Tag: humour

All Stories, Humour

Crouching Feline, Hidden Lobster by Nik Eveleigh

Nik

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It begins as these things often do with a man talking to an imaginary cat. This fabulous and formidable feline is not only figmentary, but also sarcastic, cynical and prone to unprovoked bouts of profanity.

“So I’m supposed to say bollocks and the like for no reason?”

“Yes, that’s the sort of thing I expect. Now shut up and let me return to my musings.”

It begins as these things often do…

“You’ve mused that already.”

“Yes, thank you for that. Now once again shut up.”

“Just saying…”

Continue reading “Crouching Feline, Hidden Lobster by Nik Eveleigh” →

All Stories, Humour

Christmas Daze by Alexander Wardrope – Adult Content

literallystories2014

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“Hi, Jo-Jos…er… sorry, Cas. Where are ye gaun?”

Cas glared at his cousin Mel and held back a snarl. Oh, how he hated his name Joe, Joe- fucking- King what a load of shite. His mum and dad must be a right pair of cretins to land him with that.

“I’m gaun tae visit oor Auntie Mary,” he finally replied, “gie her and Uncle Josie a wee Christmas prezzie for the new wean. Y’comin?”

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All Stories, Humour

Dracul’s Lair Rooms Available by Tobias Haglund

Tobias Haglund

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“Baaah! I see you have entered into my lay-aargh…”

“Why do you always say it like that?”

“Lay-aargh?”

“It’s lair.” Piotr said.

“Aaah…Okay. But I don’t see why the reviews are bad. Isn’t my presence awfully scaaary?”

“Why do you wish to be scary? We’re just vampires running a hotel.”

“Aah! But all vampijours aare scary.” Vlad said.

Continue reading “Dracul’s Lair Rooms Available by Tobias Haglund” →

All Stories, Humour, Story of the Week

Trick-or-Treating in Germanville by Tobias Haglund

Tobias Haglund

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Hans wandered a street in Eaten-Notthemeatenberg, a small rural city in Germanville, with his sister Gretel. The siblings were about to go trick-or-treating. They came to a house and rang the doorbell. A man, with a prominent mustache, called Friedrich, opened the door.

”Hello, Sir. Trick or treat?”

”What in the name of…”

“God?” Gretel asked suggestively.

“Please… God is dead. We killed him.”

“Did you kill God!? How could you…” Gretel cried out and both of the children ran away from the horrible man.

“No! You have misinterpreted me!” Nietzsche yelled and hoped that no one else would ever do the same. Continue reading “Trick-or-Treating in Germanville by Tobias Haglund” →