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Week 344 – ‘Do You Want Super Sex? If It’s Aw The Same To You, A’ll Huv The Soup’, ‘No! No! Don’t Open The Door, Snake Hips Cotter Will Slither On Underneath’, And ‘For Everything In Life There Is Always A Beginning And An End. This Is The Tough Part, The Most Difficult Thing Is When You See The End Coming.’

First off I need to apologise to Diane for having to set up a posting with the longest title ever! (Are you taking that as a challenge Leila??) They’re all quotes, the first two are difficult to find but the third one, the one that really does get to me is there and can be found.

Back to the posting – Well hello there Chinas!!

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, check out Rikki Fulton. Have a look at this – Which also has another two Scottish Legends – Tony Roper who wrote ‘The Steamie’ and Gregor Fisher who played Rab C. Nesbitt.

I can’t believe how much I loved his ‘Gentle’ humour!!

I absolutely creased myself when he played the Minister I. M. Jolly and he was attending a funeral, when there was a disagreement, someone shouted,

‘Minister!!! Help us….They are all fighting!!!’

He took off his jacket and asked, ‘Whose side am I oan???’

(I couldn’t find the video)

As with my last couple of postings and staying with a common theme, this week gave us a couple of issues…Sorry Doug, problems!!!

Internal dialogue can be fun to do but there is a problem that keeps raising it’s head in a few different guises.

You do get some folks who would argue that all fiction is, as implied, fiction. If you are writing Fantasy, Horror, Science Fiction, you can have a bit of a free hand. But if you are going for CMT or anything that could have some realism or actuality to it, this is when you need to be careful.

We receive so many submissions where there’s a very emotional scene and the writer then goes onto write logical, ordered reminiscing and processing.

If you think on any situations you have been in, the more emotional the situation, you will do one of two things. You’ll either go to pieces and simply breakdown or your brain will get you through the situation, only dealing with that. Only thinking about what you need to process. If your kid is having a seizure, you won’t think back to their first words and the time they got an apple stuck up their nose. You will never consider the conversation you had with your partner about whether or not you both wanted kids. You won’t think back to your own childhood in comparison or that time you had appendicitis. Nope!! You will clear the room around your kid, phone an ambulance and try and stop them choking on their tongue.

Realism goes out the window with any long inner thoughts and contemplations. The way this can work is when the story moves on and the kid is safe. You can then sit your character down, pour them a brandy and then listen to their thoughts.

But again, think on how much we do say to ourselves. Do we ramble on for two thousand words about all that I previously mentioned or are these thoughts interrupted with an odd ‘But thank fuck he’s okay’ or ‘I think I’ll have another drink’ or ‘I could eat something now’.

It’s the same when we get the thoughts of the severely injured. So many writers go back to their character’s point of conception and have the person think from there. Surely if you have a chance of dying, panic, fear and terror will be at the forefront of your mind, not the first time you tasted apple jam.

We have read around 8400 stories (I really did want to type that as I’ve just worked out how to get that figure!!) and when you read so much inner dialogue in these situations you get that it hits you between the eyes straight away and you really can’t take the story seriously. If you are going for any sort of realism, put yourself in the situation and be truthful with your thoughts. It’s perfectly acceptable to have someone who is dying shaking and sobbing. That’s a damn site more realistic than them thinking on their granny’s yellow curtains, the first time they played with their rubber duck in the bath after a breakfast of scones and butter.

…But no matter what, please don’t ever type the phrase, ‘Bowels turned to water.’ Trust me, you are not the first fucker to think of that one!!

Okay onto this week’s stories. No newbies. One returner and three of the most prolific writers we have on the site.

First up was the legend.

You need an abacus to add up all of Tom’s stories. We managed it and he’s getting ever closer to the phenomenal number of 150! That will happen on the 3rd January.

He was first up on Monday with Smoker’s Holiday.

‘This is a different voice from Tom.’

‘Not gratuitous at all.’

‘Tom continues to write to the highest standard.’

On Tuesday a man who has had more stories published in one year than anyone else.

Yash Seyedbagheri was our offering on Tuesday with ‘Steady Space.

‘This was very well done.’

‘There is a weird sort of objectivity.’

‘Uncle Max gives this another level.’

And another record breaker which will be revealed at Christmas was next up.

Our lovely fellow editor Leila was published on Wednesday with The Wishingwellwraith And The Trade Rats: A Feeble Fable Of The Fantasmagorical.’

‘What a joyful scene, the wee ratty’s collecting their pay.’

‘Excellent! Leila’s stories always help me when I’m feeling jaded.’

‘I loved Flo and Andy to bits.’

On Thursday Mariam Saidan graced our site for the second time. Hope she has many more to come.

They Always Welcomed Visitors‘ was her story on Thursday.

‘It was interesting to read a different viewpoint.’

