Well here we are at week 542!!
I went for an interview this week and just want to mention scripted questions – They only serve one purpose and that is the replies are scripted answers.
‘Give us a time when you worked as a team…’
‘Give us a time when you did a role for the first time…’
‘Give us a time when you thought a strawberry was better than a blueberry…’
All that shite.
Now the job I went for, technically I haven’t done before but I have covered a lot of aspects. The old question when someone was allowed to use their judgement would have simply been, ‘What makes you think you are suitable for this job?’
I think I was the last person who was employed by M&S who was interviewed by someone who was able to use their own judgement. From then on it was generic scripted questions with a point system. If you managed to hit the buzz words that they were looking for, you were in. It was actually the manager who gave me that job that explained this to me. She told me it was to stop someone being discriminated against. I laughed and asked, ‘I wonder how many times your gut will be screaming, ‘For fuck sake don’t employ this person even though they skooshed the questions with a hundred percent??’
Her next statement has always stuck with me, she said, ‘I agree but it makes it easier for us, it won’t be us that have misjudged!!’
The next Christmas they took on forty seasonal workers using their new point scoring system, after the first week, they were left with ten!!! (The previous year, they only lost three!)
This sort of brought me on to my main topic this week and it’s us and snap-judgements with submissions. We have all done this from time to time. But we have each other to bounce off of. There are categories that, when we see, in our heads we are saying, ‘Oh fucking no!!!! Do I really need to read this???’ And maybe that’s when we do judge more than consider. However, we have another two folks who will read and say, ‘Maybe have another look at this as it has gone off on another tangent / This is more thoughtful than I first thought / The writer has worked with the cliches and if you think on it, it’s very well thought out. We then go back and consider more than judge!!
Snap judgments are 50-50!! We’ve all had to reconsider, and sometimes we are fine with our decision, but each of us gives the others something to think. So my point is, if you think your work is only given one chance, it hasn’t, it’s always been given three!!
I was saddened to read of the tragic death of Malcolm Jamal Warner. I was even sadder to see that most headlines mentioned him starring in the show with ‘America’s dad’!! I knew him from that but thought that he was outstanding in ‘The Resident’ (A show that I loved until it decided that it was going to pour on the tears!!) The man had a presence and in that series an arrogance that you embraced!!
Talking about deaths, I have to mention Ozzy! To be honest, I wasn’t a great fan but I did like ‘Paranoid’ and ‘Crazy Train’. I read his biography and the one story that made me giggle was that he had been sleeping and was so out his tits, when he woke up, he wanted to party. But Sharon had hid all his clothes. So he put on one of her dresses and went out. He ended up drunk, high as a kite and was arrested (In a dress!!) due to him taking a piss against ‘The Alamo Wall’
Another story I heard was when he went into a dark mood and began shooting chickens. (No excuse there.) However his neighbours reaction was pure class, ‘John…John, are you having a bad day??’
There were a few reports that he had flown to Switzerland (Not true, I reckon) but this made me look up the cost. Between £6500 and £15000 is what I can see. That is a lot of money for a Toblerone and some funny tasting yoghurt!!
Point is – Only the rich can die when they want to!!!
But the thing that made me crease myself was there was a Membership Charge!!
All joking aside, I understand why this is done…But do you get a ‘Sign up for ten years’ discount??
The problem is, if you aren’t fit to fly then you ain’t going to taste your funny tasting yoghurt and that membership means fuck all!!
Please don’t take this as a laugh – I reckon everyone should have the right to know when they have had enough, pain wise that is. Those upset Goths and Emo fuckers can fuck off. They deserve to live and work in a fucking office!!!!!
Onto the stories for this week.
The writers have amassed around three hundred and fifty stories between them. But when you think that we had two new folks, it just goes to show the body of work that the other three have!! Hopefully in a few years, the new writers will be at the same level!!
As always our initial comments follow.
First up was the multi-talented Adam Kluger with ‘The Return To The Lake House.’
This was Adam’s fifty second outing with us.
‘Some cool images.’
‘Excellent flow.’
‘I liked the characters.’
The legend was next up. Tom Sheehan continues to send us in brilliant work and now the number two hundred is a distant memory!!!
‘Just For Now’ was published on Tuesday.
‘Tom is a man of surprises.’
‘This made me smile.’
‘I wish the characters well.’
