Bernie loved this day and age.
Before, he was always cold.
He never had enough to eat.
And he hated to admit it, his weakness, his curse, his companion, his reason to stay alive was the sauce. These days he had as much booze as he wanted…Well…
Bernie loved to people watch and people listen. He heard folks moaning. Their mental health, their bills, their family. Bernie had none of that. He laughed at his mental health as he simply accepted where it took him. He had no bills. Having no house saw to that. And family, well, they turned their backs on him because of his reason to live. He laughed when he thought on them as an alternative – It was a no-brainer – They were a bunch of cunts with only agendas. What really fucked him off and what made him walk away was a very simple thing. They never asked. He would consider this as he walked.
He remembered an old boy who spoke to him every time he saw him, Bernie reckoned he was now the same age as him. The old fellow told him he was a Mile-Stone Inspector. Bernie didn’t know what that was until the old guy told him that there used to be stone plinths that had directions and mileage on them so a Mile-Stone Inspector was a wanderer…Never a tramp, hobo or whatever else society wanted to insultingly label them. The old fellow, Albert was his name told Bernie to salute each Mile-Stone if he ever saw them. The old boy had a tear in his eye as he explained that there were not many of these left, a few in some old villages and a few that had been forgotten about in cities.
Bernie always remembered to salute the Mile-Stones…And the Magpies, Albert had a thing for Magpies. He didn’t give a fuck if they were single or not, he just saluted them and Bernie followed suit.
The reason Bernie was never cold was because of the clothes that folks threw out into those big dumpster recycling things. In the winter he was always five layers deep and he always managed to find a waterproof.
The reason he was never hungry was the fox feeders as long as he got to them first. He called them fox-feeders, those grey bins that folks put their food waste to be done with what no fucker knew.
Bernie had on many occasions found some tasty bits of fish, the odd chicken leg and slices of beef.
He learned very quickly where to go and what bin-nights were for what areas.
But the thing that made Bernie the most happy was those nights that the glass bottle bin went out for collection.
It was great if you had a family that drank the same things but those that mixed were very interesting.
Bernie would spend each relevant night, very quietly opening up those bins. He’d take out a few bottles and start to drain the dregs into each one. Whisky, Vodka Wine and Miscellaneous were his category preferences.
Bernie’s record was filling five bottles in one night.
He didn’t drink them all and that day, the park bench where he slept never felt comfier. He had a hiding place for the excess.
In his mind, Bernie thanked the establishment for his continual bounty. He smiled as he realised that if he had an address, he’d vote for them next time.
Image: A pile of wooly clothes from Pixabay.com
literally stories 
Even if this fiction didn’t have an author appended to the title, I’d know instinctively that Hugh Cron had written it. It was very brief, but even so, had surprisingly little profanity. Way to go, Hugh: you’re coming round!
Seriously, I thought the prose caught the very essence of many a homeless person in a big city; I’ve known my fair share, even been there myself. The decanting of bottles of “Miscellaneous” brought to mind colorful characters whom I’ve encountered during my adventures. Although I thought that, as the mere teller of the tale, the narrator needn’t have been so overtly profane, this was yet a very good tale. Nice one, Hugh. bill
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Hi Bill,
Thanks for the comments.
The narration is about Bernie and to a lesser extent, Albert so their characters and how they would express themselves must be considered and addressed to make this work realistically.
In not doing so I wouldn’t have been true to them.
Hugh
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Ha! I loved the bit about the Mile-Stone Inspector. Another well-constructed slice of a different life.
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Hi Steven,
Thanks so much for the kind comments.
It was years back that an old copper mentioned the name ‘Mile-Stone Inspectors’. When I’m walking into work I pass one of those Stones and think of him and all those who I never knew that did the inspecting!!
Cheers.
Hugh
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Another of your ‘slice of life’ stories that shows us a glimpse of how some people have to, or choose to, spend their days. As always your vocabulary and scene setting takes the reader out of their comfort zone and into a darker more difficult reality. I have said before and I repeat I admire your realistic, fearless writing. If you live, as I do, in a world where such roughness is outside of ones normal experience it is a whack across the side of the head to be confronted with this – as in the TV series The Responder and The Bear it does force one to think about different life experiences and how the impact on ‘normal’ behaviour. Honest writing – and for me honesty is vital in the deveopment of any piece of prose – thanks Hugh.
