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Week 486: Beware of the Amazing Bogey-Duck

(As for the image, Elliot is on vacation this week)

Maybe I’m Amazed

I live by the water–by name, the Puget Sound, a cold and unforgiving northern sea connected to the Pacific Ocean; abundant with life, ghosts and sources of amazement. When I was small I’d amaze myself with the idea that I could get in a row boat anywhere on the Sound and proceed to China without having to touch land once. I dismissed a nagging voice that informed me that I’d likely drown long before reaching the Strait of Juan de Fuca; nagging voices are for grown ups. And although I’ve dealt with the Sound in one way or another nearly everyday of my life, I do not know how to swim beyond the sort of “floating stroke” peculiar to corpses. Cold northern seas will kill an unprotected Olympic swimmer just as fast as any non-aquatic type of person; thus the skill is as futile as wearing an asbestos suit for a walk on the sun. But the sea and surroundings are excellent places to spice up reality through what I like to call “self amazement.”

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Week 484: Omens and Owomens of the Superstitious World; A Week of Good Works; The Latest Ten on the Unsteady Jukebox (Part Three)

Every night I sit here and bring submissions aboard. Although necessary and the soul of this undertaking, the “hi-how-are-ya” task gets redundant after a while, especially when there are twenty or so waiting. All that politeness and language watching is alien to my being and sometimes I will send a unique reply that either proves that I am not an AI, or if I were one that maybe a refund should be asked for from the Robot Store.

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Week 482: Remembering Jon Brower Minnoch; Five Acts of Daily Goodness; the A to Z of Slang and Catchphrases

Jon Brower Minnoch (1941-1983) was, and remains, the heaviest known human being ever to live (according to Guiness). He topped out at 1400 pounds ( a hundred stone in the UK). He holds many weight related records including the most pounds lost (900 plus) and the greatest weight difference between husband and wife (1300). Mr. and Mrs. Minnoch had two children, which is testament to both the determination of life and a prime example of something I’d rather not consider too deeply.

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Week 480: Tabby Rasa and Cat Commandements

Tabula rasa, the blank slate, has taken a new meaning in the courtyard. One recent morning I left for work and saw a Red Cat of maybe four months in a window. Almost indigestibly cute, he was a war with the window shade and was, judging by the bent to hell slats, winning a decisive battle.

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Week 478: We Keep Playing Them Word Games Forever

Roughly speaking, there are more than six-hundred thousand words in the English language (minus the stuff you see on medicine jar labels). The average English speaker’s vocabulary is between twenty and thirty-five thousand words. Anyone can contribute new words to the language; Mr Shakespeare added seventeen-hundred now commonly used words on his own. But with so many words, it is inevitable that some of the juicier ones are often overlooked. (Quick disclaimer–the obviously googled numbers produced many results–I selected the sanest looking source to quote.)

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Week 476: Xtra, Xtra Read All About It; Five, Make That Six Good Reads; Inked Jocularity

Kindle is one of the greatest inventions since the pop-top beer can. Anyone who has had to pack and move hundreds of books from one place to another should be grateful for it. I look at my tablet, amazed that I have thousands upon thousands of pages stored in it; enough volumes to make my place look like that of a hoarder. I now own maybe three hundred paper books–down from the high of about fifteen hundred I had on hand in the 90’s.

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Week 472: Where Have You Gone Darby Crash? Punk Bed Fiasco and Not All That Irritates Makes a Pearl

Whether it Be Curbing or Kerbing, Nothing Vomits Sweeter Than Stolen Beer

Society has been going to hell since the invention of the Good Old Days. Funny thing there–because it’s true and yet there are new Good Old Days rolling out of the Good Old Days Factory constantly. A Paradox, until you remember that New People are being produced at even a greater frequency.

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Week 468: Personal Preference; A Week of Preferred Works and the Fictional Pet Department

Tastes

I find that I have a narrow spectrum when it comes to reading material. Along with fiction I like non-fiction written by good writers– biographies by David McCollough are a fine example. I never read “celebrity autobiography” and consider the purchase of such a capital offense. The good thing about books is that you can get a feel for them by reading the first couple of pages (forget the blurbs on the cover). Hardly can ask to watch the first five minutes of a film before deciding to buy a ticket or not.

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Week 466: Greatness Schmerateness; Five New Stories and Dueling Old Lists

When I was in high school A Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin was considered the greatest rock song (greatest as in “progressive”–whose heyday was from the mid-sixties through the mid-seventies). Anyway, that’s what the guys on the FM radio said. At the start of this month (fifty years later, on the station that’s always playing where I work) Seattle’s “Home of Classic Rock,” KZOK, again voted it number one (narrowly edging out Bohemian Rhapsody, which finished second for the fifth year in a row). For the record, the Queen song is truly an innovative thing–it blew minds when it came around in 1976; and to be honest, I have always disliked Stairway. Fairly or otherwise I associate it with the slacker in an army coat who stank of weed and sat behind me in Social Studies class. He always fell asleep and I had to whack him on the head with exam papers when it was time to pass them back. A minor annoyance in my life, yet I have yet to forget it.

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Week 464: Happily Never After and Antisocial People Have Feelings Too

Happily Never After

I cannot help but knock feel good fiction. It reminds me of Heaven, which no one has ever described to my satisfaction. From what I have seen, Heaven looks like an eternal installment of Songs of Praise (I thought the USA had a monopoly in the department of hokey religious programming, but the UK has once again exposed my ignorance).

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