Fred Foote is nearing the milestone of one hundred stories. (You can read stories number ninety six to one hundred between the 29th December and the 2nd of January)
But for now, we had, ‘Cycle’.
‘Free and fearless’
‘I really enjoyed this.’
‘Fred can mix so much throughout his stories.’
On Thursday we had our first new writer, David Lyons with ‘Over The Top.’
‘Mesmerising.’
‘Very pretty language.’
‘David put the work in with this one!’
And we finished off with Torsaa Emmanuel and his first story for us entitled,’The Cursed Tree of Ingbain.’
We hope that both David and Torsaa will have fun on the site and continue to send us their work.
‘A sort of folk tale.’
‘This has an innocence about it that’s worth a look.’
‘You need to read this one out loud!’
That’s us for another week.
Keep doing what you are doing folks…And any new folks, please get involved some-way or another!! Comments are easy – Hide behind your hands if you want, but send them anyways – Our regular commentators will be gentle with you!!!!
Before I go, a wee riddle that amused and a joke that made me laugh.
First the riddle.
What five letter word reads the same when you remove the first, third and last letter??
And the joke, which might get me in trouble, but probably not????
Q- What goes ‘Clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop??
A- An Amish Drive By Shooting.
Onto the music that I give you this week. My choices were shite. It was either this, ‘Strangers On The Shore’ or ‘Lara’s Theme’ from ‘Doctor Zhivago’. I went with this as the man had one of the most melodic voices ever!!
The three songs were played at my dad’s funeral, (His taste in music was questionable!!) exactly three years back! I’ll be toasting him with a few glasses of Whyte And Mackay.
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=itKY391aMRY
Image: A table and two chairs – one each side – set up for an interview from Pixabay.com
literally stories 
Hugh
Oh those horrible interview questions. They are the same everywhere, for everything. If you are interviewing to clean up Horse shit or to be a brain surgeon they ask the same things–and seldom anything that has to do with the job. Used to be that a boss would look at you and ask a couple questions and it would be yes or no. None of this thank you for coming by we will let you know nonsense. Glad I’m out of it. But to anyone who applies for a job in retail, key on the word “service” it will help you mortgage your soul (or avoid it if you are only there to fulfill a job search to keep the checks coming).
Ozzy was something. Saw him live in ’78 or ’79 and he came on stage on on stilts and told us he was royally fucked up and hoped we were the same. He fell off the stage two or three times but he remembered all the lyrics. He died worth 200 million. To his credit he knew it was a fluke and a sham, but some people must win the lottery.
Looking forward to the clip!
Great work again
Leila
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Hi Leila,
The sham that is employment runs me cold. However, I’ll need to find something as the guilt is beating me up!!!
It used to be a cracking pub question – What would your ideal job be? After many years and multiple roles, I wonder if anyone could answer that now-a-days. I think I preferred when I was just starting out and was scared of management. Now-a-days I just feel contempt and disgust at their ‘Yes-man’ attitude!!
I think within the next few years we will lose a lot of the great rockers. And Keith Richards will follow on sixty years later!!!
Thanks as always.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
I ran into a website a year or so ago that gives odds on the lifespans of famous people, and for those most likely to be off to the Elysian Fields during the current year. It, of course, was in extremely bad taste, but I rather enjoyed it because I am often in extremely bad taste.
I got a feeling that Keith will see his hundredth birthday then go up in flames!
Leila
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Hi Hugh
The strange process of hiring people based on politics is lame. Only ten workers left out of forty would worry me if I was the hiring manager.
I like the idea that there are at least three of you editors considering submissions. Instead of one snap judgement. All the reading you must do I could see why you might say NO after one paragraph or a badly formed sentence.
A lot of Celebs are dying this week. Hulk Hogan seemed like a super hero that would never die. I had my usual strange thoughts about the size of his casket.
RIP. Malcolm J. Warner.
That’s a crazy story about Ozzy pissing on the Alamo. I’ve heard it before but not the part about the dress!
I asked my ex-wife, “Do you think Ozzy was evil?” She hesitated and said, “Yes.” lol. “Over the Mountain!” Goodbye crazy man.
Christopher
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Hi Christopher,
Your comments are always interesting and much appreciated!!
There was something that I had forgotten about and that was the funny hand-shake that opened doors.
