Week 497 – Well who would have thought it!
Probably anyone who read last week’s Number 496!
Before I begin, I need to send some well deserved plaudits to our very own Leila. You see, the holy grail of the comments world is getting over thirty. A writer a while back managed thirty three. I wish I could remember what story it was Nik wrote that gave him a thirty odd. As far as I can remember, these are the only two who had managed to achieve this. But with Leila’s brilliant post last week, she has, up until now, amassed a mind-blowing forty four comments. (Probably more by the time this is published!) Between Leila and Tom Sheehan, they hold most site records.
Congratulations Leila, we all know how difficult it is to instigate interest but you can do it effortlessly!!!!
I have a huge list of things that I don’t trust.
I would include seagulls perched on lamp-posts that I’m about to walk under, computer systems, computers (Especially the ‘save’ and ‘sent’ icons), lawyers, Government Officials, Salesmen, folks that don’t drink, folks that don’t swear, Politicians and toddlers.
But I have a new one – Teenagers who have no local dialect or colloquialisms.
I live in Ayr and years back you could tell what part of Ayr that someone stayed when you spoke to them. I originally started out in a place called Dalmilling. You could always spot someone from there when they said that word as they pronounced it as Daamullin. Anybody from anywhere else would pronounce it as it’s written.
When I hear youngsters talk now-a-days, they have a shitty nowhere accent. (Not just as bad as a 1960’s BBC broadcaster who had a robotic, perfect English, soulless lilt) Apart from their insistence on overusing the word ‘like’ there is nothing about them that stands out.
I have been thinking on this and wondering why this happens and I reckon I have the answer…Fucking mobile phones! The teenagers text more than they speak. They even text their neighbour or mother who is in the same house, so that means they are not conversing and picking up those spoken eccentricities and identities that we all ended up with. Years back, a kid probably had no slang in them until they started school. They probably didn’t swear either, but the first couple of years at Primary sorted that out fucking pronto!!!
In a cheap sausage way, (A terrible link – It’s been a while since I used that joke!!) that got me thinking on jokes that probably don’t translate due to dialect / specific meaning. There were two in particular that sprung to mind.
-A linguistics professor was lecturing, and he said:
‘In English a double negative forms a positive. However in some languages such as Russian, a negative remains a negative.
But there isn’t a single language in which a double positive can express a negative.’
A wee Scottish lady shouted out, ‘Aye, right!!’
– Two Caramel Logs meet in the arrival lounge in Glasgow Airport and one says to the other:
How long you been a wafer?
Oh and the last one is:
In a field, how do you know which cow is on it’s holidays?
– The one wae the wee cauf.
I didn’t say they were funny!!!!!
I just love it when language clearly translates!!
Okay, on to this week’s stories.
We had three new writers, who we extend a warm welcome to. And we hope to see more of their work very soon. We also had a returner and a lady who has graced the site on eleven occasions.
As always, our initial comments follow.
On Monday we had our first new writer, Devin James Leonard with, ‘This Sorrowful Home.’
‘Child abuse, animal cruelty, greed, it’s all there.’
‘It’s rather disquieting that the MC doesn’t see it.’
‘Not a story that makes you happy, but superbly done!’
Rachel Sievers has been with us for a while now and she has assembled a rather impressive back catalogue. ‘Good Girls And Goddesses’ was her latest story.
‘You always get excellent writing from Rachel.’
‘For such a short story, there was a lot of content.’
‘By the end, you want to read more.’
On Wednesday we had our second new writer, ‘Evan Parker’ with ‘Book Of Condolences.’
‘He drove the story along very well.’
‘A rarity – A newcomer who scores the first time out.’
‘Very accomplished writing!’
Mick Bennett was published on Thursday for the second time. ‘Did You Hear me?’ was next up.
‘I got all the messages.’
‘The ending has to feel unfinished.’
‘Very on edge with the shift of mood well done.’
We balanced the new with the already here by having our third debutante, Conor Christoferson close the week with, ‘Swans Of The Baltic’
‘This was different from so much.’
‘The ending is such a neatly done surprise.’
‘Really good quality.’
That’s us for another week, folks.
Just the usual reminders, comments all good. Not saying thanks for a comment – Not so much.
Please check out the postings of a Sunday and get involved if you so should wish!
I read somewhere that today is the anniversary of the death of Keith Moon in 1978 and I’d like to share a few quotes that the great man was reported to have said.
‘I told people that I was a drummer before I even had a set, I was a mental drummer.’
‘I’m still the best Keith Moon type drummer in the world.’
‘To get your playing more forceful, hit the drums harder.’
I love the last one, it’s simple but makes the point!
A thought just to finish and once again it comes from Tam Cowan’s brilliant column in ‘The Daily Record’. He hit us with this piece of wisdom:
‘Why doesn’t the 99 percent of us who aren’t offended by anything quit catering for the one percent who are?’
Well said Mr Cowan!!
I’ve written down a new list of music that I want to play and this was at the top of it.
Whit a belting vocal performance!!
If I had one gripe it would be a good one – It’s a bit too short as I could listen to it all over again. It’s amazing to think that this was her first recording and she wasn’t put off of carrying on due to its brilliance!!
