Week 471 is the week that was.
And when you think on it, it’s also the week that is.
And as I start to type, then it’s also the week that will be!
Don’t you just hate it when someone hasn’t a clue about their tenses?
I read this week that Mary Poppins has been re-classified due to an obscure reference.
I don’t want to go into this again but I do wonder where this is all going to end?
Actually, I don’t think it will. I reckon all films will soon be classed as unsuitable if any of the characters light up a cigarette.
The funny thing is our films and books are being pulled to pieces but the daily used internet can allow pornography and paedo access. I think the priorities are a tad wrong.
I do think Mary Poppins should always have been classified as an ‘18’ due to Dick Van Dyke’s terrible accent.
I was surprised to read that he wasn’t a trained dancer, he was shown and then picked it up. Now that is a talent.
Maybe he should have spent some time in London just to listen to those Bow Bells!
Weirdly, whilst I was typing this an old song that I haven’t heard for years came on. It was ‘Mary Of The Fourth Form’ by the Boomtown Rats. It’s a brilliant song but it would probably be banned these days. (A teenage girl, a leering teacher, the girl enjoying herself, the questions that this raises. Good on Big Bob – He didn’t comment or have any opinion throughout the song, he just told the story and left it up to the listener.)
I’m more an overall thinker when it comes to music, I ask myself do I like the melody and how it sounds overall. I have never studied the lyrics and thought about them literally. I am not scared to say that I loved ‘Blurred Lines’. I hadn’t a clue what it was about until all the ‘controversy’ raised its head. Music is mainly about memories for me – I associate a tune with what I was doing or who I was with, I very seldom think on my outrage induced lyrical reading as there isn’t any! (Apart from Beiber, but that isn’t really anything to do with the lyrics, more his very being!)
My favourite ‘Banned’ or that should be ‘Not banned’ song was Lou Reed’s ‘Walk On The Wildside’ If what I’ve read was correct, the BBC would have banned that but there was no-one there at the time that understood what ‘Gave head’ meant.
To be honest, the BBC at that time were cooking up a helluva lot more serious problems of their own!! (I have censored myself here!!!!)
We had a problem emphasised this week and that is when someone asks for feedback and they did everything wrong and their story was beyond awful. And please trust me, that is me being kind. If we were to give them some honest feedback, we would need to go through it sentence by sentence to point out what was wrong. Oh and each sentence had more than one thing wrong with it! The critique would have been at least three times the sodding word count!
Never mind them not writing very well but I don’t think that they have ever read anything. If they had, surely they would have realised that their effort was a bit lacking.
To be honest, we have so far rubbered this request as the only positive thing we could come up with was:
‘You know words.
And you can spell the majority of them.’
Onto this week’s stories. We had one returner and the rest of the week was taken up with first timers.
We welcome each and everyone of them and we hope to read more of their work very soon.
As always our initial comments follow.
First up was our first new writer J. McKee with ‘Just Give It Time’
‘Not the usual wasteland and zombies.’
‘I like the idea of ordering the weather.’
‘A decent Science Fiction.’
Our second new writer was published on Tuesday.
He was George Oliver and the title of his short was, ‘My Unimaginary Friend’.
‘A good idea well done.’
The character coming to life and turning up at the book club was interesting.’
‘Well thought out and put together.’
Andy Larter returned for a second time with, ‘Sixty A Day Man.’
‘There are settings and types of people that I recognise,’
‘This feels real to me.’
‘It’s great to see Andy back.’
The newbies continued on Thursday with Tathagata Banerjee and his story, ‘When The Sun Dies’.
‘The idea of the bloke in the deer head is grim.’
‘Real dark.’
‘A bit evil.’
And our last new writer was Hanwen Zhang who finished off the week with, ‘Treehouse.’
‘There is a natural flow to this.’
‘This captured the pathos and the struggle between siblings.’
‘A good examination of family relationships.
That’s another week weel done and weel dusted.
Please take a look at our Sunday features and get involved, if we accept, we will publish whatever you send us.
Keep on commenting and those of you who have to, please remember those manners.
Before we finish, I need to explain something. I despise kids, but I think I hate their parents more. I’m not a royal fan by any means, but the sycophantic no pride wankers who call themselves royalists, I hate them more. I am now finding that I slag off the wokes and the snowflakes but the pandering cunts that empower them really should have a paper cut administered every hour.
What instigated this was me reading a newspaper report that a University has warned students about the anxiety of going up to a bar and buying a drink.
What the fuck is there to be anxious about? (Well, except for the ever increasing prices!)
‘Oh my god – I need to walk over there!’
‘Ohhhh noooo – I will need to talk to someone.’
‘What if someone looks at me and I’m not a selfie?’
‘Am I strong enough to lift the two glasses of Pinot?’
