I’m going to try something different here this week.
Normally I go off in tangents. I’m all over the place and one topic leads to another. But not today.
I’m going to investigate the status quo. And that’ll give me a reason to let you hear some music that a lot of folks hate but I hope that you listen with an open mind, or open ears or whatever the fuck.
Now that I think on it, if I stuck to the status quo I’d go off on tangents, be all over the place and let one topic to lead to another!!
Anyhow due to the repetition of that phrase, it has reminded me that I played this song on repeat many a time. Sorry but the links will get worse!!!
Our normal day consist of Romance, (No not a box of chocolates!) shit submissions, as in discourtesy and disregard and Science Fiction. What is it about that genre?? For something that is supposed to be forward thinking and inventive, a helluva lot of folks come up with the same old ideas.
The one thing that I love as part of our norm, is there’s not one day passes that I don’t smile due to a quip or comment from Diane or Leila.
Man this is a shite link!! But this song also makes me smile!!!! Play it loud!!
What really creases me up is when they get angry! I can be a total tit and will fang about anything and everything but the two ladies are lovely, supportive and caring. So when something infuriates them, it makes me laugh…And a wee bit scared if I’m honest!!
Being part of each others daily life is a lot of fun and it softens the blows of any negatives!
I’ve been thinking on what I’d like as my normality. This sounds like a contradiction but it would be a mix of times. Literally Stories would be throughout!!
Physically, by fuck would I go back to 1986! I played golf, snooker, squash and exercised (Now-a-days, blinking is a chore!) I think my liver would appreciate me back in ‘86 as I was only four years in with my love of alcohol!!
Mentally, that wouldn’t matter as I’ve been fucked since 1970!!
This link is a bit better but still shite! Here’s a song from 1970.
Technology wise, again, I’d choose 1986. I could understand it then!
Music would be anytime from 1986 backwards. There is more shite music from ‘86 forwards!
I know I’ve mentioned this a few times before but it’s worth repeating due to our generation being blamed for the fucked planet – That irks me somewhat!
We should go back to the days of paper pokes* Fuck you Greta – It wasn’t us punters (Hi Leila) who had an insistence on plastic wrappers it was the supermarkets. We were of the time that you took a basket for your groceries, a plate out to the butchers van, got two pence back for our ginges, (Pronounced Gin gees which are bottles of carbonated drinks) saved crisp packets for wee weans (Pronounced Wayne’s as in children – Yep, I’ve also said that a few times before) only put the heating on two hours after we had frozen to death and swapped empty milk bottles for those of the full type…Swap is the wrong word, we still had to pay!!
*Pokes – paper bags. (Helen Lederer once said that Scotland was the only place in the world where you could ask a stranger in a shop for a poke and not get a punch in the mouth)
I’d like as the norm flared jeans and cheese cloth. Suits would have wide trousers, not those fucking choke your legs numbers that we have now. The last time I tried a pair of trousers on, you could count my varicose veins.
I wouldn’t standardise food as I’ve always been curious. And talking about curious, people should admit that there are only three sexualities – Gay. Straight and Greedy – Sorry – Bi!!
I’d like the days to be back where funeral services couldn’t be advertised and that would also be the days when there were very little reality shows.
There would be no point in changing politics as they have always been and will always be a bunch of self-centred, over-privileged fuckwits!
Okay, onto this week’s stories. Four new writers and a man who has been busy over the last couple of weeks.
We welcome our debutants and hope that they have fun on the site.
As always our initial comments follow.
First up was Mark Barlex. He was our first new writer of the week and his story was called ‘See You Next Year.’
‘The bulk under the duvet made me smile.’
‘This was different enough to carry it through.’
‘The ongoing war with the bear was amusing.’
Next up was Christopher Ananais. ‘The Convert’ was an impressive story number twenty one for him.
‘Christopher judged the amount of detail to release perfectly.’
‘Christopher could have laid this on thick but he judged it beautifully.’
‘This is a setting that is often open to drama.’
Sam Kandej is a new writer to the site but he isn’t new to us. We met Sam many years back in the site ‘Shortbread’ where he had many a story published.
‘The Storm And The Silence’ was his first story for ‘Literally Stories.’
‘I was smiling as I read this.’
‘Amusing.’
‘I like the Lennon song at the end.’
The newsters kept coming! Claudine Mussuto was next up with, ‘Memoir Of A Fiction’
‘I enjoyed the set-up.’
‘The somewhat ‘up yours’ attitude of the MC is infectious.’
‘This is something that I want to go back to.’
And we finished off with our last new writer, SJ Butler with ‘The Jump.’
‘A bit weird.’
‘Inventive.’
‘There is always a need to fly.’
That’s another week done and dusted.
