Ian threw Michael a can of Dragon Soup.
“Are ye still getting kit from Jinky?”
“He’s the only one I go to, well unless any emergencies come up… How?”
Michael swallowed a few mouthfuls and rifted.
“Just wondering! He’s a fucking Paedo!”
“I know. That’s why he’s trustworthy. I know what he does and he knows what I do. It’s a relationship of trust.”
“Trust! Really? What about that wee bird Debbie? She’s dead. That was only last week. Can you trust his smack?”
“I know she’s dead. But it’s the usual. She just got out and thought that she could take what she was used to. Daft wee cow! Death by Cornton Vale intolerance… Happens all the fucking time!! And fuck right off. Would you refuse a bag, even if you thought it might be dodgy?”
“… Well no really… But what about him being a kiddie fiddler?”
“They shouldn’t look so sexy!! And what the fuck! If I can trust my supplier, all the better.”
Ian thought for a second, “Well tease maybe. You see I get a good deal ‘cause I take wee Rick with me. Our Linda’s boy!”
‘Your sis… That stays round the corner?”
“The very one.”
“Fuck me Ian, that’s a bit steep. You’re no letting him hump the boy? Fuck! What age is he?”
“He’s fourteen and a fly wee cunt! But the thing is he looks about eleven. And no, I’m no letting him beast him for fuck sake! But he’s a wee prick-tease anyway and will end up with someone’s dick in his mouth. So I just figured I would let him see the ways of the world.”
“What will you do if it gets to that?”
Ian leaned forward.
“I’ve got something to tell you. But I fucking warn you, if you say one word, I’ll rip your fucking haw-maws off and feed them to you.”
“You ken me, I’ll say fuck all. We’ve kent each other since the Academy. You’ve always been good to me.”
Ian decided that he had said too much to hold back. He would never have admitted it, but Michael was the one friend that he had and he knew that he could trust him.
“I’m for his business. That’s how I’m no worried about that wee poof. I ken whit Jinky has in that flat. And Five-O will be very interested. So I’m going to ask him to give me a load of kit on tick. I’ll tell him some shite about a party I’m supplying or something, I’ve no quite decided…Then…”
Michael shook his head, “He’ll never fucking do that!”
Ian began to laugh, “Aye he will! Especially after I’ve given him a wink and a nod with the promise to send wee Rick with the money! I’ve had to bribe the wee shit to fuck ‘n back to play along!”
“And I take it it’ll no be Rick who is chapping his door?”
“Nope. Size tens with a fucking warrant!”
“It’s risky. He’s no’ a dafftie! He kens some scary guys and all of them are fuckin’ mutants.”
“You’ve got to take risks! He’ll no have a clue it wis me. Every cunt on the streets ken whit he is. It’s only him supplying that’s saved him. By the time the fucker gets out. If he gets out, then I’ll be well enough established.
“I hope it works for you And ye ken where I am if ye need anything.”
Michael raised his can.
“To you Ian, the smartest cunt I have the pleasure in calling a pal!”
He nodded, “It will be good for both of us!”
“…Did you hear that? The door, next door!”
“What about it?”
“She’s back. We’ll get a shag at her. A celebratory shag! I’ll give you a tenner for the bag.”
Ian shook his head.
“She’s a minger. I’ll no be shaggin’ that!”
“Fuck off, she was a looker in her day.”
“And how many days ago was that exactly?”
“She’s no’ that bad. And she’s no an aeroplane blonde.”
“Whit the fuck is that?”
“Black box! She’s au’ natural.”
Ian smiled, “… And what if she’s shit herself again? That sweet cheap cider enhanced shit that runs down her legs?”
“Come on! Once! She was rat-arsed that day. It wasn’t her fault. Anyway, I take it as a compliment. I had fucked her that morning and I must have shook something loose.”
“Don’t care, my dick isn’t going nowhere near her… Especially if you’ve been there you aids ridden bastard!”
“… Fuck off, it’s Hep C that I’ve got! And anyway, we all ken the reason that you’ll no shag in front of me!”
Ian widened his eyes, “… You mean like self-respect and not wanting another man to have a look at my dick, you wee gay cunt?”
“Or the fact that you can’t get it up? Too much smack! That’s your problem.”
Ian gave him the finger.
“Fuck you! You’re twenty years younger than me, if you reach my age, then we’ll see how fucking firm you are! I’ve jagged more, drunk more and shagged more than you ever will.”
“But not now old yin!! And anyway, I’ll be deid by then.”
“You can watch if you like. Bring some memories back.”
Ian began to laugh, “Again, fuck off!! Anyway, how do you know that she will shag for a bag?”
“Because since her wee nephew was found deid, she’ll take anything. I really do think she loved the poor wee cunt.”
He shook his head again, “Nope! You’re on your own. And I want my tenner first!”
Michael grinned, “You’ll make a fucking good businessman!! Fair doos! Not a problem. Here’s thirty.”
“Thirty? Oh aye, two for you and one for her?”
Michael’s smile widened, “Nope, I’m going to set myself up with a wee show. I’m going to get Shirley to text that Linda hoor, the one with the big tits.”
“Ah! Fucking interested now!! Did you no know, they’ll do a lesbo show for anyone for a bag of smack each. I reckon the third bag will sway them and they’ll let me join in. Tell you what, why no have a swatch and if you firm up, then you can have first go at Linda.”
I don’t know.”
“You’re thinking about it! Think about her bouncing…”
“OK, I’ll have a look. But if I smell shit!”
“I know, but listen, there’s no music on. She always plays Tony fucking Christie when she is steaming. And anyway, I’ll be gentler with her this time! A finesse fuck!”
Ian brought over half a bottle of whisky, took a few large gulps and gave it to Michael.
“Here, a hauf and then, set it up. I’ll get the smack.”
Michael downed most of what was left and threw it back to him.
“Any chance of four for thirty quid? Just think of those tits!”
“You’ve some cheek on ye! You ken that’s all I’ve got in the house. So the spare is for you?”
“An after shag bag… Of course! I want to gouch into those lovely big tits! And if I was you I would be taking one of those blue pills so instead of shooting up… Well, you would be able to shoot up!! ”
His eyes lit up as he remembered that he had a couple of them lying about.
“You go on in. I’ll give wee Rick a phone and tell him we’re no going the day! Wee fucker will still hit me fur a twenty!”
Ian smiled as he watched the two girls together. It had been a while and he was glad that Michael had persuaded him. He heard it, the same time as Michael, the familiar sound of a diesel engine and then four doors slamming. He looked out the window.
“El fucking Cid at my door! Give’s a minute.”
“Just your usual then!!”
He ran out to them.
“Haw! What’s up?”
“… Aye… You know fine!”
“Ian Donaldson, we have here a search warrant…”
“Youse are wasting your time…”
Ian caught site of the man and boy walking down the road.
That wee bastard!!!
He sighed, “Why did I not think!”
“Sorry Mr Donaldson, I didn’t quite catch that?”
“Never mind… I reckon I should have reported a missing key but you don’t give a fuck about that, do you?”
“Not really Mr Donaldson.”
“… Is there anything you want to tell us Mr Donaldson before we go in?”
Ian sighed, “No! Fair doos! It’s only business!!”
“… OK, you know the drill. Any concealed weapons?
“… Only my coke… Fucking Viagra’s just kicked in.”