Short Fiction

Alexander Sawmill Legends, Steamboat Replace By What Was The Coolest Rock Pub And I Couldn’t Ignore A Huge Nod To Tom!!

Week 409

Hope you all had a brilliant Christmas and whether or not you did or didn’t, I really do hope that you remember none of it!!

This is Limbo week, the week between Christmas and New Year. It is fucking dire working these days.

Only on three occasions over the past thirty-nine fucking years (Sore point – Really sore point!! And on the 14th November next year, I will warn everyone not to talk to me!!) have I ever had the whole of the holidays off. And the first one with my first job, I had an absolute ball!! On the 27th me and the guys that I worked with went for a game of squash, then snooker, then the rest of the day and night in the legendary pub called ‘Rabbies’. That pub is still there, but it has lost a lot of its panache! It’s now for the older, earlier drinkers. I think how sad it is every morning I’m there.

This year, I have to work in between and I will hate and resent every fucking minute of it! There was a sign-up stating what wacky events were coming up over the festivities and the heading was ‘Fun At Work’ – Well, that’s a fucking contradiction in terms!!

Work is work. If it wasn’t, it would be called ‘play’

Let’s just say that there will have been no Christmas Jumper on me! (Itchy bastarding things)

To be fair, I shouldn’t moan–I think in one of my previous jobs, I went five years working through The Bells. And again, I should be thankful as this is the first year that me and Gwen have been off for Christmas. (One day mind you. She has to work four thirteen hour shifts to get one day off. Here’s a bonus question – Guess who got five days off???

– The selfish bastard who did the rota!!!)

Now before I start typing even more pish, I have been asked to mention a new feature that we are playing around with. We have always had the Saturday Specials, which were maybe not necessarily stories but they were close. We have had on occasion the odd essay sent in and we have enjoyed them but because we didn’t accept them, they were refused. But we’ve decided to give them a try. We are actually going to underplay this a bit as for the love of whatever a god is, we don’t want inundated with ‘The Infuriated’ being furious about dog shit on their pavements or someone being pissed off with the state of their neighbours’ garden. (I want it on the record that I have told my neighbours that I will tidy mine if they are ever wanting to sell!!)

Ranting is fine as long as it is interesting / Funny or a wee tad sick.

Social Commentary is always something that we want to read but make sure that you are being Ironic / Funny (Again), Cutting, Seething but for fuck sake make it interesting.

None of:

‘I walk in our park and there are a lot of leaves lying.’

‘I was appalled to see a Tesco Trolley next to the pet shop when Tesco’s is half a mile away.’

‘My water pipes smell.’

‘I don’t think that having a Bookies in The High Street is a good idea.’

‘Would somebody please think of the children?’

‘Parking! Don’t get me started about Parking!’ (And then they fucking start!!!)

‘Brexit.’

‘Trump is a cunt’ (We know!!!)

‘Covid.’ (Nope!! Still too early.)

As always, it is very difficult for us to give examples on what we are looking for, it’s the same as with the stories, we will just know it when we see it.

I don’t think we can really state that this will be a regular feature, it will really just depend on what and when we get anything in.

But what the hell, it’s another challenge for you.

I’ve had a look back and on the Saturday Special feature, we only ever had nine writers in eight years. (Conor Barnes, Tom (With four – Another record!!), Jess N. McLean, Emily Dinova, Paloma Martinez-Cruz, Johnny R Beaver, Alex Ryan, Me and Jahunda) Please tell me if I’ve forgotten anyone!

Unfortunately, not many have continued to submit but at least we still have examples of their work that can be accessed.

Maybe the same will happen with this feature, but who knows???

Normally I’d move onto the reviews of the week’s stories but I will leave that, as, to be honest, I have totally run out of plaudits for Tom Sheehan. Between him and Leila, they probably hold every record on the site.

All I will say is that I hope you all enjoyed Tom’s countdown to his second century of stories. It is a mind-boggling feat!

We wish the great man all the happiness for next year and it is an absolute privilege working with him!

