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Week 417 – Fuck You Sam Smith And Your Ilk, Whit Walloper Is Next? And Not Even The Cup And Saucers…PS – A Huge Apology For The ‘Music’!!

And we now find ourselves at Week 417.

My turn once more!

I’m not fucking about when I say that I’m saddened today for a few reasons but this first one is the doozy!!

It is the end of the world and not in a good way. (The annihilation of the world aborting the bastard that it bore – Guess who that is folks???? Take some more Ulcer medication Greta.)

I’ve just read a report in yesterday’s Daily Record Newspaper that the latest editions of Roald Dahl’s works will be edited to remove language that may be found unacceptable.

Weirdly, it is stated that Augustus Gloop’s description of being fat is changed to being enormous. (Surely, ‘Enormous’ is a few cakes farther on than fat?? I’m not the slightest of people and would rather be called fat than enormous!

And the other example that they give is ‘Cloud-Men’ from ‘James And The Giant Peach’ to ‘Cloud-People’ (Fuck you Sam Smith)

I was dreading this happening and if it continues, it really is going to water down the strength of Alex Haley’s ‘Roots’.

What about all the ‘Pride And Prejudice’ stuff…I’m quite sure there will be the odd reference to a ‘Gentleman’? Is that now to be read as ‘Gentle-Person’??? Would we really want to confuse Mr Darcy??

There is a list in here for you Leila!!!

Why change the whole of the history of literature and writing because of a few fucking idiots who can’t accept that the ideas and language are all part of the social commentary at the time or the time written about?

Why should we dilute content, meaning and emotion because of the same idiot fuckfaces???

If this has to be done, why not, simply print a statement in new-runs of any books which states that the language and ideas are of the time written or time portrayed and fucking left at that!! Let the fucking Wokes and Enraged overdose on Prozac, it wouldn’t be much of a loss.

…What are they going to do next, change the bible??

Now I may have mixed feelings about that!!!

My second wave of sadness is due to the resignation of Scotland’s first minister, Nicola ‘Wee Jimmy Krankie’ Sturgeon. (Check out the reference, I promise you, you will be disturbed. They are married!!)

Folks I know are surprised when I say that as they think that I don’t give a fuck about politicians.

…I don’t!

The sad part is they are like royals and cockroaches, you get rid of one and another dozen come along.

When I read that back I find it a bit steep and offensive. I feel as if I must apologise to the cockroach community about my crass inclusion of their species with those other mutants.

When I read that back I find it a bit crass and offensive. I feel as if I must apologise to the mutant community about my crass inclusion of their species with royals and politicians.

…There, that’s much better and an example on working at a paragraph until you get it just right!

And lastly, my final sadness for the day was the passing of Raquel Welch. Call me shallow all you want but she surely was one of the most beautiful women (Fuck you again Sam Smith) that has ever graced this planet. (Or what we’ve got left of it…More medication Greta!)

RIP Raquel BTW. (Before the work but that goes for so many – I just saw some pictures of that handsome devil Lee Majors…BTW!!!!!)

Don’t be vain, be veiny! Nature knows what’s best to do with your face and hair line!

Okay onto this week’s stories.

Two new folks and two well-established writers and our amazing fellow (Is this word in jeopardy??? Fuck you again Sam Smith!) editor Leila.

The usual welcome and hope to see more work from our two newbies.

As always our initial comments follow.

First up was one of our most interesting writers.

Tim Frank is gathering together a cracking body of work. Have a look back, there is one thing that you can be assured of, Tim never does boring!!

Open Window‘ was published on Monday.

‘Unpleasant, but this has much depth.’

‘Tim Frank’s universe never does digestive.’

‘Of all the writers we have, Tim might be the least predictable on where he takes his stories.’

Our first new writer was published on Tuesday.

Once again we welcome, ‘August Miller’ with ‘Leaves‘.

‘I thought this was mesmerising.’

‘The word play is lovely and the hints at past tragedy was very well done.’

‘The inner descriptions are beautiful.’

Harrison Kim had his twenty third story for us showcased on Wednesday.

The Entrepreneur Of Chaos’ was that very story.

‘This points out the soul of US activism.’

‘Very well done.’

‘As always Harrison writes interesting stories to the highest standard.’

And next up was Leila with an eye-watering back-catalogue now standing at one hundred and nineteen.

Pong‘ was published on Thursday.

‘Loved it!’

‘Any Pratchett lover would think this was something special.’

‘Writing brain at the height of her powers!!!’

On Friday we had our second new writer.

Rania Hellal had ‘The Girl and The Crowd‘ finish off the week.

‘This effectively, quietly describes depression with the chore of having to prepare replies in advance.’

‘This certainly does have a handle on depression.’

‘I’m impressed by this.’

That’s us for another week.

