Week 552
I think I learned something this week that surprised me.
…Should that be ‘learnt’?? I always get those two mixed up.
I was made aware that it’s only British folks who salute a lone Magpie.
Is that correct??
I always salute a lone Magpie. My life is shite enough without tempting any more sodding bad luck!! I don’t say the ‘Morning Mr Magpie’ as I can’t tell at a glance whether or not it is male or female and I wouldn’t want a perturbed bird on my case.
Never mind the normal Male or Female…Mr / Mrs Magpie may be identifying as a cat. HAH! That could be ironic if it was chomped by one of the wee Psychos!!
The most I’ve seen were five. According to the rhyme that meant I was going to receive some silver. I did, my filling fell out.
Tam Cowan asked a very reasonable question the other week in his Newspaper Column (He has moved onto ‘The Sunday Post’)
What he was wondering was, how do nudists clean their glasses?
That also got me thinking about blind folks, how do they clean up after their dog?
Emmm, I’m not sure I want the answer to that!!!
A wee bit audience participation here guys.
I know we all have our words we hate to hear, but what words aren’t personal to you but are horrible??
I give you three.
Crevice. (Stephen Fry stated this in a BlackAdder – He makes another appearance in this posting.)
Pustule.
Ooze. (This can be good – If you think of a Chocolate Fondant – Mmmm! But if you think on something which needs a shit load of Penicillin to help, then that’s a definite Bleuurrgh!)
Any other suggestions??
It was great to see Europe beating the USA and winning The Ryder Cup. In one section Ken Brown (Scottish golfer) showed the viewers his yardage card from 1977 – It was all hand written with some sketches to show the contours of the greens. He showed us the yardage card from this tournament and it had angles and yardage, wind direction, the exact amount of fluid you could take without needing to pee. It was all there.
I reckon I remember that 1977 match. It was on STV and not many folks watched it. Changed days!!
It was a good win for us but to be honest, we got humped on the last day!!
Sorry Diane, and Leila…But it’s the only time that a Scotsman will shout for an Englishman and that’s if he is playing an American in that competition!!
I thought our American Cousins were a bit more refined than us. Take most of our football derby’s and what is spouted is disgusting and sadly expected but I thought more of a golf crowd. There were some things that happened there that shouldn’t have! Maybe we should go back to 1977 as it was only golf fans and families that made up the crowd.
Okay, onto this week’s stories.
We only had one new writer, a returner and three well established folks of the site.
As always our initial comments follow.
First up was Fred Foote with, I think, story number ninety-five. He will be showcased the week between Christmas and New Year which will be his stories up to number 100!!
On Monday he had ‘The Great Escape’ showcased.
‘A very involved biographical piece of writing.’
‘Excellent.’
‘Detailed.’
On Tuesday we had one of our most tenacious writers and a pure gentleman. ‘Waiting For Robert Nix’ was Hector Hernandez’s second story for us.
‘Some real unpleasantness here.’
‘An excellent tale of ‘Back then’
‘There are some seriously messed up people in all our childhoods.’
The genius that is Adam Kluger was next up for the fifty-sixth time with his latest ‘A Final Thing.’
‘Another elegant bit of understatement.’
‘A masterclass in this type of writing.’
‘So much with so little words.’
Thor day was next with a cracking friend of the site, Christopher Ananias. His story was entitled, ‘Eclipsing Indy.’
‘Very good and worthwhile.’
‘A gritty tale.’
‘Chris is putting together an excellent body of work.’
And we finished off with our new writer. We welcome Peter Biles and ‘A Dog Named Job‘. We hope that he has fun on the site and continues to send us in more of his work.
‘I was gripped by this.’
‘Very tense.’
‘I was so glad that Job found him.’
That’s us for another week.
Just keep doing what you are doing guys, the site is healthy, happy and enjoying the odd Pot Noodle with a Saki Chaser!
…Fuck knows what that means…Maybe I’m in the notion for a Pot Noodle and a bottle of Saki!!!
