Television, in my humble opinion, is the form of storytelling that has changed most from what it was fifty years ago. Films already featured grittier affairs with Bonnie and Clyde, The Godfather and The French Connection. Hair was often played in the nude on Broadway, and books had long since broken taboos. But TV (at least American, but I imagine elsewhere) was drastically different in 1974.
This was due more to there being only three main network channels in the United States than anything else. Oh, there were the “Good Seal” codes and such, but the instant cable came along, and special effects got cheaper via computerization, it wasn’t long until big time foul language, realistic violence and faked sex made Showtime and HBO big hits. The first person I ever heard say “fuck” and “motherfucker” on TV was Richard Pryor–in fact he must have said every dirty word possible in ninety minutes–a friend had HBO and a live performance of his was aired (incidentally, he was very funny and the cursing was never the punchline).
Network TV pretended to be family friendly, but it has always been much more money friendly. Yet the rules were silly. Violence was fine, without gore, but husbands and wives slept in twin beds well into the 1960’s. It was so repressed that when a toilet was actually heard flushing on All in the Family in 1971 (the year network television began to grow up, slowly), the laughter was sustained for at least thirty seconds.
But to be fair, network seasons ran apace with the school year. Sitcoms had as many as thirty-six episodes to produce and the hour long programs were not that far behind them. They had to do stuff on the fly, and along with content prohibitions they did not have the luxury of “crafting” thirteen episodes, as we see today. This led to many basic storylines and plot contrivances making the rounds, especially in detective shows of the seventies, of which there were a zillion on the three channels.
One storyline I saw way too often on programs such as Cannon and Barnaby Jones involved the plot from the Spencer Tracy film “Bad Day at Black Rock.” Basically the PI would arrive alone in a small, secretive town to find the truth about the death of a pal who died in the town under unusual circumstances.
The townsfolk are mean and act guilty as hell. The so-called law and order is a murderous, corrupt sheriff usually played by Claude Akins. Bullies try to intimidate the hero, but to no avail. Even ol’ Barnaby ain’t afraid of no bully. They won’t even serve the hero fresh pie in the cafe. But one of the townsfolk is a good person who aids the detective. The truth comes out in the last five minutes as the State Police come in. There must have been fifty versions of this story between 1955 and 1980.
There were other common plots: You had the “so and so’s license is on the line” episode; the “framed for murder, and is on the run to prove his innocence” episode, etcetera etcetera. If it was used in a sleuth film of yore you’d eventually see it on McMillan and Wife.
Yet there was something comforting about old TV–although it was a product not much different in purpose than a Hostess Twinkee. It made you feel secure to know that despite it all, Perry Mason would win, Columbo would outfox someone who was a B film lead in the 40’s and that despite the action, husky William Conrad would not drop dead on camera. Life was as easy as shooting a bad guy in the trigger hand. (Tidy too, being that there’s never any blood.)
Late night retro television is as nostalgic as drinking highballs and smoking in a bar as dark as underwater. But every fifteen minutes the spell is broken by an incontinence ad, which causes you to think about death. The programming doesn’t help much in that situation because it is extremely rare to see a then middle aged or greater actor who’s still alive today.
(Very much alive Bill Shatner guested on all these shows–along with the late Whit Bisslell; Captain Kirk and Barnaby’s Lee Meriwether are often the only living links to those days of phone booths and courtesy matchbooks.)
Hemingway, I think, wrote “all true stories end with death.” I disagree. I say “All true stories end with adult diapers.” Regardless of the Awful Truth it is encouraging to see since stilled faces keeping on half a century later. It gives people a strange immortality, regardless of the underwhelming writing.
Still, the poor abused writers shouldn’t take the blame. It was the producer who told them what to write. There’s a lesson there: if you write something you hate for short term profit it might make someone’s face turn sour in 2074.
Segue Time
This is another six pack week beginning with, once again, a welcomed turn by Tom Sheehan (who was already publishing for twenty years before the seventies). Swan River Daisy was rerun and it is one of Tom’s earliest site contributions (of which he now totals 222). He weaves words and you get a sense that his effortlessness is the result of endless revisions.
Astonishingly, Tom is over eighty years older than Monday’s author, Mason Koa, who made his second site appearance. Dissecting Angels is brilliant and makes me a little bit jealous of Mason. There’s a level of wit and humour here that one shouldn’t expect from a teen–but there it is. It’s good to see hope for the future.
Remember Veera Laitinen? You should, Veera made her site debut last week and was already back for a second with Solar Storm 2012 on Tuesday. It takes the right touch to get this familiar topic over, and Veera has it. Like Mason, we hope to see her third soon.
Sexual obsession and all its creepy minions appeared Wednesday. Always Winona by Hannah Richardson is brilliantly laid out with an outstanding reveal toward the end. Told from the POV of the obsessed, a tremendous sense of foreboding climbs to the finish.
A bit of delightful whimsy stole Thursday. Carrot Season by newcomer Alex Maciockay is a winning piece that shows no matter how absurd the mission, it is the tale of the journey that will always carry the day.
JD Clapp returned with Patsy’s Last Gig to close the week. The world JD creates is immersive and you root for the MC even though you know he is as unfairly considered as washed up as the era of smoky lounges and Jazz clubs on the strip. A requiem for a past that really shouldn’t have died alone.
There they are, six winners. And if you would like the taste of victory, we recommend that you write a feature about a book or an author that you are fond of. Unless you really botch it up, odds are that it will land well. (Please include a Spoiler Alert if you tell the denouement–fancy word of the week–for persons who have yet to read your selection.)
Archeological MeTV
I close this latest site dig with a list of “comfort shows” that usually ended with a chipper little get-together of the main cast–no matter how much death and pain went on for the previous hour (actually forty-three minutes). Please add your own–UK shows and all are welcome. (Also happy 55th birthday to all the first stuff the fellas left on the Moon!)
1.) Star Trek (I must figure out how many times an episode wrapped with the McCoy being whimsically slighted by Mr. Ears)
2.) Barnaby Jones
3.) Cannon (usually involved good food and wine)
4.) Mannix (in a surprisingly good mood after all the gunshot wounds and skull fractures)
5.) Perry Mason (it’s interesting to wonder who got burlier over the nine years, Raymond Burr or William Hopper)
6.) Hawaii Five-O (not always chipper, but nine times in ten you’d hear “Book ‘em Dan-O.” I recall thinking that just once it would be cool for Dan-O to ask McGarret if his fucking arms were painted on or what.
7.) The Waltons (For some reason I really doubt that “Goodnight, Hugh.” “Goodnight, Gramma,” were heard at the end of the day in the Cron household of yore.
8.) Highway Patrol–Broderick Crawford took all the killing he did as seriously as some people choose between fries and onion rings for lunch. Ten-four.
9.) Dragnet (1967-70 version)–The most under-rated unintentional sitcom ever. I’d list the moments, but if unfamiliar, you ought to check it out on YouTube. My favorite laugh riot featured “Mr. Daniel Loomis.” (I will add a clip at the end, which we have arrived at, now that I think of it.)
- I leave it to you
literally stories 