‘You know that the writer is familiar with the cultural significance.’

‘I liked the air of desperate panic in this.’

And we finished off with one of our most inventive writers. I can strongly recommend every one of Jennie Boyes back catalogue!! Please have a look, you’ll be in for a treat.

The last story of the week was entitled, ‘Fragments.’

‘I’m always delighted to see one of Jennie’s stories.’

‘This could have went so wrong but she handled it brilliantly.’

‘Jennie challenged herself with this and did a superb job!’

That’s us done and dusted once again.

It’s not been mentioned for a couple of weeks now and Leila is back to working on the Sunday Re-Runs as we haven’t had any in from of any of you for a while.

Get involved guys. Pick an older story that you’ve enjoyed, write a spiel or introduction and throw in a few questions for the writer.

When you consider a story and your take on it, it’s amazing how many times it will inspire you in your own writing.

We will publish exactly what you send us.

I hate to have to say this but congratulations to the American Ryder Cup team.

They totally and utterly humped us. It was worth the humiliation to see probably one of the best golf shots since Seve was in the car-park or even better, when big Sam Torrance had the winning putt in 1985.

I cannot tell anyone how much I admire Mr Torrance, not so much as him being a golfer, but more of him as a husband…To have bagged Suzanne Danielle, Sam has a super power that I’m in awe of!!

But I hate to say it, for what it meant, his winning putt was more special!!

So to Mr Speith, you are up there with Big Sam, Seve in the car-park, Langer in a tree and Woods sinking so many impossible putts…However I think your chip was the best I’ve ever seen!!!

And just to finish off, I maybe pissing off two of my favourite people in the world…But I don’t think so!!

I’ve always said that the only time I would shout for the English was if they were up against the Americans.

I’m now wise enough to state that was once my idea of national identity against individuality!!!

…I know better now!

Hugh

Image: Pixabay.com

6 thoughts on “Week 344 – ‘Do You Want Super Sex? If It’s Aw The Same To You, A’ll Huv The Soup’, ‘No! No! Don’t Open The Door, Snake Hips Cotter Will Slither On Underneath’, And ‘For Everything In Life There Is Always A Beginning And An End. This Is The Tough Part, The Most Difficult Thing Is When You See The End Coming.’”

  1. Ha! That title had to be continued on a second computer screen. Brilliant clip. I’ve been to several weddings to know better than be one of the participants. I usually hide in the restroom when the father toast comes. Those, though heartfelt, are awful squishy; almost enough to make you wish you were at a funeral (another event that I plan on not being the star attraction–oh, I’ll die, but I won’t ruin anyone’s day by forcing them to go to an awkward ceremony). Frank and fun as always.

    Leila

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    1. Hi Leila,
      Thanks as always for your support and encouragement.
      Talking on funerals, my old Great Aunt Nan went to her mothers and then decided that they weren’t much fun and stated that she would never go to another. She didn’t. And that included her husband Chuck (One of the greatest characters I’ve ever had the privilege to know!!) If anyone asked her why she simply said, ‘He understands.’
      Hugh

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  2. Good commentary about writing inner dialogue. As you point out, when it’s not done right, it seems staged and manipulative. It seemed strange to be rooting for the winning team in this year’s Ryder Cup. Things probably will revert to the norm in two years.

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    1. Hi Dave,
      The inner dialogue thing is something that I wish I could have stated that I’d known – But it’s not so much what I know, it’s more what I’ve seen.
      Regarding the golf, not sure where the fall-down came from. If it’s simply ability that is a fair result but sometimes the history of anything isn’t respected and that’s a different issue. (Not that I’m saying that’s what happened.) Because of Sky – I see very little sport that I used to follow, so I can’t really give an opinion on performances except that we were well beat by a bunch of superior players and that, we need to take on the chin.
      No matter what – That was an unbelievable chip!! Some folks would say luck but how can it be luck?? He was trying to get as close as he could and that is what he did. I was actually sorry that the putt was missed!
      Thanks as always my fine friend.
      Hugh

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  3. Francie and Josie were for me a wonderful comedy duo, and somehow I always felt entertained. Saw them in pantomime in Glasgow – showing my age now.

    8400 stories is a fantastic amount.

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    1. Hi James,
      I loved their suits but Gwen would have killed me if I ever wore one.
      Jack Milroy was brilliant.
      I read somewhere that Rikki Fulton was a classically trained pianist, fluent in French and had a love of fine wines – What a difference from the glaikit characters he played. (Good job I’m talking to a Scotsman!)
      If you haven’t seen the episode of Rab C Nesbitt he was in, access it on YouTube – His description of a typical Scottish love story is one of the funniest pieces of deadpan comedy I’ve ever seen!!
      Great to see you around…And thanks so much for still taking notice of my nonsense – It means a helluva lot!!!!
      All the very best my fine friend.
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

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