Just a couple of things before I finish with some music that I’ve not decided on.
Maybe ‘Three Dog Night’ with ‘Mamma Told Me Not To Come’ – Shit! That would have cut down Muirkirk’s population by half!!
Oh, that has given me a question, ‘What Science Fiction character mentioned ‘Three Dog Night’ as their favourite band??
Another thing I want to mention is a joke that has evolved. When I heard this, I knew where it was going, but it still surprised me and made me laugh. As a disclaimer, don’t read on if you are a snowflake, just go and fucking kill yourself!!
I read somewhere that there are only six original jokes and every joke after is just a tweak of those originals. (I would love to read the six. I reckon we would all have heard them!)
Anyhow, here goes. I’ll even tell you the original, this is an off-shoot of the ‘Two Dogs Fucking’ joke.
A wee kid asks it’s mum, ‘Mum, why am I called Petal?’
The Mother replies, ‘When you were a tiny baby a Petal fell on your forehead, hence ‘Petal.’
The kids younger sister asked, ‘Mum, why am I called leaf?’
The Mother answered, ‘When you were a tiny baby a leaf fell on your forehead, hence Leaf.’
The oldest kid was listening and it said, ‘Bluuuuburrrweeezip!’
And the Mother said, ‘Shut the fuck up, Fridge.’
I’ve still not decided on the music!
But due to mentioning all the snowflake nonsense, I’d like to share a quote that Stephen Fry referenced when he was debating all this woke nonsense. I tried to find out who originally wrote it but it seems to be a lot more up to date than I thought.
Long story short – Not sure where this quote came from!
‘It’s not what you call me, it’s how you treat me.’
If you can find that debate, have a look guys!
In the name of fuck! I’ve went through a lot of ideas for some music. I haven’t a Scooby why I came to this. But If anyone seeks out the film, that is all good. This and ‘Pride’ tells more about that cunt thatcher than any history lesson!!!!
I’ve heard this with guitar or horn or full orchestra and no matter what, this is a stunning piece of music!!!
Image by 👀 Mabel Amber, who will one day from Pixabay – a beautiful magpie on a log. Black and white with a flash of blue on his wings.
literally stories 
Hugh
A friend who is Indian (Suqwamish or Indian, she hates the pc stuff) tells the two dogs fucking joke perfectly.
Americans refined? HaHaHaHa!!! How refined are people ready to pretend to be Canadians when overseas?
There is so much wonderful music in the world. But the classy stuff like that needs a catchier name. Naming such comes off like a non-French speaker trying to order in French off a menu. Lovely melody!
Leila
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Hi Leila,
Thanks as always.
I totally agree with you about the titles of most of the Classical Pieces, I can’t pronounce most of them.
Thankfully ‘The Flower Duet,’ which will be played at my funeral is easy to say (In English that is!!)
Looking forward to 1.00pm!
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
As a “birder” I would love to see a lone magpie. I would definitely give it a salute with my camera! lol. I had to chuckle about the “Wee psychopath” cats. lol. Spot on.
I can relate to superstition and your feelings about it. The other day I was under a ladder and I thought I’m screwed now or still screwed more–not sure–but onward.
It’s funny how words energize the mind. When I read “pustule.” I could see this flow of something awful and yellow. Stephen King wrote an entire story oozing with it, or a cousin to it, called “Gray Matter.” Beer drinking, gone wrong, in a blizzard.
I remember watching golf in the 70s with my Dad and Lawrence Welk, lol. Gary Player (South African) might still have been around. Jack Nicklaus and Tom Watson were coming on big time. That must have been one helluva of a European Ryder cup team to beat them! Congrats!
My all-time favorite golf course is St. Andrews in Scotland. Where it all started! A castle on the golf course that looks like a King’s backyard. I love those deep round sand traps with straight vertical walls that swallow golfers. Now that’s golf!
Great post!
Christopher.
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Hi Christopher,
I reckon that Gary Player had one of the best shortgames, especially in the decades that he played.
