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Week 324 – An Advert, He’s Behind You And I’ll Always Remember The Belter That Was Effie!!!!!!!!!!

Before I begin, I send out a warning to ‘The Sensitives’ – God forbid us ever upsetting ‘The Sensitives’ by mention even one of the three trillion things that they’ll get upset about!!

To all you ‘Sensitives’ out there, I use the bad swear word three times in the last two paragraphs so either take some Prozac or don’t read those paragraphs.

And I mean the bad, bad swear word that sounds like Kent if you are from London. You know the one I mean, well maybe you don’t, the one that’s a term for a lady part and not the cheeky ‘f’ word for a lady part that I refuse to use as I hate it. So many folks do and think it’s a bit of a laugh but not me!

However…Have a look –

Anyhow – You’ve been warned!

First off I need to thank Leila for the sterling job she did on last weeks post. It’s always good to have someone insightful and intelligent – But nae luck folks – It’s me this week!

I may steal the idea of some audience participation regarding lists of certain derogatory terms.

Now when I read the words audience participation I think of two things.

One – The non arrogant idea that a reader can take out of a story what they want – It doesn’t really matter what the writer was writing – It’s brilliant when a reader goes off on another path. Some writers get so pissed when a reader doesn’t get them. But that’s probably the same prick who gets an erection when they think of the word ‘Metaphor’

If you are writing and you’re not being ‘In your face’ with content and meaning – You really need to accept that the reader is like a snake with an itchy arse, they’ll go off on many a direction. So don’t get pissed off if they don’t get your meaning.

Slightly off topic but on a tangent, (Get the point??) the best story I ever heard about some audience participation was in a theatre in Glasgow at Christmas time in the middle of panto season. The villain was hiding behind the curtain as the kids went silent and then they screamed when he was literally behind the comic character – I’m sure you know the scenario. Anyhow one time when he was hiding behind the curtain and there was an audience hush in anticipation, one wee guy stood on his seat, pointed at the curtain and screamed, ‘There’s the bastard!!’

Ah profanity from kids can be so funny but not as funny from very small, tweedy elderly women. That always makes me laugh. In a past life I worked in an old folks unit and the loveliest old lady would always grab my arm to be escorted to the dining room. She would converse very sweetly that she was hoping for a fish tea for her dinner. I kept telling her that she would on Friday. (Is that still a thing – Fish on a Friday or is it just for the Catholics??) Anyhow she would then talk about how nice the weather was and how she loved the cardigan that her daughter had given her. Then when we passed certain people she would lean up towards my ear and whisper, ‘Bunch of fucking cunts’

Even when I knew what was coming, it still creased me up.

Okay onto this weeks stories.

We had three new folks and two old friends.

To our newbies, we welcome them, hope they have fun on the site and as always, we want to see a lot more of their work.

First up was our first new writer.

Matthew McGuirk got us up and running with ‘ A Strutting Rooster‘.

‘Very well written.’

‘Enthralling.’

‘The more I think on this, the more I like it.’

On Tuesday we had Yash Seyedbagheri. He has graced our site on seventeen occasions.

The Shadow Of Your Smile‘ was his latest offering.

‘So much poignancy and loss.’

‘Very visible.’

‘The image of him pasting up the pictures of smiles when you realise that all he wants to do is cry, is so powerful!

Our next newster broke the back of the week.

Joy Florentine’s ‘Ladybird‘ was next up.

‘The atmosphere was excellent!’

‘You totally understand their thoughts moving from this to that.’

‘They couldn’t settle as they knew that they’d need to accept.’

A. Elizabeth Herting was published on Thursday.

Dust to Dust‘ was her eighth story for us.

‘So enjoyable – I loved this!!’

‘It was a brilliant mix of horror and fable!’

‘This lovely lady is a wonderful writer!!’

And we finished off with our last new writer.

Boshra Rasti-Ghalati’s ‘Creep

‘Great Tone!’

‘What an unsettling character.’

‘You wouldn’t want HIS attention!!’

That’s the round up rounded up.

I always listen to some music when I write this and I challenge anyone to keep still if you listen to this!!

