on Tuesday.
AJ David’s ‘Red Prints’ was next up.
‘A heavy load for a short very well done.’
‘The tone works.’
‘Quite a lot going on handled brilliantly.’
‘Billy’s Best Mighty Metal’ by Sandra Arnold was her fourth story for us and next up. She broke the back of the week on Wednesday.
‘Love the revenge aspect.’
‘Subtle time-line.’
‘Teachers of our era were always somewhat discouraging.’
And the newbies were back!
‘The American’ was Ata Zargarof’s first story for us.
‘There are many clever observations.’
‘I enjoyed the references.’
‘Interesting.’
We finished off the week with our last new writer.
Nancy Smith Harris completed the week with ‘Tansy.’
‘This made me want to think on it.’
‘This is good.’
‘No-one will like Clay so that is very well done.’
That’s the round up rounded up.
Just the usual Miss Andersons – I often wonder if she was a few years younger and I had been a few years older – But probably (Definitely) nothing would have happened. At that time I had a talent for repelling women. And if we did get together, I reckon our beliefs would have caused conflict – She was as religious as fuck and the only time I would have agreed with her and said ‘Oh god!’ would have been…
…Never!! (HAH!! You all thought I was going somewhere else with that!!)
Please comment!
Please say ‘Thanks’ if you have been commented on!!!
…It’s only manners and if you have bad manners you make your alive or dead granny cry – Now what kind of sick bastard would want to do that??
Wait a minute…Did Eva Braun have grandchildren???
…Hindley?
…thatcher (Yep she did! Fucking ‘We have become a grandmother’ – Whit a cunt!) To be fair her son got lost a lot of times so I’m surprised that he knew where to put it.
Just to finish, I have an observation that I know Leila will appreciate.
As I am typing this there are strange noises coming from upstairs – It’s them!! The fiends in my life! Two rescued cats from Dubai! It’s a cat thing, (We’ve had them before) you see, I am sitting here typing and hearing weird noises. Normally you can think ‘That’s the pipes’ / ‘That’s a chair being moved’ / ‘That’s the toilet flushing’ but when you have fiends and they do what they do, you sit and think ‘What the fuck are they doing?’. You creep upstairs and the noise continues. You stick your head into the room where the sound is coming from and all you see is…
…Two sets of eyes staring at you from the middle of the room with fuck all going on.
Two or three weeks later you find something like a potato glued to the inside of your curtains!
So with that in mind I give you a superb seventies band.
literally stories 
Hugh
Wonderful post and I am happy to see the Fiendals.
But I cannot help but think that Orange is wondering “Is there a sign around my neck that says ‘Park Your Paws in My Nose.’? I think not. Such insolence. I must do something decisive about this, in three or four hours.”
Some people claim the Madonna is in the design of the Tabby’s head stripes. Yes, that image so often seen in breakfast burritos and pizzas is on Cats too. If they knew, decisive action would be taken, but in a few hours.
Leila
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Hi Leila,
Thanks as always.
The wee orange one started off being named ‘Haanah’ by the lovely lady who saved her. We wanted to call her Penny Dreadful (PD is very apt for a cat!) but Gwen calls her ‘Bitey’ as she bites. I just call her ‘Wee Fiend’. The big one is still more or less called Haary, that he was named by the rescuer but I do call him ‘Pussybawz’ and ‘Princess Bawz’ cause he is a bit of a coward and a diva.
I’m expecting a bill from both of them for using their images!!
Hugh
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Comments – usually. Sometimes I have nothing to say, or it has already been said before I get to the story.
Cats – he took a long time to accept me (he’s an informal rescue from a woman who was starting to lose it), now he demands affection whenever. He’s still a mama’s boy to editor Sharon. Cat’s learned thousands of years ago how to make simps out of humans. Besides killing rats and mice, they have those loveable repetoir (sp?) of sounds. As noted before I bond with Kitzhaber (named after failed governor, but can be called cat or Kitz) over being old, heart murmur and thyroid problem.
That’s all of the show for now, but be sure to catch it next time.
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Hi Doug,
Thanks as always for the comments – Much appreciated.
I don’t think there is anything in the world that can stare at you the way a cat does – It’s quite disconcerting!!
I loved the line from ‘The Big Bang’ where the character of Amy said, ‘I love cats, they are the epitome of indifference.’
Hugh
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Indeed
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Good post, fun video and I’m definitely looking forward to trying out that ballsy phrase.
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Cheers Dave,
You need to tell me why and who you use it to!!!
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Another funny post, Hugh – well except for the references to that literally heartbreaking match. England have been so crap lately, they turn up play themselves to a standstill and the sodding, gods do that to them. Ah well. Maybe it auguers well for the Six Nations. I love the picture of your cats – deceptively calm but you know they are planning something. Ha. good stuff.
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Hi Diane,
Yep, you would have put money on England all the way through. They played well and SA were never in it. But that’s the sports gods for you!!
And the fiends are always planning something.
For the first time in a while, I had come up with a few lines that I thought I could use and scribbled them down on a piece of paper. When I got in from work, they had chosen that one specific piece of paper from the dozens that are lying around my computer and shredded it!
Hugh
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Critics, eh!!
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As always, great post. My dad is a Glaswegian and I was raised on Oor Wullie and The Broons in each week’s Sunday Post and my Christmas annuals. However, the phrase ‘Yer bawz it is’ never came out of the mouths of Wee Eck or The Bairn (would have been great if it had!) and I’ve never got round to using it myself – I now consider it this week’s homework to do so!
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Cheers Paul!
I just wish I had said it and got arrested when I took the Council (Who I worked for at the time) to Council!!
But I lost my hearing even though any criminal court in the land would have seen that I had enough evidence to support my claim.
I did get the rest of the night off. You see, when I returned to my workplace the first thing I did was to boot a desk and computer up into the air!! My gaffer (Who was also a witness for me just looked and said, ‘I think you better go home.’
Hugh
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