To finish off I suppose that I better mention The New Year. I don’t know what I’ll be doing as Gwen is working night shift from tonight until Monday morning. I may just get blitzed on Absinthe and wait until I wake up on Monday morning–We can celebrate then.

The New Year is actually like drugs or alcohol. It’s alright in moderation, but too much of it becomes a huge magnifying glass that you sit under. It exaggerates your mood. That is all well and good if you are happy but a bit of a pisser if you’re down. And if you are heading back to work over the next few days, there is a very good chance that you will be that way inclined!!

So with that in mind, I give you my New Year Toast:

Always be happy the days you’re not there, cause the days you are, work ruins everything.

I suppose I should also suggest a resolution–Promise yourself to punch the enthusiastic at least once this year.

Cheers folks! All the very best to you all!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugh

And lastly, here is some upbeat classical music to bring in The Bells!!

I give you ‘Lieutenant Pigeon’s’ ‘Mouldy Old Dough.’

Hugh

Image – Pixabay.com

14 thoughts on “Alexander Sawmill Legends, Steamboat Replace By What Was The Coolest Rock Pub And I Couldn’t Ignore A Huge Nod To Tom!!”

    1. Hi Steven,
      Could be even worse and be Bobby Crush!!!
      Thanks so much for your time and comment!
      All the very best to you for The New Year!
      Hugh

      Like

  1. I like Pigeons. Mainly, as this clip plainly shows, there is no more light of intelligence in a fake Pigeon’s eyes than in the real item. I cannot think of another live creature better at the empty gaze than the Pigeon.
    Until two years ago, I used to work during the season. Nothing puts the humbug into one’s attitude more deeply than needing to be at work on 26 December and 2 January while still drunk from the night previous.
    To paraphrase Mr Hawley, Happy rocking new year to all.
    Leila

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Leila,
      I love pigeons pan fried with a wee splash of red wine.
      Problem is where I get them from, they are very fresh but you need to be willing to spit the pellets out.
      I find being drunk at work enhances the experience but not sure if that relates to surgeons or pilots!!
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hello, Hugh
        There’s still a field across town in which Pheasants roost. Every so often someone sneaks in with a shotgun. Hardly a well thought out considering that the sound negates the stealth. It gets worse for the hunters because the field abuts an elementary school.
        Leila

        Like

  2. I’m not familiar with Lieutenant Pigeon’s or this weird song, but it’s fun. As is your post. My wife and I celebrate New Years at a local British-owned pub where everyone toots their horns at midnight London time (6 pm here). Is that getting old or what? Looking forward to some interesting essays. Happy New Year to all and thank you to the LS Team for all you do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Dave,
      We had the lurgie (Still got it) over the New Year, so still haven’t celebrated with anyone. Did have a few haufs with Gwen but that was about it.
      Hope the year is kind to you and thank you also for all that you do to support the site!!
      Hugh

      Like

  3. As some one who last had employment (not counting self-unemployment) in 1983, tough for you. A little unclear on the Saturday feature because I skim rather than carefully reading – Is the Saturday Story for previously rejected, or new new crappy essays (I’m ready to go with a blizardous drive half way through the USA with bed wetting childrem (not mine)). I’ve got a ton (for non-USA tonne) of rejectable stuff.

    Thanks for the support 2015 – 2023, have a rocking, rolling, ranting, riting, reading nuevo anno. I kind of remember asshole and annual in Espagnol is almost the same word.

    Leila – only 2 hours of power outage, WA state was worse.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello their Doug,
      Thanks for all your contact and commenting, you make the world a more interesting place.
      Have a belter of a year my fine friend.
      Hugh

      Like

    1. Hi James,
      I think the easiest resolution to keep is – ‘I will be disappointment.’
      Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
      Stay happy and healthy throughout!!
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t believe you can buy absinthe in Canada, though legal marijuana is sold everywhere. Canada is the land of the stone. I personally stay away from anything mind altering except bagels with cream cheese. The Saturday Special sounds interesting, something entertaining with a humour aspect. Indeed, in limbo week it is difficult to work or do almost anything else, here in the North it’s dark most all of the time, at least Santa left some coal.

    Liked by 1 person

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