All Stories, Writing

Week 211 – Second Person, Tense Picking And Unforgivable Lines.

Here we are at Week 211.

I have had a bit of inspiration on my topics for this post.

Instead of me spouting my usual inane shite, I do have some more technical aspects to discuss.

I have had an idea for a story that has been floating about my head for a very long while. I eventually decided that it was now shouting and not whispering at me so I began to write.

This is the first time that this has happened as I began to write in second person, future tense. This was perfect for the crux of my idea and I was able to get across the main theme. But as I wrote around the story I realised one thing. I am absolute pish at writing second person, future tense. If the story was six hundred words, five hundred were either ‘you’ or ‘will’ and mainly both of them together.

It’s a very demanding discipline.

So at the time of me writing this, I need to go back and start again.

My point is about setting yourself specifics. I think when it comes to a story, you can’t really decide what is the best way to tell it, you just need to start and it will find its own way.

We have found lately that a few stories that come in argue with what the genre is supposed to be. Diane, puts the genre into her mind’s back-burner whereas I have somebody shouting in my ear something like, ‘This is supposed to be funny!’ It only effects when it is specific to humour, horror or science fiction. If something falls into any of these categories and has been presented as general, it doesn’t bother me. So I just wonder if this is a writer deciding on what they are trying to write and the story having other ideas and going off on a journey of its own.

Oh and romance is still in the category of shite and I really don’t care how anyone tries to disguise it.

We’ve found something strange has been happening since Christmas and that is us receiving some spectacularly bad lines. These are the sort of lines that would ruin a perfectly written manuscript of a hundred thousand words. They are that unforgivable.

I am talking cringe worthy in the same way as:

‘Champ! Champ! Don’t go!’

‘Nobody puts Baby in the corner’

‘He truly was the son of God.’

‘I know where the bastard lives.’

‘You had me at hello.’

‘If I can change, you can change, we can all change.’

‘For you have found favour with God. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son.’

‘Ohhhh Mr Frodo.’

‘Flash, Flash, you know I love you but we only have fourteen hours to save the earth.’

(And every fucking line in ‘Forrest Gump’!’)

There is no way that we could ever publish them and maybe even mentioning this is a bit crass. Although I am more than sure that those involved would never consider their gems ever to be uttered with any ridicule. But what I was wondering is do any of you have a line from either a famous book or film that makes you feel the same way as nails down a chalk board. There is normally an easy way to spot them and that is before you read them or hear them you spontaneously say:

‘In the name of fuck’.

You can’t help it. The curse is out your mouth before you can take back any control. So if you have any that makes you cringe and want to kill the writer, let us know.

There are no such terrible lines in any of our stories this week or any ever!!

This doesn’t happen often but we had five new authors for your reading pleasure. We don’t plan anything this way, it’s just how they have come out in date order of our decisions.

Now instead of me splitting up my normal spiel, (Yep I know that it’s always the same but how the hell am I meant to say the same things over all these weeks differently?) I just want to welcome them all, hope they enjoy the site and continue to send us their work.

Our topics include; writer’s block, a sculpture, family traits, loneliness and a return.

As always our initial comments follow.


First up on Monday was Christopher A. Dale. He got us started with ‘Acton.’

‘I found the monologue fascinating.’

‘I’m sure some of this could be used in a thesis about language.’

‘The flashes regarding the past were very interesting.’


MJ Spurr followed on with their short story, ‘Everything Nice.’

‘The hints to the back stories intrigued.’

‘This packed a lot into a relatively short word count.’

‘I loved the idea of the fly being rescued.’


The back of the week was broken on Wednesday with ‘Progeny.’

The author of this one was Dima Alzayat.

‘Dark and dreadful but really gripping.’

‘We don’t need to know where the madness came from, we can just accept that it is there.’

‘A strong piece of story telling.’


Thursday as always, came after Wednesday.

John Conaway’s, ‘The Drinking Hour‘ was next up.

‘I find that I have quite a bit of sympathy for the MC.’

‘The phone call section was well done.’

‘The observation was excellent.’