We have two Magpies that are always around. They like to land on the window sill and annoy ‘Haary’ the cat – Oh I’m not being pretentious with the spelling of his name, he was already called that when we rescued him.
I’d loved to have played some of the championship courses but the green fees were well beyond my means! When I first bought a Season Ticket for my local course, I think it was around twenty five quid. Even in those days, all that you could have bought for that in those championship courses would probably have been a bottle of water and two tees!!!!
A round at St Andrews would cost £340. That would be the only time you wouldn’t mind scoring a hundred plus!! (At least you would be getting something for your money!!)
Thanks so much my fine friend.
Stay happy and healthy!
Hugh
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Thanks Hugh, I enjoyed seeing (and hearing) the ‘Brassed Off ‘ film clip again. I’m guessing most of LS north american readers wont know the story behind the film. It’s about the famous Grimethorpe Colliery brass band still struggling to keep going, ten years after the failed year-long 1984-5 miners strike, the subsequent closure of the mines, and the traumatic effects on mining villages like Grimethorpe. I knew a few of those villages, I live near one now – Fallin, where the strikers were the last in the country to return to work. Those villages eventually lost a lot more than their brass bands, but they didn’t give up without a struggle.
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Hi Mick,
I worked in Auchinleck where The Barony Pitt was located from 1985. It was sad to see the loss in the village. The pride went out the place and for a short time the pubs flourished until the redundancy money dried up.
In that small village there were four firms delivering coal, it wasn’t long till there were none.
I would make ‘Brassed Off’ and ‘Pride’ part of a Social History class in schools!
Thanks as always my fine friend.
Hope all is well with you!!
Hugh
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thanks Hugh. In 1985, when you started work in Auchinleck, I moved to just outside Lesmahagow, which had lost its mine, its mill, and its railway station in a single year. Amazed that both places managed to save their football clubs.
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Hugh
I forgot to mention Magpies all hide by the Cascades in this area. Seen plenty of the wonderful winged fiends about a hundred miles east, but I cannot recall ever seeing them in the Sound region. Memorable looking bird, so I am going to begin looking. Be willing to trade the eight million Starlings who come by like drunken coventioneers for, say, a dozen Magpies.
Ooze reminds me of “Cooze,” which, in my opinion, is the most digusting word in the English language.
Leila
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Hi Leila,
When I was a kid there was an area near Tams Brig that was black with Stuckies at certain times in the year. They just stopped visiting here. A bit like tourists to Ayr!!!!
Ah, genitalia is a treasure trove for slang terms!!! (That could be a list!!!)
All the very best.
Hugh
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Yes I always salute a magpie. They are pretty impressive but perhaps a wee bit on the clumsy side. Yes, pustules is a bit grim as are buboes which the autocorrect wants to call bubbles! Great choice of music. I do love a brass band and that’s a lovely piece. Have to admit though the footage is a wee bit corny! Good in its day though. Thanks for another great roundup. dd
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Hi Diane,
I would be more than happy to salute that fine fellow you found as an image. In fact I’d go as far to say, I’d also give him a respectful bow!!
I think any word that gives you an instant unpleasant image invading your mind, they are the nastiest!!
Thanks as always.
Oh – Give Ian an All The Best from me!!!
Hugh
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Hi Hugh!
Great topic. I can’t recall ever saluting a magpie, but if I ever see any, I’ll make sure I do!
One thing I do is talk to all the animals I do see (if there aren’t humans watching me), which, in my neighborhood, regularly include/s: crows; other birds; feral cats; raccoons; opossums; and squirrels extraordinaire.
Just yesterday I saw a herd of 15 or so deer in a field about two miles from here with Boo, Bandit, and Colonel.
I had to hold the Siberians back. They would have gone for the deer if they could have.
Bandit, the pit bull, would probably have stuck with me instead, but she was pulling because the other two were.
A couple of the deer were bucks with huge antlers, like 8 or 10 points. And lots of doe/s and a few fawns too, like Bambi, one or two still with a few spots on ’em.