I asked my very first boss what he knew about The Masons and he asked my why I had asked. I asked him why he asked me why I had asked!! He told me that most of the management were Masons as the owner was one. That put me off!!!
As I said, I wasn’t a great Ozzy fan and to be honest, I have never watched an episode of ‘The Osbournes.’ But when an individual dies it is a very sad day as there aren’t many individuals left!! (How can they be with 300 likes in their account!!!)
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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The best question I was ever asked in an interview was for the job I have now. “You’re asking for a lot of money. How do I know you’re worth it?” My answer was, “Until you hire me, you’ll never know, but your competitor might.” He gave me the money and I wished I’d asked for a tad more.
I’m not sure what script my current manager uses but it isn’t working. In the last few months, he’s hired twelve people. Only two of them have made it to ninety days before we fired them. One left on his own. Another is just about to hit sixty days, but the odds are that he won’t make it to ninety. The thing is – we are hiring for dockworkers. The most important things to ask are: 1) Can you show up every day on time? 2) Can you take the heat in the summer and cold in the winter? and 3) Will you do what you’re told and not be an ass about it? I’m betting he doesn’t ask those.
When I think about finding another job, which is more often these days than it used to be before the new manager showed up, I remember the interview process. Suddenly, the job isn’t so bad.
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Hi Thurman,
Thanks so much for your comments!
In this country there are very few jobs that you can negotiate salary. You are given lowest and highest scale, you work from the lowest!!
I think one of the best answers I gave was when asked, ‘What is your best attribute as a worker? I replied, ‘Being where I should.’
I can relate to your last paragraph – I walked out but I’ve been saying for two years back that I’d be fine as long as that thing never spoke to me. It did and I walked!!!! (It can’t call itself the Boss word – It would need to keep its staff for at least six months – I reckon it has lost fifty one way or another in the last couple of years)
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Good post and roundup as always. Maybe the only thing worse than having a job is applying for one. I also like the idea of three editors. Maybe it cuts both ways for we submitters, but it also results in a more thorough review. Rejections give me a bad, empty feeling. MT.
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Hi Dave,
Thanks as always!!
Interviews don’t bother me, just the idiotic questions.
I do have one problem and that is I sweat a lot. When I need to wear a suit, I sweat a lot more. So I walk in, they take one look at me and say, ‘Are you nervous?’ My answer is, ‘No, I’m just a puddle with feet all the time!’
Never worry about rejections – Stick your chest out and say in a loud and happy voice, ‘Well, they got that wrong!!!!’
Hope all is well with you and yours my fine friend.
Hugh
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Dear Hugh
The world of work and the job search has become so demeaning and dehumanizing for all of us humans that it’s probably a good thing AI will soon be filling all of the positions. Only robots are brainless enough to answer their mindless questions with aplomb. The corporate and generic world is reaching its tentacles into every aspect of our lives now and those who enforce the rules of the System take no responsibility for any of it. People are treated like machines in this world where machines are also treated like people. Answering a series of mindless rote questions with the same kind of mindless rote answers every other schmuck will come up with is something that should get you BARRED from the hiring process, not welcomed into it with open arms. You, Hugh, have a strong and masculine sense of your own humanness and your own personality that is an antidote to all this deadly soul-crushing machine-made dehumanizing madness, and that’s refreshing at every level!
I admire/d Ozzy because he was such a fearless badass. He didn’t sit around worrying about his own well-being too much, and his risk-taking paradoxically showed a love of life that proved endearing. I also have to add that the song “War Pigs” strikes me as a work of genius, of its kind. This song’s original version, which first came out in 1970, sounds more timeless than The Beatles on many levels. Not that it’s necessarily greater than The Beatles; but it feels more timeless somehow (than most of their work), like it could have been made literally yesterday. And that’s saying a lot.
Ozzy lived a pretty long life, considering all the things he got away with. Worrying about yourself too much will make you sicker (mentally, and eventually physically) than anything else on many levels. He was an object lesson of this: be brave and daring instead of scared and too full of caring (for yourself) and you just might live a good life that’s LONG ENOUGH (not too long, and not too short, either).
Thanks for everything you do, Hugh!
Dale
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Hi Dale,
The only time I have been happy at work was my first year or so. It had nothing to do with the job, more that I felt I was now becoming an adult!!!
