If you are reading this and know anyone who is wanting to submit, please pass this on:
WE DON’T ACCEPT CHILDREN’S STORIES.
We are getting so many submissions of what the writers believe to be cute, cuddly and of interest to everyone in the world due to them probably having their own kids.
The stories are not cute, not cuddly and are of no interest. They should tell the fecking stories to their own kids to give them a sugar rush of love and unrealistic pish. What they shouldn’t do is send them to us and give me nightmares.
Okay, I was thinking on world mysteries this week. Apart from why folks send us in children stories I was wondering:
How does a blind person clean up after their guide dog?
And why do they keep re-making films that should be left alone?
I saw ‘Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil And Vile’ this week which is the story about Ted Bundy. It wasn’t very good. There was a previous film ‘Bundy’ which was pretty crude. The best one I saw was ‘The Deliberate Stranger’ starring Mark Harmon. It was subtle and well rounded. It told the story and left the viewer to have their own thoughts and fill in the more unsettling parts.
My curiosity was first peaked by Mr Bundy when I heard a news report on the radio in 1989. It stated that there were sales of Bundy Burgers and a request for everyone to switch off their electricity when he was due to be electrocuted to give him an extra jolt. I did a bit of research then and learnt more about the sick fuck.
A year later I found Mr Bundy being part of my wedding – Well honeymoon to be exact.
We didn’t go on holiday but we just went here and there, had some meals out, caught up with folks. It was a very pleasant week. But on the last couple of days I saw that Gwen was getting a bit down. I was surprised that this had happened so quick – I reckoned she would have been OK for a fortnight before my continual companionship got to her.
Anyhow, I asked her what was wrong and was expecting a wish for a divorce as an answer but she stated that she was being forced to do public speaking when she went back to her work. The content had to be electrical.
Gwen has always had an interest in Serial Killers, I actually judge her for it. I suggested that she write her speech around a Killer. In my usual articulate manner I said ‘Fuck them!’ when she questioned the electrical content. I just thought that she was uncomfortable enough giving a speech without being dictated to about content.
So on the last day of our honeymoon, we sat drinking Bacardi and writing a ten minute speech on Mr Bundy.
I was over the moon when I found some electrical content. Gwen was a bit sceptical but she decided to go for it.
At the very end of her ten minute speech of murder, manipulation and deviation, there was the line:
…And with the help of 2000 volts of electricity…
We were grasping at straws but what the hell.
She managed to give the speech and came in last due to the lack of electrical content.
But she did get a mention as having the most interesting speech.
The moral of that story is a washing machine won’t kill you but it is a lot less interesting than Ted Bundy.
Onto this week’s stories.
We had an influx of four new writers and the ever present Mr Sheehan.
Topics included; Destruction, complexity, self-interest, a doppelgänger and a following.
First up was Tom Sheehan.
He continues to send us excellent stories. Monday’s was no different.
‘Why Demi-Gods Roam Alone‘ was his latest offering.
‘A master-class in engaging the reader.’
‘An intriguing story.’
‘Beautifully written and lyrical – Just what we’ve come to expect from Tom.’
To all our new writers, we welcome them, hope they have fun on the site and have a long association with us.
Martin Rosenstock was next up with, ‘ Mutla Ridge.’
‘This was powerful due to the description and the thinking back.’
‘I was hooked by this. I recognise places like these.’
‘Great tone, interesting characters and very real.’
On Wednesday, Kevin Koyce had his first story published.
‘A Coffee Shop Moment‘ broke the back of the week.
‘This is a brilliant piece of observation.’
‘The sad thing is how true this was.’
‘False and artificial and sadly ignorant of the fact – I enjoyed the cynicism.’
Sean Campbell was our next new writer.
His first story for us was ‘Guns‘ and this was published on Thursday.
‘The history is dark and complicated but it isn’t over-elaborated – The specific story is allowed to take centre-stage.’
‘Very well put together.’
‘Sean cleverly adds in snippets that makes you realise what is going on.’
And we finished off on Friday with our last new writer.
Thomas Howarth completed the week with ‘A Few Billion Leaves.‘
‘There is no judging towards the workers just facts and understanding.’
‘Supply and demand is the argument of the unscrupulous.’
‘Terrible content and very sad but this is a very well presented piece of work.’
Well that’s us for another week.
Just the usual reminders.
Please keep the comments coming – They keep the site alive.
And why not have a go at The Sunday Re-Run.
Just pick an older story that you have enjoyed, write a spiel or an introduction and throw in a couple of questions for the writer. We will print exactly what you send.
Back to the last two mysteries I was thinking on:
Why does a man have nipples?
I actually know this – The measurement between his nipples when halved is the point for the middle of his tie. This ensures that it is sitting perfectly on his torso.
And lastly –
What colour does a strangled Smurf become?
Diane has gleefully taken on this task.
Diane has a problem with Smurfs.
She insisted on setting them on fire after she throttled them.
Diane mixes Acetone and Gasoline for a very effective accelerant.
So the answer to the question of ‘What colour does a strangled Smurf become?’ is Ash-Grey.
Image – Taken whilst he was following Diane.