I can’t believe I’m saying this but Olly Murs actually does an excellent version of this song but he couldn’t touch this lady’s vocals, not many could!!
Image by Gary Cassel from Pixabay – group of frour giles in summer clothes sitting in a row all texting on mobile phones.
literally stories 
Hi Hugh
It is true that accents and colorful speech are becoming like that of HAL. It’s a shame, but I sure hope that upspeak will go with it.
I have noticed that people’s eyes are drawing closer together due to all the phone gazing time. I see a future race of personality free cyclops.
Thank you for the compliment, but the praise goes to the readers who help keep things going as you most certainly do.
Another fine post!
Leila
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Hi Leila,
You made me smile. Normally when I thought of close eyes, I thought of the kind of my mother is my sister by my dad’s dad type scenario. Keep it in the family isn’t always a good thing – Look at the abomination that is other people from this countries royals!!
This might be a bit conspiracy theory and OTT and maybe not something I totally believe, but my work is forcing more and more to be done on folks mobiles. (Clocking-in is one that is supposed to be in the pipeline) I’m praying for the day when I am told that I MUST have a mobile. That will be met with a ‘Fuck off. When you are all dribbling vegetables, shitting yourselves and trying to remember where to spray deodorant due to some sort of brain frying syndrome, I’ll still be able to sign myself onto the start my shift!’ (Smelling sweet!!)
And you deserve the compliment!!
Hugh
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Another indication of people who are to attached to their phones is they consult it when you ask the time. I wear a watch and I find that far more convenient than pulling out my phone.
Leila
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Great post as always and many congratulations Leila. I think the saddest thing to see is a group around the table with a meal and they are all staring at their phone. In a busy life a conversation over a meal, even if it’s a simple egg on toast is a precious thing. If you converse regularly there would be no need for this ridiculous habit people have developed of yelling ‘luv’ you’ whenever someone leaves the room. It’s meaningless, I think, surely better to chat and let the affection flow through the interaction.
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Hi Diane,
Thanks so much!
Yep, I reckon that the ‘Luv you’ phrase is over used and a bit cloying. Eat a slice of cake and you’ll enjoy it – Eat the whole thing and you will feel sick. Excess is only good when dealing with alcohol – Emotion or false emotion – Not so much!!
‘Luv you’ has become the old ‘Cheerio’ but at least ‘Cheerio’ wasn’t as fucking irritating.
When my dad was dying and we had those moments together, neither of us said that phrase. We never had and we both knew that it was something that we wouldn’t say. Not many folks will understand this but if either of us had, it would have sullied our relationship, if that makes any sense. Now what our relationship was – That is a whole other ballgame!!!!
Thanks as always!!
Hugh
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It was actually the last thing I said to my dad. He said it back but because it was used so infrequently it meant what it was supposed to mean it wasn’t just a couple of words thrown into the air.
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Tina Turner was a true original. We’re all lucky she was able to rise above the strife in her life. Love that Moon quote about hitting the drums harder. Guess we could paraphrase it to say To get more acceptances write better. But that one’s easier said than done. Kudos to Leila for her acceptances record. Well deserved!
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A good cover to the great Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together”, the number one romantic song ever.
Prolly mentioned this previously – early 1970s Ike And Tina at Lake Spivey outside Atlanta. Editor and I two of the few palefaces. Tina “I can’t shake a tailfeather, but I’ll shake what I got”. Fats Domino also in Atlanta.
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Hi Doug,
I love the Al Green song – Tina did a good version.
I’m jealous of who you have seen. But check out the legend that is ‘Showaddywaddy’ (Sp??) I saw them twice at ‘The Pavillion’ in Ayr.
…You may be jealous!
…You won’t! You really won’t!!
But what the hell I loved them and their ‘Greatest Hits Album 1976 – 1978’ is still well played in my house, very loudly!! – The neighbours hate me.
Stay being you my interesting friend.
Hugh
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Hey, Duke –
Ike was born in E. St. Louis, Illinois, about 17 miles from my humble hovel. He and Tina made a name for themselves originally in St. Louis, Mo. I miss Tina; Ike, not so much.
BT
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Hi Dave,
When I was thinking of songs I have realised that my favourite songs change all the time but what doesn’t are favourite songs of specific artists. And by a country mile (Even with ‘Proud Mary’) this is my favourite Tina Turner’s song.
I hate to disagree with you my fine friend but there are so many folks on this site that don’t need to write any better to get accepted, all they need is timing and that wee bit of luck!! That doesn’t just go for acceptance, that also goes with what some folks would perceive success. I honestly can’t believe that many of our writers aren’t mainstream and globally known!!
Hope all is well with you and yours.
Hugh
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Hugh, here’s a strange thing. Re: the linguistics professor/double positive joke, I too know (and cherish) that joke, but the version I know ends with a very bored student in the back row muttering, ‘Yeah, yeah…’
great post!
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Before airplanes, the Wright Brothers produced a South Pacific clothing factory Two Wrights Makes Sarongs. Why yes, I am proud of myself.
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Hi Doug,
Well that is a play on words!!!
