Week 95 – Nipples, Clowns And Balloons

typewriterEveryone of us has a favourite book and no-one else might agree and that is perfectly fine.
For pure perception on growing up, Stephen King’s ‘It’ was the only book I have read as an adult and it reminded me of being a child with a child’s logic. If memory serves me right, the book is around 1300 pages. All those words are a story around one simple idea:

‘For every adult who thinks up the legend of the vampire, there is a child who imagines the stake that can kill the vampire.’

It was a brilliant book which made you remember the times you would throw dice or throw a crumpled up piece of paper into a bin and if the dice was over four or you made the bin, you would get what you wanted. It also hit on friendships and how strong those feelings were when you found your first few close friends. It was a brilliant story. (The film with the late great John Ritter and the legend that is Tim Curry was alright, but you needed to have read the book to fill in the blanks.)

Now the reason I have brought this up is because I have just read my local paper. It has stated that the ‘American Killer Clown giving you a fright’ craze, is here in Ayr. Seemingly some weans were feart to go to school. (Well that is as good an excuse as any!) I honestly don’t think it was two Killer Clowns, I reckon it was just two charity shop clothed jellified junkies oot their tits.

I read somewhere that the reason a male has nipples is because they form before the reproductive organ. I suppose that sounds feasible. But I preferred the notion that male nipples were there so the guy knew when their tie was centred. (Not that the junkies were wearing ties. Apart from the nipple aspect, I don’t know why I even mentioned this!)

Sorry, I got a wee bit side-tracked!!

I have to admit, I like Killer Clowns. I don’t think they are as scary as normal clowns, especially those guys who do kiddie’s parties. All this offering you sweets and wanting to show you puppies and such like isn’t normal. Give me a colourful psycho any day!

My mum used to collect clowns and she had them in her bedroom. I enjoyed my dad’s discomfort when I asked him how he liked it that my mother surrounded herself with clowns in the bedroom?

Oh and my last love affair with clowns is ‘The Clown Song’ by DJ Rankin. This could’ve been theme music for those kids party weirdos!

Onto this weeks stories. Another three new writers to add to our ever growing family. The topics covered include, friendship, the 1970s, film making, a twisting horror and some ‘people-watching’.  As always our initial comments follow.

Our first new writer of the week was Carol Jones. Her short story ‘You See, I’ve Been Thru The Desert‘ was published on Monday. As with all our new folks, we welcome Carol and hope that she has more for us to read.

‘The Vietnam Vet. was a very interesting character.’

‘This took you along with the story and was well done.’

‘I was very happy to read this all the way through.’

On Tuesday we had our second débutante, Sergei Walnisty with his story, ‘Counting The Feathers Of Life‘.  More welcomes and requests for more of Sergei’s work.

‘Weird, but I liked it!’

‘I was hooked until the end.’

‘I like the fact that it is unconventional in its approach.’

There is no introduction needed for our author on Wednesday. The brilliant Mr Fred Foote is on a horror roll and his story, ‘The Newspaper‘ was next up.

‘He has taken familiar scenarios, turned them around and added a bit of Fred Pizazz!’

‘This is the quickest 2208 words I have ever read, this superb story went in in a blink of an eye.’

‘To take something so familiar and twist it has he has done is just excellent.’

Thursday normally follows Wednesday and this week was no exception. We have another new writer to introduce. Matthew Richardson is a writer who works very hard at his craft and it is a pleasure to showcase his story, ‘A Life On Track.‘ Again we hope to have more of Matthew’s work very soon.

‘Some great turn of phrases, the ‘Crumbs’ and ‘How to introduce myself’ lines in particular.’

‘A brilliant piece of characterisation.’

‘So poignant. It set the scene for the desperation and totally illogical choices.’

Now the end of the week is normally special to most folks and we have a special contributor. The wonderful, unique and lovely Leila Allison was published on Friday with ‘Time And Chance Happeneth To All Gods.’

‘The understated love that all these characters have for each other is a joy to read.’

‘Another lovely story.’

‘No-one should miss these stories.’

That’s us for another week.

I’m going to be busy this week as I’ll re-read ‘It’ whilst listening to DJ Rankin’s ‘Clown Song’…


Ladies and gentleman

Tonight your DJ is a clown

…Clap your hands!!

(I can’t mention where the balloons go!!!)


Banner Image: – Pixabay.com

9 thoughts on “Week 95 – Nipples, Clowns And Balloons

    • Thanks David!
      My tie is always squint. Nothing to do with my nipples, just that my dad is left handed and he tried to show me how to tie a Double Windsor!!
      Thank you so much for the read and comment.


  1. This was another entertaining read Hugh. I am just waiting for the opportunity to tell Ian what nipples are for – darn it he doesn’t wear a tie anymore but the opportunity will arise. Thanks as always.


    • Thanks Diane,
      How did you get a picture of my mum’s clowns?!!
      Regarding Ian, you need to book up a really nice restaurant and then you can pass on the knowledge…And have a nice dinner to boot!!!!
      Thanks as always for everything you help me with!!!!!!!!


      • when I saw those clowns I did grin to myself and wondered how near they were to the ones your mum had. Booked the dinner for Wednesday on the journey. It’s a little celebration anyway but I don’t think he’ll be wearing a tie. It was one of those things he gave up with joy when he retired. He has been seen now and then in a Dickie Bow but it’s ironic!!!


  2. Random thoughts –

    Mammals start off as females and either end up perfect as females or are corrupted into males. Nipples on males are vestigial reminders of their origin. I don’t wear ties, so I don’t need mine. I could have included that in my article about “Intelligent Design” if I had thought of it. All genders (how many are there now) have appendices which are worse than useless.

    Stephen King has written wonders and clinkers – hence my parody of “Under The Dome” (the Simpsons did it first) – “The Dumb”, but he can definitely write faster than I can read. He is reputed to not do much editing, but isn’t the rule for testing that your first answer is probably the best?

    I risk making the reply longer than the article, so signing off with a “well done”. More journals should have a weekly or weakly recap.


    • Thanks so much Doug,
      Stephen King is a legend. No matter what, for the amount of words that the man has written, any wee annoyances should always be overlooked.
      Between Stephen King, (It, Bag Of Bones, Gerald’s Game) the late great James Herbert, (The Fog, The Survivor, The Spear) Richard Layman, (Savage, The Stake) Glenn Cooper, (The Library Of The Dead) and the very hard to find David St Claire (The Devil Rocked Her Cradle) these are some of the most entertaining books that I have ever read.
      And thanks for your comments on the weekly post, it really does make it all the worthwhile!


  3. Due to a recent spate of “Creepy Clown” sightings in the Northwest, a bounty has been placed on the capture of such individuals by the Law. During yet another horrible rainstorm just yesterday, I found a particularly nasty clown loitering beneath the sewer grate near my front door. He called himself “Pennywise”; who operated under the false assumption that he could bribe his way out of my clutches by offering me a balloon and the opportunity to float. I laid a heavy weight on the grate and called the authorities. They came promptly, scooped him up and placed him in a tiny paddy-wagon, in which at least a dozen other Creepy Clown-types had already been inserted. “We’ve always got room for one more,” the Creepy Clown lawman told me.
    I plan to spend my reward on a Tim Curry poster.
    Excellent column as always.


    • Hi Leila,
      There can be no denying that you have read the book!!!
      Please have a look at my response to Doug for recommendations.
      And as childish as it is, I always love to meet anyone who is called a B…a B…a Billy boy!!!
      Thanks as always, your comments make me think and smile!!!!


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