Week 222 – Pointless Coffee, Overworked Malcolm And Memories Of Cupid Stunt.

Well here we go again. We are at Week 222.

I’ve had a bit of time on my hands over the weekend and I’ve come to a few conclusions.

I heard someone asking for brown coffee and I wondered why. I decided to wait until I got back home to try some as I didn’t want anyone to think I was a coffee shop wanker. I made a nice black coffee and began to add a drop of milk at a time. The colour changed, the taste didn’t. Then the taste changed to what I would consider a white coffee. So I had black tasting coffee then white tasting coffee, the brown was just pointless. I reckon that the fear of being thought a wanker was a fair one.

I’ve also realised the best way to tell when a film is truly awful. It’s a very simple process. If it’s on late on a Sunday afternoon you can bet your life on it being shite.

And lastly, I was wondering if you are going for a health kick and you want to exercise until you get out of breath, does getting off of the couch count?

As you can see I had a very productive weekend.

I think the reason that it was so quiet was that we didn’t have that many stories to read. And that wasn’t because we hadn’t got any submissions, we had. It was just that a lot of our submissions were sent by people who couldn’t read guidelines so our return email pony, Malcolm, was very busy. He earned his virtual carrot I can tell you.

We received:

One short story of 40 000 words.

An illustrated kids pop up book.

An illustrated pop up porn book.

A Cook Book.

A teenagers diary – It was sticky.

And a Do It Yourself Maintenance Manual for a 1974 Ford Cortina with some pictures of the writer as a baby and a foreword from his mum and his Great Aunt Annette. (He still stays with them)

We didn’t read any of these. (Well apart for the pop up porn book – I think Diane had a look)

The reason that we didn’t read any of these is because we don’t accept them. But folks still keep sending in without bothering to have a look at the site or at the very least, the submission guidelines. This ruins our happiness.

So I thought I’d make a point of it. Even though it won’t matter as those who don’t look at the site won’t look at this posting. Hell! Those who do look at the site don’t all look at this posting so it is a moot point.

At this point in this weeks post, I thought I would find out the origin of ‘moot point’.

To be honest I wish I hadn’t bothered. It has something to do with our governing in the sixteenth century.

It warms my heart to know that you can always rely on politics and politicians. No matter how far back you go they are as boring as fuck!

The other thing that we have seen is a plague of adverbs. Please don’t encourage them.

Sadly and disappointingly we’ve literally read daily, a numerically unreasonable amount of a thousand adverbs continuously. Honestly I’m not fuckingly about!

OK, onto this week’s stories.

We had four new writers and an author with his fifth outing for us.

The topics this week include; a wedding day, infatuation, profiling, an exodus and an inescapable visitor.

As always our initial comments follow.

 

On Monday we had our first new writer.

We welcome David Douglas-Pennant.

He started off the week with ‘Anna.’

‘The line about the funeral not being Anna’s but theirs was excellent.’

‘Perfect tone and creepiness.’

‘I love the idea that he is going to own her forever and the rest of the world will let her go.’

 

Robert John Miller was next up with ‘The Potato Grabbers‘.

As with David, we welcome him and hope that they both enjoy the site.

‘This is absolutely barmy.’

‘I just wish the lube had been what caused the accident.’

‘A madcap jaunt into ridiculous land and I loved it.’

 

We broke the back of the week with ‘S.K. Roch’s first outing.

The same greetings apply.

Extraordinary‘ was Wednesday’s story.

‘This was atmospheric and unsettling.’

‘A high quality of writing.’

‘This stays with you and makes you think.’

 

And on Thursday, we had an old friend and a wonderful story teller.

Michael Grant Smith nearly finished off the week with ‘Escape Velocity.’

‘This was bleak and was more about their relationship breakdown than anything else.’

‘Totally hard hitting.’

‘Mr Smith can sure put a story together.’

 

The week was completed with our last new writer.

We hope that Shane Plassenthal and the others continue to send us their work.

The Postmaster Who Never Left‘ was published on Friday.

‘Well, the image of Judgement eating his own tooth will stay with me for a very long time.’

‘This is excellent. There are some very vivid lines.’

‘The testiness between the two women is very well observed.’

 

So that’s another round-up done and dusted. (Did anyone see the episode of Phil Silvers as Bilko when they thought they were going in for a singing contest when it was actually a clinical trial for a deadly gas? The platoon kept singing, ‘The Last Round-Up’ and the Brass kept getting emotional due to their ‘bravery’.)

Now for the usual reminders.

Keep those comments coming! They breathe life into the site.

And Leila is a Lone Ranger at the moment as there are not many others taking up the chance to write a spiel for our Sunday-Re-Run feature. We know that you are out there as we can see the excellent reading figures! So don’t be shy, find your inner Tonto.

(Kenny Everett was a legend!!! – ‘Quantum Jump’ not so much. Palming off a word as another Cultures surely has to be wrong in some way!

…Even if it was done in the best possible taste.)

 

Hugh

Image by marijana1 from Pixabay

It was research – that’s all it was research – and it was just quick glance! – dd

8 thoughts on “Week 222 – Pointless Coffee, Overworked Malcolm And Memories Of Cupid Stunt.

  1. Around here if you order a brown coffee you get Kaloah (I never spell that right, I doubt I have now) and coffee. That’s one sure way to”move the mail” in a disgusting way, that is.
    Porn pop up. I bet it sucked among other things.
    LA

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Leila,
      At least pop up porn has more dimensions than internet porn.
      I should have also mentioned Latte. No wonder there needs to be so many syrups put into that nonsense as boiled milk is a tad bland!
      Hugh

      Like

    • Hi Leila,
      I have written a bit of poetry in my time. I prefer to think that it is a snobbish discipline within an aloof acceptance. Well it’s either that or most of mine was shite!
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Fun post as always. I was surprised and delighted (notice I avoided the adverbial construction “delightfully surprised”) to see a Sgt Bilko reference, though I missed that particular episode!

    Like

    • Hi Dave,
      Thanks as always.
      I have to admit to having a love of some American TV before it got as popular and accessible over here.
      As well as Bilko I enjoyed, ‘The Twilight Zone’ (Original), ‘The Outer Limits’, ‘Soap’ and ‘Eerie Indiana’
      American TV got crap when it got good!!!
      Hugh

      Like

  3. Thanks for the shout out! Very grateful for the comments and feedback, I’m sure you know how motivating it is to have people read and react to your writing.

    David

    Like

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