No-one has sent in a Re-run suggestion. It would be good if you could. Just pick an older story that you have enjoyed. You can write an introduction or what it meant to you and we will publish it. (Throw in a couple of questions for the writer if you want and we’ll see if they are willing to answer.)
Please keep on sending, reading, commenting and saying ‘Thanks’ if you are commented on. (It’s only polite!)
This may get me into trouble with some fuckwits – It’s happened before but the more I see of this, the more I don’t give a fuck!
The announcement of pronoun has raised it’s head once again. We had someone advising that their pronoun was ‘he’ and ‘they / them.
He / They / Them are a fucking idiot. How can you state that your pronoun is he or they / them? As soon as you say he, that bombs out they / them and vice versa.
I don’t understand most of this pish but even I can see that is a contradiction.
I reckon it’s just idiots following an idiotic fad!!
When you announce this to someone you are in direct contact with, it’s a moot point as they (Used correctly!!!) will only refer to you as your pronoun if they are mentioning you to someone else…But that is also unnecessary as long as they use your name!!!!!
Another gem from Tam Cowan.
On the first Monday in May, no dogs can help farmers as it is a ban collie day!!
And to finish, my favourite Quo song!
Image: A steam iron standing on the end with a gout of steam puffing out ready to iron Hugh’s cheesecloth shirts. from Pixabay.com
literally stories 
Hugh
I was able to open the first two clips at the same time–oh God what noise they made! I knew the first song, but the live one was new to me. Their drummer looks like what Lemmy Kilminster would have looked like if he had the stuff on his face removed.
Oh yes indeed, there would be little pleasure in life if there were not people to bash about for their astonishing ignorance. Whenever I hear someone claim to be a “people person” I avoid the fucker at all costs. Now I think about it the only people I’ve ever heard make that claim are middle managers and politicians. I know of no writer who has ever said it. I do know a retired mortician who told me that disliking human beings made his job easier. Made sense.
Gotta watch the other two clips.
Thanks again for another great Saturday post.
Leila
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Hi Leila,
I wonder if Morticians can ever blame a down-turn in their business due to the cost of living crisis??
Seek out as much Status Quo as you can! I’ve been slagged for fifty years for loving them. Nearly got into a fight with a twat who argued with me that they didn’t have an album called ‘If You Can’t Stand The Heat’ and the cover was an old electrical ring! That album I knew well as ‘Long Legged Linda’ was on it!!
I agree about self confessed ‘people persons’ or should that be ‘people people’ – They are all wankers who shouldn’t be allowed near anyone…Except Serial Killers!!!
Thanks as always!!!!!!!!!
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
I do recall hearing a lot of Status Quo on our FM rock stations. The problem there is the damn d-jays never credited the bands and unless you already knew you’d have to call the stoned bastards to get the name.
The image of that waitress is precious. She has lived. Good for her!
Leila
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Hi Hugh
It’s a plastic world now–all for the sake of selling convenience. The money makers love to destroy and turn the world into a dump. My eye goes to the plastic water bottles that clutter my end table and another two sitting on the floor. They look like work–pouring them on plants, collecting them, deciding what to do with them. I try to burn all the plastic and Styrofoam I can since the jackasses took away the recycling bin.
The new pronouns might mess up Abbot and Costello’s baseball skit. Not sure?
Thanks for the mention in the round up!
Christopher
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Hi Christopher,
The irony of manufacturing lasting plastic plastic bottles to get rid of one use plastic bottles is a tragedy and hysterical all at the same time!!!
Us Scottish people and our Celtic cousins, the Irish, have always been thought of as speaking very fast. I reckon the genius that was Richard Pryor and Lou Costello could give us a run for our money!!
You deserve every mention and plaudit that you get.
Thanks as always my fine friend – Stay happy and healthy.
Hugh
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Being a part of others’ daily lives is something we all need, even if the “others” have paws and a tail. It’s interesting to think what age / year you’d want to go back to. I read long ago that Bob Hope said he’d like to be 40 again. I wondered why he’d want to be so old. I was so young and naive!
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Hi Dave,
Paws and tails elevate them from humans any day of the week!!!
…Although I’ve been up from 3.00 am this morning due to my cat Harry Fiend screaming ‘Ohhhhhhh Nooooooowwww’ He does this in the kitchen as the acoustics are better.
I remember my uncle telling me that in his mind, he felt thirty six – His body, not so much so. I didn’t really understand that. But now that I’m of the age of my uncle when he told me that, I understand completely!!!!
It’s a constant pleasure seeing you around the site my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh!
I think LITERALLY should re-run some pieces by Leila again! She is the Dorothy Parker of our time (which is one reason why she writes about Dorothy so well) and her stories deserve to be seen again and again and again. Whoever re-reads her works faithfully will get at least two major things out of it: a deeper appreciation of life itself and more knowledge about how to write really, really well.