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Thanks so much Diane,
‘Honesty’ is a word I like when someone refers to my stories. I also like realism. I haven’t the imagination to do anything else!!
Thanks again.
Hugh
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Hugh
Bernie is content. Funny thing is as long as your basic needs are met (including what is “needed” by you), the rest of it can cause ulcers and nooses fashioned from belts. But this also shows the reader how easily we discard–food, booze, clothing, people, as though by instinct. This works beautifully on multiple levels and it didn’t get a naughty word sticker for the over sensitive!
Leila
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Hi Leila,
This may sound weird but I spot any other levels only after I finish it on one!
I think that’s what helps a piece of writing not becoming contrived.
When I set this up, I never really considered a ‘Warning’ as it’s becoming tiresome when some folks can’t handle the odd ‘Fuck’!!!
HAH! There’s another level there!!!!!
Thanks as always!!
Hugh
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Hugh
I believe writers cannot aim at creating levels successfully. They form on their own if the writing is good enough. But I bet there are people (plotters, mainly) who try for that sort of thing and either bore and/or flop miserably!
Leila
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Hugh
While reading your story I was thinking, whatever made us forget the ‘hunter gatherer’ in us? At first. But what stayed with me was the Mile-Stone Inspector. What did they do other than salute?
I spoke to an 83-year-old guy yesterday who was headed north to clean 3 family gravestones. A commercial outfit would do for a grand. He was going to do it himself for $19.99.
“Why clean them, Tom?”
He didn’t say.
All the very best Hugh. – Gerry
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Hi Gerry,
That is a very interesting comment about us fending for ourselves.
Maybe it all depends on the levels of expectations. When you see someone with their hand out because that is what they have always done and them expecting something, that has to be a lot different than someone who chooses to live asking for nothing but ‘finding’ what they need.
That could make for a rather deep and perceptive parallel story!!
Thanks so much for the comments, much appreciated.
Hugh
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Yeah. That’s true too regarding men & women’s expectations for sex and affection. – gerry
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Bernie is resourceful, resilient and apparently content. At least he’s convinced himself he is. The piece captures the bittersweet reality with wit and heart, and the mile-stone markers add a nice touch of history and quirk. Well done,
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Hi Dave,
Thanks so much, it’s always a pleasure to see you around the site.
Great observation about him convincing himself, maybe at times that’s all we can do!
Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hugh,
I really admired the way you’ve shown this type of “street” character from the inside out. Such a life looks tragic to “the rest of us,” but it isn’t necessarily tragic all the time for the people who live this way, temporarily or most of the time. On the contrary, “street” people always have their share of joy and laughter, contentment, humor, and happiness, just like everyone, even though I’m NOT saying it’s an easy life. Your story reaches out and has empathy for the human condition in general, and it feels fearless. These are the two things I admired most on a first reading. Sympathy for “the underdog”: all the great Russian writers from Dostoevsky to Chekhov to Tolstoy and Gogol wrote this way. Your story has that same feel. Thank you! Also, I was drawn in by the opener and thought the ending was excellent.
Dale
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Hi Dale,
You’ve hit on something – Perception and empathy are probably the two best weapons a writer can have.
As always I appreciate your detailed and thoughtful comments.
All the very best.
Hugh
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Two very original themes in this story: the well-adjusted rough sleeper and those old-fashioned milestones. Odd bedfellows making a very interesting read.
I doubt if I’ll ever get used to seeing rough sleepers around places. There were none when I has growing up – just the occasional tramp, who’d stay in the Sally Army Hostel – now there are loads of rough sleepers and yet we’re a much richer country now than we were when I was a kid. Poor devils, it’s shame-making. It perhaps should be some comfort that some of them are well-adjusted, but not for me.
As for old-fashioned milestones, I love ’em. All shapes and sizes, some stone, some cast-iron. Different scripts. Some lovingly restored, some ignored and half-buried in hedges. I’ve noticed quite a few in and around Ayr, Hugh – a nice one on Racecourse Road. I’d no idea that others liked them too.