Please keep the comments coming and if someone does comment, a wee thanks from the writer is a nice thing to do!

Before I give you a rather appalling song that I’ve already sort of referenced – I fucking loathe myself!!!

…Just to finish off I read one of those useless facts the other day that made me realise that in my 55years on this planet, I’ve never been on a Roller-coaster. I don’t really go to The Shows (Fairs) as I get dizzy very easy and am scared of heights so it would be a bit of a waste of money. I do go for the inedible hotdogs and target games. The last time we were at The Highland Show in Livingstone, I won a three foot tall cow for Gwen. I called her Arabella, the cow not Gwen and she sits in our bedroom looking all cowy.

I nearly forgot, the fact is that riding Roller-coasters can help you pass kidney stones. With me I’d think it would also help me pass shit, urine and the previous nights supper!


Image – Everywhere on the internet. Cover from James and the Giant Peach. Before it was censored.

Anyone suffering mental anguish after Hugh’s choice of video should call around to LS Towers where they will be given jelly beans and probably orange juice. dd

20 thoughts on “Week 417 – Fuck You Sam Smith And Your Ilk, Whit Walloper Is Next? And Not Even The Cup And Saucers…PS – A Huge Apology For The ‘Music’!!”

  1. Brilliant Hugh

    Censorship is alive and well. It conceals and leads to book burning. There is no such thing as “well meaning” when it comes to putting space between readers and authors. Curious how it applies only to good or inert topics. Have yet to hear anyone complain about “gunman” in massacres.
    Bowdlerized history is evil. It assumes the present population is too stupid to apply context. Most are, but we must pretend that isn’t true.
    It’s sad to see Raquel go. She was a better ACTRESS than she ever got credit for being. Hannie Caulder (sp) proved that. She went Rambo in the Old West.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Indeed, here in Canada there’s a campaign on to change the name of the Province of British Columbia… the “British” is seen as colonialist, yet there’s no campaign on to change the name of the Province of MANitoba!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hi Harrison,
        That’s a fair point and I wonder how many changes would have to be made from many a country if you took away initial British oppression. They (HAH! A Scotsman will never consider himself British!! Oh wait a minute, maybe a Rangers supporter!) were a horrible arrogant race back in the day!!
        Thanks as always my fine friend


    2. Hi Leila,
      Thanks as always.
      Oh and thanks for a new word, I don’t think I’ve ever came across Bowdlerized??
      It’s a bit like sobriety, un-sarcastic and hopeful…I’ve never had any comprehension on their meanings!
      Regarding the censorship and re-wording – How many fuckwits are we bending over for. I’ve been doing a wee bit of surveying and most gay folks that I know think this is all nonsense. I saw a trans-woman on Twitternovel or whatever stating that the word ‘Them’ is stupid. Fuck me, are we only reacting due to Mr (Fuck you) Smith?? And here’s the thing, by fuck I wish I was religious!! If the categorisation of a Fisherman is good enough for an apostle, it should be good enough for anyone!!
      Sam needs a good kick in whatever his genitalia chooses to be in whatever day!
      Thanks again!!


      1. The mighty Dr. T Bowdler decided to publish the works of Shakespeare will all sexual references removed. Probably cut Hamlet in half. He did other dumb stuff. Probably first rank pervert–but he did become an obscure word!


  2. Subtle satire — good. Satire that makes me laugh out loud — better. There is much to be upset about these days. The only problem with this post is now I’ve got a Fan’ Dani’ Dozi earworm. Oh, well, it was worth it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Dave,
      I should keep apologising for that!!
      I really shouldn’t mention this but don’t look up ‘I Know A Song That Will Get On Your Nerves’ – I think it was Joe Pasquali who first did this.
      Thanks as always my fine friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s a cliche to say “Orwellian,” but that’s what it is, changing the words in a writer’s book after he’s dead, because they might offend people. I wonder who made that decision. “Mulberry Street” by Dr. Seuss is cancelled but Sam Smith’s excess is celebrated. Not that there’ anything wrong with that…. That’s funny when you say “What are they going to do next, change the Bible?” In general, we seem to be moving towards a kind of “compelled speech.” At a recent community meeting, we all were told to introduce ourselves using our preferred pronouns. I said why don’t you also include our age and weight? They were not amused. Satire is less crazy than reality these days. Raquel Welch certainly had beautiful teeth and the rest of her glinted and shone, as I recall as an eleven year old. I couldn’t quite understand that sort of wildness at the time. I dreamed over Jane Fonda in Cat Ballou, but wasn’t sure why.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I see requests for pronouns in writing submissions. According to Twitter bio my pronoun is pro-fessor (ex) which is both pro and noun. I’ve advice to use mx instead of Mr., Mrs., Ms., but for me it is a deadly missle (I looked it up). Really crazy folx – it is already gender free. Get off my lawn you dang hippie.