‘What if the bar-person refers to someone else about me using my non-preferred pronoun?’
‘Oh my god, is there any vegan water?’
When I was younger, students would have drank their own sick. I don’t think that they would ever have worried about going up for a round even if it was for a pint of their own sick.
What kind of nonsense is this?
But hold on, there was a fellow who spoke some sense about this…..
There was a Professor at that University who was asked to comment and he stated that this was all worrying as all we were doing was pandering to these ideas.
Good on the guy!
I’ve mentioned some music before and was going to go with Lou Reed or The Rats but I heard another cracking wee tune that I’ve not heard in years. And something occurred to me. You see even though this song was sung by David Essex, I think it is crying out for Paolo Nutini to do a version.
I find that happens with some songs.
For example, all of the BeeGees songs as their squashed testicle sound annoys me – Cracking writers though!
It’s the same with REM – I love their tunes but Michael Stipes voice isn’t to my taste.
That reminds me, that was why Michael Bolton started singing as he didn’t think who he was writing for did his songs any justice. Mr Bolton preferred the shouty approach.
(There’s a list in there somewhere Leila)
Back to Mr Essex with ‘Lamplight’
Image: Well stocked bar from Pixabay.com – not scary at all!
literally stories 
Hugh
Another great post.
The amazing thing nowadays about Dick Van Dyke is that he is headed toward a hundred, same as Poppins co-star the late Glynnis John and no doubt Julie Andrews.
Book burning in the digital age is still as stupid as ever. Why worry about it? Maybe it is because evil has found a warm home in nanny world. I predict this teaching people to be sensitive weaklings will backfire and produce a generation of violent Clockwork Orange sociopaths immune to brainwashing. But they will hate everyone evenly. And in the end isn’t equity the greater goal?
Rock on, like David Essex
Leila
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Hi Leila,
I wonder if you have seen either ‘That’ll Be The Day’ or ‘Stardust’ starring David Essex. They are very dated now but I still think they have a lot of merit. Ringo Starr was brilliant in the first and Adam Faith was even better in the second.
Adam Faith was in a series called ‘Budgie’ with the late great Ian Cuthbertson as Charlie Endell Esq. One of the best quotes ever was when Mr Endell stated,
‘There are only two things in this world that I hate Budgie, and you are both of them!’
Thanks as always Leila!!!
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Another fun post – thank you. I have written a short article about ‘triggering’ maybe I’ll let you have a look at it one day. I can’t imagine why anyone would be stressed about going to the bar, that is just looking for something to worry about. As a one time bar erm ‘person’ (we was maids in them days) I would hope that I was always friendly, welcoming and helpful. I loved the job so I suppose that made a difference. I think that ‘woke’ has become a terribly confused term and what started out as trying to be kind ended up as something else entirely. I do try to keep up with the trends but by gum it gets tricksy.
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Hi Diane,
Thanks so much.
I still get anxious at a bar when I hear one of two things
‘Last round!’
‘I think you’ve had enough’
I would love to see the Trigger Article – Is there any chance we could publish it here??
Hugh
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Good post and roundup. I think some people would get worried if they didn’t have anything to worry about. It might be interesting to read A Clockwork Orange again and see how much of it turned out to not be far-fetched at all.
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Hi Dave,
Gwen’s auld Uncle Bert once said to me,’Son, one day you’re going to die. There’s fuck all else to worry about’
The man may have had a point!
Thanks as always.
Hope you are happy, healthy and inspired!
Hugh
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Another long lived performer I believe died recently Vera “There’ll Be Bluebirds Over The White Cliffs Of Dover” Lynn. Just learned (ignorant yank) the referenced Bluebirds were planes.
Before rappers blew away all the barriers, “Louie, Louie” in two versions by Specific Northwesterners was condemed because of misheard lyrics. Now the Washington state song Leila? Gene Vincent’s earlier “Woman Love” was either heard or misheard to have explicit sexual lyrics.
So many songs are now being questioned “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” attempting diminished capacity sexual assault or pre-pillow talk? Many other songs were found to be not so innocent when the lyrics were examined. Chuck Berry’s “My Ding-A-Ling” was very clear on what he had in mind. I’ve been advised by my writing correspondent, who I should probably not name, to not submit the original version of “Were What” to anyone, particulary now that the cleansed version has appeared, but I’ll prolly try LS when I get the time and am feely brave. It has a wereIrishsetter. So cute. Send both versions.
For those not elderly yet, old people have a lot of useless information as exhibited here.
Keep On Mocking In The Feak World
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Hi Doug,
Censorship in anything is a brilliant but loaded debate.
I do think in music especially, if it is open to interpretation, then it should be left well alone!
Thanks so much for the comment.
Keep being you my fine friend.