I have had one rule to live by that makes the daily chores acceptable. You see, some folks like certain parts of their job but are miserable when they need to do those that they don’t like. I decided to hate everything and that way, it made no difference to me!!
Dealing with management is a different matter. Only sycophants and jobs-worths hang onto their every word and don’t question. In a way they are worse than the management as they are empowering these fuckers!!!
And yes, we have lost one of the worlds great characters.
Ozzy was an exception. Most folks who are eccentric are rich and not called mad. Characters are normally for the bar-flys and those that are avoided in the street and they are in an entirely different income bracket!!
Many thanks – It’s always a pleasure my fine friend.
Hugh
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Ah yes, exams about employment. I got a summer job working for the highways department twice about sixty years. I qualified by doing math problems. The job was holding a transit, marching through the woods, and cutting down vegetation with a brush hook.
At one time actuarial exams had to qualify as being nondiscriminatory. Like there are black, white, Hispanic, Asian actuarial formulae.
My disappointment in employment was never getting fired despite my frequent contempt for management. Self-unemployed for many years, I had a bad boss, and a bad worker. Freed at the early of 55.
Old guy here. Have not nearly as impressed as anything since Elvis did a slow motion suicide, and the Day The Music Died. Saw Elvis in 1957 and 1972. Hoped to see him in 1987 so every 15 years.
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Hi Doug,
That is also a huge regret of mine – I never was fired!!
Started in the work-place in 1983 so well over three million unemployed. My dad always said that if I left a place I should leave on a good foot in-case I had to go back. I regret listening to him but he probably saved me some jail time!!
Re- Elvis. I reckon when someone has excessive talent, they live excessively!!
Thanks as always my interesting friend – Say ‘Hello’ to Sharon!!!
Hugh
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Oh Hugh!
I can’t do anything with today’s riddle or joke. BUT the Priest, Inman, and Rabbit are still roaring through the drunks and wanna be smart asses in the breweries around town. Serves them right.
As for Ozzie, I recently got a call to tell me of the death of a dear friend. A few weeks later, I got a call from another dear friend to tell that the caller died. Yesterday, I got a call . . . do I have to go on?
I can’t go on. I’ll go on.
I read that somewhere. — gerry
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Hi Gerry,
Thanks for the comments – Much appreciated!!
I’ll post the answer to the riddle later today.
I understand your phone calls. Whenever I meet someone I know, the first thing that they say is, ‘Guess who’s deid?’
Love the quote – You made me look it up, it was Samuel Beckett. I’ll remember that one!!
All my very best to you and yours.
Hugh
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In a couple of his jobs my husband used to interview and he says that quite often you had made your decision before the candidate even sat down! Makes the questions a bit meaningless. I didn’t like interviews and more than that I really disliked first days and second days even more. Having said that I enjoyed all my jobs so shrugs shoulders Mind having said that I am so happy that I don’t really have anyone to answer to anymore but then I’m still glad I don’t have homework – especially maths!
A great post. thank you – dd
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Hi Diane,
My sister has always said that I have a problem with authority, she may have a point! But I have more of an aversion to stupidity and those who have a misguided sense of importance!!!
Thanks as always for all your support!!
Hugh
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Good one about interviews! I used to do interviews from time to time, and in later years we had to ask scripted questions. The person answering closest to the script was supposed to be the main candidate. I went with gut feelings anyway. Or just hired the best looking person or the one with the best sense of humour he he There’s something to be said for the way something that affects you viscerally right away. Seems to be the same with stories. Some do grow on me, but almost always when I read a memorable story the first time there’s something hard-hitting about it. “Just Before The War With The Eskimos” for example. Works with music, too…… listening to Bob Dylan’s “It Ain’t Dark Yet.” Yes, Ozzy passed away this week. So did Tom Lehrer. They were both showmen and rebels in their own way, though they couldn’t be more different in appearance.
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Hi Harrison,
Going with your gut probably works eight times out of ten. If it was less than that, no-one would do it!!
I don’t think I know any of Tom Lehrer’s work and will look him up.
Thanks as always for your comments.
All my very best to you and yours.
Hugh
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Hi folks,
To anyone who wants to know the answer to the riddle – It was the word:
Empty
Hugh
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Arrrrg. I recall a school joke in which you are asked to point at your head and say Mother Teresa’s initials. Some kids actullay fell for it.
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