      Protracted rant. I’m never “tasked with”, I make a request not an ask. If I had one, I would mike drop, not mic (sounds like mick) drop, pain affects me, it doesn’t impact me. I might have forecast something, not forecasted, (do you see it coming) I have joint problems not issues.


      1. Hi Doug,
        Years back, in a pub, shooting the breeze with a stranger you would ask, ‘You married? Got a wife?’ Maybe I have evolved as I have found myself now asking ‘Have you a partner?’ But as I said to Harrison, the first pussybawz who states that they want me to identify them as a Cornish pasty, I’ll probably be sleeping with the itchy blanket that night!!
        All the very best my fine friend.
        Life is just an empty stage where Honey laughed and Honey played. (Evidence that there can be a great line in a terrible song!!)


      2. Scotty Goldsboro? I didn’t think that got exported. Shame on the USA for allowing that to defile other lands. I may be able to bottom that from a Canadian. “Sometimes When We Touch” (the honesty’s too much). Dan Hill I think.

        Oops – This was for Hugh. Hugh look down here.

        Keep On Rocking In The Spring


    2. Hi Harrison,
      I admire your restraint, I have promised myself that the first twat that asks me about my preferred pronoun, I’ll accept the sixty pound fine for assault!!
      Cat Ballou is in my top ten of favourite films and you are quite right, Miss Fonda was stunning!!!


  4. Hugh – You may have heard, probably because of you, Roald Dahl will be available in original form.
    Local connection Raquel’s Roller Derby movie, (Kansas City Bomber?) was filmed in my home town Portland Oregon USA. I’m south of Portland after 1965-1997 in the hinterlands. Would not live in the city of Portland.
    “Lolita” was written in a house in the southern Oregon town Ashland known for its Shakespeare Festival (Willie seems to have spelled his name several ways – one stuck). A test of what writer one writes like said I wrote like Nabokov. Huh?
    All I knew about Sam Smith was the same as Taylor Swift and Beyonce. They are famous for singing, but I had never heard one of their songs all the way through. After looking at the Gramies, I felt the same as Nancy Sinatra (via Twitter). “I’m too old”. Nothing on the show made me want to hear any music since 1980 (exceptions Sheryl Crow, Pat Benitar, Elton John, Queen). I didn’t become a Sam Smith fan after his Grammy act.
    Tangentially related – what is the charm of drag shows? If one wanted to watch women, why watch men pretending to be women? They don’t do it well. Would cats pretending to be dogs interesting or amusing.
    Is it a good idea to erase the past whether good or evil? Instead of tearing down statues of Civil War generals could one attach a plaque with an indication that this was a bad guy? Odd juxtaposition – tear down Civil War statues but teach about the war Tough questions.
    Keep on blah, blah

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Fun comment. I may be mistaken, but I believe you and I aren’t the prime audience for drag shows. To each their own, for sure. Portia in Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice and Rosalind As You Like It disguised themselves in men’s clothes. But this modern drag is mainly for a niche audience, for the performance. I used to be very much into punk rock music, for the performance and the costumes, identity transformation in the power of the music and the solidarity of the crowd, although curiously I never dressed for a part myself he he.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Hi Doug,
      I think that the drag show phenomena misses the point as it normally turns a handsome man into a very ugly woman.
      But fair play on the make-up!!
      I did love the film ‘Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert’ all the actors were at the top of their game but Terence Stamp was especially brilliant and the soundtrack was excellent. (Just goes to show – Some Disco is acceptable!)
      Every time my cats play with their Ping-Pong balls I have a little chuckle!!!


  5. Great post Hugh. I was asked recently not to forget to tell a certain site my pronoun so they know how to address me. I would have thought Mrs Diane would be a big enough hint so I didn’t respond. I never read Roald Dahl – It was a bit posh for us to be honest out in the hinterland of Yorkshire but my dad did read The Adventures of Gulliver to us so how would we go on now with the Lillliputians? Small people, even smaller people, teeny weeny humans. I just don’t know. There is absolutely no need in my opinion for all of this. These are characters in books, they are not real. Okay, you might not want to have your children laughing at fat people, but that is another conversation about kindness and good manners. Ah well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Diane,
      i think any sensible person who reads or writes or does both sees how destructive this will be. But as a society we are letting, what I think, is a minority dictate where all this is going.
      It’s wrong and stupid. What happened to freedom of speech?? Or even integrity of art? And don’t get me started about realism of history!!
      Too many fuckwits have too much time on their hands to find things to be enraged at!!
      Thanks as always!


  6. To anyone reading this,
    Sorry about the set-up.
    I answered each posting under, well, each posting but for whatever reason, they are not in sequence.
    I think the world is ending…Another stomach pill for Greta!!!


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