Week 113 – Pickles, Crackers And James Wayne.

Another week has come and gone. I can’t believe that we are into March with Week 113.

I’ve been thinking about all those friends and relatives who say things that inspire. Oh and I’m not talking about any sense what-so-ever! I’m talking about the belters that make you choke on your chocolate milk!

My very first job about thirty four years back, I worked with a guy who was doing a college course and boy did he like to tell you that. Every fecking sentence began with,

‘That reminds me of the time at college…’

No wonder so many students get killed in slasher movies! Anyhow, another workmate had brought in a Ploughmans for his lunch and the college genius stated:

‘It must take a very long time to peel onions down to pickle size.’

We all choked, composed ourselves and reminded him of that daily for the next year or so.

When I said that someone had to be twelve years old to buy crackers, another person who shall remain nameless for threat of divorce, said in a loud and happy voice:

‘Is that because they are so dry and a kid could choke?’

I now can’t eat a Jacobs without actually choking…Or reminding her of that!

This example takes a bit of creative thinking. At school we were asked what we thought was the most heinous, we had been given a list. (Theft, murder, rape, etc, etc) A cracking wee guy I knew asked me:

‘What would happen if a mole stung a child?’

I liked the wee numpty so much that I explained that was not what it meant. I never told anyone, well not up until now that is.

This one was from a Humanist who was conducting a funeral.

‘Mary had a great love of Westerns, especially any James Wayne films.’

Ironically, she must have been the only human in the whole world who hadn’t heard of ‘The Duke’!

And last but not least, this one just epitomises religious bigotry and lack of tolerance. This was another workmate who was from one side of Glasgow:

‘I don’t think it was right that the catholic player came onto the pitch and crucified himself.’

The guy that he was talking about must have been some athlete, what with running around with a big dodd of wood on his back.

The hysterically funny thing about all of these, except the last one, was that these were sane individuals who were intelligent and articulate. It’s just that mind-fuck that can happen to any of us at any-time.

But the good thing is, those types of lines can instigate stories or novels. (And a lifetime of getting ‘The pish ripped right oot ye!’)

Hopefully the line of:

‘Keep quiet and let everyone think you are an idiot instead of saying something and proving the point.’

…is unfair as it has just been a glitch in your intelligence and reasoning, but again, except for the last example!

OK, on to this weeks stories. We only had one new author and the rest are very well represented. Our topics included poetry, the inspiration for Post 111, a bit of robotic naughtiness, a comeuppance and the life and times of the put-upon.

As always our initial thoughts follow.

On Monday, we had the amazing talents of the multi talented (As well as pseudonyms) JC Freeman.

I know I used the word ‘talent’ twice in quick succession, but it works for ‘these’ authors. They were first up with ‘You Will Remember Everything

‘I was totally captivated by this.’

‘Absolutely beautiful.’

‘This writer is a very clever and provocative thinker.’

Our next writer, always manages to think outside the box and give us something different. Adam Kluger has managed to have some poetry published in a non-poetry site! ‘The Poet‘ was next up on Tuesday and he married a story and some poetry beautifully.

‘This was full of hopelessness and pathos.’

‘The poems were very good.’

‘I enjoyed the sparseness of the writing which was complimented by the depth of the poems.’

This week we had the privilege of publishing Fred Foote’s 29th story. (And every one of them are worth a look!) ‘Stagger Lee‘ was our offering on Wednesday.

‘A great big bag full of blood, guts, beatings and make-believe.’

‘A mixture of ‘Big John’, ‘Camouflage’ and ‘Sue’ only meaner!’

‘This was wonderfully over-the-top and dark.’

On Thursday we had our new author. Jeff Blechle had his first story, ‘Descension Day‘ published. We wish Jeff the usual welcome and we ask him to keep sending us his work.

‘Horrific and brutal.’

‘Very believable.’

‘The shortness emphasised the rage and brutality.’

And lastly we had another old friend. Dave Henson finished off on Friday with a very imaginative piece of fun.

‘One Night In Club Sexbot’ was as quirky as it sounded!

‘A bit of fun.’

‘The wordplay was clever and amusing.’

‘The style was consistent.’

That’s us folks. I’m very aware that I have not included anything really stupid that I have said, so I will man up. There are actually loads. Surprisingly enough, they are all when I’ve been sober. But I reckon everyone expects you to talk pish when you are drunk.

I reckon the daftest, most stupid, not thinking thing, I have ever said, I have not only said once but thirteen times:

‘Of course I want to work here.’

Till next week…

 

Hugh

2 thoughts on “Week 113 – Pickles, Crackers And James Wayne.

  1. A college professor once told me that I have just enough knowledge to be annoying, and that I am just lazy enough to stay that way. Never heard of the Duke? That’ll be the day. Much jealousy… Um, pride for this week’s co-conspirators.

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    • I can’t thank you enough for your continual comments!
      We’ve had some cracking stories over the past few weeks and more coming up.
      And don’t forget that there are many weeks that have been and will be enhanced by your good self!!!
      Stay well, happy and inspired.
      Hugh

      Like

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