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Hi Mick,
South Ayrshire Council did commit to having no rough sleepers, which was good. However, they then stated that they didn’t want to use B&B’s and Hostels were a last resort. That meant that the means of their good intentions were thinned down to Temporary Furnished Accommodation.
Then the Government stopped the Housing Benefit being paid to Private Landlords and it was to go to the tenant themselves. You didn’t need to be a rocket Scientist to see the flaw in that!!
That also caused a shortfall as those landlords pulled out from being available to the Homeless List.
I honestly don’t know how the system is working now, but even one is one too many!
I pass a mile-stone each night I work so I know that it’s there, any others I remember them when I see them. I do think there are a few on the Old Back Road to Maybole.
Thanks as always my fine friend, your comments are appreciated very much!!
Hugh
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Is the milestone inspector similar to the feather bed tester?
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You can lie down in comfort on a feather bed.
All you can do on a milestone is sit on it until your arse goes numb!!!
Thanks as always Doug, you make me smile!!!
Stay happy, healthy and inspired my fine friend.
Hugh
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I’d guessed that you had a lot of knowledge about rough sleepers, Hugh. It was a similar story to South Ayrshire in Aberdeen, when I was there in the 70’s. The North Sea Oil Boom had generated a terrific housing shortage, and at the same time the closure of the Faroese fishery to Aberdeen trawlers had thrown a lot of hard-drinking trawlermen on the scrap heap. The Council ran The Common Lodging House, a sort of Victorian barracks. Provost Lennox (Annie Lennox’s dad) made a brilliant appointment of the new Lodging House Warden – the guy who’d been running the local Cyrenians night shelter. He took some of the Shelter volunteers with him as Lodging House staff, persuaded the Council to install a kitchen there, and also persuaded a medically qualified nun to run a weekly medical clinic there. But of course, the real answer was to gradually shift the lodgers, with support, into suitable private or council rented flats, and there never were enough of them. Still painful to think about it.
Seen the Maybole stones too!
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I read this one a couple of times as I wanted to extract more out of it (a bit like Bernie and his bottles perhaps). There is so much to this in what is not said and I think that’s superb. Much like the classic Hemingway 6-word story: ‘For sale: baby shoes, never worn’ this piece of yours achieves the same feat of describing a whole life based on an unelaborated break from family and friends, a seeming addiction to drink, and an acquaintance of the milestone inspector. All this done in a narrative voice that is harsh, but also nostalgic and endearing. In my opinion, this story is your craft at its best. PS – I also love the super short, single sentence paragraphs.
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Hi Paul,
I can’t thank you enough for such kind and thoughtful comments.
They are much appreciated.
I’m always delighted when folks see layers, not just of my work but all the writers. The story normally finds itself but the thoughts come more from the reader!!
Hope all is well with you my fine friend.
Hugh
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Dear Hugh,
“Perception and empathy” are two great terms to describe what “real” writing is or should be about. The world seems too much filled with bad writing these days, some of it by robots (literally, and figuratively). Thanks for your understanding of “real” writing and the perception and empathy factors which seem all-important.
Dale
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Thanks again Dale.
Too many folks simply don’t listen and if they do, they don’t see what they’ve been told. (Or what wasn’t said)
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Bernie’s living a happy life, I like it that he salutes milestones and magpies, sounds like he lives off his “housing benefit.” No compromises, he can also survive off the excesses of others. I have a friend who says drinking gave him freedom from mental suffering, also from any commitment to anything or anybody. This story helps me to understand a bit more about that.
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Hi Harrison,
Thanks so much.
Yep, booze can help.
So can swearing.
They both let you release!!!
Hope all is well with you and yours.
Hugh
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Really enjoyed this, such an interesting character. I’d be really intrigued to find out more about Bernie and what brought him here, more about his family.
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Hi Alex,
Thanks for the kind comments.
You have gave me something to think on…I don’t really consider the background of any of my characters, I only work on the snapshot of that particular circumstance or time in their lives.
..But maybe I do and it is somewhere in the back of my mind???
So my answer is as clear as mud!!
All the very best and thanks again!!!
Hugh
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