And not surprising, we finished off on Friday. Jessica Powers story, ‘The Tale Of Thomas O’Clery.’ was your last of the week.

‘This was quite hypnotic.’

‘Excellent tone with some unanswered questions.

‘Lovely writing, mysterious and spectral.’


That’s another seven days come and gone.

Anyone who is waiting until next month for their story being published, blame God. If he had squeezed another 3.5 days in of a week, you would only have half the time to wait.

Usual reminders apply – Please get involved with The Sunday Re-Run and keep commenting those comments!

So just to finish off.

…If you are going to write second person, future tense, don’t, it’s hard and it smells.

…Categorise romance as ‘General Shite’

…If you are going to send us a story with terrible lines, try and be ironic about it.

…And burn every DVD of Forrest Gump that you can find!



Banner Image: You never know wot yer gowna get!  DD


11 thoughts on “Week 211 – Second Person, Tense Picking And Unforgivable Lines.”

  1. Nails down a chalk board.
    I never used to bother until I started writing short stories and scrutinising every word but now I throw the chalk duster out the window. (most school children these days have not seen a chalk board or ever had to duck when the duster as it came flying across the class room). Back to the point.

    I am still laughing when I read the lines below: I know I shouldn’t, since the author actually makes money.

    “He paused at the door to cast his eyes around the interior before selecting his usual seat at the far end of the bar.
    The bartender caught his eye and nodded …”

    Am I being ridiculous to think this is funny or have I been watching too many cartoons?


    1. Hi James,
      Thanks as always for your comments.
      Yep, what you thought was a witty come-back had to be followed by a very quick duck. But you couldn’t win, if the duster didn’t get you, the belt did. And probably the duster on your way back to your desk.
      I think if you have a literal ear, (Is that what you call it?) it can be a curse as you end up in kinks and everyone else thinks you need a wee pill!
      All the very best my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Famous authors that wrote badly, certainly their dialogue – James Patterson, Robin Cook and Irving Wallace.
    If one is discerning as I am, writing is easy. Plots are difficult.
    How do you feel about “Space Force vs. Space Squids” as a title?


    1. Thanks for the comments Doug, always appreciate them!
      I think your title has promise.
      But you’ve not said what genre!!!
      All the very best my friend.


  3. “There are no such terrible lines in any of our stories this week or any ever!!”

    “Phew!” my compatriot past contributors will sigh–as did I–when you read this assurance. You, my colleagues, will feel relief not unlike that you’ll experience when, later this fateful evening, you discover that your Uber driver is actually Cerebus–and that you have exactly three dog biscuits in your pocket and–by the beard of Zeus!–a trio of cartridges in your trusty Walther PK!!


    1. Hi Mitch,
      It’s great to see you around the site again! You’ve been missed!!
      Hmm…When I look at the line you quoted, and commented in second person quite beautifully, I think that line could be in amongst some of the dodgy ones!!
      Hope you are happy and well!
      All the very best my friend.


    1. Yep Dave,
      It was so pish that I keep needing to remind myself that it wasn’t Mr Cruise who actually said it!
      A sincere Tom Cruise can only be beaten by a sincere Mr Hanks in ruining my happiness!!
      Thanks as always for all your input!
      Stay happy and well my fine friend.


  4. Second person is effective when it is actually someone speaking to herself, which is actually an indirect first person narrative. L’Erin Ogle provided a fine example of that about a week ago.
    Worst written line ever goes to Eric Segal (so) in drippy Love Story: Love is never having to say you’re sorry” or some colon cringer like that.
    Only pro-wrestlers use future tense much: “I will mangle your flaming pink ass for saying love is never having to say you’re sorry.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Leila,
      There was a cracking series called ‘Only Fools And Horses’ and it had the best reference to ‘Love Story.’
      It went sort of like this:
      Del – I’m sensitive
      Rodney – I’m sensitive too
      Del – I cried at ‘Love Story’.
      Rodney – So did I.
      Del – Yes…But I cried because Ally McGraw died. You cried because Ryan O’Neil didn’t

      Stay happy and well!


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