It occurred to me that they could have ganged up and trampled me to death quite easily if that had been their intention. LOL.
And another funny thing is that this field is lined with one of the biggest, busiest roads in the Chicagoland area (total population of the metro area is 10 million people). And at that moment Roosevelt Road was heavy with Friday afternoon traffic. All six lanes of it.
And so, for me, it’s pretty cool to see nature and civilization co-existing side by side like that.
It stands as a symbol, there IS a way to preserve the animals AND the humans at the same time, and feed everybody, IF only we could get rid of all the greedy bastards!
Beautiful music today! Great choice!
Dale
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Hi Dale,
I think the most Deer that I have seen is two!!
Saw a wee lady with three Huskies yesterday. She had them attached to one of those belt / lead things and I thought, if they run, you’ll be dragged with them!
Your Metro Area has four million more people than the whole of Scotland!
I also talk to animals and if I’m walking through a Cemetery and there is no-one within ear-shot I always say ‘Hello there Dead People.’ I haven’t a clue why I do that or why it started!!
Thanks as always my fine friend,
Your comments are much appreciated.
Hugh
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Good post and roundup. We don’t have magpies where I live, but I don’t think Americans salute when they see one. We had them in Brussels, but I don’t believe the Belgians salute either. Although I didn’t watch the Ryder Cup this year, I read about the behavior of the crowd, an it made me want to vomit. Which is also my input for the audience participation if today’s program.
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Hi Dave,
Rory McIllroy was quoted as saying, ‘I don’t understand why I heard more insults about me than support for the American Players.’
…He has a point.
Golf used to be like Rugby, a lot of your countries sports and cricket as the crowds behaved themselves! Sadly not now.
Although to be fair, the cricket fans were probably that bored that they would be sleeping!!!
Thanks so much my fine friend.
All my very best to you and yours.
Hugh
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I don’t know why anyone would want to, but if you really want to disgust yourself, repeat the term ‘cooze’ with the term ‘coozie’ — a word I didn’t believe existed until one was pointed out to me on a guy’s beer can, making me flee to the other end of the bar. What, oh God, could the two words have in common? [That was not meant to be a challenge.]
Phlegm is another. Unspellable and inconceivable, I recall it, as a ‘humor’ having to do with sluggishness. The only positive having it your vocabulary might be in a spelling bee. — gerry
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Hi Gerry,
Your ‘Not a challenge’ will probably take root somewhere!!!!!
I don’t like the word ‘Phlegm’ either. It reminds me of a stomach churning ‘joke’ about a spittoon which always gives me the dry boak when I think of it!!!!
Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
Thanks as always.
Hugh
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I think our zoo has magpies. The imitate other animals, but I don’t remember them speaking English.
Probably done this before:
Roll With It Steve Winwood – good video if you can find it
Feel So Bad Elvis
I Wonder If I Care As Much Everlys
B.F.D.R.F. Paul Revere and the Raiders obscure number by now obscure band
Soul Long The Fabulous Wailers also an obscure local band
Keep on Rocking In The (snork, snork) Free World
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Hi Doug,
I like the bird that can sing Ernie Ford, whilst looking for coal…The Mynah Bird!!
I’ve only heard of one Paul Reverie And The Raiders song and that was ‘Louie, Louie.
Don’t know ‘The Fabulous Wailers’
Thanks as always my interesting friend.
Give Sharon my best!
Hugh
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16 Tons. My father loved it.
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That was truly well played. I recognized the conductor as playing the oil tanker advocate in the film version of Annie Proulx’s ‘The Shipping News.’ Great book, good movie. This seems like an interesting place to stop by when playing possum while ICE is at the door. Mind if I subscribe?
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Hello Dalton, please do subscribe, the more the merrier and there’s some really great work on here. dd
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A great week of gritty and compelling stories. As for words that make me wince, I’d have to go for ‘orifice’ – a word with just a little deletion becomes ‘office’ – another hole I don’t relish being stuck in!
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