I wish I could share a nostalgia for the ’80s as much as yourself but when I think back on it it arises in my mind as the Ronald Reagan years, since I was and am an American. He did a couple of good things and he had a fabulous smile but overall he was a real idiot who set us all up for a lot of the things we are dealing with now and will be dealing with for centuries to come. Being an American, I see a line starting with DICK Nixon, running straight through to lame Gerald Ford, on to ineffectual Jimmy C., then Ronnie Rayguns, then Ronnie’s sidekick, then Slick Willie, then Ronnie’s sidekick’s even worse son, then the huge disappointment of the Chicago guy I once thought might save us (a little bit), on to the monster we have now, with a guy with dementia in the middle.
So for me the ’80s were the Reagan years and what I often remember most about them is Raging Against The Machine, just like I’m so often doing now.
Sometimes I see how much worse things are now; but other times I see how many things have improved. If your skin tone is not as pale as Moby Dick’s things are probably better for you now. Same with gay people or folks who were born the wrong gender (or feel like it). As far as the rest of us, things are bad and they are also good in other ways. Sometimes I think the world never really changes. And it is no longer considered a good thing to beat your child by more people (percentage-wise) than it was then. Physically beating a child is the worst thing I can possibly think of and I have never even come close to raising a hand to either of my kids in any sort of way nor even threatening to do so, not even close. And I can tell that they are so much better off for it.
Anyway, Leila is such a great writer that I think LITERALLY should re-run her works on some sort of a regular basis, probably even one per week, maybe on Fridays! She is a diamond of American Literature. Truly a writer who will last if anyone does. And you yourself, Hugh, are due huge credit for having helped discover her.
Dale
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Hi Dale,
First off regarding Ronnie Raygun – We had that bitch, sorry, THING, called thatcher. (She decimated 22% of the Scottish workforce in her first three years in power.) Check out the best satire show ever ‘Spitting Image’. It slaughtered both of them!!!!! (Make sure it is the 1980’s version)
What is good about these days is our kids are probably a bit more tolerant but by fuck has that came with a price. Another thanks to our Australian friends for giving me the phrase – They are all FIGJAM (Fuck I’m Great Just Ask Me.)
Regarding Leila – I’ll give you a wee bit of site history.
Leila wasn’t onboard when we began the Re-Run feature. We decided between the three of us (Me, Diane and Nik) that we wanted this to come from the writers and those who commented, we felt that we didn’t want to show any favouritism. Leila had many stories published by then and she took it on herself to embrace this feature. Apart for the odd here and their’s (Is that the correct term??? Nope, don’t think it is!!) it was Leila who kept this going. And brilliantly, she still does. Me and Diane, still avoid it.
However, regarding Leila’s past work, we have been discussing her genius that is her ability to insert back-story and we reckon that there may be a way to link in any new work to her older work(s). The great thing about this is it would give her more words for her to go forward and not to have to worry about going back. It also will give access to anyone who reads.
What pisses me off doing this, and I’m not being sycophantic, there are writers on this site that should have careers, esteem and earnings due to their work. But simply due to bad timing, bad luck and some fuckers opinion, they will never get that chance!!!!
Cheers Dale – You make all of this worthwhile!!!!!!!
Hugh
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I miss proper shops with paper bags and loose potatoes and boxes of biscuits with little windows in the lids. The Years in the Middle East were great but I couldn’t go back to them now. That world isn’t there any more. Which is of course your point. I loved having babies and little children. But there’s a lot to like now so I guess I’m lucky. Old but lucky. Thanks for another great post. Don’t be scared, we love you. X dd
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Hi Diane,
I miss the excitement of the future. Now that I’m in it, I’m a tad disappointed!!
I’ve quoted this many a time, ‘My expectations may be high, I blame that on my youth.’ Mr Fergal Sharky wrote that and I hate the bastard for being so astute!!!!!
For so many reasons, I hate supermarkets. When you think on it, they have been the downfall of fucking everything!!!!!!!!!!
HAH!! I wonder how true the ‘I’d rather be lucky than good’ is when you are neither!!!!
Thanks as always and tell Ian I’m asking for him!
Hugh
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‘… a ban collie day’ – AAAAAAARGH.
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Mick,
I agree!!!!
If anything is worth a groan, that was.
But I reckon that you will have already re-told it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks as always – Hope all is well with you and yours.
Hugh
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Hugh,
I was happy enough with just plain Gerry. The pronoun thing never entered my mind. Now that I think about it, my might work for me. Gerry [my]. Or Gerry [it or that.] The options are not limitless. There are only so many pronouns left.
Yours truly, That.
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Hi Gerry,
I quite like ‘Thing’ but I reckon I would need a ‘That’ before it!!
Fuck, we are in trouble when our pronouns are becoming a sentence!!!
Hope you are happy, healthy and tolerating!!!
Hugh
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