Jacob used to love his walks. He looked at the wildlife, listened to the river and tried to guess the oncoming weather.
…Rain was always a fair bet.
But lately he wondered where his mind was going. He considered dementia but knew that would have been easier as he wouldn’t be considering, he’d just be dribbling!
For whatever reason or reasons Jacob found himself being preoccupied with sex and death. He couldn’t fathom why this was. He was still very physical with Yvonne who had been his partner for want of a better word for the last fifteen years. They did laugh when he shared an observation that at one time they had a locked bedroom with a mirror on the ceiling to enhance sex whereas now they needed a hand mirror to see sex!
But he felt a freak. He couldn’t pass a woman without wondering what they looked or tasted like. He knew that he would never do anything about this curiosity. It didn’t affect him. He never got aroused but what he couldn’t understand was why this crossed his mind.
“Jimmy Maguire, Uncle John, Peter the postman…Fuck! Not again!!”
Jacob stopped walking and stopped himself talking. He had began to list the dead people that he knew or more accurately, had known.
“Back to death.”
He hoped that a woman would walk by before he started to recite his list from where he left off.
Jacob had allowed himself only once mind, to sit at his computer and list them all.
His number had been one hundred and seventy six but he knew that was now one hundred and eighty due to two old work mates, a cousin and a neighbour of three doors down.
The strange thing was if he thought of any of the dead women that he knew / had known, he never wondered about how they looked naked. Jacob was happy that he still had some respect.
It wasn’t even a death that had caused this count, it was watching an old film and he realised that he knew the works of more deceased actors than alive and since that he had to stop himself starting the count over and over again.
“Yvonne’s making stew. We’ll watch some Netflix. Have a few bottles of wine. Sex.
…Yvonne’s making stew. We’ll watch some Netflix. Have a few bottles of wine. Sex.
…Yvonne’s…”
As Jacob walked up his pathway he could hear voices and laughter.
“I’m home!”
“Hi Jacob. I want you to meet our new neighbours, Paul and Linda.”
Jacob leaned forward to shake their hands. …He knew he would be counting Paul and wondering about Linda.
Image: Pixabay. com – old fashioned hand mirror
literally stories 
Hugh
As time goes by I find myself making a list similar to Jacob’s Death Watch. Famous people mainly, those I recall when the person and I younger,–Sinead O’Connor for one. And of course there is a site in poor taste that gives odds for the death of a person this year–Dick Van Dyke at 97 and Henry Kissinger at an even 100 have very low odds for seeing 2024–even though sticking to life appears to be another talent of each guy–Charlie Sheen is another person who appears on the list annually, for other reasons.
And the last line here is brilliant–it makes you wonder…Still, a part of his OCD is lively (though typically male), and since I do not believe that he intends on extending the list in a proactive way, maybe he is just like everyone else–insane in a functional way unique to himself….but the line stays with you, regardless…It makes you wonder and look back for clues…
Great once again!
Leila
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Hi Leila,
Thanks so much.
I did toy with the idea to make the last line with him stating that he’d know about Linda but I decided against that as it would have been a contradiction due to his previous thoughts that he would never do anything about his curiosity.
…But we can all change our way of thinking!
I always get a huge kick out of being published so thanks to you and Diane once again.
Hugh
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Very thought provoking. Excellent writing as well. 🙏👏
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Hi there,
Thanks so much for your extremely kind comments – They are much appreciated!
Hugh
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Effectively captures the obsession most of us have with death and sex. I appreciated the dark humor and inner monologue. Good ending. Nicely done.
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Hi Dave,
Any praise from a writer of your calibre is high praise in deed!
Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
Hugh
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Thanks for this thoughtful meditation, Hugh. For myself, I now find myself operating with two separate death counts- those older than me, and those younger than me. The latter category being a cause for occasional unease and resolutions to buy less whisky. Thanks again for a thoughtful piece.
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Thanks Mick,
Your comments always mean a lot to me.
I suppose when you think on it the numbers of the younger ones gets bigger as we get older! That’s a bit logical but ironic!
The best film I’ve ever seen about knowing the date of your death is ‘Big Fish’. I can’t sing the praises of that film high enough. It is uplifting, sad and thought provoking. I know that some of my friends gave up on it, saying that it was nonsense but if you stick with it, I truly reckon that it is something that stays with you and makes you smile.
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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I enjoyed the jerky rhythm of the story, it feels so right for interior monologue and the way our brains flit around. Great last line. A very enjoyable glimpse at an interesting character.
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Hi Alain,
Thanks so much for the kind comments, especially your thoughts on the inner dialogue.
I reckon that is something that is difficult to get some realism within.
Cheers!
Hugh
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