Week 298 – Perfect Poaching, A Gorgeous Glare And A Respectful End.

Three thousand days in and America is still counting.

Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it feels that way.

You wouldn’t see that happening in Britain. Our powers that be are a lot more organised than that. Well maybe not so much organised, but for every day not being in power is expenses that they are missing out on and children that they aren’t molesting.

I refuse to comment on any American politics. All I will say is I’m happy for those who are happy and sad for those who I’m happy for. That would have been the same for whoever won!

If you do end up with President Joe, I do wonder about his commitment. How committed can you be at that age. Now before you start fanging at me, I am not meaning anything to do with capacity, I’m simply meaning as we get older, certain things don’t matter.

For example, I couldn’t give a shit what anyone thinks of me. I have no interest in where technology is going. I accept that many a younger man would quite easily be able to beat me up. I don’t give a fuck I’ve pulled out what hair hadn’t fallen out. I know that I know more dead people than alive. I accept that most people are of the cunt type. Women don’t find me attractive anymore. (Aye fuck off! The word ‘anymore’ is a stretch and the words ‘didn’t’ and ‘ever’ should be in that phrase somewhere.) And disappointment in absolutely everything has become my norm.

So I wonder about President Joe getting out of bed and really giving a fuck about anything other than his eggs being cooked the way he likes them.

I think he’ll be like Sean Connery in the terrible film, ‘Never Say Never Again.’ He’ll be going through the motions for the sake of his memories and ego.

Wasn’t Kim Basinger a stunning looking woman!?

The older I get, the more one song sings to me and that is ‘Glory Days’ by Bruce Springsteen.

I remember when I could do a whole host of things; some depraved, some impressive and most that made me happy. But those days are by and I now have to try and find something other than murder that makes me smile.

Totally off topic, sort of, ‘Fire’ is a very underrated song of his and if you can find the acoustic version, it’s a delight. And believe it or not, ‘The Pointer Sisters do a cracking version.

Regarding Sean Connery, well plaudits and sycophants always come out the woodwork when someone dies but there are so many reports that he wasn’t the nicest of men, it makes you think. I can’t say I liked him as an actor as he played ‘Big Sean’ in every film he made. But what the hell, I enjoyed ‘Goldfinger’, ‘You Only Live Twice’, ‘Highlander’, The Untouchables’, ‘The Hill’ and ‘Family Business???’

I need to mention a bit of dialogue from the film ‘Family Business’ for being brilliant. As much as I can remember it went between Matthew Broderick and Sean Connery who played grandson and grandfather:

‘Have you ever been in a bar fight?’

‘Yes.’

‘Did you throw the first punch?’

‘Of course. Not throwing the first punch is a sure way of losing’

Or that should really be:

‘Of courshhh. Not throwing the firsht punsch is a shure way of looshing.’

Is mentioning a speech impediment not PC even if it is sshhexy!?

And back to ‘Highlander’, I’ve been told that Christopher Lambert is sexy with his intense glare. (I read that this was due to him trying to see as he is short-sighted. I do the same thing only I have been told that I don’t look sexy, I look dour with a want about me.)

Okay onto this weeks stories.

We had three new folks and two old hands who are getting close to having a mind-blowing two hundred stories between them.

To our new folks, we welcome them, we want to see more of their work and we really do hope that they have fun on the site.

Our topics this wee include; pirates, a tribute, a miracle, weekends and an abattoir.

First up was the amazing Leila Allison. The site wouldn’t be the same without her.

‘Elbows With Fishes‘ got us up and running.

‘It hints at darkness within a story about drunken stupidity.’

‘This was really quite deep.’

‘As always, some interesting ideas brilliantly put across.’

It is so good to see both Leila and Tom Sheehan next to each other. If their stories were missing from the site, there would be a helluva hole to fill.

Tom was next up with ‘Black Bird Of Prey, Death Ship.’

‘I like the idea of sworn loyalty.’

‘We need more pirate stories.’

‘He’s taken on a different topic but written in his own unique way.’

Our first new writer was published on Wednesday.

I don’t think any débutante has ever sent us such a poignant story. The timing of this simply cried out to us.

S.A. Cavanagh’s story, ‘Residual Grief Of The Dead Soldier’s Mother‘ could only be on the site on the 11^th November.

‘This makes me cry every time I read it!’

‘You just know that those feelings are from someone with experience.’

‘What can you say – Such a strong piece of writing!’

And on Thursday we had another new writer to the site.

ShivaRJoce’s first story for us was ‘Geldr.’

‘There is a terrible acceptance in this.’

‘Reaction is what you want – And by God is this sad!’

‘You get the feeling that the narrator is exhausted with all that has been thrown at them.’

And on Friday we had our last new writer.

Sean Maraj finished off the week with ‘The Elephant And The Milk.’

‘Great tone and the pace was controlled beautifully.’

‘Understated and sad.’

‘Clever and brilliantly set up for that last line.’

That’s another week over.

I wonder if Miss Anderson remembers me? Probably not.

Usual reminders folks, please keep commenting. I’ve given up on those who don’t. Their shyness has won once again and their metaphorical testicles have fallen off and rolled away!!!

I’m not sure if I have used the word ‘metaphorical’ correctly but who gives a shit!!

Why not have a go at the Sunday Re-Run. It’s not an issue if you don’t, Leila has it covered but it would be nice to see someone keeping her company!

Pick a story that you have enjoyed, write a spiel or an introduction and throw a few questions in for the writer. We will publish exactly what you send us.

Just to finish off.

Tom’s story made me think of daft jokes that always make me smile.

What is a pirates favourite letter?

Aaarrrrrr.

One snowman said to the other:

‘Can you smell carrots?’

One penguin said to another:

‘Seeing all those stars twinkle around the ice makes me realise that some bastard has nicked our igloo.’

A wee woman is embarrassed about her dead husbands suit and she comments on the body next to him who has a beautiful suit on. The attendant felt sorry for her and says that he will see to it and asks her to give him ten minutes. When she returns her husband is decked out in the beautiful suit and the other guy has his old threadbare one on.

She says, ‘You shouldn’t have went to all that trouble swapping suits.’

The attendant says, ‘I didn’t, I swapped heads.’

Hugh

Oh yuk – Hugh!!! Mind that last line did make me spurt coffee on to my keyboard.

I loved The Hill – it’s an old film and a lad (yes it’s that old that I knew lads!) who wanted a ‘relationship’ took me to see it at the ‘pictures’ Poor boy, he didn’t stand a chance – I was looking for my Sean and Billy with his acne and his skinny legs just wasn’t going to meet the criteria!! dd

Image by Marina Davydenko from Pixabay