Hugh
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I must confess that I really have no idea what “woke” is supposed to actually be. My friends on the right vilify it as things that it obviously isn’t – sort of damning by reduction to the absurd. (Unfortunately, the line for what is absurd keeps moving.) My friends on the left damn near worship it (“woke”) as being the highest form of enlightenment. My example of that is the “Black Lives Matter” sign down the street when we live in a town with a population that consists of something around 1% people that identify as Black.
Having said that, I will confess to being horrified when I found a copy of Disney’s “Song of the South” and sat down to show it to my kids when they were around five or six. As a documentation of the glib level of racism of that era, it’s wonderful. As the careful, fun tales of my childhood… well, time and perspective have changed on that.
A great deal of the music I listened to in my youth – 70s and 80s – is… interesting to listen to now. Like you say, I enjoy music mostly for the feel of the song. I wonder if Aerosmith would have gotten anywhere without Steven Tyler’s use of “sassafrass” to mean just about every sexy part of a woman. I can tell you that the day I realized the Kiss song “Sweet Pain” was about S&M, I had a good laugh at the seven year old me singing it. Mom was, I believe, oblivious – or at least she didn’t care to enlighten me on the meaning of the lyrics.
I fear that I am slowly turning into my grandfather. I bemoan the cost of everything. Young people dress “stupid” and appear “lazy.” Nothing is as good as it was “when I was your age.” The music is either too divisive (overtly political in the worst way) or too “bubble gum.” I feel like I understand granny a bit more these days. As she used to say, “God save me from people that want to save me from myself.”
Usually that was said as she lit another Lucky Strike.
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I forgot to include what I actually wanted to say.
I used to teach at community colleges, and there are many different types of students, but mostly, based on academic rigor, they were people who should have flunked out of school in their eighth or ninth year. Since the curriculum required a specific amount of writing, I was treated to some of the straight-up shittiest attempts at conveying messages that have ever disgraced the English language. I found myself using this, as it was the only way I could cling to a scrap of honesty:
“You appear to have something to say that is important to you. However, I must confess that I cannot identify what that is. Perhaps if you run it through a spelling and grammar checker, it might be more precise.”
And more than one person asked what I meant by that…
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Hi Thurman,
Your old gran was onto something!!
And we may copy and paste your response to the, well, illegible and use it as a bit of feedback!!
Regarding Mr Tyler’s use of that word, did he steal it from Yosemite Sam.
WOW! Auld Sam was a bit rampant!!
HAH! Or have I got my cartoon characters mixed up??? (I’m now thinking Thomas the cat??? Or Daffy Duck????)
Thanks as always my fine friend – Much appreciated.
Hugh
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If I remember my childhood correctly, Sam would often devolve into “Sassafrassin’ rootin’ tootin’” and other things that were too garbled to make sense of.
I know you’ll make good use of the line and tune it up to fit your own needs. Every time I think ghost writing or taking up editing, I remember those horrible papers and come to my senses with a quickness.
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Great post as always – thank you. The only time I ever had drink ordering anxiety was in 1981 and that’s because I was 16 and wasn’t legal! One of the oddest and best news stories I ever read was about Dick Van Dyke falling asleep on his surfboard and being saved by dolphins nudging him back to shore – the man was 84 at the time!
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Hi Paul,
I hadn’t heard that story.
Shrewd bastards those Dolphins, I take it they represented him and negotiated the terms and conditions for ‘Diagnosis Murder’? (Or was he older when he started that???)
Thanks so much my fine friend – Hope all is well with you.
Hugh
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Great post. But, oddly, I’ve no memory of that David Essex song at all (remember a couple of others (eg. Hold me Close) that must’ve been around the same time. Odd, because my memory lapses relate entirely to last week, 1970s is all clear as a bell. Coincidence: I was reading your post while cooking me tea and listening to the radio. There was an interview with Justin Thingy, the lead singer and songwriter of Del Amitri: he’s still performing at the Barrowland etc but he has Parkinsons – a brave and modest guy.
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Hi Mick,
I was a connoisseur of Mr Essex, not because I liked him (Although ‘Lamplight’ has something!) but because my sister blared out his albums when I was a kid. I tried to drown them out with some Slade but the songs stuck!!
I just heard about Justin Currie (I think??) it is so sad. I must confess that I have no Del Amitri in my collection but should have as I do really like them. The sad thing is my favourite song of theirs is one that I don’t know. I’m sure it is an album track and all I know is I loved it when I heard it but don’t know where to start to find it. (Apart from buying all the albums that is)
It affected me a bit like when I heard Spandau Ballet’s ‘Once More’ – It is a song I should hate but I don’t think big Tony has ever sounded so good.
Thanks as always my fine friend – Hope all is well with you.
Hugh
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