Hugh
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Don’t hold back, you can say it “Play by weirds”.
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Hi Mick,
I’d love to re-tell that joke but the professor bit gets me a wee bit tongue-tied!!
Hope all is well with you and yours my fine friend.
Hugh
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ps. On mature consideration, I think I prefer the Scottish version
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Hi Mick – The Scottish version is always best!
…Or exaggerated.
…Or sarcastic.
…Or paranoid.
…Or sarcastic.
…Or sectarianism.
…Or Sarcastic.
…Or self disparaging.
…Or sarcastic.
Hugh
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Hi Mick,
I think ‘Aye, right’, which needs to be elongated (Is that the right phrase?) is one of the most beautiful sarcastic passive aggressive phrases that we use!!
‘Really’ also has it’s merits!
Although ‘Fuck off’ also does the job both times!!!
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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*comments record
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Dear Hugh,
I’m on a road trip today before seeing BOB DYLAN live this evening, but I want to throw a shout out there for Keith Moon, who was and is a huge hero of mine. When I was a teenager, I listened to THE WHO more than anyone else except Dylan, the Stones, and the Beatles, and often The Who would even override those other folks for long stretches of time. Led Zeppelin would have been five on the list, and I sometimes think about how four of the five are British. This was in the ’70s, and mostly the ’80s. Before that, I listened to a lot of American country stuff like Willie Nelson with my grandfather. Later Neil Young and Leonard Cohen took the number one spots for a while.
Dylan is playing not too far from where I live, and the road trip is to pick up some young family members to bring them to the show. Dylan is playing this evening with Willie Nelson and John Cougar in the Outlaw Music Festival. Bob, Nobel Prize winner, takes second slot and plays before Willie, who ends the evening; and Cougar is before Dylan. Their ages are, respectively, 72, 83, and 91. The reviews are great, so this show is a testament that things can stay great as you age (and even age greatly or sometimes get greater, depending on luck, talent and/or blessings).
Thanks for mentioning Moon, who was as much comedian, commentator and musicologist as he was the greatest rock drummer of all time. As has been pointed out by many, he didn’t even practice after a certain point. He didn’t need to, and he was still the best. (And all that by the age of 32.) He was the Mozart of rock drumming. Thanks for Tina as well, also an inspirational figure, big time. This is a great post on a day of seeing Dylan and Nelson.
Sincerely,
Dale
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Hi Dale,
Thanks for the comments!
And all I can say is, enjoy, that will be a privilege and by fuck am I jealous!!!
Hugh
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Dale/Hugh – I’m seeing him too when he comes to the UK in November. Not expensive either. McCartney played in Manchester and the tickets were £500! Who has that!?
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Otto
Dylan is a bit different than he used to be, more jazz and poetry recital-style now; but not one bit less of a massive presence and profound artist. Best of luck at the show in November!
Dale
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Accents – Urban Northwesterners and Middle Westerners speak what many refer to as a non-accent, but that’s a judgement. Nothing is particularly emphasized or shortened.
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Hi Doug,
That is interesting regarding a non-accent. Years back, here, the forces, when in other countries, developed a non-accent as it was easier for others to understand than any colloquialism. I think the BBC did this also with their presenters but not sure how that turned out!!!!!!!
All the very best my interesting friend.
Hugh
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Hugh –
Same here. If a Southerner wanted to be a newscaster on the national scene, no more county fried speech.
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Entertaining post!
I remember in Somerset some of the oldies still said ‘how bist’ for how are you when I was younger. Must’ve been Anglo Saxon or something similar. Cities in the north still have strong accents in England, and the Scouse accent seems even stronger than when I was younger.
All the global slang spreads so quickly on TikTok. It’s weird hearing it slotted into sentences. Even weirder is that kids now seem (from my limited experience) more puritanical about not swearing!!! May it improve as they age!
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Hi Otto,
Us Scottish folks are a mixed up race of opposites. On the one hand, we wear our hearts on our sleeves, on the other, we show no emotion. We get angry at everything but care about nothing. We are proud and loyal until we can’t be arsed. We are warm and accommodating but we don’t suffer fools gladly. The list goes on. What I love about swearing is that one phrase, when said can’t hide the emotion that the person is feeling. ‘Fuck off’ can mean everything from, ‘Surely you jest and congratulations as you got me’ to ‘Go away and die a horrible death, be brought back to life and die an even more horrible death’
The only way you know which is when you hear the tone of voice. So long story short – Swearing aids communication and more importantly, understanding!!
Thanks so much for your time and comments – I can’t tell you how much they mean to me.
Hugh
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Dead right, Hugh. It’s all in the intonation. When an Aberdeenshire farmer says, ‘There’s aye somethin’ ‘. Depending on the intonation, it can mean anything from, ‘Cheer up, man, it’ll never happen’, to ‘Got any spare cyanide pills.’ As a mere naturalised Scot, I love the Scots Tongue.
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As always, a great week and great post. I love the dialectical / accent jokes. I follow a page called Scottish Banter and one of there recently mentioned someone ordering a latte with oat milk in a Scottish Starbucks to which the server exclaimed ‘You cannae have a latte withoot milk!’
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