And if you are a purist, seek out their live version!

Leila did something or didn’t do something that got me thinking.

She never mentioned commenting or the Sunday Re-Run.

We actually got many comments and five Sunday Re-Runs.

So maybe I shouldn’t mention these every week.

I wondered why I do this and I reckon that I need to try and influence someone who is reading this for the first time. But maybe it’s a bit like the cheek of your arse – It’s pointless. I think I’ll leave the repetition and give it a break. I’ll come back to this every now and again but as a rule, I’ll leave it. Actually I feel a bit of relief as I hate repetition – It bores the nipple ends off of me. But I just felt that I had to do this.

I will always remember Miss Anderson and Billy Capperauld, but I’ll remember them in my own time.

When I think on them, I’ll have a tear in my eye as no-one has ever been inspired by the wee religious wumin and a pure gentleman who helped a lot of fucked up teenagers.

Just to finish…

We had some election or another in Scotland this week. And the more politically active amongst you will probably be disgusted to read that I haven’t a Scooby who won what. I can’t express how much I don’t give a shit.

I once thought that I would gain more interest as I got older but nope – Nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, I will watch debate programmes like ‘Question Time’ just to see how much of a cunt the wankers can make of themselves but I have no affiliation towards anyone being less of a cunt than the others.

If you are on an income of hundreds of thousands – Sure, take an interest in who will give or take that half percentage off you. With me that half percent doesn’t even register.

Do what the politicians do, look after yourself, there is nothing wrong with that. Just don’t kid anyone that you are supporting for any moral social reform. No fucker will believe that.

Be honest. No matter what, most folks have a tiny bit of respect for honesty.

Just say in a loud and happy voice – ‘I’m a few grand better off with those cunts!!!’

Hugh

6 thoughts on “Week 324 – An Advert, He’s Behind You And I’ll Always Remember The Belter That Was Effie!!!!!!!!!!”

  1. Thank you for coming home, I knew that the Guinness I left on the stoop would guide you. There’s a funny cussing lady of a certain age in one of Clint Eastwood’s few comedies. Played by Ruth Gordon, I think. It was in one of the “Any Which Way,,,” things he did, decades ago.
    Funniest, scariest person of that ilk didn’t really swear much, but every time I hear the name “Owen” I think of Danny DeVito’s “Mama.”

    In effort to stand by you against the onslaught of Sensitives, I humbly ask if “doss cunt” properly describes the names that appear on ballots in Scotland?

    Great post,
    LA

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    1. Hi Leila,
      Thanks so much!!
      I do like a Guinness.
      And a Murphy’s.
      And a Breakers.
      And a Tennants.
      And a Bud.
      And a Fosters.
      And a Gillespies.
      Okay – We could be here for a while even before I got to the haufs.
      And then there is wine.
      And Brandy. But to be fair there are only a few of those deliciousness!
      And then liqueurs.
      And Ciders.
      Okay, I’ll stop now!
      ‘Doss cunt is probably a bit more Edinburgh than I am. But the sentiment is the same! I would probably call them all either paedophiles, thieves or liars. And if they say that they are none of them – Then they have proven themselves to be liars. But if I was pushed I would go for: lying sycophantic, selfish, arrogant, misguided… (Again, we could be here for a while!!)
      Hugh

      Like

  2. Back and in fine form I see. Great post as always and plenty of warning for those who require feathers burning under their noses and just a sip of laudanem.

    Like

    1. Thanks so much Diane.
      I’ve never been able to access Laudanem. I know that it is very addictive and quite dangerous to ingest. But have you ever seen a Scottish diet??
      …I’d be fine!!
      Hugh

      Like

  3. Welcome back, Hugh. Glad to see the Sunday off didn’t mellow you! There’s a touch of Lenny Bruce in your posts. He also didn’t let “the sensitives” stop him. Good for the both of you.

    Like

    1. Thanks so much Dave,
      It’s always a pleasure to see you around.
      I don’t really know much about Lenny Bruce – I may have a look. Thanks for the tip!
      Hugh

      Like

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