Hans wandered a street in Eaten-Notthemeatenberg, a small rural city in Germanville, with his sister Gretel. The siblings were about to go trick-or-treating. They came to a house and rang the doorbell. A man, with a prominent mustache, called Friedrich, opened the door.
”Hello, Sir. Trick or treat?”
”What in the name of…”
“God?” Gretel asked suggestively.
“Please… God is dead. We killed him.”
“Did you kill God!? How could you…” Gretel cried out and both of the children ran away from the horrible man.
“No! You have misinterpreted me!” Nietzsche yelled and hoped that no one else would ever do the same.
They went to a second house on the same street.
“Hope this house is better.” Hans said with a lack of understanding of either comedy stories or the fact that he was in one. They rang the next door and a man with a large beard opened the door.
“Morning, proletarians. What can I do for you?” Karl said, even though it was evening. Depending on one’s rebellion it might always be morning.
“Trick or Treat, sir?”
“I pick treat then. What do I get?” the greedy socialist said.
“Nothing… We get candy!”
“Oh I see. A Bourgeois Twist, as we call it. Here you go.” Karl gave the children five candies, one planned for every year.
“Thanks…“ Hans said and looked at the candy labeled: Lenin Licorice, Commie Candy, Fidel Fudge and Coco Castro (comes in a bag of two) and finally a Proletarian Popsicle.
“Might I have the candy?” The bearded fellow asked.
“No you can’t. They’re ours!” Gretel, who had just received the candy, answered.
“Typical! You bourgeois swine never share anything. You live off of the fruits of our labor. I never lived off of anyone. And, I really needed that candy. Ever heard of; from each according to his ability, to each according to his need…?”
“Oh that was beautiful. Did you come up with that?”
“You would think I wrote it but actually…”
A lecture began, but the wisdom of his teachings was well over the heads of two children in need of candy. So they left Karl Marx without learning the lesson of sharing, while Engels appeared in the background wondering why Karl gave away his candies.
Back on the street. “This is impossible!” Gretel said to Hans.
“I know. But let’s try the very last house on the street.” Hans said and they both walked over to the last house.
A man dressed in black, with a white beard opened the door.
“Yes hello..?”
“Hello Sir! Trick or treat!?” Hans shouted.
“Ah I see what you did there… you did a Me-slip.”
“A “what” -slip?”
“Yes when you meant to say: Pricks are sweet, but accidentally said Trick or treat…”
“Uhm no…”
“Yes, you did, but now you are covering it up because of “libido-embarrassments”.”
“No sir I meant candy.” Hans said.
“Yes I understood that you are indeed randy. But let’s not make it weird…”
“You are making it extremely weird!” Gretel answered and both of the kids walked away.
“Let’s talk about your erotic dreams of your parents…” Sigmund yelled after them.
by: Tobias Haglund of Literally Stories
Literally Stories first comedy is niche or should that be Nietzsche? Either way it still makes me laugh. Good stuff indeed.
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Yes thank you. I thought I would leave my Marx here somewhere.
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Hi Tobias, I loved this satirical piece about the great stinkers, oops thinkers of the period. Perhaps they should have accepted a trick and allowed more fun into Europe, instead of sending Hansel and Gretel away to get lost in the woods, where of course they met a feminist gingerbread baker or was it chocolate? Great story full of laughs a minute. James.
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Thank you for your kind words. Yes that feminist lady is always giving treats away to the children in our neighborhood. In fact they like her so much we barely see the children anymore. Ha! It’s nothing to worry about I’m sure. They’re bound to come home anytime soon.
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Very clever stuff. It’s not as easy to be funny as everyone thinks – although you make it seem pretty damn easy most of the time! Nice work Tobias – really enjoyed this one.
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There is a lot of things going on in the background, as we both know. No one wants to know how the sausage is made – type of thing. Thank you for your kind words, Nik. You are a funny man too. You are also a interesting man, a scary man and a horrible man. I’m talking about your stories, of course. Or… am I? *being interestingly scared of the horrible man*
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Hi Tobias, you made me laugh. Methinks, Mr. Lenin would have dotted all the i’s and crossed all the t’s. Wondering how come the kids missed his house, and am still smiling.Thanks a lot. Best regards. Victor
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I think Putin would have opened the door while wrestling a bear, given them a Putin Popsicle and gone back to making Beef Stroganoff on his Gas oven. Thanks for the compliments, Victor, very nice of you.
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Droll stuff Tobias! Particularly enjoyed the line about Hans not understanding comedy stories or knowing he was caught up in one: would that be an example of a deconstructivist approach or just plain a plain post-modern one?
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I think it’s deconstructive. The narrator just happened to go out of topic. If I could get away with it, I would have the narrator go on a toilet break while the must wait. That would be funny to me. Thanks, Richard!
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Hi Tobias, I can only echo what has been said. This was a very funny and clever story.
All the very best my friend.
Hugh
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Thank you, Hugh. I’m glad it resonated with you. All the very best to you, my friend!
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Reblogged this on Tobias Haglund and commented:
I managed to fool the readers of Literally Stories and actually won Story of the Week. Mwa ha ha ha!
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